Disclaimer: Yadda yadda blah blah etc etc.
Notes: Damn you people. You're all way too nice to me. I chanced back on this project in my archives, and decided to check and see how it did over the 3+ months since I've been gone. (FF.net is really different now then from when I started this blasted thing). Sad what its been reduced to, almost, but really, can you blame them? Internet funding and stock is down somewhere in a ditch, dying, and costs've been soaring. Hell, I would've started a webpage a while back, if not for the costs. But seeing all the people that've nagged me be so nice, I SUPPOSE I can finish it. No Drama section though. Honest-to-god, I'm near clean of jokes.
*sigh*
Most of the authors I pushed into the fic when I started are now gone. But I still have one chapter've laughs left, before I start my next project, (let's just say, it involves a, for some of you, newly introduced couple, and one that's very underrated. ^_^) The new project'll be a lot like this one, though I personally won't be quite so big a factor. Maybe.
Anyway, the CONCLUSION.
Gohan's Journey: The Mary-Sue FINALE
"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" THUD!
Gohan and Dot tumbled to the crackling, teetering ground of the hallway in the 'Action-Adventure' section. Gohan looked around wide-eyed. "W-w-w-we're....FREE? AND WE WON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH DRAMA?"
"HE FINALLY STOPPED BEING LAZY? It's the APOCALYPSE! THE SIGN! It's COMING!"
Gohan glanced nervously at Dot. "eheh....can we get out of here now? I haven't seen my mom in 8 months....."
Dot blinked, "Eight months? Isn't this happening in one day?"
"Uh...um...I DUNNO! I WANNA GO HOME!!! WAAAAAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!" The poor boy broke down and cried like he was five again.
Dot looked on sympathetically. "I know, I know. But we still have the worst section to go through, and probably a big battle of some sort or another?"
Gohan's head snapped up, eyes as wide as plates. "The WORST section? You mean it gets WORSE than the ROMANCE SECTION?"
Vegeta continued to lay motionless on the super-gravitized floor saying various unprintable words while Chichi and Bulma began closing in on Gohan.
"So we have to 'download' him, and supposedly he'll pop out, RIGHT BULMA?" *Chichi is still holding the Evil Cliched Frying Pan of DEATH.*
"Uh, heh, yup. Kinda sounds like a very cheap and physically impossible method of pulling out Gohan at the Last Possible Minute, but it'll work."
"It'd BETTER. That young man has some WORK to be doing." Suddenly, Chichi's face twisted, "damn, I'm doing it again. No, he needs to work, not....what the he-!!."
Jevena struggled against her bonds, but to no avail. The Hentai Lady and the Lunatic had captured her, and most of the other's had just dissapeared. (If any of those others is still writing, forgive me, but I couldn't find anything from you ;_;) Steve Savage muttered inaudibly, while Storm Crow, Majin Vegeta, and Maddog stood by and watched random objects fall on Ash's head. Many author's had been lost in the Internet Crash, and Steve Savage's proud empire was a mess.
Val took out her whip cream and sprayed Jevena full in the face with it, laughing demonically.
"HEY! What'd you do THAT for?
"AHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!MUAHAHAHAHGYAAAAAAHHHH!!!!.....Um....I dunno...."
"*spit spit* Geez, I don't even want to KNOW where that's been."
Val glared upward (My world, my jokes :P). Then she grinned. The plan was PERFECT, and with Dyani's group VANQUISHED to the pit of Crossover Hell, she was free to spring the trap on Gohan, thus luring Paladone to his DOOM. Acyla grinned maniacally. "GYAHAHAHAH!!!!!! With those Meddling Kids (copyright) out of the Way, nothing will stop me from giving the punishment to Paladone, the punishment he so RICHLY DESERVES!!!!! *inser evil Villain Music*"
Val smirked, "What are we planning to do with him, anyway?"
"Heh, Fire's always nice. Whips if nothing else. But here, lemme check one of my 4938 mailing lists for advice....."
Val's eyes boggled slightly, "Geez....howdya keep track of it all...."
"Hmmmm....Chinese Water Torture looks good.....maybe some more 'interesting' games too."
Val gagged, "HENTAI!"
"YOU should be talking."
"How DARE you!" (A/N: And yes, once again, I will be taking much abuse for this folks. Pray for me.)
Maddog jumped up. "Oooooh! CATFIGHT!" *both glare at Maddog and advance on him* "Wh...what....oh no! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Majin Vegeta stopped them all. "All of you shut UP! Val, put away the Jello. Listen, Gohan's going through the Action-Adventure section right now. Let's just ambush him at the end, whadya say."
The simplicity of it stunned them all. Even Steve.
Dot smiled, "Last one Gohan. Don't worry, it's the worst, but it's the last."
Gohan looked about ready to BURST with joy, he looked like he was seven, his eyes were so wide. "YAY! Come on, let's get this crap OVER WITH!"
The boy sat down while Dot fired up the last story. The mechanical voice bleated out, "New Saiyanjin Savior, by True- Trunks-lovr. Rating: Pg-13. Summary: Set after Gokuh dissapears, a new FEMALE saiyanjin lands on earth, and warns of a new threat. Will she save the Z-Warriors, and, uh oh, is there a relationship starting with Trunks?!"
Gohan shrugged, "Doesn't sound as bad as the others. (Oh, how naive he STILL was) Why does she call us Saiyanjins, though?"
"Um...she's trying to be a l33T (leet) DBZ fan, and use Japanese Words."
"Oh. Wait a second, Trunks didn't appear until the day Dad returned! How does this-"
"Hush, it's starting."
The story opened with the view of a shiny Saiyajin pod flashing down to earth. The camera panned inside to find a STUNNINGLY BEUATIFUL Female Saiyanjin, who was VERY CONCETRATED. "I Hope I'm Not Too Late To Warn Them. Their Planet Is In Danger."
"Wow...this is kinda corny....."
Dot laughed, "you haven't seen NOTHIN yet."
At the Briefs: "BAKA!!! Baaaaka baka. WOMAN! BAKA BAKA! KUSO-ing kurdling kix on top of THAT, BAKA!"
Vegeta was yelling very loudly, while Bulma started seducing him randomly. "I'm WILD about you Vegeta."
"BAKA! WHAT THE KUSOing BAKA is this? Oh yes, I love you too."
Gohan was incredibly perplexed. "Sh*thead, what the damning sh*thead is this? What does THAT mean?"
Then TRUNKS stepped out, Long, Flowing, Gorgeous Purple Hair settling over His Handsome, Studly Face. His Jet-Blue Jumpsuit of Jet-Jelopy (I KNOW that's a word.) made his Big, Rippling Muscles stand out. "Hi you guys." Vegeta's face became soft and proud for his Son, and he only screamed out "You Kuso-head, why aren't you training?"
'Dot, why is there so much ungodly attention going to Trunks?"
"He's the love interest of the story."
"Um....love-interest?"
Piccolo was meditating, but he wasn't important.
Gohan stood up. "GODDAMIT! These people REALLY piss me off! And GODDAMN I'm getting uncharacteristically angry!"
Tien was trying to train, but his pathetic energy wouldn't matter, (A/N people that do this sort of thing for real should die......^_^) and Yamcha was off taking advantage of various women. The camera switched to the Son Home, where Chichi was watching Gohan study, a whip in her hand.
"O.O What the-?"
Dot looked quite nervous, fearing an explosion again. "Um...she's a master of Fanfiction Cliches....this is one of the last standing sections you haven't blown up yet...."
Gohan looked up, noticing a Very Powerful Ki. "Oh my good golly GOSH. GOMEN NASAAAAIIII! Flying fists of Fury, who's tha-?" (A/N: This constant alliteration is SO much fun. Look forward to more. ^_^)
CRACK! A whip hit him in the back, "WORK! STUDY! Nosoupforyou! Vock-SHNELL! Freuven VAGNER!"
The real Gohan got angry again. "What do they think she is, Hitler? And these Japanese-German words are AWFUL."
The story Gohan stood up, determined. "I'm not a BABY anymore MOM! I'm in KINDERGARTEN! I'm going to go see who it is that is threating the peaceful purposeness of our portly pool of pine!"
Gohan: .....wtf is THAT supposed to mean? I sound like that anouncer from America!
Then the brave boy broke through the roof and flew away from his Evil Whore of a Mother. Chichi yelled as he flew away, "JAA! SPEICHEN SI DEUTCH! GOOOHHHAAAAANNNNN!!!!" Then she suddenly got emotional. "MY WIDDLE BABY IS GROWING UUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!"
Gohan resolved not to say ANYTHING now, and save all of his anger up to hit something later. Maybe Vegeta, if he was lucky enough to get out of here.
All the mystic Z-Fighters gathered under the Designated Meeting Tree to wait for the pod to land.
Vegeta looked up, and started yelling like he supposedly always does. "BAKA! YAROING KUSO! WEAKLINGS! I AM THE PRINCE, BOW DOWN TO ME!"
Kururin stood by, "Gee mondo whiz you guys, I'm so weak how could I be useful? Why don't I just go home!"
Yamcha snickered evilly, "Heh, you go home. When I, the great and magnificent Yamcha, win back Bulma and defeat this evil Saiyanjin, I will become the super sexy swinging SHIMATTA MASTER of the WORLD!"
Real Gohan: Dot...how much longer is this?
Dot: 43 chapters?
Real Gohan: *faints*
Suddenly, Piccolo looked up, "Oh MOSHI MOSHI! Candy-coated KAMI on the COB! SHE'S HERE!!!!"
The pod landed, and everyone jumped back afraid, except for Brave, Strong, Compassionate Trunks, who had achieved a New Level of Power without Anyone Else Knowing.
The pod opened with a HISSSSSSSS. Out stepped a Dark, Beautiful Saiyanjin, with strange, Red Eyes that will become a plot point later in the story. Her power was incredible, almost matching Vegeta. "Is this Planet Earth? The one that orbits the Great Sun? I am Carryot, a surviving full-blooded saiyajin."
Vegeta yelled, "What the Chikyuu is THIS! A Female Saiyanjin that SURVIVED the Destruction? HOW!"
The story then reverted to a long, deep, sad, emotional story about a tough warrior with a soft heart who had narrowly e scaped destruction as a child, gone on many adventures, faced Furiza's Cousin's Daughter's Husband's Uncle's Grandfather and barely survived. The deep, sad, emotional story was apparently not interesting to our hero, who was happily snoring in his chair. Dot roughly shook him awake. "Gohan! Wake up, or you won't be able to leave, and we'll have to start over!"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! OK OK! I'm Awake! ...how much more"
"I think we're on chapter 4 now"
"*dies*"
Chao-zu smiled in the fic. "I think we should trust her. We've hardly met for ten minutes, but her story is sad and stuff."
Tien, however, cursed, "You foolish Onichans! She's a Saiyanjin, she must DIE!"
Tien launched himself Pathetically Slowly, while Carryot lifted her pinky finger and knocked the weakling out.
Gohan: You know....Tien is one of approximately two people my Dad has ever called a 'fighting genius' in his lifetime. He also bought enough time for Vegeta to arrive to the battlefield when we were fighting Cell. He had enough power to help us if nothing else. Why does everyone think he's so weak?
Dot:....um
Trunks laughed. "Serves you right! Anyway, so what have you come to tell us, Carryot, our new-found friend of fear?"
Carryot got Serious, while admiring Trunks. "A threat named Cuntiza (I'm dead out of wierd names), Furiza's sister's lesbian fiancee, wants to destroy earth." (No, I'm not on crack when I'm writing this. And hopefully, no-one under 14'll understand that....except Val. ^_^)
"GASP!" Vegeta roared, "Those BAKAAAAS! We must train tremendously to try to total this Tousan tormenting......BAKA!" (A/N: Huff...puff....that's gotta be a record)
Yamcha snarled again, for no particular reason, "Shut up Vegeta-chan. I could defeat this girl with my 'Womanizer Technique". He was punched to the ground roughly by Brave, Daring, Respectful Trunks. "Don't insult Carryot you JERK!"
Yamcha remained on the ground, beaten like the slime he was, while Carryot looked on adoringly. What a MAN.
They all went their seperate ways to train, except Yamcha, who went off to look at Porn at Master Roshi's, and Tien, who was still unconscious since he was so weak. Piccolo refused to train Gohan, since he was...uh...too scared of Adolf Chichi, and focused all of his attention to training the new girl, whom he slowly began to respect and love like his own daughter.
Needless to say, the real Gohan was rather irritated. "Oh come ON! What, does the entire story REVOLVE around this girl? Everyone else is being shunted to the side, or is only involved in making her look good! It's so DUMB! And the missuse of these Japanese words is making me sick."
Dot blinked, "But that's the point of a Mary-Sue. Besides, your forgetting Trunks. They're gonna start speaking French soon."
"Great."
The next 20 chapters were devoted to the slowly *cough* growing relationship between Quiet, Brave, Handsome Trunks and Carryot, the Beautiful Saiyanjin who looked even MORE beautiful in her Very Revealing Fighting Gi. "Oh Trunks, your such a Brave, Caring soul, and wow your Chiee is so HIGH. Tu es tres ennuyeux, et J'adore ton fleau." (You are very annoying, and I love your calamity. And yes, I actually took this from another fic.)
Trunks blushed sweeetly, "Aww.....hey, let's make out! Je veux t'envahir." (eheheh)
"Sure."
Then the camera switched to the Snister Villain. Cuntiza! *dum dum DUUUUM* The ship landed on earth, and Cuntiza left on her own and killed Yamcha, who was distracted in his exploits at a strip bar and din't notice, and Tien, because he was still unconscious because he was so weak. Kururin died too, for no particular reason. Gohan, Vegeta, Piccolo, Strong, Dashing, Daring Trunks, and Carryot all appeared on the battlefield. Cuntiza smirked.
"Ahaha! AHAHAAAAA! YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT MEEEE!" She sounded like an old granny, or, more accurately, like Season 3 Furiza.
Gohan charged, and was briskly knocked out so the REAL heroes could take over.
Gohan: !!!! HEY!
Piccolo snarled, "Yaro-kun! Prepare to be Shimattaed! HYAAAAAH!!!!"
He launched himself at her, and was killed by a flashy attack of some sort. "Onna!" *Died*
Carryot screamed, "NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! PICCOOOOLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*Gasp*OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
Vegeta snarled, "How dare YOU! HYAAAH!" *thump* Cuntiza's tail snapped his neck like a twig.
Trunks cried, "KASSAN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*GASP*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Gohan thought he would shrivel up and die if the battle got more corny than this.
Trunks and Carryot were all that was left. Both fought Bravely, and gave Cuntiza Many Painful Wounds, but both were tired. "Carryot, if I don't survive this, let me just say that I have always loved you."
"Oh trunks...."
"Aww...how cute.......DIE! AHAHAAAA!" Cuntiza shot a SloeFinishing Move at Trunks, but Carryot SAVED HIM, and took the last blow. They shared one final kiss before she died. "Mmmmmmmm....oh, we gotta do this again Tru----gasp--thud."
Trunks screamed and reached a new level of power, SSj8! "CUNTIZA!!!!....you...will DIE!!!!! Face the wrath of my...POWER!"
"SUPER SPICY SPARK TRUNKS LASER BEAM TITAN LOVE...ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"
Cuntiza died.
And then Trunks wished everyone back, except Tien, because he was too weak to be wished back, and he and Carryot got married. The end.
Gohan looked confused. "Wait-a-sec, WHAT? What happened? What the?"
Dot shrugged, "Author must've gotten tired of writing the fic after chapter 57."
"Wow, you were right, that was really bad. If I hear ONE MORE missused Japanese word, I'm going to scream. And the Red eyes never became a plot point." Gohan suddenly brightened up, "That was the last one, wasn't it!"
Dot nodded, "Yup. Now both you and I can go back to our respectiv homes!"
Gohan ran around like he was five again singing "I'm gonna be free! I'm gonna be free! NAH NAH NAH NAAAAAAAH NAH-NAH!"
"NOT SO FAST.....GOHAN!"
The wall burst drmatically, and there stood the people between his way and freedom. Gohan grinned insanely at them, "oh no, you will NOT get in my way again. I am going HOME!"
Val smirked. "HA! Sorry kiddo, but we need you! I NEED YOU!! um...crap that didn't sound right. Um..."
A battle was eminent. On one side, Ash, Eric, Agony, Val, Acyla, Maddog, Majin Vegeta, *gasp*, Steve Savage, Jevena (tied up), and MSC. On the other, Gohan and Dot.
Gohan powered up to SSJ2, and was fully and entirely prepared to bowl through them to get to the magic exit.
Suddenly, Dot moved in front of Gohan. "This is ridiculous. You must be the thickest-headed people I have EVER seen."
Acyla frowned, "What do you mean? Get out of my way, you worthless creature!"
Dot suddenly laughed, "You've been looking for me for the ENTIRE story, and you didn't bother to think where this 'Floating-dot Guide' came from? My god, where-else would THAT come from? You dissapoint me. I was never hiding, I simply changed a little."
Majin Vegeta's eyes widened. "Y---YOU?!!?!?!"
The Dot suddenly morphed, evolving into a rather tall, BROWN-haired man. Gohan suddenly snarled. "So THAT'S why I've been thinking how 'Great and magnificent an author Paladone is'. Cheater!"
Paladone shrugged. "It was fun."
Gohan muttered as the others circled him. "Want some help?"
"Yeah, that'd be nice. Take care of Steve, would you?"
Gohan launched at Steve with a fury, pounding him into the dirt, while Ash and his Pokemon were the first to launch at Paladone. The author smirked, backhanded agony into non-existance, and threw Erik over near Gohan, and then picked up ash and threw him and Mistress Storm Crow into a warp that led to a *gasp, run on sentence* section far away where they could be alone.
(The audience is snickering. Oh come ON, I'm inserting myself! Of COURSE I'm gonna win!)
While Gohan played two-ball soccer using Erik and Steve, Acyla and Val flanked the devilish Author while Vegeta attempted an Extremely Large Ki Blast. Unfortunately, since Paladone had control of the Laws of Physics (I love being in my own story), the blast backfired (HEY! JANEMBA DID IT! WHY CAN'T I?). Vegeta disintegrated, and regenerated, trapped in the NC-17 Harry Potter section, doomed to a horrific and ghastly fate.
Val snarled. "Palajerk!!!!! This is cheap, you're cheating again!"
Paladone just smiled calmly. "All right, fine. No more cheating."
Gohan continued to play soccer, though now Chelsee played on the other team, 'against' Gohan, winking and smiling constantly. Acyla and Val simultaneously charged at Paladone. The brave soul ducked, and Acyla sailed over his head, while he simultaneously stuck his foot out, tripping Val into a magic puddle of jello.
Val muttered, " 'No more cheating' my ass." Meanwhile, Chelsee had trapped Gohan in another bear-hug, talking constantly while Gohan struggled to breathe, face turning a purplish blend of red and blue. "Ooooh, this is inspiring me to torture you even MORE in Contradicting Mission (come on, you know it's true ^_^) Oooh, goodness, I think my eyes are dialating again :)". Steve and Erik lay in a tumbled mess, the morphing arm accidentally changing into a fish net of steel.
Paladone decided to end the one-sided fight, and posed as if he was doing a Taiyoken. "CHARM FLASH!!!!" The room was engulfed in bright light.
(Ok, STOP SNICKERING LIKE I KNOW YOU ARE! My Charm BLINDS ALL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.....ok, lets continue.)
Val screamed, "NO! NOT THE CHARM! It's BLINDING! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Acyla and Val, now overcome with Blinding Charm, were rendered harmless, and now served to do anything Paladone asked them to. (Oh quit snickering you Perverts) He had them tie themselves up to some peices of rubble just before the charm wore off, upon which they screamed bloody murder at him, promising many unprintable fates if they ever got free.
Gohan, meanwhile, had finally managed to loosen the Grip on his neck so he could breathe again. "*gasp* *wheeze*. Well, I geuss that's over. Um, Chelsee, could you-"
"No."
"But-"
"No, I'm comfy!" *pout pout*
Then, all of a sudden, Gohan's eyes flashed, and he stared right at Paladone. "Wait a second...that warp...that was you, wasn't it?"
Paladone glanced questioningly at the boy, "Um...yup."
"So you were responsible for DRAGGING ME THROUGH ALL THIS!"
"Um...eheheheh....it was fun, wasn't it?"
Gohan blasted into ssj2, an insane Vegeta-Quality grin forming on his face, speaking dangerously quietly "And you put me through EIGHT MONTHS of CRAP to ENTERTAIN these people?""
Paladone was looking decidedly nervous, "Um....hey, comeon. I'm Dot! Buddy...friend...pal....um...."
Gohan lurched himself forward, Chelsee still holding on, ready to beat the living piss out of our favorite Author. Paladone paled, actually expecting some great measure of pain, until he finally remembered someting at the last minute---
"Got him! Begin the downloading provess now!"
Chichi danced around happily. "YAY! And I don't feel like a Nazi anymore, for some strange reason---"
CRASH!!!! The training room door burst to the floor, and Vegeta was huffing and puffing like the wolf who just broke through the brick house. "YOU WOMEN ARE GOING TO PAAAA----GACK!!!" POW! Gohan, still angled for a punch, flew out of the computer and blasted straight into Vegeta, placing a rather large dent in his internal organs.
Gohan was confused. "What.....Vegeta? VEGETA!" Gohan cried happily, and gave the now EXTREMELY grumpy prince a bone- crushing hug (he's still SSJ2). Then he looked at his Mom and Bulma. "BULMA! You're a self-confident woman again!" (Bulma looks confused) "MOM! You're not a feminine Hitler anymore!"
"WHAT are you TALKING ABOUT Gohan! Power down this INSTANT--do you realize what time it is?"
"But Mooooom!"
"And get that girl off your back, where the hell were you, anyway!"
Gohan paled, "Chelsee?"
Chelsee grinned, "YAY! Now I can use my Magic Wand of Writing goodness to make you the Main Hero!"
Gohan cried, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! LEGGO! LEGGO!"
The poor boy flew off into the horizon, with Chelsee following close behind. "HEY! WAIT FOR MEEE!"
Vegeta was by now completely lost. "Woman, I'm going to bed. I've had enough of this."
"GUEST ROOM, Vegeta. No mating for a week, remember?"
Vegeta suddenly powered up, "BOY! You're going to DIE FOR THIS!!!!" He, too, flew off into the distance.
Chichi ran into her capsule car to try and catch her son and finally drag him home. (Lord, poor Gohan)
Bulma simply stared at them all, then buried her face in her hands. And thus, the story came to a close, Paladone was dubbed King of Fanfiction.net (Egotistical? Who?), and poor Gohan was still in trouble. Would he EVER be at peace?
Or will he meet with Paladone once again?
Probably, knowing me. Self-insertion is my Forte.
THE END
Fun, no? Well, I've finall completed it, and am ready to begin the World's Greatest Gohan/Videl story. The (excellent) Season 5 episodes made me appreciate this couple a lot. I'm going to chibi-fi them a little, and blatantly rip off some ideas from "Gohan Love Wars". But hey, that's ALSO my Forte' ^_^. Ja ne, everyone, it's been fun.
Notes: Damn you people. You're all way too nice to me. I chanced back on this project in my archives, and decided to check and see how it did over the 3+ months since I've been gone. (FF.net is really different now then from when I started this blasted thing). Sad what its been reduced to, almost, but really, can you blame them? Internet funding and stock is down somewhere in a ditch, dying, and costs've been soaring. Hell, I would've started a webpage a while back, if not for the costs. But seeing all the people that've nagged me be so nice, I SUPPOSE I can finish it. No Drama section though. Honest-to-god, I'm near clean of jokes.
*sigh*
Most of the authors I pushed into the fic when I started are now gone. But I still have one chapter've laughs left, before I start my next project, (let's just say, it involves a, for some of you, newly introduced couple, and one that's very underrated. ^_^) The new project'll be a lot like this one, though I personally won't be quite so big a factor. Maybe.
Anyway, the CONCLUSION.
Gohan's Journey: The Mary-Sue FINALE
"WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" THUD!
Gohan and Dot tumbled to the crackling, teetering ground of the hallway in the 'Action-Adventure' section. Gohan looked around wide-eyed. "W-w-w-we're....FREE? AND WE WON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH DRAMA?"
"HE FINALLY STOPPED BEING LAZY? It's the APOCALYPSE! THE SIGN! It's COMING!"
Gohan glanced nervously at Dot. "eheh....can we get out of here now? I haven't seen my mom in 8 months....."
Dot blinked, "Eight months? Isn't this happening in one day?"
"Uh...um...I DUNNO! I WANNA GO HOME!!! WAAAAAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!" The poor boy broke down and cried like he was five again.
Dot looked on sympathetically. "I know, I know. But we still have the worst section to go through, and probably a big battle of some sort or another?"
Gohan's head snapped up, eyes as wide as plates. "The WORST section? You mean it gets WORSE than the ROMANCE SECTION?"
Vegeta continued to lay motionless on the super-gravitized floor saying various unprintable words while Chichi and Bulma began closing in on Gohan.
"So we have to 'download' him, and supposedly he'll pop out, RIGHT BULMA?" *Chichi is still holding the Evil Cliched Frying Pan of DEATH.*
"Uh, heh, yup. Kinda sounds like a very cheap and physically impossible method of pulling out Gohan at the Last Possible Minute, but it'll work."
"It'd BETTER. That young man has some WORK to be doing." Suddenly, Chichi's face twisted, "damn, I'm doing it again. No, he needs to work, not....what the he-!!."
Jevena struggled against her bonds, but to no avail. The Hentai Lady and the Lunatic had captured her, and most of the other's had just dissapeared. (If any of those others is still writing, forgive me, but I couldn't find anything from you ;_;) Steve Savage muttered inaudibly, while Storm Crow, Majin Vegeta, and Maddog stood by and watched random objects fall on Ash's head. Many author's had been lost in the Internet Crash, and Steve Savage's proud empire was a mess.
Val took out her whip cream and sprayed Jevena full in the face with it, laughing demonically.
"HEY! What'd you do THAT for?
"AHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!MUAHAHAHAHGYAAAAAAHHHH!!!!.....Um....I dunno...."
"*spit spit* Geez, I don't even want to KNOW where that's been."
Val glared upward (My world, my jokes :P). Then she grinned. The plan was PERFECT, and with Dyani's group VANQUISHED to the pit of Crossover Hell, she was free to spring the trap on Gohan, thus luring Paladone to his DOOM. Acyla grinned maniacally. "GYAHAHAHAH!!!!!! With those Meddling Kids (copyright) out of the Way, nothing will stop me from giving the punishment to Paladone, the punishment he so RICHLY DESERVES!!!!! *inser evil Villain Music*"
Val smirked, "What are we planning to do with him, anyway?"
"Heh, Fire's always nice. Whips if nothing else. But here, lemme check one of my 4938 mailing lists for advice....."
Val's eyes boggled slightly, "Geez....howdya keep track of it all...."
"Hmmmm....Chinese Water Torture looks good.....maybe some more 'interesting' games too."
Val gagged, "HENTAI!"
"YOU should be talking."
"How DARE you!" (A/N: And yes, once again, I will be taking much abuse for this folks. Pray for me.)
Maddog jumped up. "Oooooh! CATFIGHT!" *both glare at Maddog and advance on him* "Wh...what....oh no! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Majin Vegeta stopped them all. "All of you shut UP! Val, put away the Jello. Listen, Gohan's going through the Action-Adventure section right now. Let's just ambush him at the end, whadya say."
The simplicity of it stunned them all. Even Steve.
Dot smiled, "Last one Gohan. Don't worry, it's the worst, but it's the last."
Gohan looked about ready to BURST with joy, he looked like he was seven, his eyes were so wide. "YAY! Come on, let's get this crap OVER WITH!"
The boy sat down while Dot fired up the last story. The mechanical voice bleated out, "New Saiyanjin Savior, by True- Trunks-lovr. Rating: Pg-13. Summary: Set after Gokuh dissapears, a new FEMALE saiyanjin lands on earth, and warns of a new threat. Will she save the Z-Warriors, and, uh oh, is there a relationship starting with Trunks?!"
Gohan shrugged, "Doesn't sound as bad as the others. (Oh, how naive he STILL was) Why does she call us Saiyanjins, though?"
"Um...she's trying to be a l33T (leet) DBZ fan, and use Japanese Words."
"Oh. Wait a second, Trunks didn't appear until the day Dad returned! How does this-"
"Hush, it's starting."
The story opened with the view of a shiny Saiyajin pod flashing down to earth. The camera panned inside to find a STUNNINGLY BEUATIFUL Female Saiyanjin, who was VERY CONCETRATED. "I Hope I'm Not Too Late To Warn Them. Their Planet Is In Danger."
"Wow...this is kinda corny....."
Dot laughed, "you haven't seen NOTHIN yet."
At the Briefs: "BAKA!!! Baaaaka baka. WOMAN! BAKA BAKA! KUSO-ing kurdling kix on top of THAT, BAKA!"
Vegeta was yelling very loudly, while Bulma started seducing him randomly. "I'm WILD about you Vegeta."
"BAKA! WHAT THE KUSOing BAKA is this? Oh yes, I love you too."
Gohan was incredibly perplexed. "Sh*thead, what the damning sh*thead is this? What does THAT mean?"
Then TRUNKS stepped out, Long, Flowing, Gorgeous Purple Hair settling over His Handsome, Studly Face. His Jet-Blue Jumpsuit of Jet-Jelopy (I KNOW that's a word.) made his Big, Rippling Muscles stand out. "Hi you guys." Vegeta's face became soft and proud for his Son, and he only screamed out "You Kuso-head, why aren't you training?"
'Dot, why is there so much ungodly attention going to Trunks?"
"He's the love interest of the story."
"Um....love-interest?"
Piccolo was meditating, but he wasn't important.
Gohan stood up. "GODDAMIT! These people REALLY piss me off! And GODDAMN I'm getting uncharacteristically angry!"
Tien was trying to train, but his pathetic energy wouldn't matter, (A/N people that do this sort of thing for real should die......^_^) and Yamcha was off taking advantage of various women. The camera switched to the Son Home, where Chichi was watching Gohan study, a whip in her hand.
"O.O What the-?"
Dot looked quite nervous, fearing an explosion again. "Um...she's a master of Fanfiction Cliches....this is one of the last standing sections you haven't blown up yet...."
Gohan looked up, noticing a Very Powerful Ki. "Oh my good golly GOSH. GOMEN NASAAAAIIII! Flying fists of Fury, who's tha-?" (A/N: This constant alliteration is SO much fun. Look forward to more. ^_^)
CRACK! A whip hit him in the back, "WORK! STUDY! Nosoupforyou! Vock-SHNELL! Freuven VAGNER!"
The real Gohan got angry again. "What do they think she is, Hitler? And these Japanese-German words are AWFUL."
The story Gohan stood up, determined. "I'm not a BABY anymore MOM! I'm in KINDERGARTEN! I'm going to go see who it is that is threating the peaceful purposeness of our portly pool of pine!"
Gohan: .....wtf is THAT supposed to mean? I sound like that anouncer from America!
Then the brave boy broke through the roof and flew away from his Evil Whore of a Mother. Chichi yelled as he flew away, "JAA! SPEICHEN SI DEUTCH! GOOOHHHAAAAANNNNN!!!!" Then she suddenly got emotional. "MY WIDDLE BABY IS GROWING UUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!"
Gohan resolved not to say ANYTHING now, and save all of his anger up to hit something later. Maybe Vegeta, if he was lucky enough to get out of here.
All the mystic Z-Fighters gathered under the Designated Meeting Tree to wait for the pod to land.
Vegeta looked up, and started yelling like he supposedly always does. "BAKA! YAROING KUSO! WEAKLINGS! I AM THE PRINCE, BOW DOWN TO ME!"
Kururin stood by, "Gee mondo whiz you guys, I'm so weak how could I be useful? Why don't I just go home!"
Yamcha snickered evilly, "Heh, you go home. When I, the great and magnificent Yamcha, win back Bulma and defeat this evil Saiyanjin, I will become the super sexy swinging SHIMATTA MASTER of the WORLD!"
Real Gohan: Dot...how much longer is this?
Dot: 43 chapters?
Real Gohan: *faints*
Suddenly, Piccolo looked up, "Oh MOSHI MOSHI! Candy-coated KAMI on the COB! SHE'S HERE!!!!"
The pod landed, and everyone jumped back afraid, except for Brave, Strong, Compassionate Trunks, who had achieved a New Level of Power without Anyone Else Knowing.
The pod opened with a HISSSSSSSS. Out stepped a Dark, Beautiful Saiyanjin, with strange, Red Eyes that will become a plot point later in the story. Her power was incredible, almost matching Vegeta. "Is this Planet Earth? The one that orbits the Great Sun? I am Carryot, a surviving full-blooded saiyajin."
Vegeta yelled, "What the Chikyuu is THIS! A Female Saiyanjin that SURVIVED the Destruction? HOW!"
The story then reverted to a long, deep, sad, emotional story about a tough warrior with a soft heart who had narrowly e scaped destruction as a child, gone on many adventures, faced Furiza's Cousin's Daughter's Husband's Uncle's Grandfather and barely survived. The deep, sad, emotional story was apparently not interesting to our hero, who was happily snoring in his chair. Dot roughly shook him awake. "Gohan! Wake up, or you won't be able to leave, and we'll have to start over!"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! OK OK! I'm Awake! ...how much more"
"I think we're on chapter 4 now"
"*dies*"
Chao-zu smiled in the fic. "I think we should trust her. We've hardly met for ten minutes, but her story is sad and stuff."
Tien, however, cursed, "You foolish Onichans! She's a Saiyanjin, she must DIE!"
Tien launched himself Pathetically Slowly, while Carryot lifted her pinky finger and knocked the weakling out.
Gohan: You know....Tien is one of approximately two people my Dad has ever called a 'fighting genius' in his lifetime. He also bought enough time for Vegeta to arrive to the battlefield when we were fighting Cell. He had enough power to help us if nothing else. Why does everyone think he's so weak?
Dot:....um
Trunks laughed. "Serves you right! Anyway, so what have you come to tell us, Carryot, our new-found friend of fear?"
Carryot got Serious, while admiring Trunks. "A threat named Cuntiza (I'm dead out of wierd names), Furiza's sister's lesbian fiancee, wants to destroy earth." (No, I'm not on crack when I'm writing this. And hopefully, no-one under 14'll understand that....except Val. ^_^)
"GASP!" Vegeta roared, "Those BAKAAAAS! We must train tremendously to try to total this Tousan tormenting......BAKA!" (A/N: Huff...puff....that's gotta be a record)
Yamcha snarled again, for no particular reason, "Shut up Vegeta-chan. I could defeat this girl with my 'Womanizer Technique". He was punched to the ground roughly by Brave, Daring, Respectful Trunks. "Don't insult Carryot you JERK!"
Yamcha remained on the ground, beaten like the slime he was, while Carryot looked on adoringly. What a MAN.
They all went their seperate ways to train, except Yamcha, who went off to look at Porn at Master Roshi's, and Tien, who was still unconscious since he was so weak. Piccolo refused to train Gohan, since he was...uh...too scared of Adolf Chichi, and focused all of his attention to training the new girl, whom he slowly began to respect and love like his own daughter.
Needless to say, the real Gohan was rather irritated. "Oh come ON! What, does the entire story REVOLVE around this girl? Everyone else is being shunted to the side, or is only involved in making her look good! It's so DUMB! And the missuse of these Japanese words is making me sick."
Dot blinked, "But that's the point of a Mary-Sue. Besides, your forgetting Trunks. They're gonna start speaking French soon."
"Great."
The next 20 chapters were devoted to the slowly *cough* growing relationship between Quiet, Brave, Handsome Trunks and Carryot, the Beautiful Saiyanjin who looked even MORE beautiful in her Very Revealing Fighting Gi. "Oh Trunks, your such a Brave, Caring soul, and wow your Chiee is so HIGH. Tu es tres ennuyeux, et J'adore ton fleau." (You are very annoying, and I love your calamity. And yes, I actually took this from another fic.)
Trunks blushed sweeetly, "Aww.....hey, let's make out! Je veux t'envahir." (eheheh)
"Sure."
Then the camera switched to the Snister Villain. Cuntiza! *dum dum DUUUUM* The ship landed on earth, and Cuntiza left on her own and killed Yamcha, who was distracted in his exploits at a strip bar and din't notice, and Tien, because he was still unconscious because he was so weak. Kururin died too, for no particular reason. Gohan, Vegeta, Piccolo, Strong, Dashing, Daring Trunks, and Carryot all appeared on the battlefield. Cuntiza smirked.
"Ahaha! AHAHAAAAA! YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT MEEEE!" She sounded like an old granny, or, more accurately, like Season 3 Furiza.
Gohan charged, and was briskly knocked out so the REAL heroes could take over.
Gohan: !!!! HEY!
Piccolo snarled, "Yaro-kun! Prepare to be Shimattaed! HYAAAAAH!!!!"
He launched himself at her, and was killed by a flashy attack of some sort. "Onna!" *Died*
Carryot screamed, "NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! PICCOOOOLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*Gasp*OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
Vegeta snarled, "How dare YOU! HYAAAH!" *thump* Cuntiza's tail snapped his neck like a twig.
Trunks cried, "KASSAN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*GASP*OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Gohan thought he would shrivel up and die if the battle got more corny than this.
Trunks and Carryot were all that was left. Both fought Bravely, and gave Cuntiza Many Painful Wounds, but both were tired. "Carryot, if I don't survive this, let me just say that I have always loved you."
"Oh trunks...."
"Aww...how cute.......DIE! AHAHAAAA!" Cuntiza shot a SloeFinishing Move at Trunks, but Carryot SAVED HIM, and took the last blow. They shared one final kiss before she died. "Mmmmmmmm....oh, we gotta do this again Tru----gasp--thud."
Trunks screamed and reached a new level of power, SSj8! "CUNTIZA!!!!....you...will DIE!!!!! Face the wrath of my...POWER!"
"SUPER SPICY SPARK TRUNKS LASER BEAM TITAN LOVE...ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"
Cuntiza died.
And then Trunks wished everyone back, except Tien, because he was too weak to be wished back, and he and Carryot got married. The end.
Gohan looked confused. "Wait-a-sec, WHAT? What happened? What the?"
Dot shrugged, "Author must've gotten tired of writing the fic after chapter 57."
"Wow, you were right, that was really bad. If I hear ONE MORE missused Japanese word, I'm going to scream. And the Red eyes never became a plot point." Gohan suddenly brightened up, "That was the last one, wasn't it!"
Dot nodded, "Yup. Now both you and I can go back to our respectiv homes!"
Gohan ran around like he was five again singing "I'm gonna be free! I'm gonna be free! NAH NAH NAH NAAAAAAAH NAH-NAH!"
"NOT SO FAST.....GOHAN!"
The wall burst drmatically, and there stood the people between his way and freedom. Gohan grinned insanely at them, "oh no, you will NOT get in my way again. I am going HOME!"
Val smirked. "HA! Sorry kiddo, but we need you! I NEED YOU!! um...crap that didn't sound right. Um..."
A battle was eminent. On one side, Ash, Eric, Agony, Val, Acyla, Maddog, Majin Vegeta, *gasp*, Steve Savage, Jevena (tied up), and MSC. On the other, Gohan and Dot.
Gohan powered up to SSJ2, and was fully and entirely prepared to bowl through them to get to the magic exit.
Suddenly, Dot moved in front of Gohan. "This is ridiculous. You must be the thickest-headed people I have EVER seen."
Acyla frowned, "What do you mean? Get out of my way, you worthless creature!"
Dot suddenly laughed, "You've been looking for me for the ENTIRE story, and you didn't bother to think where this 'Floating-dot Guide' came from? My god, where-else would THAT come from? You dissapoint me. I was never hiding, I simply changed a little."
Majin Vegeta's eyes widened. "Y---YOU?!!?!?!"
The Dot suddenly morphed, evolving into a rather tall, BROWN-haired man. Gohan suddenly snarled. "So THAT'S why I've been thinking how 'Great and magnificent an author Paladone is'. Cheater!"
Paladone shrugged. "It was fun."
Gohan muttered as the others circled him. "Want some help?"
"Yeah, that'd be nice. Take care of Steve, would you?"
Gohan launched at Steve with a fury, pounding him into the dirt, while Ash and his Pokemon were the first to launch at Paladone. The author smirked, backhanded agony into non-existance, and threw Erik over near Gohan, and then picked up ash and threw him and Mistress Storm Crow into a warp that led to a *gasp, run on sentence* section far away where they could be alone.
(The audience is snickering. Oh come ON, I'm inserting myself! Of COURSE I'm gonna win!)
While Gohan played two-ball soccer using Erik and Steve, Acyla and Val flanked the devilish Author while Vegeta attempted an Extremely Large Ki Blast. Unfortunately, since Paladone had control of the Laws of Physics (I love being in my own story), the blast backfired (HEY! JANEMBA DID IT! WHY CAN'T I?). Vegeta disintegrated, and regenerated, trapped in the NC-17 Harry Potter section, doomed to a horrific and ghastly fate.
Val snarled. "Palajerk!!!!! This is cheap, you're cheating again!"
Paladone just smiled calmly. "All right, fine. No more cheating."
Gohan continued to play soccer, though now Chelsee played on the other team, 'against' Gohan, winking and smiling constantly. Acyla and Val simultaneously charged at Paladone. The brave soul ducked, and Acyla sailed over his head, while he simultaneously stuck his foot out, tripping Val into a magic puddle of jello.
Val muttered, " 'No more cheating' my ass." Meanwhile, Chelsee had trapped Gohan in another bear-hug, talking constantly while Gohan struggled to breathe, face turning a purplish blend of red and blue. "Ooooh, this is inspiring me to torture you even MORE in Contradicting Mission (come on, you know it's true ^_^) Oooh, goodness, I think my eyes are dialating again :)". Steve and Erik lay in a tumbled mess, the morphing arm accidentally changing into a fish net of steel.
Paladone decided to end the one-sided fight, and posed as if he was doing a Taiyoken. "CHARM FLASH!!!!" The room was engulfed in bright light.
(Ok, STOP SNICKERING LIKE I KNOW YOU ARE! My Charm BLINDS ALL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.....ok, lets continue.)
Val screamed, "NO! NOT THE CHARM! It's BLINDING! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Acyla and Val, now overcome with Blinding Charm, were rendered harmless, and now served to do anything Paladone asked them to. (Oh quit snickering you Perverts) He had them tie themselves up to some peices of rubble just before the charm wore off, upon which they screamed bloody murder at him, promising many unprintable fates if they ever got free.
Gohan, meanwhile, had finally managed to loosen the Grip on his neck so he could breathe again. "*gasp* *wheeze*. Well, I geuss that's over. Um, Chelsee, could you-"
"No."
"But-"
"No, I'm comfy!" *pout pout*
Then, all of a sudden, Gohan's eyes flashed, and he stared right at Paladone. "Wait a second...that warp...that was you, wasn't it?"
Paladone glanced questioningly at the boy, "Um...yup."
"So you were responsible for DRAGGING ME THROUGH ALL THIS!"
"Um...eheheheh....it was fun, wasn't it?"
Gohan blasted into ssj2, an insane Vegeta-Quality grin forming on his face, speaking dangerously quietly "And you put me through EIGHT MONTHS of CRAP to ENTERTAIN these people?""
Paladone was looking decidedly nervous, "Um....hey, comeon. I'm Dot! Buddy...friend...pal....um...."
Gohan lurched himself forward, Chelsee still holding on, ready to beat the living piss out of our favorite Author. Paladone paled, actually expecting some great measure of pain, until he finally remembered someting at the last minute---
"Got him! Begin the downloading provess now!"
Chichi danced around happily. "YAY! And I don't feel like a Nazi anymore, for some strange reason---"
CRASH!!!! The training room door burst to the floor, and Vegeta was huffing and puffing like the wolf who just broke through the brick house. "YOU WOMEN ARE GOING TO PAAAA----GACK!!!" POW! Gohan, still angled for a punch, flew out of the computer and blasted straight into Vegeta, placing a rather large dent in his internal organs.
Gohan was confused. "What.....Vegeta? VEGETA!" Gohan cried happily, and gave the now EXTREMELY grumpy prince a bone- crushing hug (he's still SSJ2). Then he looked at his Mom and Bulma. "BULMA! You're a self-confident woman again!" (Bulma looks confused) "MOM! You're not a feminine Hitler anymore!"
"WHAT are you TALKING ABOUT Gohan! Power down this INSTANT--do you realize what time it is?"
"But Mooooom!"
"And get that girl off your back, where the hell were you, anyway!"
Gohan paled, "Chelsee?"
Chelsee grinned, "YAY! Now I can use my Magic Wand of Writing goodness to make you the Main Hero!"
Gohan cried, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! LEGGO! LEGGO!"
The poor boy flew off into the horizon, with Chelsee following close behind. "HEY! WAIT FOR MEEE!"
Vegeta was by now completely lost. "Woman, I'm going to bed. I've had enough of this."
"GUEST ROOM, Vegeta. No mating for a week, remember?"
Vegeta suddenly powered up, "BOY! You're going to DIE FOR THIS!!!!" He, too, flew off into the distance.
Chichi ran into her capsule car to try and catch her son and finally drag him home. (Lord, poor Gohan)
Bulma simply stared at them all, then buried her face in her hands. And thus, the story came to a close, Paladone was dubbed King of Fanfiction.net (Egotistical? Who?), and poor Gohan was still in trouble. Would he EVER be at peace?
Or will he meet with Paladone once again?
Probably, knowing me. Self-insertion is my Forte.
THE END
Fun, no? Well, I've finall completed it, and am ready to begin the World's Greatest Gohan/Videl story. The (excellent) Season 5 episodes made me appreciate this couple a lot. I'm going to chibi-fi them a little, and blatantly rip off some ideas from "Gohan Love Wars". But hey, that's ALSO my Forte' ^_^. Ja ne, everyone, it's been fun.