Author's Notes: At last, the final chapter in the final installment of the trilogy. My work here is complete. I hope you had the time of your life. ;-). Currently, I'm working on a Teen Titans story, but I may be back with a new TNMT tale... Either the "Raph goes crazy" scenario (which I haven't really explored in my own head yet) or, more likely, a story I'm thinking up called "Demon" in which Leo goes over the top when dealing with a criminal and accidnetally becomes one himself... If you're interested in seeing either of these, just say so. (PS: I'm not posting the deleted excerpts, I've decided. They're not worthy. So don't expect a next chapter).

In the meantime, I figure I should disclaim some things.

In chapter one, the song lyrics in the beginning are from "The Runaway" by Something Corporate. The lyrics in the next chapter are from "Let You Down" by New Found Glory. And, the lyrics that finish the piece are from "Time of Your Life" by Green Day (who, I should mention, named themselves after the turtles. Once a week they'd get together and watch TNNMT and laugh and talk about it. They called this turtles day "Green Day." And thus the name of their band.)

Also, I probably should mention that I have no legal claims/rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and its characters and affiliates. Although you all already know that, seeing as you've been reading fan fictions and watching the show long before I came and wrote this story. Nonetheless, legalities often make little sense... I just don't want to get sued.

Now, on to the final installment.

Chapter Six: Awakening

It was incredibly strange and awkward... All this time, I had thought Donatello's awakening would be some happy affair, with streamers and smiles, almost a celebration. But it almost seemed as though he'd died.

Before I knew it, I was running down the hall, with Michelangelo on my heals. We stopped short of Donatello's closed door. I placed my hand on the knob and hesitated.

"What are you waiting for?" Michelangelo asked anxiously, and strangely out of breath. I turned to him, fear in my eyes.

"Why do you think they were so grim?" I asked him. "D'you think he's OK?"

Mikey merely nodded. "Of course I do," he said. "If he wasn't, he wouldn't be awake."

His optimism talking again. Drawing strength from it, I took a deep breath and opened the door.

Splinter was sitting by his bedside with a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a cup of water. Donatello was on his side, facing the wall away from us. I could feel myself shaking as I stood in the doorway.

Splinter looked up at Mikey and me, looking quite nonchalant. He looked at me long and hard, then turned to Mikey.

"Michelangelo," he said, putting the bowl of soup on Don's bedside table. "Come with me."

"But Master Splinter–"

"Now, my son," he said, rising, and taking Mikey by the shoulder. Grumbling, the youngest turtle left reluctantly, shooting desperate looks at his poor brother. The door closed and we were alone.

I could hear his shaking breath and for a moment, I held mine, not knowing what to say to him.

"I suppose you want to know why I did it." It was a simple statement, without any inclining tone of a question. I shrugged at his words, and then remembered he couldn't see me.

"Only if you're willing to tell," I said, taking the chair Splinter had vacated.

Don turned over in his bed and stared at me with bloodshot eyes. His face was pale, and he seemed somehow older, aged prematurely by his suicide attempt. Or perhaps it was the reasons behind the attempt that had added years on the young turtle.

"It has nothing to do with you, if you were wondering," he said. I frowned.

"Why would I think–"

"Because you always do," Don interrupted, evenly. He sighed.

"So why did you do it?" I asked after a long silence. He looked at me.

"Sometimes there are things that just can't be settled," he replied. "I didn't really intend on killing myself."

"Oh no?" I said, skeptically.

"No," he said, simply. "I... I wasn't thinking. One thing led to another and... You know, I took one, and then another, and then in my ecstatic state I almost forgot what I was taking them for. I just wanted to remember what it was to be... happy, you know?"

He glanced at his desk and noticed the new pill bottle I had left there before running out on Splinter.

"I didn't know I had more," he whispered.

"You didn't," I replied. "I got those from Danny."

Don looked like a child caught red handed stealing a cookie. But he merely sighed again. "Damn."

"You don't need them, Donnie," I said. "They just fuck you up and make you do stupid things."

Don nodded silently. "I guess I should have known better, huh?"

"Don... what's wrong? What was so wrong that you felt you couldn't talk to me about it? I woulda understood–"

"No, Raphael!" Donatello snapped, angrily. "No, you wouldn't have understood. Every damn day you're so involved in your own problems that you could care less about everyone else's!"

I looked at him in shock. "Don, that's not true... I care about you."

"Yeah," said Don with a scoff. "You care. Only because if something were to happen to me, you would feel guilty, right? You would have problems with it, and you would continue in your incessant cries for attention that everyone sees yet chooses to ignore because it's just another one of those things you do."

The words cut worse than the razor had and my arms began to throb again.

"Don..." I said. "Don, no... It's not like that, not now, Don, I get it..."

Don looked at my armbands as if it justified his claims. "Oh, so I suppose that's just another fashion statement by Raphael, huh?"

Quickly, I hid my arms from his view and glared at him. "That has nothing to do with you."

"Doesn't it?" Don returned. "I bet the minute after I collapsed, you were in the bathroom with your precious razor. Can you prove me wrong?"

I sighed and looked away from him. "No, I can't," I replied.

I looked up at his smug expression and it infuriated me. "I don't get you, Don! I helped you once before! I... I told you, Don, I'm here for you. I trusted you with a shameful secret in hopes that you would trust me in return. I talked you out of your pills and now I find you're just taking more! What in the name of Christ is your problem, Donatello? We all know what mine is. I'm self-centered. I'm egotistical. It's not real depression, just desperate cries for attention. Right? ANSWER ME! AM I RIGHT?"

Don flinched at my screaming. He pulled the covers closer to him to stop a chill and turned away from me. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Well, Don," I said. "If this whole thing was to teach me a lesson, I've learned it. I have. I–"

"There you go again," Don snapped, furiously. "Do you really think I did this just to teach you a lesson? I told you already, I didn't do it because of–"

"Would you shut up and let me finish?" I interrupted, furiously. He was silent, and I went on. "I know now that I gotta look around before making such rash decisions. I know that what I do and say affects people. I know that Leo and Mikey have their own issues to deal with without having to tolerate my pointless problems, and I know that I have got to pay more attention to you because if I don't I could lose you forever. God, Don, you heard nothing of what I said to you last night, did you? I guess that's to be expected. I mean, you were unconscious for Christ's sake!"

There was silence.

"What did you say?" Don asked at last, his voice a mere whisper.

I had to smile. I was reminded when I'd asked Don the same thing in the sewers two years ago.

"I told you I'd changed, and I hated myself for it," I said, calmly. "I told you that all my problems seemed to have disappeared. And without them, it feels like I'm empty. That's my character I guess. Raph and his problems. But now, I'm just Raph. Raph and Don's problems. Being empty of my own self-centered worries, I was full of yours. I was full of myself, but now I'm full of you. Really, Donatello, you had me in tears...

"But most of all..." I said, smiling slightly. "I'm glad I have the chance to actually tell you what I should have told you every day of your life..."

"I love you..." Don choked out, his back still to me.

"Yeah," I said. "That's it. I do."

"No," said Don, turning around with a wan smile. "I love you."

I laughed. "Right, so I guess the right answer would be... I love you too, Donnie. I always have. You're my little brother. I know how Leo feels when it comes to you and Mikey. I felt it yesterday. Would you believe I actually understand the guy pretty well now? Did you ever think that would happen?"

Don gave a short laugh. "I thought you and Leonardo would always be on opposite sides of the world. I'm glad you finally met on common grounds."

"Yeah," I said. "That common ground was anxiety for you."

"I really did teach you a lesson, didn't I?" said Don. I nodded. "I hadn't intended to... Raph, it's just... Everyday I wake up to the same thing. You and Leo are always fighting, and someone's always angry with poor Michelangelo. You know he only does what he does because he admires you! He wants nothing more in the world than to make you laugh, to make you happy. And yet, you shun him like he's some cat pleading to be fed. Michelangelo... He goes on anyway, God knows how, your cruelty merely motivation for him to try harder."

"I get that now," I said. "I know about Mikey's troubles. I also know that he deals with them better than the rest of us. Really, he should be my role model, not the other way around. I don't know a freer spirit."

Don gave a weak smile. "Well, that's good, I guess," he said.

"So was it really just us fighting all the time?" I asked. "It's gotta be more than that."

"It was," said Don, darkly. "I just couldn't see the point of it all, why we kept going on the way we did. It never helped anything. If anything, our lives got worse every day, and more dangerous. I couldn't stand it. Everyday, I felt like I was hiding in the corner with my hands over my ears, trying to block out the screams of misfortune... Splinter's always trying to teach us things we never want to learn until we have to the hard way. And April and Casey are forever in danger because of us. And I'm always alone, with my fruitless work on things I'll never finish. Books I'll never read, places I'll never see, and a life I'll never live. I feel I'll always be alone... Sometimes, I just need to get out of here. I feel I'm suffocating with all the shouting. Sometimes, Raph, I wonder if you'd ever noticed me at all, or if I was just another person to give you your much needed attention. I put you up on center stage with the spotlight so many times, Raph. I hid in the shadows of the audience, applauding and crying at appropriate intervals. And after the show, you always walked right by me, complaining about the lighting in your dressingroom."

"Oh God, Donnie..." I said, unable to believe. "I... I never knew, I shoulda told you... I think you're probably the most... impressive guy I know."

"Yeah..." said Don, staring at the floor. "But it wasn't just you. Leo and Mikey are no help either. You think with all his worrying about us, Leo has time to actually talk to us? Both of you are the same way. That's why you guys never got along before. You never talked, you just yelled to get your own point across. You were always so involved in making sure you were heard, you didn't care to listen. And Mike, with his 'if it's serious, I don't want to hear it' attitude. You try to tell him anything worth while and he brushes it off like snow on his jacket. You try to get him to talk to you, and he merely cracks a joke. I've tried to get him to tell me about what he thinks about you, but he always changes the subject. No one talks to me. But worst of all, no one listens to me."

"I'm listening now," I said. "We're all listening now."

"I thought you were listening six months ago," Don continued. "With all you said to me, I thought you finally understood... but after that, you went back to how you always were. Do you know how many times I tried to tell you and you just blew me off? Everything was all about how it'll hurt Raph, how everyone's out to get Raph, and how Raph is going to protect himself from everything else. It was always the world against Raph. We were never on your side, and you were never on mine."

"Donnie, that's not true..." I said. "Really, it's not, I was listening six months ago. I was listening two years ago when you saved me from myself. I never told you how much you mean to me, man. You're right, though. Sometimes I can be a self-centered prick. But you're the guy who keeps me down to earth, and who reminds me that there are other things out there. But most of the things I really mean, I never say. I never tell you guys just why I really love you..."

There was a brief silence, in which Don and I both acknowledged the confession that had slipped from my lips.

"And why do you love me, Raph?" Don asked, propping himself on one arm.

"I marvel at how perceptive you are," I replied. "You got my personality down to a key, and Leo and Mikey's too, no doubt. You're the perfect mediator. You never complain about yourself and you're so bright, Don. What with all these inventions and stuff... It's not fruitless, far from it. I think it's great. Your work is like magic; it comes outa nowhere. You're like this talented magician who always seems to know exactly what to do... And yet, you're severely troubled and torn up inside, and you hide behind pills and chemicals and you refuse to tell anyone the truth."

"I told you now. Before, I'd been convinced things would never change. But I guess Hell's frozen over then," Don said, laughing. "You and Leo finally understand each other. You've finally learned to respect Mikey. And you're finally actually trying to not focus so much on yourself. Where's the devil going to live now that you've destroyed his home?"

I laughed. "He'll probably haunt me for the rest of my life."

Don looked away from me, his face seeming strangely gaunt in the pale light.

"Or perhaps he'll haunt me," he said grimly.

"No, Don," I said. "I won't allow it. I'll never let you feel like that again, I swear. I'll make sure that you will never need any pills of any sort ever again."

He looked at me with a wan smile. "Thanks," he said.

I smiled at him and shook my head. "Hey, man, you're my brother, it's no problem."

"I love you, Raph," he said.

"Damn, man, we've been through this," I told him. "But I love you too."

I rose to leave and he grabbed my arm. "Wait–"

I flinched and quickly closed my eyes as the coarse material of the armband chafed at the scars on my wrist, the pain in them returning full force. When I opened my eyes again I saw Don looking at me in wary concern. He forced me to sit back down and pulled back my armbands so he could see my wrists.

I nearly fainted from what I saw. My arms were drained of color, the blood oozing black from the dozens of wounds. Blisters of yellow clung to the edges of the cuts and I didn't know what to make of it.

Don looked from my arms to my face in horror.

"Raph!" he said. "What the hell did you do???"

"I... nothing..." I said. "It was fine... Tetanus?" I asked, looking horrified. But Don just shook his head.

"Nah..." he said, examining the wounds closely. He looked up at me, biting his lip. "It could lead to septicemia though if you let it. We have to clean them pronto. Do we have any penicillin and hydrogen peroxide?"

"You tell me, you're the pharmacist of the sewers!" I replied, half-accusingly. Don went silent. I took a quavering breath and apologized. "I'm sorry, Don, I'm panicking," I said.

He smiled at me reassuringly. "No worries," he said. "It only has the opportunity right now to turn into something serious. But we'll just stop it from going that far. Listen, septicemia is caused by an infection of microorganisms into the bloodstream, spreading and multiplying throughout the body releasing toxins. They can cause your organs to fail."

"I can die???" Suddenly, the concept of dying at that moment wasn't half as appealing as it had been the day before. I was petrified. However, Don laughed,

"Hey, Raph, relax!" he exclaimed, swinging his legs out of bed. "I probably shouldn't have scared you like that. You are fine from what I can tell at any rate. I mean, all that's wrong is you have a bacterial infection in your arms, probably from the razor." I grumbled, remembering noting the uncleanliness of my destructive tool and disregarding it. He wavered when he got to his feet and I supported him. He laughed at himself and found his own footing.

"At least you haven't been in any real unsanitary conditions where it could have really gotten infected."

I froze as Donatello hobbled over to his shelf of chemicals. He noticed the panic-stricken look on my face. Finally, he sighed. "Oh great, what'd you do this time?"

"The... the water..." I stuttered, remembering how sickly pale my arms had appeared after Leo's rescue. Don rolled his eyes and merely shuffled through his cabinets. "Doesn't that mean anything?" I cried, terrified.

Don turned around holding a brown bottle and some pills, smiling. "Just that you're an idiot," he said. "Give me your arms." He poured some liquid from the bottle onto a cotton ball. The minute the yellowish thin liquid touched my skin, my nerves screamed in protest. As did I.

"Jesus Christ, Don, that kills!" I shrieked, pulling my arm away from him.

"Don't be a baby," Don said, yanking my arm back. "It's just hydrogen peroxide. In the mean time, take these." He handed me the pills. "It's some penicillin. I'll go straight into your blood stream after its digested, and the fungus will kill any harmful bacteria the water or the razor my have allowed to enter into your body."

I swallowed the pills and gritted my teeth as I let Don clean both my arms and wrap them in bandages. When he had finished, I looked at my wrapped arms skeptically.

"Won't they find this suspicious?" I asked Don. He just handed me my armbands in reply.

"Just wear these over them," he said. I put my armbands back on and he sat down on his bed and let out a huge sigh, as if he were relieved. I looked at him curiously.

"So," I said. "There you go. Saving my life again." He smiled, but didn't look at me. "See, Don? We need you. If you'd died... If you hadn't noticed my wounds... I would have gotten blood poisoning and died."

"And had I not taken too many pills in the first place, you wouldn't have cut your arms," said Don in reply. "I guess I can affect you for better or worse. But the point is, that I still do affect you. And that I love you."

"Three times in one conversation, damn, kid! Don't make me say it again." I grinned at my brother.

"You don't have to," said Don. "Just so long as you can show it every day."

I hugged him then. His body felt strangely frail, but his embrace was firm. I was scared that if I squeezed to hard, he might break.

I heard a stifled laugh from the doorway and immediately broke away from Donnie. We both looked to the door.

"Sorry," said Michelangelo, trying to suppress another chuckle. "I just can't remember the last time Raph hugged someone of his own free will."

I looked to Donnie, who smiled at the rambunctious turtle. It was a loving, understanding smile, as if he were peering into Mikey's very soul, and somehow knew his greatest desire, and greatest fear all at once. And he loved him all the more for it. He really did understand us all... And yet none of us really understood him.

Don outstretched an arm. "Get over here, Mikey," he said with a grin. "I've missed you."

Mikey's amused smile grew to a delighted grin. "What? Really?"

"Just stop blabberin' like an idiot, and get over here like he told you!" I said with a laugh. Mikey practically tackled Don and I, throwing his arms around us.

"Dude, I don't know why you did it," Mikey said to Don. "But whatever it was, I don't have to know. All I gotta know is that you're here now. And you gotta promise me, Don, you won't do this again, will ya? Because if you do, then... then..."

Don saved Mikey from stumbling over his words. "Don't worry, Mikey," he said. "I have too much to live for."

I extracted myself from the tangle of turtles, and made for the door.

"And just where do you think you're going?"

I gave April a crooked grin as she stood there, one hand on her hip, with a weak smile. She looked past me at Mike and Don, and shook her head.

"I don't know how you did it," she said, watching as Mikey joked with his brother. "But I'm glad you did."

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Leo was with him when he woke up," April explained. "Don nearly tore him to pieces. So Splinter came with soup and water, and he just refused to talk at all. Until you got here."

I frowned, now understanding the grim atmosphere that had befallen Mikey and I when we had first arrived.

"Leo's still in the livingroom," April explained. "He... he took it pretty hard. I figured since you had such skill with Donatello, maybe you could..."

I didn't wait for her to finish her sentence. Pushing past her, I walked to the livingroom.

Sure enough, there he was, reading The Catcher in the Rye. It was my old suicide attempt all over again.

"What'd he say?" I asked. Leo looked up from the book.

"What are you talking about?"

I decided to go for a different approach as I took a seat next to him. "So, what's Holden up to now?"

Leo looked down at the book, then up at me. "He's talking to Phoebe about wanting to save those kids from running over the cliff."

"Uh huh," I said, nodding. "I remember that. So what did Don say to you?"

Leo sighed and closed his book. "He told me I was as blind as you are."

"You can almost be," I replied with a small laugh. "Sometimes. But no one can ever be as blind as me. I'm the master at being blind."

Leo gave a forced laugh. "He said I was so involved in expecting the worst, I never appreciate what I have... And he's right. I never appreciated him, or any of you. I was just so concerned with losing you, I never took a good look at what I would be losing..."

"You can be somewhat of a worrywart..." I said, nodding. "But... we need someone like you. If you weren't around telling us to be careful all the time, watching our backs, we'd probably all be dead."

"One of us almost was," Leo pointed out. He then looked up at me, and remembered the events of yesterday. "Actually, make that two."

"Hey," I said. "My actions weren't your fault. They were just Raph, being self-centered again."

"And Don? Can you honestly say I'm not at least partially responsible for his behavior?"

"Don... didn't want to die..." I told Leo, cautiously, hoping I wasn't breaking the trust I had with my younger brother and wondering how much I could say to my older one. "He just... He couldn't stand how we never seemed to want to understand each other... how none of us ever tried to... Well, we're both so involved in pointless worries and problems, that we don't see beyond them. Don and Mikey both have tried hard to make us see the good things in life, and what do we do? I yell at Mikey, screaming about how annoying is. You patronize him and don't pay too much attention to his wild antics. And Don... All of us, we all just never listened. It was all our faults, Leo, but... But it's different now. We've all changed. Don's message seems to have finally come through. And... I guess we're all better for it. So don't blame Don for acting the way he did, he was just scared and angry. Hell, you would be too, if you went through what he did."

Leo listened to me in silence. There was a strange pause, as I waited for him to react. But when nothing happened, I continued.

"Mikey made me see that every cloud has it's silver lining. I saw where his eternal optimism comes from. I learned how all his problems dissolved with the sunrise and a brand new day. I learned about you, Leo. I saw the tip of the iceberg of all the emotions you hide from us everyday. You do it because you think you're protecting us. But we're a team, man. That's one thing Mikey and I seem to agree on that you and Don don't quite grasp. We're here for each other, despite our differences, and despite our own feelings. Now more than ever. So now, I'm willing to listen more than I talk. Because that's all we need. We gotta listen to each other. You know?"

Leo again was silent. Finally, he sighed. "I know," he said.

"Come on, now," I said, slapping him on the shell. "Get up and over to Don's room. It's like a fucking birthday party in there."

Leo smiled and took up my offer, standing up with me. We were just about to walk down the hall, when there was a crash and we turned at the sound.

There was Casey, hockey stick in hand, anxious and ashen. His right hand was wrapped in bandages and I didn't really want to know why.

"Where is he?" he demanded of Leo and I. We could only stare in silence. "I said where is he?"

Casey raised his stick to destroy our TV, but I caught it before he could release its force.

"Hey," I said. "Watch it! That's the only TV we got and Don's in no mood to fix it if it breaks!"

Calming down Casey lowered his bat and nodded. "He's fine, by the way." He seemed to brighten slightly. "As fine as he'll get anyway. You can come with us to see him."

He smiled wanly. "First April disappeared, then this," he said. "I thought something screwy was going on."

"You got good instincts, man," I said with a laugh as we followed Leo down the hall to Don's room.

Donatello looked up at our entrance and gave a weak– if not somewhat confused smile.

"What are you doing here, Casey?" he asked.

"Heard about you," he said, glancing at Mikey. "Got a little worried."

"How worried?" April asked flatly, the suspicion obvious in her voice. He merely grinned at her mischievously.

"Got in a fight with your toaster," he explained. He held up his burnt hand. "It won."

"The great Casey, beaten by a toaster!" I mocked, throwing my arm around him. "I can see the headlines."

"Hey, I left some pretty good black and blues on that thing myself, man!" he said in his defense.

But April was frowning. "You owe me a new toaster," she said with a pout.

"And a new stereo, printer, microwave and curling iron, I know," he said. I looked at him curiously and he became defensive. "Hey, don't ask about the curling iron."

"I'm just surprised you even know what that is," said Mikey with a laugh.

As they mocked Casey and laughter filled the lair once more, I looked to my brother in purple, laying contentedly on his bed, no doubt enjoying the laughter as much as I was. He must have felt my eyes because he looked at me with a truly genuine grin. I returned it wholly.

Life had returned to the lair. Free of my past doubts, and Don obviously free of his, I hoped the world would keep spinning like this for a few more decades. Because this was how things were supposed to be. I had found my happy ending. I wanted nothing more than to spend time with my family and friends.

I had always known that Don's awakening would be the solution. But I didn't realize that with his awakening, a new era would dawn. The dark night had ended, just like Mikey had said it would, and the sunrise was the most phenomenal sight I had ever seen. Grinning, I prepared myself for the new day as a contented turtle.

END

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable,
But in the end there's right
I hope you had the time of your life