Author's Note: I know this is a bit odd coming from me, but it was actually a drabble request on lj, so I thought I'd put it on here to see what you guys think of it as well. You know I adore and cherish your opinions, so do please let me know what you think… because Jekyll is not my strong point ::winces::

            I never know how to feel about these things. They confuse and evade my senses, keeping me from comprehending… and I don't like it. Not that I can do anything about it, of course, as you will understand. I know for a fact that love and romance and fate is far beyond my control, and God will do with me what he will.

            But that doesn't stop me from wanting to understand, from wanting to be able to take it in my hands and mould my destiny as I want it. But, of course, if I had ever been capable of it, now is not the time. I have lost what little control I ever had, by giving in to Edward as many times as I have. I can lie to myself and tell everybody around me that I am in control… but it's not true.

            Mrs. Harker… Mina; the dear woman with her own inner demons, comparable to mine. Someone else with two sides to her personality. Sometimes, from the look in those beautiful eyes, I think she understands me better than anyone. I see her gaze, and how it wonderfully conveys what she feels in her heart and mind, and I can read it as easily as those medical books I delve in when times are hard on me. Does she really see into my soul as I imagine?

            Oh, I truly hope she does not… the horrors concealed within must never be released, or else I would be lost, I fear.

            But enough of my pessimism and self-loathing. Everybody must have faith and optimism, yes? At least, that is the lesson our young American friend tries to teach us continuously, and I think he might be right… sometimes. He can be very convincing at times.

            Mina… what does she feel for me? Sometimes, when I read – or try to – her body language towards me, I see respect and even compassion there. And when we work together, how she watches me – something that will never cease to unnerve me, no matter the observer – is rather… unreadable. Is that love or sympathy in her eyes? What is it that she is trying to tell me, if anything?

            Oh, what am I to do with all these confusing, conflicting emotions? I cannot sort them myself. I have no one to turn to for advice. Skinner is far from a perfect candidate. Though he is a good man, Captain Nemo makes me nervous, and Mr. Sawyer… well, he has affections for Mina of his own, so I far from find him suitable for conversation on such things.

            Of course, I am being quite foolish. There is one very simple answer in all of this… one easy way to sort this out for what it really is, and get my much desired information. Why didn't I think of it in the first place?

            I must go and talk with dear Mina.