Author: Mother CHOW Goddess
Rating: PG-13; for swearing, violence, and attempted male/male rape (Shonen-Ai and Yaoi) SKxRB
Category: Yugioh, AU (post Battle City) Angst/Action
Summary: In the aftermath of the Battle City Tournament, life goes back to normal -- or as normal as possible. Unfortunately, Ryou Bakura is having a particularly bad day and when he crosses paths with Seto Kaiba it gets even worse, in ways that will change both lives... if they survive. First Person/Ryou's POV. COMPLETE.
Authors Note: This is the last chapter of "Breaking Strain" in Ryou's POV. Yume charm o' happiness and D-Star, thank you for reading and reviewing. Just out of curiosity, what did you like specifically about the story? Was there anything that left you going 'huh?' Anything that didn't work for you? Calynder, thank you again! About the mobile phone scene: my first Beta asked me if I was really going to let that happen to poor Ryou, and I said, 'nope, he gets saved by the cell. Literally.' Although the way it actually worked out... The scars are from the pointers of the Ring, the burn.... Well, I figured there was so much electrical and magical energy getting hurled around, Ryou could hardly come out unscathed. Plus, there's a long tradition in fantasy literature, folklore and mythology about wounds caused by magical, cursed, or sacred items: they either heal immediately without a trace once the spell is broken or the curse is lifted, or never heal completely. I'm not sure how far I'm going to take that particular parallel, but there will be lingering repercussions overall, as you'll see in this chapter. That's a very perceptive comment you made about Kaiba, btw. His POV is coming eventually. Relinquished, thank you for your review on SaYD, glad you appreciated it! I'm pretty sure I've read some of your stories (checks quickly, YEP! I have. Good stuff, why didn't I 'Author Alert' you yet?) The working title for "Breaking Strain" was 'Pronouns', reflecting my original, fluffier notion that Ryou has problems with proper grammar when under stress (angry, or on the verge of a panic attack – witness the 'D' on his exam!). I do think you should reread Chapter 2, though. I'm all for consensual Seto-Ryou snogging – keyword being 'consensual'- but I tried very hard to make it clear that despite whatever physical reactions Ryou experiences, he is NOT a willing participant. He is trying to make the best of what he views as a no-win situation. Hush-Puppy, thanks for reading & reviewing. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint you.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! Or any of the characters thereof. They belong to Kazuki Takahashi/ Shueisha Inc., FUNImation Productions, 4Kids, etc.
Chapter 3:
I need to calm down, I need to pull myself together, I need to breathe, damn it! Focus, Feather! Don't think about what happened, what almost happened; focus on what you need to do right now. One step at a time. Just like a kata. Breathe!
Thanks to Biology and Chemistry classes I know why my leg muscles feel like overcooked ramen and the rest of me feels jumpy and tingly as if I've been zapped with a mild electrical charge. I've just spent the last fifteen minutes or so fighting for my life, more or less, and my entire physiological system is flooded with leftover adrenaline from a 'fight or flight' reaction. Oh yes, and don't forget that little extra dose of testosterone/endorphins at the end; it's a wonder I can stand, let alone walk a semi-straight line to the nearest public telephone kiosk. But I do, somehow, and amazingly enough it hasn't been vandalized and I still have several hundred yen in my pocket, allowing me to do what I was too stubborn and foolish to do half an hour ago and which would have prevented a lot of unpleasantness from occurring.
Isn't 20/20 hindsight wonderful?
It only takes three tries to punch the numbers in correctly, and then I listen to the sound of the ringing..... five.... six....
"Kame Game Shop. How may we help you today?
"K-konichi-wa, Mouto-San," I manage to say in a reasonably steady voice. Damn it, I'm stuttering again! "If Honda is there visiting this afternoon, may I speak with him?"
"Ryou, isn't it? Just a moment ---"
"Gomen..... arigato," I whisper to the background music, some cheerful popular fluff piece, as Yuugi's grandfather goes off in search of our mutual friend. Then there's the click of the receiver, and I hear Honda's voice.
"Hey, guy, Yuugi said you had detention today. D'ya need a ride?"
"Yes, please...." I close my eyes, leaning against the wall of the kiosk. Just a little longer. Hold on just a little longer, Feather. "I'm at the kiosk off Raintree Parkway."
"Gotcha. Be there in five."
"Arigato," I say again, this time to the dial tone. I spend the next minutes locating my shoes and collecting the scattered contents of my book bag. The strap is broken, but the bag itself is intact. There's also a tear in my uniform jacket, but it's along a seam; it won't be too difficult to mend. Missing a few buttons, but I have spares at home. I also try to straighten myself up a bit, to look less like the victim of a mugging. Apparently my efforts aren't too successful, because the first thing out of Honda's mouth as he pulls up and removes his helmet is,
"Holy shit, Ryou! What happened?"
That bad? "Ano....I fell?" He's not buying it, I can tell. Of course, according to school gossip Honda and Jonouchi used to be two of the worst bullies at Domino High until they became friends with Yuugi and pretty much reformed. If anyone can recognize the signs of a beating it would be Honda, and he happens to be one of the few who know about the Other --- hell, Honda knocked the Other out cold during Duelist Kingdom, and how he escaped being sent to the Shadow Realm I'll never know! Of course I was the one who ended up with a headache, but I don't hold that against him. The Other had to be stopped. Has been stopped now, once and for all, according to Yami noYuugi. We hope.
"Anything broken?" Even as he speaks Honda is patting me down, checking for injuries as I try not to flinch, muttering under his breath about 'those hoods from Rintama' and 'you'd think they'd have learned their lesson the last time' and 'kicking their sorry asses from here to Tokyo'.
"Don't suppose you got any license numbers?" he asks, only half joking. BEWD-3 springs to mind, but I don't answer other than to shake my head 'no'. Unfortunately, the motion disturbs the hair hanging over my face and my personal amateur EMT gets a good look at my right cheek. "F-ck! That's gotta hurt." I cringe, not so much from Honda's touching the bruise but from his choice of words. I think it's going to be a while before I'm at all comfortable again with that particular expletive. "Better get some ice on that fast, man. " He heads back over to his motorcycle and tosses me his spare helmet, which I manage not to drop. "Gramps probably has some at the shop ---"
"No!" That comes out too loud, too panicky, and earns me a concerned scowl from my friend. I take a deep breath and try to center myself again. "No, thank you, Hiroto..... home will be fine." He studies me, still frowning and it doesn't take a Sennen Eye to know that he's thinking I'm worried about upsetting Yuugi. Because 'upset Yuugi' leads to 'upset Yami', and 'upset Yami' almost invariably means some deserving idiot gets hit with a Shadow Game. Usually with lethal results. I'll admit that's a part of it, but an even larger part is your basic 'Wounded Animal' instinct. I want to go home.
"You're sure?"
"Hai." I hand over my pack, which Honda latches onto the back of the 'cycle while I pull my hair back to fit the helmet and buckle the chin strap. Mental note to self: get Honda saddlebags for Christmas. Then he's straddling the seat and kick-starting the engine and I'm settling into the saddle behind him, uncomfortably aware are just how intimate this position can be, with one arm around his waist for support. Honda revs the engine, and I slap his shoulder to let him know I'm good to go. We make a slow loop in the street to get headed in the right direction, which unfortunately takes us past the bushes where Kaiba's motorcycle wiped out. Long gone, of course. I shudder and close my eyes, leaning my unbruised cheek against Honda's back, and try to tell myself it's the bite of the wind making my eyes water. Not tears of shame and anger, of frustration and self-loathing. I am not crying....
Liar.
Traffic picks up and Honda starts changing lanes, weaving in and out between cars without slowing down, leaning into the turns, and I automatically lean with him in sync. Normally it's an exhilarating sensation, like flying and dancing at the same time, one I revel in, but not today. Today all I feel is nausea, and I'm glad that my face is more or less hidden. The smooth leather of Honda's jacket feels cool against my skin; comfortable, durable and dependable -- like its wearer. One of the few real memories I have of that whole Battle City fiasco is of Honda hoisting me onto his back and carrying me out of the wind and the cold and the dark.
Oh, Kamisama, if I had to be attracted to another male, why not a friend? Why not Hiroto? He's caring and strong and fiercely loyal....
And head over heels infatuated with Jonouchi's sister. I don't think he's even so much looked at another girl since Shizuka came back to town. She could do worse than Honda, a lot worse, and he'd do right by her, if Jou would let him. I swear, if Jou put half as much effort into school work or dueling as he does chasing Honda and Otogi away from his sister -- ! Well, he'd be at the top of his class in either area. But to be honest, if Amané were still alive she'd be about Shizuka's age and I'd probably be just as protective as Jou is. That's how big brothers are, I guess, and Honda's sort of the unofficial 'big brother' of the -tachi. It would be, well, just too weird, to feel that way about your own brother. It would be like the Other suddenly deciding that Yami was, I don't know, his one and only soul-mate or something!
There's a sour taste in my mouth, like I'm about to vomit but I manage to swallow it down. The Other hated Yami; had wanted to destroy him and take the Sennen Items, and had had no qualms about using whatever means necessary to do so. No matter who got in the way. Which was how my body ended up on the receiving end of a God Card strike. Well, technically it was YamiYuugi's doing, but the Other didn't give them any choice. I don't blame them for it even though I was the one who ended up in the medical bay; the -tachi believe that the Other was in control of my body most of the tournament and they accept that I wasn't responsible for any of the resulting mayhem. But Kaiba....
Kaiba doesn't believe. Not in ancient curses or Shadow magic or mind-controlling spells. Or in demonic possession by past incarnations.
I'm shivering again. So badly that I don't realize that we've stopped, and Honda is trying to pry my arms away from his waist so he can get off the motorcycle. Well, actually I do realize it but I can't seem to move except to keep shaking.
What did the Other do during Battle City, to make Kaiba so angry... so... violent? It must have been something horrible... And Kaiba blames me
"Ryou! C'mon, buddy, you gotta let go now."
I know, Hiroto, but I can't. I can't move. If I let go, I'll fall. And I don't know who will catch me this time.
"... got jumped at the bus stop.... I think he's in shock or something...."
"... Poor dear ... It's a crying shame... with his father gone so much....."
" ... house keys?"
What? Oh Kamisama, it's Mrs. Watanabe, talking to Honda? Oh bloody wonderful! Now the whole effing neighborhood will know that poor little Ryou got beat up again and had to be carried home by --
"Honda, put me down! I can walk, thank you very much!" I gasp.
"You could have fooled me," he grumbles, letting me slide back off his shoulder. I manage to stay on my feet long enough to snatch the door key, smile reassuringly at Mrs. Watanabe and thank her politely for her concern, and 'yes, I'll be fine, just a matter of stiff muscles, thank you'; and I've got the door open and we're into the foyer, and Honda kicks the door closed behind us.... and my knees buckle right there in the front hallway.
"Oh yeah, you're walking just fine, pal." My overbearing and sarcastic friend half drags me to the den and drops me onto the futon, ordering me to 'sit and stay' while he disappears into the kitchen. To be honest, I'm too tired to take offense or disobey. Instead I let my head fall back against the cushion and close my eyes.
Big mistake.
I'm pinned; Kaiba's weight is holding me all but immobilized. All I can do is glare into blue eyes that smolder like dry ice as I breathe in short quick gasps. His expression is one of almost unholy glee, barely restrained as his fingers brush through my bangs and trail down the side of my face, along the jawbone, then grip my chin and force it up and back...
'Game over, Bakura. You lose.'
"Gaaaaaahhhhhhh!'
"Itai!"
I startle up, hit my forehead against something hard and fall back again, nearly screaming again as sore abdominal muscles protest my unwise, abrupt movement. Opening my eyes finally, I see Honda sprawled on the floor in front of me rubbing his forehead, the contents of the kitchen First Aid kit scattered across the rug around him. My face suddenly feels horribly hot.
"Oh kami -- Honda, are you all right? Gomen, gomen nasai ..." I slide to the floor as well, ignoring the stabs of pain and babbling apologies until I run out of breath, then just kneel there gasping. Honda gives his head a little shake as if making sure nothing got jarred loose in the collision then slowly and carefully stands up, and picks me up gently by the forearms and sets me back down on the futon. His eyes are warm, green-brown, and worried as he hands me a cup of hot tea loaded with sugar and -- brandy? -- and urges me to drink it. All of it.
I hate sugar in my tea.
"It's good for shock, buddy," my friend says quietly, and I flush again, realizing I must have complained aloud. I open my mouth to apologize again, and Honda holds up one admonitory finger. "Don't, Ryou. I startled you. My fault."
The warmth from the tea and brandy are making me sleepy and easing the ache in my stomach. I blink owlishly at Honda as he wipes my face clean with a warm damp towel; then he neatly snips and folds gauze, smears the pad with antiseptic gel and tapes the entire ensemble to a spot along my right temple. Huh, didn't even realize I was hurt there. Then he wraps one of my hands around a coldpack and directs me to hold it gently against the corresponding cheek.
"You're good at this," I observe, somewhat blurry of both sight and mind. "Ever thought of becoming a paramedic?"
Honda pauses in repacking the kit, then snorts with what sounds like amused exasperation. "Might as well. Between you, Jonouchi and Yuugi, I sure get a lot of practice."
"Not Yuugi, surely," I protest. "I mean, doesn't Yami --?"
"Well, not so much Yuugi, these days," he admits. "Mostly Jou."
"And me," I add bitterly. Whereas Yami actively tries to keep Yuugi out of hazardous situations and avoids trouble, the Other seemed to enjoy taking risks and inciting violence that would leave me black and blue afterwards; he'd only intervene if there was a real danger of serious injury to our -- my -- body, and even then I ended up in the emergency room far too frequently for my liking. Honda sighs.
"Hopefully not for much longer, especially with him gone..." He trails off, then gives me an odd look. "Ano, if you don't mind my asking...?"
"It's in the freezer, wrapped in white silk, encased in lead, sealed with gold wax and Pharaoh's cartouche," I promptly recite. "Ankh of life, Eye of Ra... wool of Ma'at and toe of --- no, wait a minute, that's 'Mac Beth'.... " Honda holds that finger up again right in front my nose, and my eyes cross trying to focus, ".... what was the question, again?"
"Too much brandy in the tea."
"Oh." I ponder that a moment. "I don't feel drunk."
"They never do." Honda stands up and pulls me to my feet again. It doesn't hurt quite so much this time. Must be the brandy. "C'mon, let's finishing cleaning you up and get some food in your stomach before you fall asleep on me."
"Yes, mother hen."
"Cut-cut-cutta-cck!"
It really isn't that funny but I laugh anyway as Honda shoos me down the hall towards the bathroom, flapping his arms like a giant chicken. Normal. This is normal, and I have to hold on to it as tightly as I can because if it slips I'm going to fall again.
A quick shower definitely contributes to 'feeling normal', and I promise myself a long soak in the tub after Honda leaves. I'm still in the bathroom in clean undergarments trying to comb the bracken out of my hair (couldn't wash it; had to keep the bandages dry) and seriously contemplating that crew cut Mr. Karita ordered me to get last year before the Other turned him into a game piece, when Honda knocks on the door with fresh clothes.
"Are you decent?"
I snicker. "As compared to what? It's open ---"
"What the hell --?"
"Nani?"
"Ryou, how long has this been going on?" He's angry; I can hear it in his voice and his eyes are hard and scowling, but I don't know why.
"How long has what---" He growls and I cringe slightly. No, please, not again! Then he stops, and gestures wildly at me....torso, arms, legs.... I look at him blankly for a moment and then at myself in the mirror. Tank top undershirt, boxers, new bruises, old bruises....oh! Oh no. Honda thinks...
"It's Kendo club; the armor doesn't stop everything, so I get bruised sometimes." Simple explanation, and perfectly true as far as it goes. I can tell that Honda isn't quite convinced, but he stops scowling. He'll check it out with the school, I'm sure; just as he'll also be nosing around first thing tomorrow to try to discover which gang beat me up this afternoon so he and Jonouchi can put the fear of God into those punks.
I wish it was that easy.
I wish....
I watch from the front bay view window as my friend rides away on his motorcycle, having finally convinced him that I am not going to fall asleep and drown in the bathtub, and that I will call him or Jou immediately if there are any problems or weirdness (with the -tachi 'weirdness' is a given!). Honda waves as he rounds the corner, and even though I know he won't see it I raise one hand and place it against the glass in reply.
Be careful, Hiroto. I don't want to lose any more friends.
The street lights are starting to come on.
I wish I could tell you...stay away from Kaiba. But then you'd want to know why..... and I can't....
I can see lighted windows up and down the street, my neighbors home from work and sitting down with their husbands and wives and children to eat dinner. As I push myself away from the window and reach for the curtain drawcord, something near the far end of the block catches my eye and I turn to get a better look.
A motorcycle. Not Honda's.
'I haven't won. Yet.'
The curtain falls and I stumble back from the bay view, my heart suddenly pounding so hard it's a wonder Mrs. Watanabe isn't over here screeching at the door about that horrible drum beat coming from the stereo speakers. A hassock trips me up and I hit the floor sprawling, crying out in pain as a muscle in my side pulls and burns; then panic-scuttle across the carpet to the wall furthest from the window.
'Not until I get what I want.'
Cold again, I'm shivering, knees pulled up under my chin curled as small as I can, while part of my mind tries to apply the brakes of reason to the runaway panic threatening to send the rest of me screaming back into the shadows. It's just a motorcycle. Lots of people have motorcycles. Even some of my neighbors have motorcycles. I'd like a motorcycle myself someday. Maybe I can talk Aunt Chihiro into signing for my Learner's Permit when I see her next month. I'll borrow some of Honda's magazines and get his opinion on which model would work best for me. Jonouchi will try to convince me to go for flash and chrome. Yuugi will think it's totally awesome. Anzu will lecture me about safety and road hazards, and beg for rides every chance she can. Mrs. Watanabe will 'tch', and put the police number on her speed dial so she can report me for excessive noise when I come roaring home at 4 a.m. after a wild night of sex, drugs and rock 'n roll.
Just a motorcycle. No reason to think it's anything else. No reason at all to think it might be Kaiba stalking me......
And I find myself in the kitchen, standing in front of the refrigerator with the freezer door open, one hand already reaching for the black bag almost hidden behind the Pecan Caramel Swirl ice cream and the frozen snap peas.
NO!
I slam the freezer shut so hard that plates in the cupboard next to it rattle, and I sink into a kitchen chair, holding my aching head in both hands.
No. I will not. The Sennen Ring is power; power I don't know how to control, and the price of its protection is one I will not knowingly pay again. I will not let fear drive me back into that half-life of shadows. Even if the Other truly is gone, I will not. I will not go back to being that frightened, helpless child dependant on the whims of others. That's not who I am anymore. That's not who I want to be.
I am not that confused injured boy you saw on the Battle Ship dueling deck, Seto Kaiba. Was that who you were expecting this afternoon? Or was it my homicidal Other you wanted to humiliate and vanquish? Did I surprise you by fighting back? You were surprised, almost shocked at the end. Why? Wasn't that what you wanted? Capitulation, submission, surrender...
Never.
I feel my lips pull back tightly in a snarl almost worthy of the Other. I don't know what game you're playing, Kaiba. But I'm about to change the rules. I pull out the three Duel Monster Cards I still possess; I don't have a full hand but it's not like I need them for this. I discard two and contemplate the remaining one. Change of Heart. Half angel, half demon; yami and hikari. Am I strong enough to do this without my Other? I'll have to be, somehow. I won't let my fear and my anger burn out of control; I won't let Kaiba or anyone else goad me into setting him free again.
I'm probably still a bit inebriated from Honda's 'tea' because I haven't eaten anything yet, but that's all right. Aren't you supposed to fast before addressing the gods? As for the alcohol, I know that many aboriginal cultures use hallucinogens in their sacred rites so that's all right, too. It's the dark of the moon tonight which is more than appropriate. So whom do I invoke: Hekaté? Hades, Anubis and Set? That would be irony for you.
In the end it's really quite simple. I'm standing on the patio, barefoot and stripped to the waist in cotton boxer shorts with goose bumps rising all along my arms and legs. Staring up into the midnight moonless sky, my hair flowing loose and ghostly, tickling lightly against bare shoulders, I ignore the aches of my body and let the soul-ache form the words in my mind.
Seto Kaiba. Your actions have trespassed against my heart, my body, and my soul. To punish your crimes and restore Ma'at to my life, I challenge you to a Yami no Game.
The breeze is cold, and I shiver, feeling more than a little foolish. What did I expect, earthquakes and lightning? A vengeful blaze of fire across the heavens? I chuckle nervously, remembering of a bit of dialog from a play I saw once in England:
'I can call spirits from the vasty deeps -- ,'
'Why so can I, and so can any man. But will they come to you at your call?'
Maybe you have to be a yami to make it work.
As I tug the sliding glass door open to go back inside, a pale glimmer near the chimnea catches my eye. It's only a few steps away, and it might be something important that escaped the mailbox. I stoop down and pick up....
A feather. Long and gleaming silver-white in the darkness, with an edge of shadow at the tip and along the fletch. Hané.
'We're not finished, Bakura.'
You have no idea, Kaiba.
And I smile, that odd twist of the lips that so resembles the Other in his most dangerous moods.
Game Start.
A/N: Quote is from 'Henry the Fourth, Part One" by William Shakespeare,
"The Weight of a Feather" will be continued in "Midnight of the Soul" (Kaiba's POV), "Calm Before the Storm" (the aftermath, various POV's), and "All Soul's Night" (Ryou & Kaiba POVs). After that, I may work on the Stargate crossover plot.
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed and will review!
MotherCHOWGoddess