Hiya peeps finally ch.4 but if you read the other fics I manage to update then you know why -o-; but thank you for you patience and for those who need a refresh in memory the statistics!
First the statistics!
And in fear of getting deleted for chat format even though its author notes (-.-) it's gonna be in third person….as much as possible anyway…
ReviewsWAS 307 until the fic got deleted and all became lost…but now with reposting it is slowly climbing, currently 87, I think.
Rishid hates The ever-evil bisshieSEPHIROTH! Among other things but that' the first on the list that and bishonen…
"IT BEEPING MESS UP! ALL THE BEEPING GUYS IN YU-GI-OH ARE BEEPING BISSHIES EXCEPT FOR ME! EVEN BEEPING SHADI IS BEEPING BETTER LOOKING THAN I AM!" Rishid yelled.
Moving on…er hey, Croquet bandit Keith and Kimo are BUTT ugly so don't be so mad you're not alone
Rishid likes Rpg's FF games, kingdom hearts, sailor moon, singing in the shower (((OO)), chocolate, BEER! Unfortunately Isis doesn't let him have any because he has LOW alcohol tolerance, wax to make his head all shiny, Serving under Malik-sama (O.O….YEAH FREAKING RIGHT! WHO WANT TO SERVE UNDER HIM! I WILL NOT WASH TOILETS FOR HIM!) YAOI! Just kidding…. But he does like American pie, and pies if you get my drift hee hee (To understand please read chapter 2, the after math O&P)
Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING GET INTO YOUR SKULLS ALREADY! AND NO I AM NOT INTERESTED IN JOINING THE RICHARD SIMMONS "I'M A PONY A PRANCING PONY" CULT!
ON TO THE FIC!
Ow
Ow
Ow
Ow
(Crack)
OOWWWWW!
RA DAMN IT! Why am I saying ow over and over you ask? Well, do you remember the incident last time that ended up with Atem and I covered in Isis and Malik's underwear? Well, my broken leg is what I have to show for trying to protect the Ishtar dignity.
………….
…………..
………….
………….
MY ASS! THEY FREAKING ABUSE ME FOR RA SAKES!
Well, at least Malik threw the pharaoh out of the window, now THAT was funny but it was after Isis broke my leg…ow…ow…ow…. Well it couldn't be worse…
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RA FBEEPING DAMN IT!"
"Nee-san what's wrong?"
"GET THE FBEEP AWAY FROM ME! YOU CALL THIS RA FBEEPING CLEAN DISHES! THIS CUP HAS A FBEEPING SPOT ON IT!"
(SMASH!)
"Nee-san put the vase down!"
"DON'T YOU FBEEPING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
(SMASH!)
OO
oO
o.--
--.--
Great…Isis is PMSing again…ugh…. A fate worse than death; being in her way while she has cramps I shiver just thinking about it…
"RISHID HEEELLLLLP!"
(SMASH!)
"SIS PUT DOWN THE KNIFE!"
"YOU CALL THIS A--AHHHHHHHH RA DAMN CRAMPS! I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!"
OO Oh no! Malik-Sama is in horrible danger I must save him before Isis forgets about the knife and decides to use the blender instead…like she did last time with Malik's pet fish homer!
Oh poor Homer….
Flash back
"Homer, here's you fish food!" Malik exclaimed happily, the flakes of fish pellets going down, and happy little Homer swam up. Malik watch him in amazement and the fish stare back at him.
"Yo kid, hook me up? This isn't fitting for a sexy beast like me"
"What?" Malik spoke amazed that his pet fish was talking to him "Yo dawg, hook me up; this fish wants some high Yo" Homer stated. Malik just blinked.
"You can talk!"
"Thanks for stating the obvious idiot" Homer replied. Malik frown "I think I like you better when you didn't talk you crack head fish"
"Yo yo you know how to stab a brotha, master let me give some 411; don't loot the pooty" homer advise. "Speak Japanese please" Malik sighed.
"Never hurt ya motha, and never mess with peoples hearts, it ain't cool manipulating"
Malik look away "that's in the past…"
"True dat dawg don't make the same mistakes and don't be playin women either, they may be bitches at times but they still be brothas and sistahs yo"
"Wow, you are a very wise fish" Malik said. "True dat now get me some WEED!" he froze. Malik's brow rose in concern "What's wrong Homer…?"
"Speaking of bitches at times…your sistah's right be hind you…"
Malik turned around and gulped, here eye's were dilated a blood aura radiated from her "Malik dear brother, did you leave this cup of milk out…?" she ask eerily calm.
"Uh…yes…"
Isis said nothing; she marched past Malik and grabbed a hold of the fish ball where homer was. Without a word she walk into the kitchen, horrified Malik ran after her then…
(VRRRRRRRRRRRR)
"HOMMMMMEEERRRRRRR!"
End flash back
What a horrible way to die…though if I help him now I could have that same fate.
………….
………….
…………
Should I?
"Of course you should Rishid you must prooooteeeccct Malik-saammaaaa…."
O.O ORO? Where did that voice come from?
"Riiiiigggghhhht herrreeee…"
Where?
"Hhhheeeeerrrrrreeeee"
Er, you have to give a better description besides hereeeee…
"(SIGH) Look down on your right shoulder dumbass"
Oh…ok…my eyes went down to my shoulder…O.O WHAT THE HELL IS RYOU DOING ON MY SHOULDER?
"Hey there old chap "
…………..
…………
…………
"Er Ryou? Why are you in a dress?"
"BLOODY FREAKIN HELL WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY IT'S A DRESS! IT'S A TOGA! TOGA!"
"Why do you have a harp?"
"………It's not a harp, it's a lyre!"
OK, I must be hallucinating; there is no way Ryou is on my shoulder with a halo on his head and angel wings in a dress--
"TOGA SHIT ASS! TOGA! AND I'M YOU'RE DAMN CONSCIENCE!"
Damn…who knew Ryou was such a potty mouth…wait Ryou's my conscience?
"Er, why are you here?" I ask to the mini Ryou on my shoulder. The angel Ryou gave me a look "What do you think? You can't leave Malik-sama alone with Isis you know how volatile she is when she has her…er…lady days…."
I only know from so many experiences growing up with her…. And when both mother and sister had it…. Father left me alone with them while he locked himself in the library
…………
……….
………….
………
I hope the devil has a pitchfork up the old bastards ass!
"Rishid"
Oh yeah Angel Ryou is still here and giving me an annoyed look…. Hmmmm this Ryou doesn't act like the big Ryou…interesting…
"Rishid, you're still here"
So?
"…GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR AND SAVE YOU MASTER MAN BITCH!"
((O.O))
I wonder if angel Ryou is not pmsing himself…
"…I heard that…"
Oo I should go before you hurt me right?
" -.- What do you think?"
O.- and away-y-y- I go!
As I walk into the valley of death I will fear no evil…SCREW THAT! The kitchen, it's there where the demon lies…Isis…I took a deep breathe as I cautiously stepped into the kitchen; it was in shambles…I guess her cramps got that powerful, now, where is Malik-sama?
"Why should you care? You're only going to get beat up again"
Ryou?
"YOU IDIOTIC MORTAL! DON'T YOU DARE CONFUSE ME WITH MY PUNY AIBOU!"
Er…where are you?
Look down
O.O
O.-
-.-
Ra save me…
"What the hell are you gawking at?"
Now there's a mini Bakura on my left shoulder…last time I sniff from the trash can ( OO ) er and why is he wearing all leather, and has horns…and a tail…and demon wings…with a pitchfork? This can't be good…
"Bah just leave the pussy boy to fend from that bitch and ditch this dump, there's a whore house a few houses down, what do you say?"
-.- what are you suppose to be?
"I'm your conscious! Well, the evil side kukukukukukukukuku!"
O.- I see…but I shouldn't really leave Ma--
"RA MAN MALIK. MALIK. MALIK! It's always about him! How about you? When are you going to do something for you!"
Hmmm, demon Bakura has a point…
"Of course I do! I'm always right and don't you forget that! Now I say you leave him to suffer!"
But I have--
FORGET THAT! LEAVE HIM TO SUFFER AND CHASE SOME WHORES NOW! OR YOU WILL HAVE A PINEAPPLE SHOVE UP YOUR BUTT LIKE HITLER, DO YOU WANT THAT?"
No sir….OO
O.O I wonder if he's pmsing also…but he has a point, I've done enough for that family as it is,
"Rishid, shame on you!"
GRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTT! Angel Ryou is back…he looks a bit pissed at demon Bakura…"Bakura, you vile fiend, trying to lead Rishid to the path of darkness" Ryou spoke.
"Peh, the path of darkness is MUCH better than leading him down the path of gayness, you fruit!"
"Hmph and I suppose he would rather eat raw meat like you do?"
Excuse me guys!
"At least I have SEX APPEAL!"
Guys…
"AT LEAST I HAVE DIGNITY!"
Guys…
"WAHAHAHAHAHA DIGNITY? FOR RA SAKES MAN YOU'RE IN A FREAKING DRESS HOLDING A PANSY ASS HARP!"
OO uh-oh…
"……………………………..."
O.O this does not bode well….
"This…is…a…TOGA! THAT'S IT YOU MAN BITCH I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS ALL THE WAY TO THE RIVER STYX!"
"Like to see you try you pansy! What are you going to do? Play a sour note on that harp of yours? Flash me with the dress!"
OO uh, Ryou has a dangerous red aura around him, that's bad…he looks like he's going to explode…now he's flying to Bakura…with his harp…I wonder what's he
…………
……….
……….
………….Oh…………..
O.O; I think it's time for me to leave…and away I go! As I ran into the kitchen I could vaguely hear Bakura screams of pain and Ryou's psychotic laughter…these are the people who tell me what's right and what's wrong OO…-- no wonder Malik -sama always had the upper hand…and speaking of Malik sama where is he?
Dun dun dun dun dundun, dun dun dun dun dun…DUNANAA, DUNANAA dunnan dun dun dun……
Hour one, log one…I am now in the stronghold of the she-devil…Your mission me, if you choose to accept it, is to find your master and bring him back to safety while trying to calm down the hell spawn aka Isis! This mental note well make you temporarily dumb in
5
4
3
2
(DOOSH!)
;.; Owwies…I ran into a wall…O.O uh….
"RISHID HEEELLLLLLLLP!"
"ISIS WHAT THE HELL!" I exclaimed mortified. It was surreal…Malik was hogtied and currently spinning on a spit with a fire below him while Isis had tribal markings all over her with a stick that had an impaled teddy bear on it…
Wait a minute…
THAT'S MY TEDDY BEAR!
"Oh great Ra, Horus and Set…I offer you my brother as a sacrifice to you oh great ones" Isis began to chant waving the staff over Malik- Sama. "In exchange for my brother I wish for Midol, that is all!"
……………..
OO
……………
-.-
Sigh….
This always happens…when she has PMS…when she doesn't go into bitch mode, she tries to use me or Malik as a sacrifice to the gods above to stop her cramps…last time it was me…
…………..
…………..
………………
…………..
What was I doing again? Oh yeah, Malik-sama!
Now, be vewy vewy quiet, I'm going to twackle Isis, huhuhuhuhuhu (feeble attempt of Elmer Fudds laugh….)
Tip toe…tip toe…. that's it Isis keep smearing the chicken blood on Malik-sama…you don't know I'm here…tip toe…
"CRACK"
OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW! My leg just popped back into place…
I mean…
((O-O)) AW CRAP!
"YOU!"
OO I've been found out…abort the mission abort the mission!
Isis turned to me, her eyes an evil glint while she held her stomach in pain, her cramps must have gotten downright horrible by now. I begin to back away, a cold sweat broke out as I stared at the half sane woman now pointing at me and speaking gibberish while holding the staff which held my teddy bear impaled upon it.
"You. Man Slave. Sacrifice to gods. Make cramps go away!"
O.O
…Uh-huhhh……….. Think fast think fast, last time I didn't make it…er….
"Isis, now calm down, you needn't sacrifice Malik-sama and I."
"YOU RA FBEEPING SPEAK TO ME!"
OO; er…
"Now Isis, I can get Midol for you! Just let me go the pharmacy store…." I spoke. I hope what left of her common sense heard me…or Malik-sama and I are going to end up like Homer. Isis jumped onto the table and sat cross-legged upon it. "Hmmmm, you bring Midol from this pharmacy store you speak of" she spoke. I quickly nodded my head "That right Isis, be a good girl and Rishid will make the cramps go away" I spoke.
"You will and if not…" She began. She took my teddy bear off the staff…and ripped its head off…and swallowed it whole…
NNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
SNUGGLES! OH THE HUMANITY! WHY OH WHY! HAS RA FORSAKEN ME? WHHHHHHYYYYYYYY? MY ONLY FRIEND HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM ME! WHAT IS THEIR LEFT TO LIVE FOR RA? TELL ME!
(Sniff sniff)
Say something smells good (Sniff sniff) I can't put my finger on it but it smells….
…………
…………
Bisshie?
……………
…………..
MALIK-SAMA!
Later in the day
(ssssiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhhh)
This always has to happen to me. Well, at least I got Malik-sama away from her; he came with me to the pharmacy store right now.
"Rishid, why are we going to the pharmacy store?"
"We're going to get something to help Isis calm down" I spoke; he gave me a questioning look. "What?" he ask. My shoulders slightly slump; I suppose telling him wouldn't kill me "We're getting some Midol for her, so she won't act as psychotic. That way, she won't sacrifice us to Ra Horus and Set, like she does every month" I explain to him.
"Rishid, why does she act like that every month?"
"Because she has PMS"
"What's Pms?"
This sounds so familiar….but I can't put my finger on it…
"Pre Menstrual Syndrome" I replied. We entered the store I let out another sigh as I went to aisle seven, yes that aisle…
Women's feminine products…
I shiver upon entering it, lets see where's the Midol…as I walk casually around I look to Malik-sama, his eyes wide and full of curiosity, I forgot, this was his first time going into the women's aisle, usually we left him at home because he was prone to trouble…and he began picking and touching things.
OO er….
"Malik -sama don't touch any of that stuff" I spoke. He suddenly got a hold of a box "Hey Rishid what are Maxi-pads?"
OoO;
"Malik-sama put that back" I spoke, He nodded and put it back in place, only to get something else "Hey why those this aisle have these long cotton balls, and why are they in different varieties?" he ask again comparing a pad to a pantiliner.
Oh sweet Ra…
"Malik-sama…" I began. I sigh and picked up the Midol.
"Hey Rishid, what's a tampon?"
OO
…. Now I remember…oh no the flashbacks…the horrible, horrible flash backs…why me? WHHHHHHHHHYYYY?
(RIIIIIP)
O.o
"What the hell is this?' Malik-sama spoke, looking at the tampon strangely…oh sweet lord…now he's opening it, "Er Rishid…" he ask his face confused as he held it by it's string now, people began looking at us…someone please shoot me….
"MALIK-SAMA DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
"Hey, is this a q-tip?" he ask now wiping his ear with it.
……………..
…………….
EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
He look around "Hey, Rishid why do girls need all this strange stuff?"
No no no no not again…not again….
He turned to me; his eyes were now big and sparkly…NNNNOOOOOOOOOO! THE EVIL PUPPY FACE OF DOOM! NO! I MUST BE STRONG! I MUST NOT SUCCUMB TO THE SPARKLY EYES!
………………
……………..
……………
……………
(SSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH) who am I kidding, no one can escape from that, I wish Yuugi didn't teach him that…that evil munchkin….
"Well, you see Malik-sama" I began he look to me; now in full attention O.O does he always have to get like that? "Women use these pads because of their menstrual cycle they have," I explain. There, that's simple enough…
o.O
"Malik-sama"
o.O
"Malik-sama, do you understand?"
O.o
"Of course…leave it to Ra to have me endure humiliation " I muttered to myself. "Malik-sama it's for their period" I said simply.
"Oh…what's a period?"
O.O ………no I am not going to explain THAT! No way no how!
"You must Rishid, you must answer Malik Sama…"
OO
……….
-.-
Oh no…why are you here? I sighed as I look at the angel Ryou; yes he was back O.O er, what happen to his …
"Don't ask, now explain it to him"
Fine but you owe me an explanation.
"You see Malik-sama, there are many words to describe a period. Lady days, on the rag, the horrible dot, four days of male castration, the list can go on…"
Oh man this isn't something I DON'T WANT TO EXPLAIN! Hey angel Ryou can't Isis explain it to him?
"No"
Why not?
"Because he ask you not Isis"
……………..
You're mean….
"I'm your conscience, tough love baldy."
Will you stop calling me that?
"No"
………..Meanie…hey what happen to the evil one?
"You will find out soon enough…heh heh heh."
-- I don't want to know…anyways.
"Well Malik-sama you see girls have eggs--"
"They're chickens?" he exclaim his eyes all bugged eye. OO; uh "No, they're not chickens Malik-sama"
"B-But you said…"
"Yes, they do have eggs but they're not the kind that chickens have!" I explain to him. He look at me "You see, women have these eggs call ova in their bodies, usually located at the pelvis near the lower abdomen" I explain to him "So, it's there?" he ask pointing to his pelvis I nodded at this.
"How?"
"Well you see er, it's what helps them able to have a baby…"
Oh crap do I need to explain it to him with Dark Magician and Dark Magician Girl again?
"Oh, okay but what do the eggs have to do with Isis being a bitch for the next week?" he ask then he pointed to the pads "And why do they need these weird things?"
Do I really have to explain it?
"Well…"
I stop I notice that a lot of the women stop and were staring at us, that and the fact that Malik-sama begin to put the tampon cases on his fingers saying he was Edward tampon fingers over and over…
" n.n Look Rishid I'm Edward Tampon fingers!"
OO
"Don't do that please…it's embarrassing…." I spoke. He only snorted at this "So, why do girls need these things call maxi pads anyways?" he ask.
GULP!
"Well…er…you see Malik-sama…every month these eggs er wait…to get fertilize…"
"By what?'
O.O DANG IT! I thought I could get away without explain this to Malik…le sigh…
"Just whisper it in his ear stupid"
-.- why don't you do so smart ass
"Hey do you want a harp shoved up your ass like Bakura?"
O.O no…
I whispered it to his ear I pulled back and he look at me with a amazed expression "oh…." he could only manage to say. "When it doesn't happen the babies to be…eh…they die…" I spoke. Malik eyes widen and he slightly paled "They…. They die…how?" he ask. Uh-oh…please don't cry Malik-Sama you're a grown boy…
Er…ok Rishid get a hold of yourself "They explode--" I began but stop; Malik-sama doesn't look well …
"Those poor babies" he spoke to himself…."Well Malik-sama technically they're not babies…not until they get fertilized anyways…" I explain to him. He look to me "So, the babies die every month then?" he ask. O.O uh this is getting weird…
"Er, yeah, and when it happens the women don't feel to well so they need things like Midol and pads to help them feel better…because the body throws out the unnecessary fluids and--"
"HOW COULD THEY?"
O.O huh?
Malik-sama had his fists clench while he look around the women "HAVE YOU NO SHAME?" He shouted to them.
OO uh-oh…
"Malik-sama, calm down" I began but he was ignoring me "BABY KILLERS ALL OF YOU! MAY YOU RECEIVE THE FIVE CUTS!" he snarled pointing his finger at all the passing women.
(((OoO))) Angel Ryou what do I do?
"This was unexpected…. Try to calm him down…"
Great advice…
"Quiet man bitch"
"Now Malik-sama they don't mean to--" I began. "ALL OF YOU SHOULD BE DISGUSTED, KILLING YOUR CHILDREN! MAY ANUBIS PLACE FINAL JUDGMENT ON YOU ALL!" he began to rant. I swallowed hard; why does he always have to make a scene, uh-oh…all of the women are giving him murderous looks…
"HEY! LETS SEE YOU TRY TO HANDLE CRAMPS, BLOATING, AND MOOD SWINGS EVERY MONTH WHILE HAVING TO WEAR A DIAPER!" one of them retorted.
"IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! JUST GET A HOTDOG FOR YOUR BUN!" Malik-sama shouted back.
…………………..
………………….
I don't know if I'm too appalled or to mortified right now…
"Malik-sama we're going NOW!" I exclaimed dragging him away from the aisle while the women were giving us threatening gestures.
"That's horrible Rishid, so horrible, I can't believe Isis is a murderer! You must have sex with her immediately!"
O.O
WE WO WO WHA WHA? I look to him he had a gleam in his eyes "RISHID WE MUST SAVE THE CHILDREN! WE MUST FERTILIZE EVERY EGG EVERY FEMALE HAS!" he shouted on the top of his lungs. Oh great Ra…everyone stop and began staring at us…make an excuse make an excuse…. Er….
"Don't mind my little brother, he's not well in the head" I spoke.
What? It's true; may we say Yami Malik people?
Everyone went back to what they were doing. Phew, that was close. Where did Malik-sama go? I lost Malik-sama? Oh crap!
"MY FELLOW MEN LEND ME YOUR EARS!"
OO it couldn't be could it?
………
…
………
…
-.- Of course…OO wait a minute he's not…I turn to look to the origin of the voice, indeed it was Malik-sama and he manage to get himself to stand on top if a pyramid of toilet paper O.O this does not bode well
"Indeed"
"MY FELLOW MEN! I CALL FOR YOUR AIDE! THE UNBORN CHILDREN WITHIN THE FEMALE DIE EACH MONTH! THIS IS DISGUSTING REVELATION TO ME! SO I HEED YOU! TO ENSURE THE LIVE OF THOSE NOT BORN WE MUST HAVE HOT HOT SEX WITH EVERY FEMALE ON THE PLANET!"
OO
……………………
OO
……………………
He's a pretty good speaker. All the men began to shout in unison "In hot sex we trust" -- why does this always happen? "WHO WILL JOIN ME?" He shouted.
"MALIK I SHALL JOIN YOUR CAUSE WHICH HAS SEXY RESULTS!"
Hey who said that? Oh, Otogi? O.O grrreeeaaaaat sure, give him more encouragement…(sigh) Malik help Otogi up the toilet paper pyramid. "MEET THE FIRST WHO SHALL JOIN MY CAUSE!" Malik shouted while Otogi held a fist up in the air. He turned to me "RISHID YOU MUST JOIN THE GOOD FIGHT!" Malik exclaim to me. O.O uh…all the men turn to look at me "yes join us" they said in unison.
…………
…………
Er Ryou…
"Hey hot sex, I'm not complaining "
O.O you're definitely not the Ryou I know….
"Hey Rishid, what's going on?"
I turn around "Miss, Anzu?" I exclaim. "I had to get some things," she said. "Um what are Malik and Otogi doing?" she ask.
"Well, I tried to explain to him about PMS it didn't turn out well…." I answer. She giggled at this "Oh, Rishid you suffer so much" she said with a sympathetic smile. I chuckled at this "I guess…" I said with a sigh, all of the sudden everything didn't seem to be so bad until…
"BRING THAT GIRL TO ME!"
O.O huh? Before I knew it, Anzu was swept through a large crowd until she was on top of the pyramid with Malik-Sama and Otogi, Malik-Sama all of the sudden got a hold of her waist "MEN BEHOLD! SHE SHALL BE THE FIRST OF MANY I SHALL SAVE BY HAVING MANY HOURS OF HOT HOT SEX WITH HER!" he shouted to them while all the men cheered then…
"HENTAI!" Anzu snap and kneed him in the stomach ouch…O.O uh-oh …
All of the sudden he lost his balance causing a domino effect with Otogi and Anzu, causing the giant pyramid of toilet paper to come down, it was unreal, all the screaming, yelling, while the toilet paper came crashing down…. I quickly ran through the crowd seeing Malik-sama rubbing his ass in pain. Immediately I grabbed him by the ear while he yelp and proceed to pull him away from the store.
"OOOWWWWWWWIIIIIEEEEESSSS IT HURTS RISHID!" he complain.
No shit dumb ass, why does this always happen! Good thing I got him out unnoticed before the cops came.
"Hey Rishid?'
"Malik-sama I'm in no mood to talk to you right now, what you did was…absolutely, positively--"
"We forgot to get the Midol for Isis…"
…………..
…………
………..
I need a beer…
TbC