Part 1
Intro: Sob childhood flashback including mandatory murder of those you
loved
When I was 5 my family was murdered before my young, cute, and innocent eyes. I remember that day vividly. It was sunny at first, but then it began to rain, although it was the dry season. My father, a former samurai, sensed the attack before it came. Perhaps it was the sudden downpour, or maybe just the terrible stench of the murderers, who are required by law to not take baths. Whatever it was, he knew...
...He told me to go hide, so I went and hid blank # A. The murderers past me by seven times, including the time that I ran out from my hiding spot and took a piss on the wall. They didn't notice the muddy footprints leading directly to my hiding place either. They did, however, find my family, in their blank # B, and they brutally murdered them by blank # C.
As I stood in the middle of the road, still unnoticed, I gripped my father's katana to my heart as a single tear dripped down my cheek [cue sappy music]. The sword was all that had (conveniently) survived the raid and the fire that had consumed my entire house (despite it [the house] being drenched by rain). The fire continued to burn strong as I walked (on top of the flood caused by the rain) dramatically into the dark forest.
A day has not passed when I have not regretted that my last words to blank # D were "blank # E!"
Later I met master blank # F who agreed to train me in the blank # G style of swordsmanship for no apparent reason. And so I began my training to become the strongest and avenge my parents by killing Battousai (although he is totally irrelevant to this story).
Blank # A: Insert totally noticeable and cliché hiding place. Examples:
Under the covers on your futon
In a corner
Holding a cushion on top of your head
Behind a rack of swords
Blank # B: really good hiding spot. Example:
Hidden underground fortress entered through a trapdoor under a rug guarded by the demons of hell and some hot sexy guys who die nobly in the family's defense.
Blank # C: a slow and painful death shown in slow-mo from eighty different view points, including those of the dust mites. Examples:
Hacked to death. Katana must be drawn agonizingly slowly from the
sheath. About five minutes is good.
Strangled. Be sure they take ten minutes of pathetic squealing and
gasping and struggling to die.
Be creative, but not original
Forced to suffer a quintuple block of math
Note: include a lot of blood spurting everywhere no matter what
Blank # D: Cliché family member of choice. Examples:
Harsh but loving father
Kindhearted mother
Ambitious teenage maid or sister
Cute but annoying little sibbling
Arrogant older brother
Blank # E: Some cliché "I hate you!" phrase. Ex:
"You could never understand me!" "You don't care about me!" "I wish you were dead!" "I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!"
Blank # F: Some long important sounding Japanese name. Examples:
Iwan Akik Yoass (the fourteenth)
Omi Omae (the last)
Ahmri Tartet (the negative fourth)
Sakayou Motihiru Shogumetsu Akawe no Mahiro (Bob)
Blank # G: Some long fancy made up fighting style with a title of at least five words. Examples:
Fukda Bas Tard Iwana Kil (brought to you by The Bloody Gore Foundation)
Gital da Hoti Bishoujo Gal (brought to you by The Natural Male "Enhancer")
Shokuki Mekumo Arido Numekosetki Hachimoki Ureiu dohu Tokama Jurehuinai Heriki Gomehendai Ryuu (brought to you by Adikkted to Foniks, Yo!)
Intro: Sob childhood flashback including mandatory murder of those you
loved
When I was 5 my family was murdered before my young, cute, and innocent eyes. I remember that day vividly. It was sunny at first, but then it began to rain, although it was the dry season. My father, a former samurai, sensed the attack before it came. Perhaps it was the sudden downpour, or maybe just the terrible stench of the murderers, who are required by law to not take baths. Whatever it was, he knew...
...He told me to go hide, so I went and hid blank # A. The murderers past me by seven times, including the time that I ran out from my hiding spot and took a piss on the wall. They didn't notice the muddy footprints leading directly to my hiding place either. They did, however, find my family, in their blank # B, and they brutally murdered them by blank # C.
As I stood in the middle of the road, still unnoticed, I gripped my father's katana to my heart as a single tear dripped down my cheek [cue sappy music]. The sword was all that had (conveniently) survived the raid and the fire that had consumed my entire house (despite it [the house] being drenched by rain). The fire continued to burn strong as I walked (on top of the flood caused by the rain) dramatically into the dark forest.
A day has not passed when I have not regretted that my last words to blank # D were "blank # E!"
Later I met master blank # F who agreed to train me in the blank # G style of swordsmanship for no apparent reason. And so I began my training to become the strongest and avenge my parents by killing Battousai (although he is totally irrelevant to this story).
Blank # A: Insert totally noticeable and cliché hiding place. Examples:
Under the covers on your futon
In a corner
Holding a cushion on top of your head
Behind a rack of swords
Blank # B: really good hiding spot. Example:
Hidden underground fortress entered through a trapdoor under a rug guarded by the demons of hell and some hot sexy guys who die nobly in the family's defense.
Blank # C: a slow and painful death shown in slow-mo from eighty different view points, including those of the dust mites. Examples:
Hacked to death. Katana must be drawn agonizingly slowly from the
sheath. About five minutes is good.
Strangled. Be sure they take ten minutes of pathetic squealing and
gasping and struggling to die.
Be creative, but not original
Forced to suffer a quintuple block of math
Note: include a lot of blood spurting everywhere no matter what
Blank # D: Cliché family member of choice. Examples:
Harsh but loving father
Kindhearted mother
Ambitious teenage maid or sister
Cute but annoying little sibbling
Arrogant older brother
Blank # E: Some cliché "I hate you!" phrase. Ex:
"You could never understand me!" "You don't care about me!" "I wish you were dead!" "I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!"
Blank # F: Some long important sounding Japanese name. Examples:
Iwan Akik Yoass (the fourteenth)
Omi Omae (the last)
Ahmri Tartet (the negative fourth)
Sakayou Motihiru Shogumetsu Akawe no Mahiro (Bob)
Blank # G: Some long fancy made up fighting style with a title of at least five words. Examples:
Fukda Bas Tard Iwana Kil (brought to you by The Bloody Gore Foundation)
Gital da Hoti Bishoujo Gal (brought to you by The Natural Male "Enhancer")
Shokuki Mekumo Arido Numekosetki Hachimoki Ureiu dohu Tokama Jurehuinai Heriki Gomehendai Ryuu (brought to you by Adikkted to Foniks, Yo!)