Suffering Defeat or A Child Named Turmoil
By: Kekewey
You think you know my motives.
You've only been decieving yourself.
Or perhaps you've fallen for my facade
But I can't assume that or you might catch me
And make my life ten times worse than it already is.
Although I cannot imagine how much more you can make me suffer
Except when you show up in my nightmares.
When you taunt me and show me how you know everything that lies behind my
sapphire eyes.
I read somewhere that eyes are the windows to a person's soul and give away
their secrets and thoughts.
Why do you think I let my bangs grow long?
I wake up, sometimes screaming, when you look at me like that in my dreams.
But you never do in the real world.
I thank God every day I don't see that specific self-satisfied smirk on
your face, but only see the others.
Those other smirks are quickly becoming mine.
You know I hate you with every fiber of my being.
And you like it.
You savor every morsel of abhorition and loathing I serve you.
You know why I detest you.
I've become you.
I've cast aside every single emotion I posses except for that hate, and
maybe I have kept love.
But my heart is too dark and cold to see.
It's identical to yours.
Did you ever ask yourself why a ten-year-old boy so eagerly sold his soul
for you?
Or did you blindly accept that I actually wanted to be your heir?
I laid my naked body on the table and let you operate on me.
I did it for love.
Not love for you. God strike me down if I even considered loving you.
It was my love for another.
I made a promise to protect him, and I always keep my promises.
I knew the price to keep my vow.
My dignity.
My happiness.
My humanity.
I fooled you into thinking that I thought nothing of a person that was my
own flesh and blood.
If I hadn't you would have used him against me.
So I took the blows.
Worked on your "assignments".
(Little did I know how many murders my assignments would cause, how their
blood stained my hands, and how I can still see the scarlet, even now).
I kept all of your attention on me instead of my little otouto.
I willingly laid my body on the altar and stabbed myself with the sacred
knife.
You always told me that losing means death.
I wonder which kind.
I've already died inside and that was when I had won.
If that is winning, than is it worth it?
You know what my one victory was.
I took over the company, the one thing you cherished and loved.
But I lost as well.
As you jumped out that boardroom window, you laughed.
You laughed because you know I had lost one of my battles, the one you knew
about.
I had fully transformed into you.
But that wasn't all I had been defeated at.
What I didn't count on was my otouto losing a little of that sparkle in his
eyes.
Don't think I didn't notice how he sometimes faked his optimism to cover
his bitterness and loathing that was identical to mine.
It was as if he knew exactly why I accepted your teachings so quickly and
without question.
I didn't count on how he sufferred silently.
How could he not as he watched you destroy me?
How I destroyed myself?
I lost the one I tried to protect.
The only person that I loved.
The one I tried to save.
Now that you are gone I have another task.
I must protect my otouto from a new enemy.
Myself.
By: Kekewey
You think you know my motives.
You've only been decieving yourself.
Or perhaps you've fallen for my facade
But I can't assume that or you might catch me
And make my life ten times worse than it already is.
Although I cannot imagine how much more you can make me suffer
Except when you show up in my nightmares.
When you taunt me and show me how you know everything that lies behind my
sapphire eyes.
I read somewhere that eyes are the windows to a person's soul and give away
their secrets and thoughts.
Why do you think I let my bangs grow long?
I wake up, sometimes screaming, when you look at me like that in my dreams.
But you never do in the real world.
I thank God every day I don't see that specific self-satisfied smirk on
your face, but only see the others.
Those other smirks are quickly becoming mine.
You know I hate you with every fiber of my being.
And you like it.
You savor every morsel of abhorition and loathing I serve you.
You know why I detest you.
I've become you.
I've cast aside every single emotion I posses except for that hate, and
maybe I have kept love.
But my heart is too dark and cold to see.
It's identical to yours.
Did you ever ask yourself why a ten-year-old boy so eagerly sold his soul
for you?
Or did you blindly accept that I actually wanted to be your heir?
I laid my naked body on the table and let you operate on me.
I did it for love.
Not love for you. God strike me down if I even considered loving you.
It was my love for another.
I made a promise to protect him, and I always keep my promises.
I knew the price to keep my vow.
My dignity.
My happiness.
My humanity.
I fooled you into thinking that I thought nothing of a person that was my
own flesh and blood.
If I hadn't you would have used him against me.
So I took the blows.
Worked on your "assignments".
(Little did I know how many murders my assignments would cause, how their
blood stained my hands, and how I can still see the scarlet, even now).
I kept all of your attention on me instead of my little otouto.
I willingly laid my body on the altar and stabbed myself with the sacred
knife.
You always told me that losing means death.
I wonder which kind.
I've already died inside and that was when I had won.
If that is winning, than is it worth it?
You know what my one victory was.
I took over the company, the one thing you cherished and loved.
But I lost as well.
As you jumped out that boardroom window, you laughed.
You laughed because you know I had lost one of my battles, the one you knew
about.
I had fully transformed into you.
But that wasn't all I had been defeated at.
What I didn't count on was my otouto losing a little of that sparkle in his
eyes.
Don't think I didn't notice how he sometimes faked his optimism to cover
his bitterness and loathing that was identical to mine.
It was as if he knew exactly why I accepted your teachings so quickly and
without question.
I didn't count on how he sufferred silently.
How could he not as he watched you destroy me?
How I destroyed myself?
I lost the one I tried to protect.
The only person that I loved.
The one I tried to save.
Now that you are gone I have another task.
I must protect my otouto from a new enemy.
Myself.