A/N: This is ALL Lolly's doing!!! I merely mentioned VPL and Jesse in the same sentence...and Lolly made me do this parody... Hmm....I really ought to start taking my medication, but this is just SO MUCH FUN!!!

I walked into my room completely unaware of the sight that I was about to be bared witness to.

I heard my music playing – Baby Got Back by Sir MixAlot, I think – which caused me to open my door with some trepidation. I slowly and silently pushed it open, which revealed...

...Jesse, wiggling and shimmying his butt in time to the music, softly murmuring the words as he swirled his behind in large circles behind him, moving the rest of his body around with the momentum.

Judging by how well he knew the words, I would say it wasn't the first time this had occurred.

He stopped his circling and began swishing his cheeks – the ones that weren't on his face – from side to side in exaggerated movements. His upper torso was bent over slightly, giving him maximum butt-swishing capabilities.

Hey fellas (Yeah!) Tell us (Yeah!) Has your girlfriend got the butt?

"HELL YEAH!" Jesse shouted along with the rappers, slapping his derriere with a brisk, sharp slap that cracked through the air and wibbled some of his posterior in the aftershocks.

Shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt... The music sang, as did Jesse in a high-pitch tenor voice. He proceeded to do just as the music directed.

I stared, mesmerised by his tight behind as he began circling his hips with so much force I thought he'd be carried away with the energy his swirls were being executed.

And all the while I thought, How come Jesse doesn't have VPL? How come Jesse doesn't have a visible panty-line? I mean, those were incredibly tight trousers he was wearing. Even an Ann Summer's thong would emboss such tight clothes.

His trousers were spray-on tight.

Jesse's churning hip motions brought him round to face me. His closed eyes momentarily blinked open before closing again...then shooting open when he caught a glimpse of me.

"Susannah?" He screeched. The music came to an end and I continued to stare at Jesse's lower region where his butt had been, even though he was now facing me.

I dragged my eyes up to Jesse's face. It was crimson. Enhanced by his ethereal glow.

"Are you wearing a thong, Jesse?" I asked. I couldn't help it. WHERE WAS HIS PANTY-LINE??

Jesse, if possible, turned even redder. "You mean those...silk panties that go up your... ehm, that have no back? The ones you wear?" A frown passed over his features.

I began nodding then, "Wait a minute! How do you know I wear thongs?" Jesse had the grace to look slightly ashamed.

"Well. It gets very boring up here all on my own all day, Susannah. I only intended to peak through your drawers very quickly but I....ah, got distracted..." His eyes darted over to my knickers drawer.

I'll bet he got distracted. Jesse frowned again. "In answer to your first question, however, no. I do not wear thongs." He grinned unrepentantly. "They look a little too feminine and...uncomfortable. Though undoubtedly sexy." Jesse waggled his eyebrows and I stared in muted shock.

Jesse pictured me in thongs? Cool. I had quite a nice butt. In fact, Jesse and I would make great butt partners.

"Can I just see your backside again, please? Just briefly." Jesse raised an eyebrow but turned around, sticking his bum out towards me a little further out than needed, and with a little more force than required. I inspected it thoroughly.

There was no trace of a panty-line. "So...you don't wear thongs?" I asked.

Jesse turned around and shook his head. What did that leave? "Boxers?" Even I knew he didn't wear boxers. Jesse confirmed this by shaking his head. "G-string?"

Jesse's eyebrows nit together. He didn't know what a G-string was. "I'll take that as a no." I thought some more. I had it! I clicked my fingers together. "Tighty-whities!" I shouted. Jesse smiled but shook his head.

"I am far to masculine for tighty-whities, Susannah," he said silkily. Yeah, coming from a guy I just saw moving around like Mariah Carey at salsa lessons.

I felt heat sear up my body. It couldn't be true... Could it? I looked up into Jesse's eyes. He was smiling coyly and knowingly. My eyes travelled down to his lower regions, then shot back up.

It couldn't be...

I swallowed. Hard. "That's right, querida," Jesse murmured. I shook my head.

No. I wasn't going to believe it. It was too...it was too...overwhelming. Amazing. Sensuous.

Sexy.

Jesse turned and my eyes irresistibly journeyed back down to his firm, pert butt. He gave it a little wiggle.

Peering round it at me with deceitfully innocent eyes, Jesse whispered, "I'm not wearing any underwear, Susannah."

I gulped.

Jesse went commando. Jesse went commando. I let out a faint whimper, before I blacked out and hit the floor.