Author's Note: Story resumes back to Chapter 1. Takes place literally the morning after that when she wakes up on the couch.
It took all the energy Emma had to get up from the couch and start her day. She awoke with a headache that did nothing to compare with the ache in her heart. Gerry was still gone. The pillow that bore his scent and the photo album filled with remembrance seemed to be the only thing left.
Emma showered, dressed, and took the time to fix her hair and make up. The fact that all the preparations were pointless almost made her smile...who did she have to look good for anymore? She ventured into the kitchen and opened cupboards and a refrigerator filled with various goods that had been dropped off by relatives and friends. There was enough food to feed an army for the next six months but she didn't have an appetite. Instead she pulled a bag of wheat germ from the cabinet. On the table she assembled it next to salt, flour, eggs, milk and other ingredients. Before she knew it, she was baking a loaf of the whole wheat bread that Gerry had loved so much. It came out of the oven piping hot and smelling delicious, just waiting to be devoured. But there was no one there to eat it. No one. Emma stared at the bread. She felt empty and the loneliness was suffocating. The hardest part was just being still. She couldn't be still anymore so she pulled out canned peaches and a piecrust. One hour later a homemade peach pie sat cooling on the windowsill. Once more...emptiness....silence...loneliness. A batch of chocolate chip cookies were next on the agenda but Emma found herself distracted by the car pulling up in the driveway. A few minutes later, Julius made his way to the door.
"Come in", she said as they hugged.
"I just stopped by to see how you're doing. I got worried when you didn't answer the phone."
"Oh...I, I didn't hear it", she lied, as the phone had been purposely left off the hook for days.
"How are you doing?"
"Okay", Emma sighed. "People have been kind. Everybody except the bank. There is some money in a trust from Gerry's account and his disability checks and all but it hasn't been properly set up yet. I had to get a lawyer to get everything squared away."
"You alright for money?"
"I'm fine."
"You sure? Because Shirley and I could write a check to tide you over."
Emma smiled at the unconditional kindness of her friend.
"It's okay. I really appreciate the offer but I'll be fine, Julius."
"Well Shirley asked me to send this plate over but by the smell of things around here, you're not hurting for food."
"Yeah...I woke up this morning and didn't know what to do with myself. I knew I had to do something so I just started baking...and baking and baking."
"You're a good cook, Emma. Superman sure did love your wheat bread."
"Why don't you have a slice?", Emma nodded.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I'll get you something to drink too. Might as well eat it or it'll just go to waste."
"You gonna eat something?"
"Nah...I'm fine. Not really hungry", Emma said as she poured herself a glass of wine.
"When's the last time you had a meal?" Julius asked.
"I don't know. I think I had some chicken yesterday", she shrugged as she took another sip.
"Yesterday? I'm talking about today. It's 2:00 Emma. Look, you need to eat something..."
"Julius, I told you already that I'm not hungry."
"It's just...well, don't take this the wrong way but you really don't look well. I just don't want you to make yourself sick. You really should eat something, Emma."
"Why should I?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper. "Who cares what happens to me now?"
Julius' eyes widened at her questions. He knew she would be depressed and upset...they all were but now he was starting to get scared.
"Emma, why would you say something like that? I care. We all care. We all love you. And Gerry loved you too. He loved you more than anything."
"Well Gerry's not here anymore", Emma spat.
"I know. I know he's not and I miss him. I know you miss him, too. But he lives on in all of us, Emma. Gerry is in our hearts. We have so much to remember him by..."
"Yeah? I guess we do, Julius" Emma said, her voice rising with emotion. "We all have a lot to remember him by. Let's see. Jean has old report cards and pictures and a bunch of old drawings taped to her fridge. And what do you and the guys have? Memories of football camp? Trophies? Awards? Yeah, real nice..."
"Emma", he said, standing and putting a hand on her shoulder.
"No, Julius", she screamed, tears falling from her eyes. "What do I have? An empty bed that I can't bear to sleep in anymore? An empty wheelchair that I can't bear to get rid of just yet? Loneliness and silence and an empty house?"
"Emma, calm down. I know you're upset. I know you're hurting but Gerry left you so much more than that. His legacy will live on forever..."
"Yeah, he left me with a legacy alright."
"Emma..."
"You don't understand, Julius."
"Emma..."
"Julius, I'm pregnant", she blurted out.
And once again silence. It was the first time she had been able to utter the words aloud. It was almost too much. The tears began to flow rapidly and it was a few minutes before Julius even had the bearings to comfort her.
"Emma...I, I don't know what to say. Did Gerry know?"
"No", she shook her head a little calmer. "I just found out a few days ago myself."
"I can't believe you're having Gerry's baby", Julius whispered with a small smile.
"I said I'm pregnant, Julius. I never said I was having a baby."
Julius' eyes narrowed. Surely she was not implying what he thought she was.
"What are you saying, Emma?"
"I'm saying that I don't know if I should have this baby."
"How could you say that? Or even think that? Emma, that's a part of Gerry. It was his final gift to you. That's your child together. How could you not have the baby?"
"Because I'm afraid", Emma said in a quiet voice. "Julius, I'm afraid. When Christopher died...Julius, it nearly destroyed me and you know that. I'm still not over it. Losing my son was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and now that's tied with losing my husband, too. I am 27 years old Julius and I am already a widow who has buried one child. My heart and soul ache so bad until they're numb."
"I know..."
"No you don't know, Julius. I wish everybody would quit saying that and pretending they know how I feel. You don't know. There is no way you could know and I pray to God you never have to know. I can't go through it again. I can't lose another person I love."
Julius took a deep breath. He knew that she was right.
"Maybe I don't know Emma but I still empathize and I still care. I've seen what you've gone through these last few years and let me tell you, you're a stronger person than me. I know you hurt and you're scared yet you never let the grief consume you. It might would have killed a lesser person but not you. I'm proud of you, Emma. I love you and I'll respect any decision you make. You have to do what's right for you and I fully understand that. Just remember you have a guardian angel watching out for you now...two of them. I...I just think you're gonna be okay."
"You think I should have this baby?"
"Doesn't matter what I think but yes I do. It would be the best of both you and Gerry and another chance for him to live on."
Emma nodded and tried to control her tears.
"Julius? Do you...do you think Gerry can see us right now."
Julius nodded.
"Yes. Yeah, I think Superman is watching."
"What do you think he'd want me to do? What would he say?"
"I think you already know the answer to that one, Emma. He'd want you to do the right thing. He'd want you to be happy. You know, Gerry loved you more than anyone. I know he's watching us and he loves you very much still and he'd give anything to be here with us now."
Emma smiled. If there was a Heaven in which they all so desperately believed in, she knew her Gerry was there.
"God be with me then. Julius, I don't know how I'm ever going to get through this...having a baby on my alone."
Julius smiled and grabbed her hand.
"It's gonna be okay, Emma. Yeah you might be on your own, but trust me...you'll never be alone."