Don't Let Go

I stood in the rain, letting it pour down my face. The sky was crying for me. Ever since she left, I've been numb, just like her. Immune to all emotions, and cold. Ever so cold.

It had been a year ago. She left without a trace. Not leaving any notes or clues to follow her. To find her; save her. I went into her room to just find anything that would help me find out who she was and why she left so suddenly. Everything was in place. It was like she never left. Her freaky masks were still in place, her mirror lay on her dresser. It seemed that she just vanished without a trace.

Robin thought Slade was somehow involved. But Starfire pointed out that the security codes and sensors had not picked up anything and were not disabled at all. Besides, I couldn't find his scent anywhere. Cy didn't have a clue on her whereabouts or if anyone took her.

After she left, we all just fell apart. Physically no. We all strived to still be a team. To still be there for each other. But, that's hard when the 'back-bone' is gone. Emotionally yes. Robin stayed in his room everyday, trying to find anything; looking over sheets and research papers three or ten times.

Cyborg only occupied himself with the T-Car. Never leaving the garage, only to sleep and eat. Other than that, he'd be at town all day.

Starfire wouldn't stop crying and hung onto Robin for support. She ate bowls and bowls of sadness pudding. We finally had to sedate (sorry about that mistake! lol) her.

I...I just...stopped living. I didn't care anymore. Without her, I was nothing. I stopped playing video games, and all the other stuff I used to do. I occupied myself with one of Raven's books. 'Of Mice And Men'. Whenever I flipped the pages back and forth, I could smell her in the pages' air. I could see her tear marks on the pages from the texts' depressing words. In short, she was killing me.

Then, one night, I had myself buried in Raven's book when a thump was heard on the roof. It was a thunderstorm that night so I figured just the satellite dish fell over again. Curiosity and hope, though, got the better of me.

I made my way up the stairs and opened the door to be met with a strong gust of wind and rain. I cursed for the satellite move we made instead of cable.

The rain was blinding so I couldn't see very well, even with my improved vision, I could only make out the lining of the dish. It didn't topple over. I looked around, getting soaked in the strong current. I finally saw a silhouette sitting on the roof's edge. I cautiously made my way over to the hunched over figure.

"Hey! Kid! You okay?!" I yelled over the wind. No response. I saw a belt strewn aside from the figure and a cloak wrapped in it. I made my way closer to the mysterious person, or whatever it was. "Hey! I'm talking to..."

Then, it hit me....

I croaked out the words that I never thought I would say ever again, "R-Raven?" The figure did not respond. I took hold of their shoulder gently and turned them around. I gasped, "Raven! Oh my God Raven! You're...You're here! Right here!" She turned away from me, not wanting to make eye contact and still held no response. I put my hands on her shoulders, trying to see into her beautiful face. "Raven, please talk to me. Please. Just say anything." She opened her mouth slightly.

'This is it!' I thought ' She's saying that she's returned and won't ever leave again!'

"I'm sorry."

My face held a puzzled look. This was not Raven's voice.

"What?"

"I said, I'm...sorry."

"For leaving?"

"No." I felt the anxiety, and confusion come over me. Not to mention, anger. She leaves us for five months and she's not sorry?! We search endless for her and she doesn't give an apology for our hard work?

She opened her mouth once again, still casting her eyes away, not wanting me to see them. I dreaded what she would say.

"I'm sorry for what you cannot accept."

"Raven," I could not understand. "What are you talking about? You're here now and everything's going to be okay!" She shook her head. She slowly cast her eyes upon mine. I wish that she never did. The eyes that I once knew were gone. The vibrant, violet orbs were no more. Dullness had taken over. Emotion that once flickered in them every now and then was drained. Her eyes, were nothing.

"Didn't you notice that I didn't want to be found? I didn't Beast Boy. I knew you were looking for me and it made my journey all the harder when I knew you still cared."

I was astonished by her words, "Raven, we will always care. We're your friends that love you like family!"

"And that's the emotion that I've always never wanted."

"What?"

She sighed, "Beast Boy, I cannot feel. If I did, the people who care for me, vise versa, would get hurt. I never wanted to feel love. Though I've always wanted to with me heart , my powers could not allow it. But, I still did."

She let her eyes look into mine, looking into my soul. "With the last person that I thought I never would have."

"My powers then became uncontrollable. No matter how much meditation or training, they went haywire. All because of that one emotion. So..I ..." She turned away from me. "...Destroyed it and every other one."

I gasped. There was no way! Just no way that she could've done that to herself!!

Then, I realized...

"It was me..."

"No, no. Beast boy it wasn't your fault. It was mi-"

"No!" I shouted at her. I was on the verge of tears. "It's not true...You're lying!!! This is all a big. sick. JOKE!!!!"

"Beast Boy, please...I'm not joking around. I-I'm dying. I'm sorry."

I finally let the tears fall. I sobbed as I spoke, "You can't go Rae! You can't! I..I'm nothing without you! No one is! Don't you see what you're doing to everyone!? Star can't stop crying, Robin won't come out of his room, Cy's at town all day and I.."

"I...I'm nothing at all. I just sit around all day reading your books. Wanting you. I smell you through the books' air. But Raven...it's fading away..."

"Beast Boy I can't stay."

"No! I'll fix you! We all will! Please! Just come inside and let us help!!"

"Beast Boy," She spoke as nothing was happening. Her monotone voice had an eerie chill to it. "There's nothing you or anyone can do."

The wind howled and the rain fell on her face like tears. She had no emotion, she said. But I could sense that she wanted to scream, to cry. So, the sky was doing it for her.

"I have to go."

"No you don't." I sobbed.

"Yes Beast Boy I have to."

"No you don't!" I half-screamed half-cried. She couldn't do this, she couldn't! I didn't care about anything anymore. I grabbed her into my arms as I sobbed into her shoulder, enjoying the sweet smell of Raven, my Raven. Then, slowly, she reached her hands up and hugged back. I embraced her tightly. I held on to her, for life, "Take me with you." "Beast Boy you know I can't. You need to let go. Let go of me physically and emotionally."

I pleaded with her, "Please...don't let go. I..I don't know how to live without you."

"Well," she took her arms off me, forcing me to do the same, "You'll have to learn how."

She walked over to the edge of the roof. I couldn't stand it, "I love you!" Hoping, praying that my words would make a difference. That they would change her mind. But to no avail. They fell on deaf ears.

I ran to her and reached out for her arm and grabbed it tightly.

"Beast Boy, let go."

"I can't and you know it! I am so in love with you. You can't leave me...you can't!!!" She cast her eyes away from me, tugging on her arm for its' freedom. Rage filled up my sorrow.

"You're selfish! That's what you are!! You don't care about me or anyone else! Just yourself!!" I knew the truth though. I just didn't want to believe it.

"Tell the others I died. For they know it and so do you. Admit it to yourself Beast Boy, I'm dead." I sobbed in response, closing my eyes.

I whispered to her as I took my hand and placed it in hers, "Don't let go." But she had to and she did.

She finished her walk towards the roofs' edge and slowly turned to me, "I never thought I'd fall in love. And, I'm sort of happy that I did. It's nice to know that you're loved." I sniffed to her comment and nodded.

"I'm sorry Beast Boy."

I opened my red eyes to see her.

"I'm so sorry."

With that, she took off into the storm's eye. I took her cloak into my hands and buried my face in it, absorbing the sweet smell of Raven, my Raven, for the last time.