Dear Sir or Madam
chapter 2

Kakashi,

I'm not even going to bother with formalities. Was that you who put that notice on the bulletin board?

No!! I can't do this! I don't have the time! AUGH! Take it down! Right now! Damn it!

A very pissed off Umino Iruka (REMOVE IT!)

---

Dear Iruka,

Aw. You know, the lack of a suffix indicates a form of closeness. n.n Mwa ha ha.

Anyway, you can't take it down. The Hokage-sama herself said that you should do it, and do it you shall.

Yours truly,
Kakashi 3

---

Dear Sir or Madam,

Why am I writing this? Advice columns are troublesome.

A girl I know is troublesome, too.

Uchiha Sasuke, if you're reading this, I think you should take action to disperse your fan club.

Signed,
writing a name is troublesome

---

Dear Sir or Madam,

Are you a sir or a madam? :D

Signed,
The Best Ninja Ever Who Is Stronger Than Sasuke And the Hokage

---

Dear Sir or Madam,

Uchiha Sasuke does not have a fan club.

Someone who knows that Uchiha Sasuke does not have a fan club

---

Dear Sir or Madam,

T.T Troublesome! Don't insult Sasuke-kun! I know where you live!

Signed,
Ino

---

To Kakashi-sensei,

Did you see the bulletin board? Oo

Shinobi don't have to fight with kunai knives. No, they have to use the damn advice column. -.-

This sucks.

And could you please ask whose bright idea it was to make them address me as "sir or madam"!?

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka is not a happy camper

---

Dear Iruka-sensei,

It was Genma's idea. We couldn't think of a nickname.

But that doesn't mean we don't love you.

Yours truly,
Kakashi 3

---

Troublesome, someone, and Cherry Blossom,

The bulletin board is not a place for personal debates. Now either ask that sir or madam guy for help or don't write, you crazy bastards. -.-

Asuma-sensei

---

Dear Sir or Madam,

Um…well…how do I say this…

I like this guy…

Who likes this girl…

…who likes this guy…

…who hates everyone.

And, um… This guy I like…doesn't see me that way.

What should I do?

Thank you,
Hopeless

---

Kurenai,

Did you see that? Iruka got his first actual request for advice.

How do you think he'll do?

By the way, you free Saturday night? n.n

Yours truly,
Asuma

---

Asuma,

Yes. If I'm not mistaken, that's my student, Hinata.

She's such a sweet girl. If Iruka gives her bad advice, I think I'll throw something at him. Something large and heavy and blunt.

And yes, I am. And no, I will not go out on a date with you.

Sincerely,
Yuuhi Kurenai

---

Dear Hopeless,

Instead of observing this boy from afar, why don't you try and make friends? Spend more time with him. Take him to Ichiraku; cheer him on when he tells you he's going on important missions; listen to him when he has something to say.

Eventually, he'll realize Saku—err, that girl isn't the only girl in his life. When he does, take the initiative.

By the way, thanks to whoever cleaned the bulletin board.

Sincerely,
Sir or Madam

---

Dear Iruka-sensei,

Aww, now that wasn't so bad, was it? Admit it. You got warm and fuzzy feelings inside. 3

Luckily, the advice you gave didn't suck. Kurenai said she was gonna clobber you if it did.

By the way, you free Saturday night? n.n

Yours truly,
Kakashi 3

---

To Kakashi-sensei,

No, I am not free Saturday night.

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka

---

Dear Iruka-sensei,

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Yuuhi Kurenai

---

Naruto-kun,

Um…do you want to go to Ichiraku tomorrow night?

From,
Hyuuga Hinata

---

Iruka-sensei,

Did you take Naruto to Ichiraku?

No, you didn't.

It doesn't matter now. He's going with that white-eyed girl.

Sakura didn't scream her usual obnoxious "SASUKE-KUN" in my ears this afternoon. I am concerned.

Uchiha Sasuke

---

Hey Hinata,

Sure! n.n YAY!

Must kill Sasuke first.

Oh yeah, long time no write Hinata. How've you been? O.o You doing okay? n.n

From,
Uzumaki Naruto

---

Dear Sir or Madam,

In my team, there is a girl who is very devoted to me.

Her presence is not unpleasant and she has the utmost confidence in me. The fact that these things do not bother me makes me concerned for my well-being.

Also, I am concerned about the prospect of her becoming a member of Uchiha's brainless fan club.

Normally, I am not very tolerant of others. Therefore, I have reason to believe I am going insane. Would this be a side effect of possessing a bloodline limit?

Signed,
Does Not Play Well With Others Due To The Ability To See Their Internal Organs

---

Gai,

Are you aware of the fact that one of your students just requested help in the advice column? O.o

Sincerely,
Sarutobi Asuma

---

To Asuma who is not my eternal rival,

Of course I'm aware of that fact!!

I don't understand why Lee would not simply ask me for help. ;.; I am crushed beyond belief! My favorite pupil does not trust my wise words!! Oh, woe is me!!!!!!

From,
The Green Beast of Konoha (Maitou Gai)

---

Gai,

…That's not Lee.

Kakashi

---

To Kakashi who IS IN FACT my eternal rival,

!!! Damn you Kakashi!! You may have won this battle but you have not won the war!!

Grr…

52:50

From,
The Green Beast of Konoha (Maitou Gai)

---

To Asuma,

I didn't know Tenten liked girls!! WHAT OTHER THINGS HAVE MY STUDENTS NOT TOLD ME??

From,
The Green Beast of Konoha (Maitou Gai)

---

Kakashi,

I think Gai needs help.

Sincerely,
Sarutobi Asuma

---

Dear Kurenai,

I think Gai needs help.

Kakashi

---

Iruka-sensei,

I think Gai needs help.

Sincerely,
Yuuhi Kurenai

---

Dear Kurenai-sensei,

Please don't tell him to write here.

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka

---

Dear Does Not Play Well With Others,

No, it would not be a side effect of possessing a bloodline limit. It sounds to me as though you enjoy the attention she gives you and the fact that she has so much faith in you. She seems to like you.

If you're worried about her becoming more devoted to someone else—and, more prominently, if you like her back—I suggest you somehow get her to know that you're grateful for her support, and that you care for her just as much as she cares for you.

Finding a way to be alone with her doesn't hurt, either.

Sincerely,
Sir or Madam

---

Dear Sir or Madam,

I didn't say I cared!!

Signed,
Does Not Play Well With Others

---

Dear Does Not Play Well With Others,

Uchiha Sasuke does NOT have a god damn fan club.

Signed,
Someone who knows that Uchiha Sasuke does not have a fan club

---

Dear Someone who knows,

Shut up, Uchiha.

Signed,
Does Not Play Well With Others

---

Author's Note: Glad to see you guys like the fic. n.n Gai needs help. And yes, Does Not Play Well With Others is in fact Hyuuga Neji.

More student-y mush in later chapters.

Yes, Evil Kasumi. xD Teachers and students alike shall abuse poor Iruka's unique ability to give good and unbiased advice.