Author Notes: (scratches head) Eheh… so I'm slow… but I do have several excuses as to why I took this long in updating, all which I'm sure would bore you to death so I won't bother to explain. But I apologize for the long wait for an update anyway!

And a big thank you to all whom reviewed! Love ya guys!

disclaimer: disclaim'd

warnings/notes: angst, drama, confusion, unbeta-edness, and Sesshou's usual bastardness… heh…

Enjoy!

And without further ado…

Mad Lust
by scelerus animus

Chapter Two
Death Be My Wish

—

Shadows.

They streamed across the silent, cold room as a plague would upon a small village, vile, wretched, and ever so lethal. They flowed over the walls and curtains, swallowing up any light that dared trespass onto their ominous terrain.

Forbidding. So forbidding, the shadows. They swirled and they slithered and they slinked across the shadow-ruled room in a scornful rhythm, a devious game—one that would suck any soul into complete darkness.

If she had been anyone else, she might have been scared, terrified even. Oh-so very terrified. But her depthless loathing for the wicked creature, who at the moment resided in those duplicitous shadows, had been the only thing through her years as a prisoner under his bloodstained claw that had kept her fear at bay and her pointed chin held high.

For he did not deserve any fear she could bestow upon him.

Wretched half-breed bastard.

Kagura stared out into the blackness of the soundless room with hate-filled crimson eyes, patiently waiting for a sign to speak from the dark-haired shadow that seemed to blend and bleed with the rest of the room's endless darkness.

Sometimes, she wanted to push it all away. Wanted to escape from the blackness's foul clutches; wanted to scream; wanted to kick. She wanted to run away and never come back.

But the Wind Sorceress was far from weak.

"You are wondering why that dragon youkai was here earlier, aren't you, Kagura?" drawled Naraku, turning his unnaturally pale face slightly toward her, that malicious smirk at the edge of his mouth.

Kagura chose not to speak, though her crimson eyes narrowed further, eyeing Naraku with wariness.

"He is the Lord of the Southern Lands, Lord Ryu."

At this statement, Kagura started for a second, slit eyes widening. That had been the Lord of the Southern Lands?

"Why is it that you have called me, Naraku?" Kagura questioned slowly, not able to keep the slight disdain and curiosity from her voice.

"Do you know that the Ryu clan of the Southern Lands has a special ability: they are able to control the minds of others to some extent. They have the ability to create a pseudo-reality and make it real for the person whose mind they are controlling." Naraku grinned, a gleaming, devious smirk full of lethal fangs and malicious intent. "As if puppets on a puppet string."

Keenly alert of her misleading surroundings, crimson eyes flickered as the Wind Sorceress tensed reflexively. As her mind followed Naraku's seemingly casual statement, Kagura mused that perhaps there was a logical as to why that wench Kagome suddenly had decided to walk off a cliff, metaphorically speaking.

For Naraku never gave away idle information.

At first, Kagura could not fathom why she had been ordered to catch Inuyasha's wench as she plummeted to the rocky Earth, or why Naraku knew the girl had been going to fall off a deadly cliff in the first place. But now Kagura suspected Naraku's plan in its whole, not just bits and pieces.

Even though her narrow-eyed expression did not change, the Wind Sorceress's mind raced in bewilderment, pondering over Naraku's current scheme, treacherous as ever.

"The Inuyasha-tachi have been split down the middle, nearly demolished, broken," Naraku continued, viciously pleased amusement in his voice. "They believe that the miko Kikyou's reincarnation, Kagome, is dead."

This only caused Kagura more puzzlement. Did the Inuyasha-tachi believe the miko had actually died during her fall?

Idiots.

Really, that thought would have amused Kagura, if she hadn't been trying to figure out Naraku's recent warped game.

The Wind Sorceress despised Naraku's mind and word games almost as much as she despised the vile hanyou himself. Everything he did was for a single goal, and he would achieve through deceit, lies, macabre games, all twisted in his little mind to achieve it.

So the question was what perverse game was Naraku playing now?

As a matter of fact, where was the miko Kikyou's reincarnation now? Kagura hadn't seen the girl since she had brought her to the castle on Naraku's orders.

What in the world was going on?

"I have a task for you, Kagura," Naraku said, a ruthless gleam in his scarlet eyes.

The multicolored fan shifted slightly in her palms as the Wind Sorceress met the wicked scarlet eyes of the hanyou.

"I want you to visit the Western Lands."

o – O – o

In the far Western sky, twilight lazily bled a deep crimson color into dusky violet-blue mountains, two stark contrasts that would battle until night finally settled. It was a lovely sight to which to awaken, stunning even, a burning waterfall of rich golds, oranges, pinks, and reds, all naturally, craftily blended with subtle shades of translucent plum. Indeed, this particular sunset would have seemed exceedingly gorgeous, almost divinely one could say.

Indeed, it would have, that is, if hadn't looked so much like blood splattered upon the Heavens from some macabre battle, when Kagome awoke once again.

Upon awaking and seeing the bloody sunset above the hazy jagged green rim of the surrounding forest's treetops as her first sight, Kagome still hadn't decided if she wanted the sky to stay as it was or for ominous night to fall and bring with it all of darkness' perfidious evils.

So the drowsiness of unconsciousness having been ripped from her mind by the bleeding skies, Kagome sat straight, her stiff, curled legs covered by a thin blanket, depthless sapphire eyes transfixed by the horrendous sky through the hut doorway. And so mesmerized by the dying Heavens she did not even notice that she no longer felt any unbearable pain coursing through her bones like white-hot fire, nor did those dangerous, soul-consuming spots of white appear in her vision.

It was blood splattered upon Heaven's gates in a sinful mural, a macabre scene of death and mortality, she thought dimly, sapphire eyes unusually focused, keen and bright upon the setting crimson sun.

Spell-bounded by the gory, bloody massacre in the sky, it brought to her mind all the battles in which she had fought or all the others in which her friends had fought; battles in which many had even died. It reminded her of all the blood spilt by the victims, the innocent, of all the blood spilt that stained the blameless Earth. It reminded her of the demons, the humans, the villains, and beings too evil of which to speak.

Deep in her marrow she felt the spider-like crawl of fear, slow at first, originating at the base of her neck, slow, agonizingly trickling down her spine, like a feathery touch fingers. It caused her muscles to tense, her breath to shallow until it could barely be heard.

Dusk painted the Heavens in an ill-omened spectacle of treacherous blood, and it prompted images of macabre in her mind that she could not recall ever seeing or encountering.

Almost enthralled by the chilling sight before her and in her mind, she jolted violently when an equally as chilling voice, though in an entirely different way, broke through the screaming silence ringing darkly in her thoughts.

"You have awakened."

That voice tore through her bordering-on-disturbed fascination with the bleeding, falling, dying crimson twilight, like a razor claws through tender flesh. Ripped her mind apart, threw it into chaos, and then brought it back to reality with harsh, cutting cruelty.

Blinking, Kagome gasped, as if sucking the first vital breath of life. In her chest, her heart beat as the pounding of a thousands hooves would against her ribcage. With each almost desperate breath, blood was rushed through her veins by her racing heart, and air was forced through her lungs in harsh frantic pants.

Shivering, though the air was far from cold, Kagome met the icy golden eyes of the Lord of the Western Lands. The air truly seemed colder than it really was.

"Wh–Why… W–Why am I–I—" she faltered through her uneven breaths.

Silhouetted against the bleeding crimson sky that caused him to look all that more dangerous in that deceivingly beautiful way, Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands stood erect and proud and elegant with very little effort. Impassive golden eyes (so like but unlike Inuyasha's) merely gave her that frosty blank stare for which he was renown as she tried to string her words together between course breathing and raspy coughing.

"What do you intend to ask, miko?" he said emotionlessly, though Kagome knew there to be an underlying tinge of derisive sarcasm. "Why you are here, or why you are alive?"

At his seemingly indifferent words, Kagome paused to fully gather her breath. As her breathing returned to normal once again, her sapphire eyes flickered warily around the familiar forest clearing, a misty darkness still beyond the edges that sent chills down her spin; she looked and observed and sought for an escape, even though she knew it to be rather pointless since if he had want to kill her, he already would have. Nevertheless, Kagome scanned her surroundings, sapphire eyes, too confused and unusually wary and so very scared.

For there was no Inuyasha to rescue her now.

Her next instinct was run. But she knew she had already tried that. And, apparently, she hadn't gotten very far.

"Wh–Which one would be wiser?" she slowly asked in response, meeting the bone-chilling gaze of the demon lord once again.

Behind the demon lord the bloody sunset seemed emblazon his already striking features, and Kagome realized on a whole different level of clarity that Sesshoumaru held this unnaturally ethereal beauty that was as lethal as his poison-tipped claws.

As she nervously chewed on her bottom lip, Kagome wished Sesshoumaru would break the silence. She hated it. It screamed terribly loud in her ears.

Then, in a low, silken-toned voice that rang out through the forest clearing like the shattering of an icy stalactite as it hits the ground, Sesshoumaru finally queried, "Do you still wish to be dead, miko?"

"Wh–What?" stammered Kagome as her sapphire gaze swept over the proud posture of the Taiyoukai, eyes wide, surprised, and, almost unnoticed, in those bright navy depths that discreetly reflected the bloody flames of the dying sun—fear. Raw, bare, soul-devouring.

"I do not repeat myself," Sesshoumaru stated, still a glacial, uncaring baritone that could heedlessly strike fear into the very embodiments of evil if ever inclined to do so.

Perhaps, the Western Lord was indeed an embodiment of evil himself. Yet since there first meeting a couple years ago, despite his heartless ways and cool, callous words, Kagome truly never had thought to associate evil with Inuyasha's half-brother. Ruthless, cruel, indifferent—yes. But never sincerely evil. How can someone be without a doubt, without argument, truly, genuinely evil with a sweet child like Rin as his charge?

Slowly, Kagome stood, not liking the idea of having to look up at the Western Lord, and considered the question directed towards her. By Sesshoumaru, Taiyoukai of the Western Lands, no less.

She clutched her arms tightly still, pale porcelain-like fingers slipping against the soft cloth of yukata she now noticed she wore. Vaguely she wondered where her old clothes were and how she had ended up in her current attire but pushed those thoughts aside to more important inquiries.

Almost tauntingly the loathsome image of blood seeped into her mind and turned her vision into a vile, vivid crimson that encompassed all her being.

Do you still wish to be dead, miko?

Beneath her, Kagome's knees weakened and she wished to run, though she didn't think her trembling, immobile legs would be able to take her very far. Into her mind slipped that scene along the cliff side. As she ran. As she fell. As she let go of Inuyasha's clawed hand. Purposely. With intent. Intent to die. Right?

Inuyasha's betrayal had run so deep that she had even resigned herself to death. The image, the memory—right?—of the betrayal, of her run, her fall was rather hazy, almost blurry around the edges as if it were just a dream, or perhaps a nightmare, truthfully. Like the memory was a thin wisp of fog that she couldn't exactly grasp, couldn't exactly remember, but it was in her mind, so it had to be real. Right?

Yes, like a horrible, wretched nightmare. But it wasn't. Right?

She had wanted to die. Die, so much.

And that scared her. The notion that she had been so damaged, so hurt that she had wanted to die. Although, even now, Kagome wasn't sure that she—or anybody else—could ever find and put back together those pieces of herself again. She had been spoiled; was still broken.

But did she still want to die?

"Nn–no," Kagome whispered, her voice still unusually loud in the eerily silent forest. "I don't want to die."

There was an abrupt movement of the Taiyoukai's head; a slight tilt, a nod, so quick, it almost went unnoticed.

"Then it wasn't a waste, miko."

Around her shadowed trees hid the unknown behind their thick green boughs whispered; hollow melodies heedlessly taunted and spitefully encircled her memories. Like devious tendrils of mist that could release all her memories and free her. Or suffocating tentacles that would completely destroy without warning, without mercy.

The silence pressed down upon her, chocked her, feeling as if it was slowly killing her, like all things, in time, did.

She smiled at him and was met with hostility.

She tried to protect him and was condemned for it.

She loved him and that love slowly killed her.

But, as she had just said, she didn't want to die. Not now. Nevertheless, she did want answers. Because confusion had never been an easy trait for her. For her, confusion usually led to anger. And, prior to… it, she could have vented that anger on an uncouth but generally harmless hanyou.

Yet now… now she faced said hanyou's half-brother, Demon Lord of the Western Lands. Lord Sesshoumaru. Who could and would kill her, without feeling, without remorse. It wouldn't be a smart idea to incite his anger at the moment.

…But why exactly hadn't he struck her down yet?

Taking an unconscious step toward the motionless Taiyoukai, though all rational thought begged her to run home and never come back, Kagome realized she could not just turn her back, could not run, could not escape from this entrapment in which she had somehow caught herself.

Something, perhaps a natural instinct, perhaps something entirely incomprehensible, told her, warned her that she should not leave. Should not leave Rin. Should not leave… Sesshoumaru?

"T-Tell me," she said, shaky at first, but becoming stronger as confusion, a hopeless need for understanding, and the fury of a woman scorned wrathfully fueled her blood and her mouth, "tell me, what do you mean? What wasn't a waste? You know something I don't! Tell me! What does Rin mean that I saved her? And why am I wearing this? And why—why won't you speak, you damned youkai! …Please… please… why… why… am I here? Why am I alive? Why… Why—"

Words spilled from her mouth, rashly, frantically, wildly—despondent words of someone that was desperate, that wasn't sure if she had anything left to which to cling.

Brutally, without warning, Kagome's body trembled violently, and her voice was silenced in an instant, only the sounds hoarse, uneven breathing filling the unnaturally still air. Like a venomous snake lashing out, a burning pain raged in her shoulder, soared down to her abdomen, where it flourished and spread through her racing veins to her entire body. So with a lethally sweet poison pulsing with fire in her veins and exhaustion burrowing deep within her brittle marrow, Kagome collapsed.

Collapsed and nearly cried, if she hadn't known that even now she still had no tears left to shed.

Fatigue plagued her like the black death. She felt so weak. So weak.

From the periphery of her blurring vision, she saw Sesshoumaru turn his back toward her, faint annoyance flickering in otherwise blank golden irises.

"Humans are so impatient and weak," he said in that cool, uncaring tone which sent unwanted chills down her spine. "Stupid girl, besides the injuries you sustained, you also were poisoned, and thus are far from being healthy enough exert yourself so foolishly."

Kagome could only tremble and glare and damn him to depths of Hell. And fall and fallfallfallfallfallfallfall—

"Won't you answer me," she demanded, voice raspy, scrapping, her hands fisting in the pale green cloth of the unrecognized yukata she wore. "Please… please…" she pleaded, having lost anything that might have resembled her naive teenage pride.

The only response she received was the slight barely noticeable raise of a curved eyebrow and, perhaps, if one were to squint, a flicker of another emotion, irritation probably, that flashed in inadvertently sharp molten eyes. In a more rational state, Kagome might have realized that subtle glint as warning of the youkai's tolerance for lesser beings.

"You, miko, do not order me, as you would my disgraceful half-brother," Sesshoumaru stated with an iciness that sent a cutting spike of trepidation down Kagome's spine.

"But…but…"

"Silence," he ordered, that silky voice of his smooth and all too deadly, like shards of ice and glass that no one ever sees until they step on them and bleed. "This Sesshoumaru merely asked you if you wanted to die, miko."

"And I… I said I don't; I want to live," Kagome retorted heatedly.

Calmly, Sesshoumaru replied, "Then quiet your tedious complaints, girl, and accept what you have been given for now."

Abruptly, Kagome met that piercing golden gaze—a gaze so familiar yet so alien. Shimmering silver hair, the striking divine features of a god. Molten gold eyes of a devil.

She saw her reflection in those demonic irises, and she couldn't breathe. Inuyasha's eyes had never been so cold, never felt like they could pierce her soul and dissect it piece by piece. Never felt as if she could drown in them, drown and burn, overpowered by waves of molten gold.

In Inuyasha's molten gold eyes, however, she had been able to fall.

Exhaustion wearing her thin, Kagome broke the stare and gazed unseeingly at the cool, damp grass that tickled the bare skin of her feet.

"An… answer me one question… for now," she whispered, although her voice was still achingly loud to her sensitive ears in the unnaturally silent forest clearing. "Why am I alive?"

A stupid question, Kagome knows. A question that Sesshoumaru will not be able to answer fully, but still one that will at least give her some clue. A question that she needed to ask.

Indifferent golden eyes—demonic eyes—of one of the most powerful beings in all the land regarded her with seemingly little care.

"Because this Sesshoumaru repays his debts."

End Notes: Yes, yes a lot of wtf?-ness, and it's only going to get weirder. But, no worries, all will be answered sooner or later! Preferably sooner, in time for SessKag citrus-flavored fun! …Eh, but with my lazyass who knows when the crap that will be?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll try to be quicker in my updates! Maybe that'll even be my New Year's resolution… yeah right…

Reviews are greatly appreciated and constructive criticism is always considered. Both are loved foods for the starving authoress! Thanks.

So till next time…

Ja ne! And Happy New Year! (:

– scelerus animus