Warnings:
Future YAOI (JöXSeto), ANGST, UNDERAGE RAPE AND CHILD ABUSE

Disclaimer:
Don't own it; chapter title by P!nk.

Summary:
When Mokuba Kaiba faints in the middle of school, and a devastating revelation concerning his health comes into view, will Seto be able to deal with the added complication to his already problematical life? And what will happen when Yuugi and the gang find out?

Author's Notes (A/N's):
1) When people are yelling, the words will appear in CAPITAL LETTERS, when people are being sarcastic, it'll show up inside single quotes (apostrophes)
2) "…" People speaking, or a quote
3) '…' Thoughts and/or a voice in someone's head, or written words
4) Memories are in italics, as are any 'stressed' words and/or syllables, and Japanese/French/whatever words (not English). If something is 'stressed' in a flashback or something else that's in italics, then it will be in plain text, because italics on top of the italics cancels the italics out; now, are we clear?
5) At the end, anything that has a (number) beside it will be translated, anything with a -number- beside it will be explained.
6) A bolded -o- indicates a time change. If needed, the amount of time that passed will be added between two -o-.
7) Japanese names and ages

I had woken up abruptly at a little after 6:30, jolted awake by the screams echoing from across the hallway—from Mokuba's room. Heart in my throat, I dashed towards the source, the door slamming against the wall, probably gouging a hold in the no-doubt expensive paint job. But I didn't notice: my attention was fixed on the person twisting, writhing, screaming, on the bed. It took my mind a second to catch up with my eyes, to comprehend that that person was Seto, and that Mokuba was attempting to grab a hold of him….

I cringed, my hand tightening on the doorframe to steady myself, nausea washing over me. I tried to open my mouth, to warn Mokuba not to try to touch Seto, but the words wouldn't come out as I continued to stare in horror at the brunet. Mokuba finally managed to seize one of Seto's shoulders, and the elder yanked away, screaming again, and fell from the edge of the bed, hitting the floor with a solid whump. His panicked eyes went blank, then slowly re-focussed until they snapped to attention and regarded Mokuba, who was sobbing nearly as hard as his brother had been.

"Mo…kuba. Otöto-chan, what's wrong?" Seto asked, eyes flicking to me briefly before he reached out for his younger brother, pulling the shaken Mokuba into his arms.

"You…how long…how many times…how many nights staying up—until—f-four in the morning just—so—that you wouldn't…wouldn't have to dream about it?" Mokuba choked, and Seto looked away, a look of distress on his face.

"I didn't really keep track, Mokuba."

Mokuba's sobs escalated again, and Seto hushed him, arms holding him tightly as Mokuba gripped his shirt tightly. "Why, 'Nii-sama?"

Seto swallowed. "I don't know." He glanced up at me. "Nani?" he snapped, "What do you want?"

I snapped out of my horrified trance and stared back at him, unabashed. I was sure that pity and perhaps something else coloured my features, for his twisted in dislike, his mouth opening wordlessly when I spoke.

"I want you to stop hiding," I said, making and effort to keep my voice calm. And I turned and left, shutting the door behind me, falling back against it as soon as I did and cupping a hand to my mouth. I could hear muted murmurs from behind the door still, and I shut my eyes as tightly as I could, willing the image of Seto screaming and twisting in seeming agony on the bed from my mind. 'Oh, God,' I thought. 'This is what Sandi meant about nightmares.' I realised why she had been so panicked, that day at the hospital, trying to get Seto calmed down right away. I wondered, briefly, whether getting the IV needle out had been such a big deal after all. Finally, I opened my eyes again and headed back down the hallway to my own room, not wanting to appear as though I had been eavesdropping—the ironic thing was that I hadn't been, for once. I'd been far too horrified to even think about listening in on the Kaiba brothers' conversation.

Once back in my room, my mind flicked back to the expression Seto's eyes had held in that minute after he had woken, in the second before he had rolled from the bed and they had cleared. Sheer panic. Fear. Pain. Most of all, those eyes had been familiar. I recognized that expression—I'd seen it throughout my late childhood, first when my dad had beat me, and then later when I'd joined the gang. Looking into those eyes…for a brief second, it had felt as though I was looking back to my own self of four years ago. Thirteen: angry, bewildered, scared, and hurt. I realised, suddenly, just how deeply Seto's scars ran. He had never gotten over what had happened, had never learned how—he had simply shoved it into the darkest corners of his mind, and let the bitterness and anger seep into his core, until that was all that the world saw.

But I didn't believe that that was all that there was to Seto Kaiba. Not anymore. Never again would I assume that what people chose to show the world was what they were really like inside. 'I should have known from the beginning,' I realised. 'Seto Kaiba isn't the only one hiding his past.' I cringed guiltily, thinking of how even after Seto had told me everything, I had given him nothing of myself. The best I had been able to do was recite my story to him when he was sleeping.

Yeah, right. Maybe I should take some of my own advice to heart, for once.

I sighed, and shook my head. I sat down on the edge of the huge bed that dominated the centre of my room, and rested my head in my palms, trying to forget the image that I now worried was permanently scorched into my brain. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I wondered if I even wanted Seto to stop hiding, really. I tried to think of what that would mean…but could only come up with a vague sense of horror. I couldn't fathom what hurts were locked inside Seto Kaiba's heart and mind, what unspeakable memories he had suppressed and hidden from the general public for years. What he had hidden from even his own brother….

I felt sick, remembering how I had thrown insults at him, laughed in his face, been almost disappointed when Yuugi hadn't finished him off at Duellist Kingdom….

The only thing that had kept me going through the years since my mom had moved out had been friendship, through one form or another. Friendship was the only reason I wasn't dead, or incarcerated, or still bullying kids like Yuugi. How had Seto coped—forget coped…how had he lived?

I remembered Yuugi asking Sandi about scars on Seto's arm, remembered the story of how Seto had tried to kill himself at nine, and felt horror flood me again. But no, I realised, Seto wouldn't have tried to kill himself again, not once he had taken on the responsibility of raising Mokuba.

And that was it, that was the reason, staring me in the face. Mokuba. I felt tears spring unbidden to my eyes at the thought of what Mokuba's illness must mean to Seto, and swiped at them angrily. I didn't cry. I hadn't cried in years…. Crying was for babies, I knew that. But suddenly, inexplicably, I found myself sobbing, my shoulders heaving and eyes stinging and nose running for the boy whom I had hated for so long, for having so much which I hadn't had…and for the sudden realisation that he had had even less than me.

More than pity, I felt sorrow. And so I was crying, shedding the tears which Seto had bottled up and hid from the world for so long. Because I knew, suddenly, that if Mokuba died…that his brother would too.

That one thought cut me deeper than anything else ever had, and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why, even as I sobbed until I had no tears left; and even then, hiccoughs continued to escape my chest, my eyes squeezed shut.

It must have been at least two hours later, maybe more, when I finally pulled myself together enough to stagger to the washroom and rinse the tears from my face, scrubbing at my red face with a fluffy hand towel. Setting the towel down, I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed. Searching my own brown eyes for answers, I wondered to myself whether I really wanted to know what Seto Kaiba hid…whether I truly did want him to stop hiding. The answer was clear, even though the tears would seem to contradict it: yes, I did. I didn't know exactly why I did…but I knew that I wanted to know—had to know—what hid behind that icy façade.

I needed to find Seto. Talk to him. 'Why?' part of me said accusingly, 'Don't you think he might just need to be alone right now?' I sighed. That was probably true. If he was busy working, I decided, or appeared to be, I would leave him alone. With that in mind, I splashed my face with cold water one last time, giving it a final pat with the towel, and cautiously started down the hallway towards Seto's office. It was strange, I mused, or, rather, predictably "Kaiba", that his room was connected to his office, like bathrooms were normally connected to bedrooms. I wondered if he'd re-modelled the bathroom into his bedroom, and re-furbished the bedroom so that it was his office. I wouldn't put it past him. (Despite myself, I smiled a little at the thought.) Steeling myself before the door, I knocked, and when there was no answer, carefully opened the door and peered inside, blinking in surprise at the sight of the screensaver (a slideshow of pictures of Mokuba), but no Seto sitting in the chair before the lit computer screen. For a brief moment, worry made me bite my lip, but I pushed it aside—Seto had to be somewhere in the mansion. Or on the grounds…. I groaned a little at the thought of scouring the entire place.

'If I was Seto Kaiba,' I thought to myself, 'where would I go?' I assumed he'd been preoccupied, perhaps just meaning to be gone for a short while, seeing as how he'd left his computer running. Making coffee wouldn't take that long, neither would going to the bathroom…unless of course he hadn't been gone for very long. I frowned. It seemed like he'd been gone for a while, though, I thought—and to confirm my suspicions, the quietly-humming computer made a whirring sound, and the screen went dark as it went into stand-by mode. So he'd been gone for a while then, longer than expected…. But the problem of where he would go still remained. I sighed; I really hated having no clue what Seto was thinking. It was so hard to be an intuitive friend when he was so closed.

Well…if I couldn't think of where he would go…what would I do? It was a better place to start than nowhere, I thought.

Usually, if I wanted to think, wanted some time by myself, I went to the park…but why would Seto go to the park when he had his own fancy shmancy garden, field, pond, and woods all right in his back yard?

Was Seto Kaiba the outdoorsy type? I wondered, and then shrugged. Only one way to find out.

Thinking of the huge grounds awaiting me, I sighed. This was going to take a while….

An hour later, maybe more, I reached the edge of the forest; for a brief moment, I hesitated, before plunging into the shady trees and calling Seto's name once more.

"Seto, Seto, are you here?" I yelled, peering up into the tangled branches above. "SETO?"

Suddenly, in a small flurry of leaves that I was sure he meant to cause, he dropped down in front of me, right out of a tree. I gaped at him, speechless. He grinned back.

"How long have you been up there?" I demanded, my mind reeling, wondering as to why his mood seemed to have changed so drastically, and he blinked.

"I don't know," was his reply. I scrutinized him, disbelieving.

"What were you doing up in a tree?" I insisted. "Seto Kaiba climbs trees now?"

"It's not very hard to do. It's like doing chin-ups, but it's rougher on the hands. And requires more balance. …And in answer to your first question, I was thinking about what you said earlier."

"What was that?"

"You said you wanted me to stop hiding," he said, and my confusion evaporated. "And I've decided," he said; I stared at him blankly, sure that he was going to tell me that there was no way in hell he was going to open up to a hypocrite. "I'm not going to hide anymore. So I'm thinking I'm going to be a little less silent than usual."

Slowly, his words dawned on me, and my expression stretched into a grin. "I've noticed that your dinner table could use some conversation," I joked. Seto's answering smile was hesitant, but there. My grin widened.

Seto's grin wavered, and a confused expression took its place. "So that's it? No Hallelujah chorus? No gruelling interview about what made me change my mind? Nothing?" His tone was befuddled. I cocked my head, also a bit confused.

"Why would I do that? …Did you want me to badger you about it?" I frowned at my suggestion. That didn't make any sense….

"Well…I would have thought that you would wonder why I had suddenly reversed my way of doing things. If not out of doubt of my sincerity, then at least out of that insatiable curiosity that you have," was Seto's answer.

I shrugged. "I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth," I said. "Besides, it's just not something friends do—you don't demand to know why they had a sudden change of heart. You're just glad that they did." I smiled a little at my proclamation, knowing that it was true. Of course I wondered why—and I was amazed that my voice shook so little from the shock that I felt inside. But what I'd said was true; if Seto Kaiba said that he was willing to try to be my friend, I wasn't going to call him out on it. Especially since I was still feeling a little guilty about being such a hypocrite and Seto not seeming to notice.

I thought about this as we walked back to the mansion together. Mostly, I'd been relieved when Seto hadn't accused me of holding anything back; but a small part of me had been…disappointed, I realised. At least a bit of me had wanted someone to talk to about my past, someone to confess to. I bit my lip as Seto went through the complicated security protocol to access his own back door. Should I tell him? It was only fair, and after when he'd just said, about wanting to be my friend…I felt like I should give him some token to show…what? My appreciation? My guarantee that I wasn't going to let him down or use him? My vulnerability? I opened my mouth, and closed it as the last phrase went through my mind, and sighed a bit.

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. Just as much as Seto had been moulded into the Kaiba that he was now by Gozaburou's "training", so had I been shaped by the years under my father's tyranny and gang rule. Never let anyone see your weak points had been my motto for so long. It was hard to just shrug it off.

I came out of my trance and realised that Seto was staring at me, a confused expression on his face as he held the door open for me. "Jö?" he asked. "Are you coming in?"

"Yeah, yeah," I said. "I was just lost in thought was all…."

He gave me another one of those crooked smiles, and I felt something inside of me dislodge at the sight of it. I grinned hesitantly back, and followed Seto inside, wondering why I'd felt the sudden desire to hold him close.