Botan was happy. Christmas was great. New Years had been great. Sad thing was she didn't remember much of it. From being tossed around from her friends to being stressed out by Hiei she was at a loss. Her body ached. Her mind ached. And her ability to control herself from screaming was running thin. Was this sexual tension or something? The testing stage had passed. They all knew that it had too. So, now, they just were. He didn't do anything, yet she felt as if she was melting from the inside when he looked at her. He didn't touch her in any way and yet her fingers burned to feel him. She had never felt this way before. The children had noticed something wrong with her, Yukina had taken then away a few days ago when she noticed this change in Botan.

Botan paced about the small home. Some snow had fallen, and then melted leaving a frozen ground. Yuskue had stopped by every now and then, concerned about something. About her? More then likely Keiko had put him in the dog house again and he had nothing better to do with his free time. Kuwabara had taken it upon himself to show Yukina how he was a children person and spent ever moment he could with them; Nilgato not at all delighted and Amy unable to contain her joy. Things had changed, and Botan hadn't noticed a thing. It was is if her eyes had closed and she couldn't open them. She hadn't expected feeling this confused.

Then there was Hiei. Something was going on with him. He avoided her, more then he used to. She felt as if she was filthy or something. She sat alone on a couch, sipping a cup of water wondering if she should take another long vacation and see if anything would change. She was still confused about a few other things. Kurama had left a week ago in search of Nami, by Botan's command. And that was all. He had yet to return. Botan knew that when he did the demons would return. Nami was a vessel, they needed her. And one of their goals had been accomplished with her, she hurt them emotionally, yet not intentionally.

Botan sighed and stood up, placed her cup on the counter and looked about the home. It was filthy. She hadn't cleaned it. What was the point, she was the only one in it these days. Once four, down to one. She was heart broken at that. The only joy she had was Canna's gift.

It was a pendent. Beautiful, and shiny. The perfect gift for Botan. She wore it all the time and would only pull it off to stare at it.

"I miss her."

"Her?" A fierce voice said from the corner. Botan turned around, her eyes wide in surprise and horror. Even after all that training she couldn't notice when someone entered the room, she was hopeless. He stood in the corner; arms crossed and face set in a cold look. She felt so broken. "What is that thing?" he indicated with his head.

"A gift from a friend." She stuffed it back down her shirt.

When had they gotten so cold?

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Nami rolled over on her belly and held her leg. She had become deathly ill days ago. Yet they only mocked her, threw rocks, some still raped her. She sniffed, her nose no longer bleeding, yet blood all over her lips and chin. Her body was scared, all over. It hurt her to breath and move. She had done nothing to earn this pain. She was a tool they used, she didn't even remember what happened.

A snap caused her body to jerk about in fear. One of them was coming. She huddled together, ignoring the pain, trying to get away. The only thing that made her feel a bit easy was the torch. They never traveled with torches; maybe…maybe that meant something.

If it was possible she would have jumped for joy. Yet all she could do was cry for joy. It was Kurama. She would have run to him, again if it was possible. He looked at her, his eyes sad. Bending down he ran a hand over her chin. "What have they done to you?" He whispered.

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Hiei couldn't explain himself, not that he ever did. He was being so cold to her. Even after all they had been through, he felt a fierce anger towards her. Every time he looked at her, smelled something that reminded him of her, saw the color blue; he ended up destroying something. Yet this time, he had to speak to her. And he did, though he noticed that she was already crying.

He felt no remorse.

He had left her there on the floor to take his anger out on a nearby tree. What was wrong with him? He had vowed to love her once, and now he felt like killing her. Was it because she left him? Because she wouldn't tell him where she was? What she had done? Or the fact that she was so weak right now. Hell, he had made her cry just from looking at her. He felt nothing towards her but anger.

"I loved you." He mumbled as a tree fell. "I loved you unconditionally." He was on a branch now just looking at nothingness. "I wanted you to be mine." He put his head in his hands. Moments later a cry of anger and pain was heard in the night. Hiei was angry; but he didn't know why.

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Botan whipped her eyes. That ass! He made her feel so insignificant now. As if she was dirt. She felt like what he used to think of her. "What did I do!?" She threw a dish at the wall; it shattered and fell about the room. Her whole body was shaking in rage; at herself, at him, at the situation.

She didn't bother to pick the pieces up as she left to her room. She fell onto her bed, her head buried in the pillow as she sobbed. They were supposed to be in love! Or so she had believed, she didn't know anymore.

After the night she had returned he had been the man she loved. But the next night he disappeared, he didn't return till New Years. When he did return he didn't look at her for days. Then he asked her questions she couldn't answer thanks to Hisho. She wanted to reach out to him and tell him everything, yet she could not. Why? Because it was part of her training. The pendant was on the floor, Botan glared at it. This anger welding up inside her was demanding release. She sat up and threw her pillow. The only thing that happened was a feather emitting from inside.

"I still love him." She mumbled, yet she felt that he no longer loved her.

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Nami was sound asleep. Kurama made no move to wake her, no move to comfort her either. Her body was limp in his hands, but he knew she lived. Thankfully. He had killed. He had killed a lot in this rage. His hands once again would be stained in the blood of others. Though they were not innocent. They had evoked this wrath upon themselves. They took someone who was precious to him and harmed her in the worst ways. She was mentally and emotionally lost to him.

He found himself at Botan's home. He stood there for the longest time just looking at it. He wouldn't take her near the others. They would harm her. They didn't understand his devotion to this woman. Botan had a caring heart, she would help. He walked in, looking at the plate pieces on the floor. He could smell the trouble and anger. He placed Nami on a chair and wondered to Botan's room. She was crying into her kimono's sleeve. "Botan…" He mumbled. She looked up at him, tears still running down her face. He moved besides her and sat, collecting her in his arms. Great, two unhappy women; both mentally and emotionally unhappy. He shushed her as she sobbed on, petting her hair. The only thing he knew to do. She would tell him in time what was wrong. Nami was in need of healing, but she could wait a bit.

"He hates me." Botan sobbed into his shoulder, her nails digging into his arms. He pulled back to look at her, one eyebrow raised in confusion. "He won't look at me, and when he does I can feel the hate. He talks to me so coldly. He left me here crying!" She wiped her nose again with the sleeve.

That was a dirty kimono. He sighed and rubbed her back. "Shh, shh. Don't worry. I have things to explain to you, but first, I need you to help me." Botan looked hurt that he put his needs first but followed him out of the room. As she saw Nami her face cleared up and she rushed to her side. Even after all the pain she felt from that battle her heart bleed for Nami.

"Give me some time." Botan said as she lifted Nami and took her to the bed room. The door closing after her. Kurama waited a moment looking at the blood stains on the couch.

"Hiei," he sighed, "we have to talk." He wasn't going to enjoy this.

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Didn't expect that did ya?

Update soon, short chapters. Sorry.

Melimea