Lead Us Not Into Flirtation

by Philosopher, Seraphina Pyra and CaptainCrash

Chapter 1: Rise And Shine Devil Of Mine

"Wake up! Wake up. Rise and shine!" Jim heard an annoying voice destroying his wonderful dream about Tonks on a beach. No it wasn't just annoying. It was a voice that had become the bane of his existence over the years. It was nails on a chalkboard. It was a fork scraping between someone's teeth. It was… "Up. Up. Up, sleepy head the sun wants to say hello." …The voice of Evan the Angel.

Jim grumbled some obscenities before rolling over and tucking himself tighter under his fiery scarlet cloak. Evan leaned over, clapped his hands and flattened his lips as though trying to coax a puppy out from behind the couch. "Awwww. Come on." He said in a pouty voice that matched his body language. "Don't be such a sour puss grumpy gus."

Although Evan could get away with more teasing than Jim would ever admit, he dared not shake the shoulder of his evil counter part… at least not so early in the morning. After all Jim did have a bit of a temper. The last time he pushed the sinister agent too far, Dumbledore's office got trashed.

"Evan!" Jim growled. "Harry was having a very very good dream…" He tried to blow away a lock of bed hair that fell into his eyes. "…for the first time in a very very long while! Would it kill you- I mean would it absolutely go against your whole stinking moral code and everything you believe in, all that mighty piety you hold sacred,…" He blew the hair again. "…to give him one little measly break from the nightmares?!"

With all the sarcasm of a posh receptionist, and his pinky out, Evan pointed one finger down at Jim. "And… who's in charge of nightmares? Besides, you're just using him as an excuse to sleep in."

Jim sneered. The hair fell down again. This time he whipped it back fiercely with his hand. "Ow!" He looked at his palm and saw a nasty gash down the middle. "STUPID HORNS!!"

Evan tipped his halo like a gentleman tips his bowler hat. "I've always preferred halos myself. Come on we have to get an early start if we want to give Harry time for his studies."

"Ah!" Jim waved dismissively. "Hermione will help him later. I think I'm wearing her down though. With a few more sad puppy faces she just might be suckered into doing all the work herself."

"Never!" Evan looked offended. "That nice young girl has standards far too high for that." Jim chuckled as though he were thinking of a truly sleazy come back. "You just stay away from her."

"It's not like she doesn't have brains enough for both of them and she won't even share. How's that for standards? That's just plain selfish."

Evan chose to roll his eyes rather than argue with the other spirits twisted sense of logic. "Just…sigh Just get up, Jim."

The little devil only flopped down again and mumbled into Harry's shoulder. "I thought I told you not to call me Jim. My name is Harry."

A table appeared before Evan with a heavenly breakfast all laid out. "Well we can't rightly call you 'Harry' now can we?" He sat down to the meal and bowed his head for the blessing.

"That's my name!" Jim's voice was still muffled but Evan could hear the irritation bubbling up.

"That's his name. It would be far too confusing." He began to butter a piece of toast.

"I don't care." Now Jim sounded more like a brooding child than a servant of the underworld. "I had it first."

Evan flopped his hands down on the table. "Oh come off it. You are such a liar."

"It's true."

"How can you have possibly had that name before Harry? You didn't even exist until he stole that tootsie roll from Dudley."

"That is not true. That is so not true." Jim couldn't get back to sleep now if he tried. So he just got up and started crossing over with the intention to steal a free meal. A sly, smug, and lopsided grin tugged on his lips. "I got to him with Voldemort, remember?"

Evan looked up from his plate and just glared at his life long foe. At that moment Harry's subconscious had become too agitated with all the bickering to sleep. He rolled over and crushed Jim. Evan prayed for the grace not to laugh.