Disclaimers: I do not own Zelda or any of its characters. I'll later on own few things but not right now. Shigeru Miyamoto owns all this stuff… darn.

Don't let the title fool you. This is not a humor fic at all. Most of it is drama, suspense, horror and romance. This came to mind when I was riding my bus and had a dream a few months ago after playing Ocarina of Time. Also Linkin Park's song, Papercut, inspired this too.

NOTE: Okay the pairings are not really fully established yet but I'm declaring Link a salad. A salad is a character that gets "tossed around" with one or more characters. And to take off the innuendo for the ppl that don't know what I mean, a salad is a character that gets paired up with many people and does intimate things with them and goes to another one and maybe back. So Link is a salad in this fic.

This fic is rated M for violence, darkness, cursing, yaoi, hetero and sexual situations. If you can't handle any of this, get out.

This is post Majora's Mask.

This chapter is for the spark of interest, okay?

Please R&R and enjoy.

-----Chapter 1: Prophecy and Temptation

Everything was back to normal in Hyrule. Nothing was threatening the Triforce nor was Princess Zelda in any sort of danger. All the Sages were alive and well and guarded the Sacred Realm. Zelda was coroneted queen a year ago and was managing to finally get Hyrule back into order.

Link was now seventeen, seven years since he followed the Skull Kid and was lost in Termina. He was now ready to don the Master Sword from the Pedestal of Time, situated in the heart of the Temple of Time, and protect Hyrule.

Zelda surprisingly did not give Link the Ocarina of Time, but only opened the Door of Time so that he could receive the Master Sword. Yet Link did not forget his fondness of playing the small instrument and immediately used the Fairy Ocarina as a replacement.

This made Saria happier and blessed it with the Forest's power.

Link was talking with Nabooru one day after he finished training with the Gerudos, "So Nabooru?"

"Yes Link?"

"I've started to feel more young than I did before."

"What do you mean?"

"Back when I was ten, I was forced to forget much of my childish and naïve ways and just worry about saving Hyrule. And when I went to the future, I was so apathetic about what I wanted to do. The only times I felt happy was when I was able to see my friends be liberated from evil."

"I understand," she answered. "Evil isn't stressing you any more. You are now free to think for yourself but at the same time for others. I think it is better for you. You were less social before until now."

"I know," he sighed. "I had a weird dream for many nights now."

"Oh? Do you think it's a prophecy?"

"Maybe but it's stranger than the dream with Ganondorf. I was in a strange world were people were literally separated and troubled with war. Some were cannibals, others had powers, another bunch were dirt poor, and some were just skilled fighters. It was very scary."

"I can imagine… who was the leader?"

"I don't know, it was all blurry when I saw that part. But I saw something strange that could have been the key to that prophetic dream."

"What was it?"

"I saw a large sword trapped inside the Pedestal of Time, and it wasn't the Master Sword either."

Nabooru's bronze face turned a few shades lighter, "So how is the queen?"

"What? Nabooru are you changing the subject?"

"Of course not!" she guarded. "Link if you must know then I'll tell you. There is a theory and a legend about the Pedestal of Time. If another sword was placed inside it, other than the Master Sword, something bad might happen. But that's all false since we the six sages were able to prove it a few months ago."

"So you're saying that it's not true? That maybe it was just a dream?"

"Yes, but don't feel bad Link. Not all dreams are prophetic."

"I understand…" Link sighed and walked away from where he sat.

"Link you must understand! I didn't mean to make you feel bad!" Nabooru yelled back.

"I know," he smiled weakly. "I just remembered that I had a chore to do. I have to pick up my new sword from Biggoron, and I can't delay any longer. Farewell Nabooru."

"Link…"

-----Death Mountain

"Oh Link. I'm glad you'rre herrre. This is my finest sworrrd. Keep the receipt as a souvenirrr."

"Thank you. Wow! It looks great Biggoron." He swung his brand new sword to test its weight. "It feels lighter but stronger too."

"Oh that's because I discoverrred a new kind of metal. I call it goronium. This metal makes it strongerrr but much lighterrr. Now you can use one hand with it. It's a verrry rarre metal Link. Take carrre of it."

"Amazing," said Link with awe. "Thank you again. I'll come again to visit you."

"Thank you. Goodbye."

----Lon Lon Ranch

"Hi Link!" chirped Malon. "Epona is ready if you need her."

"Thanks Malon," replied Link. "Anything new today?"

"All the same, unfortunately. The cuccos' eggs haven't hatched yet and the horses and cows are barely starting their breeding season."

Link laughed, "Oh I see. I guess Hylians aren't the only ones that can have fun."

Malon hit Link's arm, "Link I swear you can be such a pervert sometimes."

"Aww give me a break Malon. It's not like it wasn't that offensive."

"Boys will be boys," she rolled her eyes. "Need anything else?"

"No, not really. I was just ready to leave anyway."

"So soon?" Malon said sadly.

"Sorry but… Aww I can't resist. I'll stay in for dinner, then I'll go okay?"

"Okay! I'll get the food ready while you set up the table."

"Done deal."

It was only a matter of a few hours and everyone at Lon Lon Ranch was asleep. Link told Malon that he would spend the night, only to make her happy. But the dream was bothering him too much so he stepped out into the corral and sat in the center.

"It's just too real to be just a dream," Link thought aloud. "But then again Nabooru did say that the sages did do an experiment on it, so I guess it was just a dream."

Link sighed and looked at the moon and smiled, "This makes me happy that I'm in Hyrule and not in Termina." He sighed. "It was still nice though. Making all those friends and all, except Tatl. Even thought Navi was annoying at times, she was always there to help me feel better. Plus she knew all that was needed to know about enemies. Tatl is just the opposite, which I'm glad that I got rid of her. But I did prefer her twinkling noise to Navi's Hey! Look! Listen! Link!

"But I can't help but to be curious about the Pedestal of Time. Many times I was so tempted to place Biggoron's sword instead of the Master Sword, but my conscience told me not to and to stop thinking of myself and save Hyrule. Well none of that. I'm free from those horrible principles that everyone seemed to put on me. Thank Nayru for giving me my soul back."

Link grabbed the Fairy ocarina and played some simple tunes that he learned along his journeys. Just as he was playing the Bolero of Fire, his fingers seemed to have controlled him into playing the Song of Time.

"Whoa, this wasn't supposed to happen."

"Maybe your mind is stuck on something else Link."

"Malon?" Link turned around and saw the red head standing behind him.

"Link, sometimes if you want to get rid of a temptation you have to do it. If you don't then it'll haunt you until you go insane. I've seen it happen to a lot of people, but Link… I don't want you to get hurt."

"You heard everything didn't you?"

Malon nodded her head.

"Malon I won't. Nabooru told me that it's all false. Nothing will happen to me. I promise."

"Then will you come back safe?"

"Of course I will, Malon."

"I'm sorry for worrying but I just have a horrible premonition about it Link. I fear that something will go wrong. I don't want you to get hurt."

Link stood up and dusted off his clothes. He knew that Malon was afraid for his well-being. He also knew that she liked him very much, but Link wasn't so sure about his feelings. "I know and I'll be alright. I'll come straight back to the ranch when I take out the itch, okay? And if I don't come back, you can… punch me in the nose."

Malon managed to laugh, "Fine and I'll leave it bloody too."

"Alright, but don't count on it. Is Epona up?"

"Yes, I'll get her for you," and began to talk to the barn.

"Malon?"

Her long red locks softly swayed as she turned her head. "Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. I haven't had the chance to thank anyone for anything seven years ago and well… thank you."

The woman smiled. "You're welcome Link."

----Temple of Time

'Time to take off the temptation and go back home.'

Link stepped up to the Pedestal of Time and removed his new Biggoron's sword from its sheathe. "A coward dies many times but a man of bravery dies only once…" (1)

Link quickly thrust the sword into place and it suddenly became very quiet: the music that surrounded the Temple of Time was gone. Link tried to take his hands off the hilt but they wouldn't budge. Then he tried to take out the sword but it was stuck along with his hands.

Next thing Link knew, the blue light that had always appeared when he placed the Master Sword, became silver with light streaks of black. He screamed and struggled to get free but to no avail. The room seemed to have spun around and around like crazy. Just as Link thought it couldn't get worse, the spinning suddenly stopped flinging Link from the sword's hilt and crashing him against a tree where he fainted.

----Lon Lon Ranch

'I have a strange feeling that pangs my heart,' thought Malon as she looked to the starry sky about to blossom into a pink shade. '…Goddesses protect Link…'

-----End of Chapter 1

So whatcha think of this? Okay this is going to get weirder and weirder as the story goes along. If you think that Link is in Termina, guess again.

(1) Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. Certain quotes from that bard get stuck in my head and I sometimes put it in my fics. They may not be word for word, but they're almost the same as the original. So watch out for that.

I must have had one hell of a strange dream to think of this. Besides it did get me curious what would happen if you put Biggoron's sword in the Pedestal of Time. I did try it but Link switched to the Master Sword. Loser… -.-

The leader of that world is someone that you might not expect and the three goddesses are revered but they have another person that they praise.

Wanna take a guess?

It is a character/thing that only appeared in Majora's Mask and is limited. Gamers desperately try to 'meet' this character to make their lives easier.

I can't say too much or else it might give it away. Either way it'll appear in the next chapter and will be a major character in this fic.

I hoped y'all enjoyed it. Please R&R!

July 7, 2005: As of this day I have edited all the nasty and annoying mistakes. For the ff account, I've done that and took out any scene that could be mistaken as a lemon.