The Ultimate Stupidity of Jesus Part 5.

Yes, I'm updating. I'll try and make this chapter longer.

Just to correct a mistake in part 4, it should say "eyebrows" not "eyes"

Jesus has been on the cliff now four two days. He was sunburned, hungry, thirsty and he had no eyebrows. He was beginning to think life sucked.

"How long am I going to be here?" he wondered, "I don't want to die! I have so many things to accomplish in my life!" So he tried to struggle. This caused him more pain than he ever felt possible, by nevertheless he continued. After about five minutes, he gave up.

Jesus sighed. The outlook was bad. He wondered whether or not to accept defeat and face Death.

"But Death really hates me...she'll make sure I'm tortured in Hell for the rest of eternity.." His will to live increased dramatically.

"HEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!" He screamed.

A loud squawking caused him to look up. Far off in the distance, a strange brown bird circled above a small forest. This gave him hope. Jesus opened him mouth and squawked as loud as humanly possible. After several tries, the bird seemed to linger in the air, looking at him.

"Help me birdy, PLEASEEE!!!" He yelled. The bird suddenly disappeared.

"It has to be an act of God!" he cried.

Several hours later, the bird was back. This time it was flapping at him.

"I don't understand bird language! Try speaking human!" He shouted at it.

"For God's sake," the bird snapped, "I'm not really a bird. I changed myself into a bird in order to help you."

"Kinky." Came the reply.

"If I could roll my eyes, I would." The bird landed on the cliff and changed back into a human.

"Alright, I'll untie you. This may hurt." Came an actual normal sounding voice.

"As long as you tie me back up later." Jesus replied. There was a sigh, and a relatively strong arm gripped Jesus as he nearly pitched forward off the edge of the cliff. Jesus was pulled backwards and dropped on the ground.

"Hey! Ow!" he whined. The person stood beside him looking down. It was a man, around twenty five, shaggy red hair hung to his shoulders. He was reasonably well built, and around Jesus' height.

"My name is Suanda." He said.

"Wow! You're hot!" Jesus flung himself at Suanda and clung to his leg. "My saviour! Thank you for rescuing me from this dreaded cliff of cliffy doom!"

"And you are?"

"Why I'm: THE SON OF GOD!" Jesus exclaimed, leaping to his feet. "I AM ALL KNOWING AND ALMIGHTY! MILLIONS BOW BEFORE ME AND KISS MY FEET! And millions share my bed."

"Uh...huh.." Suanda said, raising an eyebrow.

"You....you aren't going to bow, kiss my feet and invite me back to your place?" Jesus asked, ever hopeful.

"No. But I guess I have to feed and clothe you, since I regretfully saved you." Suanda replied, "So you are coming back to my house with me."

"YES!" Jesus shouted.

So they took the long way to Suanda's house, Suanda hoping that Jesus would forget the way, and Jesus being excited and overbearing to the point that Suanda considered killing him and cooking him for dinner.

Soon enough, they arrived at Suanda's house. If you could call it that. It was a hollowed out pile of hay, found in the middle of that tiny forest Jesus had seen the bird circling.

"That...that's your HOUSE?!" He exclaimed.

"Yes. What of it?" Suanda said, glaring.

"Oh! Uh..nothing! It's very...quaint." Jesus replied.

"Quaint?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN "QUAINT"?!!!" Suanda roared, brandishing a sharp stick. He thrust it menacingly towards Jesus.

TBC. Muahahaha!!!!

I thought this was a good place to finish part 5. Well kinda. Whatever.

Ackradin: Looky! I did it!!!! Praise me!!

Oliversgurl: Yay! A positive comment! You gave me what I needed to continue...I was getting extremely lazy. Well continuing to be extremely lazy.