O My Lord Valentine
---Chapter One
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy is not mine. I don't own any of the characters in this story unless otherwise noted.
Warnings: Some inevitable Cid-centric language, implications of yaoi couplings (Cid/Vincent, Vincent/Reno).
Author Note: This has been my first fanfiction in about a year. Some scenes will be awkward. Some scenes will be wrong. Cry me a river. I'll send you a lifeboat of hope.
"Dammit!" shouted Cid. "We've done this before! Woman, what's your problem?"
Yuffie ran for her Materia, and perhaps even her life. Somehow she'd managed to escape Cloud up to this point, but now she felt herself reeling to an all-time low—scrounging into a clay pot and praying. Moments passed, and then the beating commenced. He caught her. Cloud Strife could not be avoided.
Still she burst out of the pot and took her way down the path, but Cid stood poised in her way, a spear in one hand, a cig in the other. Skidding to turn around, she ran towards the Pagoda, but one other man escaped her memory, who just happened to be standing there. She crashed into Vincent, both of them wailing in confusion. Vince lost his footing, slipping back over the stone path and into the pond, Yuffie not far behind.
"Damn. Real graceful, Vinny." Cid clomped lakeside and leaned over the water, staring at Vincent's panicked flailing arms in the shallow pond. "What? You drownin'?"
"Help me Cid! Get her off!"
"Cid, help him," Cloud said, leaning on his Buster. Yuffie had apparently died, or feigned unconsciousness, and lay motionless on top of Vincent. Finally he gave up and lay motionless as well. "Yes Cid. Help me."
Cid attempted to lift Yuffie by her headband, allowing Vinny to wriggle from under her, but in a shocking array of energy she pounced over his hand and stormed away again, stampeding over Vinny and dropping only three Materia she'd neglected to hide. Vincent was stunned as Cid picked up the Materia.
"Good thing she washed her shoes b'fore stompin' ya, eh, Vin?"
"Those...were not...clean," he wearily replied.
"Listen." Cloud sheathed his buster and gestured toward the mountains. "We've got three Materia. There's a good chance Yuffie'll come back for them, so let's not get too bugged. We're going to Gold Saucer without her. What do we got, Cid?"
"Lightning, Phoenix, and Cover."
"Cid, you take the Lightning, and Vin, you take the rest. I'm fine without them."
"'Cause you're fuckin' Superman, Mako boy." Cid turned on his heels and followed Cloud, leaving Vincent to struggle out of the pond and drip his way behind them.
Vincent droned on through the plains, wondering why he always mounted the wrong end of the chocobo, so to speak. Since that morning he'd been getting the worst of everything. The boys on the ship taunted him, the girls pitied up, sympathetic over his long sleep, lack of feelings, and the obvious fact that he hadn't been laid in years.
"After Yuffie goes up the Pagoda, we're goin' to Gold Saucer the rest of the day!" Cid insisted that morning. "It's a long shot, but since we're staying the night, maybe you'll find yourself some nutjob to fuck while you're there! You need it, man."
"Excuse me?"
"Did I stutter? I said you need it. I mean, I've tried gettin' you drunk, and you didn't loosen up. I've tried sittin' you down to watch sports with the guys'n you fell asleep. Shit! The only options left are to get you a girl or get you a hoe, and I know you ain't ready for no girlfriend!"
Vincent considered taking his gun and giving himself a good shot in the head, when the sound of rapidly-turning blades reached his ears. He looked up to find a helicopter hovering over him, and picked up his lackluster pace. "Cid! Cloud! Back here!"
The two turned around just in time to see the helicopter touch down on the grass. Vincent stopped and turned around yards away from the Highwind. He could've sworn he'd heard a familiar voice.
Rude tried to step out first, but Reno insisted and crawled from under him, rather unprofessionally. He jumped out of the copter's cockpit, bearing his awkward Turks-style grin. "So, we meet again," he started to say, but stopped short of the impending speech.
Rude walked up behind him. "What's wrong?"
"Look at that." He pointed to Vincent, wringing his cloak off in the grass. "He's disrespectin' us! Hey! You!"
Already not liking where this was headed, he tried his luck and continued pressing the fabric.
"Yo! I'm talking to you!"
Rude had to wonder why Reno wouldn't let well enough alone, but he let the scrawny redhead have his way.
Vincent released his cloak with a sigh. "What is it."
"You and me! Right now!"
"Reno." Rude poked his shoulder gingerly. "What exactly are you—"
"Can it. I have a bone to pick with this guy!" His haughty accusing finger pointed straight at Vincent, now wringing out his hair. "I saw the way she jumped on you back there. You make me sick. SICK!"
Vincent gasped. "What?"
"Don't act like you don't know. You disgust me. With your pretty hair and your pretty eyes and your pretty...pretty..."
Rude poked him once more. "Reno, you're getting strange."
"Shut up. What I mean to say is—"
"I don't know what you see in Yuffie, of all people," said Vincent, walking towards the Highwind, "but I assure you, I'm in no way attracted to her. Cid, Cloud, I'd appreciate it if we left now."
"No! Wait! You can't!"
Rude swore Reno kicked up a storm of dust as he charged in front of Vincent. Cid and Cloud, confused as they were, backed up as this circus act neared them. Reno grabbed Vincent by the shoulders shook him excitedly.
"Please, I'm sorry, don't go! I need you!"
Rude thought back on the times few and far apart that Reno might've hinted on homosexuality, and cringed. "I never knew..."
Vincent groaned, "Oh my..."
"No," said ignorant Reno, still protesting Vincent's departure. An awkward moment passed before he slapped himself and shook his head furiously. Apparently it clicked. "NO! Not in that way! I mean...what I mean is..."
Everyone went silent, waiting for Reno's brilliant excuse.
"It...It has nothing to do with Yuffie, really...but my job, it...it, uh..." Reno took a deep breath, stomped his feet firmly to the ground, grabbed Vincent's lapel and shrieked, "They're gonna FIRE my useless ass and I need you guys' help!"