A/N: I just finished reading "Outlander", the first book by Diana Gabaldon. Don't send me spoilers and I just wrote a little vignette to appease my appetite. I don't own anyone, but I want to jump Jaime's bones. Yes, this fiction is somewhat titled after a chapter in "Outlander". You'll see why in a few moments.
Disclaimer: I don't own Jaime or Claire, this short is my interpretation of the aforementioned character Claire's feelings at the end of the novel. I've left them at the Abbey as that is where "Outlander" ends.
Summary: Claire reflects on what has happened thus far in her relationship with Jaime and their seriously more complicated affairs.
I Came To The CastleClaire:
As if in a dream state, I inhaled the pungent morning air that came with living in the Abbey. Jaime and I were used to the potpourri by now, although we'd asked that they kindly switch their Lavender incense to something that didn't send my spouse into the cold sweats. Lying in my bed, with my husbands arms locked lovingly around me, I breathed in again, that oh so familiar odor.
Jaime stirred beside me, the length of his body curving so perfectly next to mine. This movement had, as familiar as it was, been at the moment unsettling. The following feelings jarred me. It was like it had finally set in; who I was now, where I was now… but most importantly, who I loved now.
Thinking these things brought many an issue to my already weary head. I saw myself arriving only months ago at Craigh na Dun. Falling out of the stone and, unwillingly into Jack Randall's arms, only to be unexpectedly turned over to a band of Scottish highlanders on the run. Who would have thought that this, everything I have now, everything I've been through, came from my wanting to pick wild flowers?
I can remember arriving at Castle Leoch. Its' people so strange to me, the customs and speech, all failing to be understood by my uncomprehending mind. It had seemed so unreal... I had just known that I couldn't possibly have traveled back in time through a circle of stones, it was strictly illogical. But back then, nothing in my logical mind could add up the preternatural numbers that had been staring me in the face.
I rolled over and looking tenderly at the sleeping face of my husband. His fiery hair swept over his forehead, his two toned eyelashes flickering with the movements of his dreaming eyes. I lightly pressed my fingers to my lips and touched his cheek. My reply was naught but a grunt and his arms tightening their grip on my waist. Giggling softly, I closed my eyes and fell back into the bliss I had been enjoying moments before.
But, I couldn't help but wonder what was happening in my previous life. Was Frank happy? Had he fallen into another idyllic relationship? Perhaps she who was probably now my former husbands companion, was more interested in the historic affairs that engrossed his intellect.
I was roused from my thoughts by a strong hand patting my rump and a pair of cornflower blue eyes searching my face. There was no use hiding it. Jaime Fraser would forever be able to read me like a book.
"D'ya miss him?" he asked. I looked down at our entangled sheets that bound us together. I laced my fingers with him and pressed my forehead into the hollow of his chest.
"Not half as much as I would have missed you should I have obeyed you." I murmured.
"Aye, I understand that lass, but you were thinking o' 'im only a moment ago." He replied quietly. "I'm not gonna lie Sassenach, sometimes I see ye staring off into the distance and I ken ye been thinking o' 'im. Makes a man some jealous sometimes."
"Jaime," I started, but the Scot shhed me.
"Claire, I've told ye once already that yer mine. I don't ever want to ha' to let ye go. But sometimes, when ye got that look on yer face, I wonder if ye made the right choice." I felt his chest tighten against me.
I curled myself and snuggled as close to him as I could without crawling inside of him. His hands snaked around me completely and locked themselves securely in my hair. His arms keeping me tight to him, I turned my face up to look my man in the eyes, Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ he had beautiful eyes.
"Jaime," I began again, but when he went to shh me, I plowed straight through it. "I love you. I don't love anyone other than you, I-I can't." I felt my face growing hot and the blush probably covered me head to toe. He chuckled softly and tried to interject.
"No, don't try to shut me up Jaime Fraser. When- when I first came through the stones at Craigh na Dun, I was sure I'd gone mad. Nothing made sense, I felt scared and alone." There I'd said it. I waited a moment and tried to continue. I felt scared and alone, that's what I'd said. Somehow, as I said those words I felt Franks gaze leveling with mine.
"I-I married you and, suddenly, I wasn't alone anymore. I felt safe again. You said that there were two of us now." I was choking on my words now. I never imagined it would have been so hard to explain how I felt in words. Everything seemed perfect in my thoughts. "Even when I was with Frank, I never felt as safe as I do when you're holding me. I love you Jaime Fraser. When you look at me, with exactly that look on your face…" I stopped for a moment to look up into his deep eyes. To similar pools of blue, so wonderfully complimented by his red hair, mussed with sleep. Blinking back the tears, I looked back at his chest.
"I can't remember a time when I've felt more in love with anyone or anything in my entire life. Oh God Jaime, I wish I was better at explaining things. Remember when I said that loving and wanting were two different things?"
"Aye, I do." Jaime's voice was barely over audible. His free arm, that wasn't trapped under my body as we lay face to face on the bed, traced my spine. Up and down the small knobs of my vertebrae, the hand was comforting as it was roaming.
Sunlight crept through the cracks of the dark monastery curtains and it was like my husband was bathed in an otherworldly glow for a moment. His golden skin reflecting the light. I wanted to roll in his light so badly.
"Well, I want you so much that it hurts, and I love you so much that it takes the hurt away from wanting you." I blurted, tears rolling down my face. Great Claire, I scolded myself. I felt the rogue hand make its way to my cheek and I felt the fingers wipe away the fat tears from the corners of my eyes. I felt more sobs threatening to rack my body and I shivered. Jaime protectively pulled the blankets up from their place at our hips and wrapped the thin material over our shoulders. I tipped my head up to look my husband in the eyes.
"Sassenach, Claire. Ye ken I love you. I'm sorry for bringing Frank up again, I havena least bit of tact. Please Mo Duinne." He whispered Gaelic into my ear. "Forgive me fer doubting ye. I shoulda ken better."
I smiled weakly and shook my head.
"Jaime Fraser, stop apologizing. It's not your fault. I-I needed to get that off my chest, I needed you to know."
His eyes flashed and I felt his embrace sliding from my upper body downwards. I giggled and turned my face to his. "Now kiss me."
And he did.
When I first fell through the stones at Craigh na Dun, I hadn't expected many things. I hadn't expected to be turned into a doctor for a group of outlaws full of clumsies. I hadn't expected getting married to save my skin, or expected the gaggle of onlookers outside of my door after the consummation.
I came to the castle, and sometimes I wonder if maybe the castle found me. When I say the castle, I mean Jaime, I mean Murtagh, Dougal, Colum, Laoghaire, everyone and everything that's ever happened to me here in Scotland. Everything that the castles that dot the highlands mean, I hadn't expected anything when I arrived. I most definitely hadn't expected to fall madly in love with a tall, handsome, red haired angel named Jaime Fraser.
Finis
A/N: Thanks for reading this short little vignette, I've never written an "Outlander" fiction before and I wanted to stay true to the characters as much as possible. I'd appreciate anything you have to say about this story. I'm not going to break so be brutal.