The Week after Nightfall – Part 10

Jack sat without moving after Richard left. He just stared at the floor hopelessly and tried to get his thoughts in order. After about ten minutes he'd managed to get his anger and sadness under control but he still didn't move. He felt drained again and unsure what to do next. His conversation with Walsh ran through his head over and over until he was screaming in his mind for it to stop, pleading for quiet so he could decide what to do. He was almost thankful when he heard a knock at his door, something to distract him from himself.

'Jack, Tony told me you were here. What's going on?' Nina was standing in the doorway with a look of concern on her face.

'I just came in to get up to speed before tomorrow. Anything happening?' He prayed there was just so he could direct his thoughts away from himself and his troubles.

'No, not really.' Nina hesitated. Jack looked better than when she'd seen him on Friday night, but still not his usual self. She took in the marks on his face and his tired eyes but wasn't sure whether to broach the subject. They weren't in a bar now, this was work – and although Nina wanted to get close to Jack, she knew that she had to tread very carefully. Too much interest too soon would push him away, especially if she got personal. It might make him back away altogether and she had to avoid that at all cost. But still – he looked so sad and so troubled that that unfamiliar feeling swept through her once again. Compassion. She'd felt it when she'd seen him in the bar but had dismissed it as a one off. 'Damn it!' She thought to herself. 'I can't afford to start having feelings for this man.' But she couldn't help herself as she sat down opposite him and looked at the dejected way he slumped in his seat, took in the defeated look on his face.

'How are you Jack? I was worried about you the other night. Did you get home OK?'

He almost told her he'd slept in the car, but stopped himself at the last minute. 'Yes fine. Thanks again for coming. And I'm sorry for putting you in that position, it must have been awkward for you.'

'No Jack, it wasn't awkward. And it isn't now, so don't worry about it. Like I said – call me anytime if you need me. But seriously – are you OK? You don't look very good. And...well....frankly, you look like you've been fighting.' Nina instantly worried that she'd gone too far, but she relaxed when she saw his reaction. It looked like he wasn't together enough yet to really pay attention to whether his subordinates were speaking out of turn.

Jack glanced down at his bruised knuckles. 'It was nothing. So I'll have a quiet office to come back to tomorrow huh? No impending crises?'

Nina shook her head and Jack wasn't sure whether to be relieved or not. A crisis would help him focus and take his mind off things but if he was honest, he wasn't sure how he'd cope with a stressful situation so soon after Nightfall. The thought made him curse inwardly – he'd never worried before about whether he could take the strain or not. He looked up into Nina's eyes and was again struck by the concern he saw in them. Was she concerned about whether he was capable of doing his job? Or was it...something else? He pushed the thought away with some effort. He couldn't start thinking of her that way, he just couldn't.

'OK well, I guess I'll take off then. I just wanted to drop in and make sure everything was all right here. I should get home.' Nina took the hint and stood up. 'Thanks Nina. I'll see you tomorrow.' She nodded and walked out of the office – but as she walked down the stairs to the floor of CTU, she couldn't help but allow a small smile to cross her features. If she played this right, Jack would be right where she wanted him.....

Jack stayed seated for about a minute after she left. He briefly considered how lucky he was to have such a capable woman as his second-in-command, and someone that seemed to understand him too. He brought his thoughts back with a small, silent laugh. If he didn't pull himself together, she'd have his job! That thought forced him out of his chair and made him move over to his desk – and at the same time, helped him come to a decision. The thought of anyone else doing his job just seemed wrong. Walsh had been right – he couldn't sit on the sidelines. He knew he was good at what he did, probably the best in CTU and he couldn't let himself and his country down by sitting out because things got a little tough. He WOULD carry on – and he would find out who was behind Nightfall. And when he did – they would go down. Jack made a vow to himself right then. The memories of his dead friends deserved retribution. And he, Jack Bauer, would be the one to hand it out.

He felt better for having made the decision. As soon as he had, his head began to clear and he found his thoughts began to focus. The contrasting numbness and turmoil of the last week all melted together and formed a core, that turned into anger. Whoever had done this would not get away with it. He would work his ass off to protect the American citizens that deserved it, he would get the job done the way he always had – but those people who pretended to look after the people of this country while working their own agenda – they had better look out. And that included those in power. They would not be safe from him.

Jack sat at his desk and felt compelled to work for the first time since Kosovo. He picked up the phone and made several calls, requesting that all department heads put together a review of all CTU's investigations that had happened in his absence, and all work in progress. He wanted them ready for the morning so he could get up to speed on everything as soon as he came in tomorrow. He called people at other agencies and other CTU offices, asking for updates on any impending cases that might soon be heading his way. He worked for about thirty minutes, feeling better and more focussed than he had in a week. Yes! This is what he was meant to be doing! This was more like him. Jack felt so relieved to be back in the game, so relieved that he seemed to be coming through the pain. If work was what would fix his head – then by God he'd keep working. And he wouldn't stop until he was all better.

Jack hung up after a call to the FBI and realized there was nothing more he could really do right now. He figured that he'd better get back to Teri. She was bound to be wondering where he was and Jack supposed that he should have called her this morning. It was unlike him to not keep in touch with her when he was away so she was probably worried. He sighed. He may have figured out a way to focus his mind at work but he couldn't help but feel apprehensive when he thought of going home. What if it all came back? What if he had flashbacks every time he saw that red cushion in the den? Jack shook his head and told himself to stop being stupid. He couldn't spend all his time at the office, he had to go home sometime.

But Jack was dismayed to find that the prospect didn't fill him with any joy, just nervousness. At all costs, he had to keep Teri and Kim away from what had happened. He couldn't let them know what he'd been through, couldn't explain to them how he'd failed. He couldn't explain about the need for vengeance either. No, he had to go and act naturally. There was no other way. They had to be kept away from his job - partly because they weren't allowed to know about it but mainly because he had to have somewhere to go that wasn't about pain and death and betrayal. He could see that now – but still wasn't sure how to adapt between the two worlds. However, there was no alternative. Keeping them separate was the only way he could get through it all. Jack rested his head on the back of his chair, closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Why hadn't he seen this before? If he could just keep all his feelings at work, he'd be fine when he got home. Two different worlds, two different Jacks! Yes. It was all quite simple. He probably hadn't seen it before because there'd been no need, he'd never been in this situation before. But there was a need for it now.

He stood up and felt in his pocket for his car keys – and felt paper instead. In all he'd gone through that morning, he'd forgotten about the letter to Saunders' wife. What was he going to do about this one? He couldn't go to London and he hadn't really known Stephen that well anyway. MI-6 had loaned him out for the mission, Jack hadn't met him before that. He'd learned to respect him quickly though – Saunders was a very good soldier. He even technically outranked Jack, being a Major, but had followed Jacks orders perfectly and never once acted like he should have been in charge. He'd been brave and professional, a true patriot. They'd spent a couple of evenings together before leaving for Kosovo, swapping war stories and jokingly comparing the hierarchies of their respective armies. Stephen had pretended to be outraged at the mangled way that Americans pronounced 'Lieutenant' and Jack had responded with gags about the Americans defeat of the British hundreds of years ago.

He'd liked Stephen and respected him, he'd been a credit to the British Army – well, Jack mused, the Brits had always been great allies. They were tenacious fighters and Stephen had done his country proud. Jack was sorry that he couldn't have spent more time with the MI-6 man, and was even sorrier that he was holding this letter in his hands. He sighed sadly and reached for the phone once more, dialling a number from memory.

'This is Jack Bauer, I need to speak to Tim Cavanagh please.' A female British voice asked him to hold while he was connected and it wasn't long before it was replaced by a familiar one.

'Jack? Tim here. What can I do for you?' Cavanagh was Jacks closest contact in the LA office of MI-6. He hadn't known the specifics of Nightfall but had been helpful when Jack had called to ask him about Saunders. Naturally cautious when it came to working relationships, Jack had phoned his friend to find out anything he could about the man assigned to him as soon as he'd been informed about Saunders attachment to Nightfall.

'Hi Tim. I'm phoning about Stephen Saunders.'

Tim laughed raucously. 'Been showing up you Yanks has he? You've seen how a proper government man works and now you want to know where he learned it? Well, sorry old chap, state secret!' Jack smiled into the phone, he wasn't offended by the jokes, knowing full well that the British only considered you a friend if they could take the piss out of you. The smile quickly left his face when he thought about having to break the news and his voice was sober when he replied.

'Not exactly Tim.'

Cavanagh caught the tone and stopped joking around. 'Is everything all right?'

Jack explained what had happened as far as he could, into a silent and serious phone. 'I'm surprised you didn't know about it. Hasn't the word gone out that he hadn't come back?'

'Not the way we work Jack. We don't post obituaries on our network.' Tim sounded dead serious now and very shaken up and Jack experienced the now-familiar dead weight in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't expected Tim not to know about Stephen and he felt bad all over again at having to break the news. He tried to hold on to the thought that this would be the last time he would have to do this.

'I'm sorry Tim. I know you worked together in London for a while. But the reason I'm calling is – well, I have a letter for his wife. It's got a London address but you know how things work, someone needs to take it to her. Obviously I can't – and it has to be someone who understands the situation, someone who knew that he'd been lent to us. She'll need to be told that he died overseas, but not the circumstances. I'm sure I don't need to tell you this Tim, but I have to.' Jack hated stating the obvious but he needed to make sure that Tim understood. She could not be told that he'd been working for the US Government.

'Yes yes Jack, I quite understand. I can take it myself as a matter of fact, I'm due back in London for a couple of weeks, leaving in three days. Send the letter over here and I'll take it to Felicity myself. Bloody hell, this is awful. I can't believe it! She'll be devastated – and Jane! My God, the girl's only twelve....'

Jack closed his eyes and tried to block out what Tim was saying. He'd forgotten about Stephen's daughter, who was only slightly younger than Kim. Once again he couldn't stop the thoughts of what would have happened if the sabotage had been complete. Who would have gone to see Teri and Kim? What would they have done without him? Kim was thirteen now, when she was an adult would she even have remembered him clearly? Jack knew that Kim took his presence for granted, as any young person does with their parents. Would she have hated him for missing her growing up? The thought of all the things that he might have missed with her brought a flood of fear and pain through him and he screwed up his eyes against it. He couldn't bear the thought of being without Kim and it was unimaginable what Jane might be going through right now. All of a sudden he couldn't wait to get home and wrap his arms around his little girl. He wanted to reassure her that he'd always be there for her, he couldn't imagine what he'd do without her. With this in mind he had to cut into Tim's shocked ramblings.

'Tim I know, it's awful. Thank you for taking care of this for me, I really appreciate it. Please make sure that his wife knows what a good soldier he was. He really did a great job, I was very proud to have him on my team. America owes him a great debt of gratitude.'

'Yes, thank you Jack. I'll...I'll make sure she knows. And I'm glad you got back all right.'

'Thanks Tim. Have a safe trip.' Jack hung up, then as quickly as he could he grabbed an envelope and put Stephen's letter inside, wrote a quick note expressing his thanks again and addressed it to Tim's office. Relief washed through him as he sat back in his chair and turned his face to the ceiling. It was over! He could finally start to put it behind him and move on. He felt quite giddy with relief and sat still for a few minutes while he got himself together. Thank God! The last job had been done. Nightfall was over!

He didn't have a clue that he couldn't have been more wrong.

Jack pulled up in his driveway and turned the key to kill the engine of the car. He let his hands drop off the steering wheel and rest on his thighs but he didn't make a move to get out of the car. Instead he stared straight ahead and tried to piece the weekend together one last time – so that he could let it go and enter his home a renewed man.

He'd cried more in the last two days than he had in the last fifteen years. He'd never been through such a rollercoaster of emotions. He'd faced down anger, hate, fear, embarrassment, rage, pain, numbness, relief, sadness, humiliation and everything in between. He'd been blind drunk the last two nights. He'd had thoughts about another woman that he probably shouldn't have. He'd beaten two men unconscious, almost broken down in front of a friend, he'd considered leaving his job. He'd felt rage towards the people he worked for, rage like he'd never known in his life. He'd had flashbacks and faced the unwelcome experience of being utterly out of control.

But he was still standing. He would not give in. He would walk into his house, hold his family in his arms and be what they needed him to be. Then tomorrow – tomorrow he would walk into work and do what was asked of him by his country. Do more than what was asked of him. And he would find them – those people who had seen fit to betray America and kill the good men that defended it. Those people that sold him out and tried to murder him. They would not be able to hide from Jack Bauer. His resolve was hardened into an impenetrable wall in his mind, strengthening him against all attacks and thoughts of weakness.

He grabbed his travel bag, got out of the car and slung it over his shoulder. He stood in the shadows of the house and noticed the way the late afternoon sunlight lit up the walls of his home, casting a golden glow over the path to the door. He smiled as he thought of Teri and Kim sitting inside, waiting for him to come home so they could be a family again - and with that thought he pushed all others to the back where they belonged. He had survived. That was what mattered.

Jack squared his shoulders and stepped out of the shadows, in to the sunlight that warmed him as he walked back into his life.

THE END