Dear Sir or Madam
chapter 1

To Tsunade-sama,

Or should I say, Hokage-sama. Whatever. (And I mean whatever with the highest amount of respect.) I'm worried about my students, who are now chuunins. They have been behaving very strangely as of late, and just last week Naruto was crying because Sakura rejected him for Sasuke!

Which is nothing new, and that's why it worries me.

But it's not just Naruto. I'll think of more examples later. My former students seem to be emotionally burdened, and I think they need a psychiatrist or something of the sort.

Maybe it's some kind of forbidden jutsu that forces adolescent ninjas to act emotionally irrational.

…Or am I just imagining things?

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

How old are your students now?

Sincerely,
Tsunade – Hokage V

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To Tsunade-sama,

They'd all be around 15 by now. Why?

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

Sakura skipped out on training today claiming she was having her period.

Which is impossible, because she had it just a week and a half ago.

I know these things.

And then Naruto was pretending not to notice.

He also didn't notice I was late.

Is…something going on?

Yours truly,
Kakashi 3

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

They're teenagers. Figure it out yourself.

Sincerely,
Tsunade – Hokage V

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Dear Kakashi-sensei,

…?

Enclosed is the response Hokage-sama sent me when I brought up my concern regarding the same things.

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka (Please don't add that heart on the end of your name. It disturbs me.)

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

The heart adds character.

Oh, so it's a hormonal thing. Interesting. I'll have to call the other instructors on this.

I'll notify you ASAP.

Yours truly,
Kakashi 3

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To Kakashi-sensei,

Thank you.

Seriously though…the heart…just…no, okay?

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

Tsunade-sama told me you had concerns regarding our students' irrational behavior. Like she claimed, it seems to be entirely hormonal, but I seriously think some of our students need psychological help.

Hinata is depressed. Can you ask someone where I can get some antidepressants? Or should I just force them to spend a day with Gai?

Sincerely,
Yuuhi Kurenai

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Dear Kurenai-sensei,

Err…isn't that a bit harsh? Cheer them up; don't traumatize them…

Hinata seems fine to me. (She's a nice girl.) Yesterday, she asked me what Naruto's favorite food and color are.

Wait a second.

This is more of a problem than I originally thought.

Sincerely,
A concerned Umino Iruka

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Dearest Iruka-sensei,

Sasuke needs psychological help. Can't you talk to him? His brooding is really starting to grate on my nerves. And so is Sakura's. And Naruto's.

Does Naruto even know how to brood? He's got innate brooding skills, just like Sasuke.

Damn it! Someone call Hokage-sama!

Still yours truly,
A very concerned Kakashi

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

Enclosed is a letter of complaint from Gai. See for yourself.

Sincerely,
Tsunade – Hokage V

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To Tsunade-sama,

Tenten? I remember her. She was a nice girl. Good with a kunai and good at offensive jutsus. She's still fawning over Hyuuga Neji?

Gai scares me and I hope never to read one of his handwritten letters again.

…His handwriting is very impressive, though.

Does Hidden Leaf even have a psychiatrist?

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

So you're not the only one worried. Heh. These kids are growing up so fast…

Sniff. Okay, I'm done.

Something's wrong. Shikamaru's asking me for advice.

On girls.

Since when did Shikamaru like girls?

Did he like girls back at the academy?

…Not that he's gay, though. That's not what I'm trying to imply.

From,
Sarutobi Asuma

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Kakashi-sensei,

Asuma-sensei gave me a good idea. The children need advice, and they need someone to give it to them.

But whom would they open up to?

Hmm…

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

Why'd you drop the "dear"? …Or the "to"? Don't you love me?

Sniff.

They'd open up to YOU, that's who! Go out there and help those kids in need! nn

Yours truly,
Kakashi 3

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Kakashi-sensei,

…No. No, I don't love you. Sorry. --

Well, I remember back when they were my students, they were pretty much the same, so…

…and teenagers get reclusive and touchy about their privacy and stuff, so…

…no. No, I don't think I'll be a big help here.

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

I agree with Kakashi-sensei. You're excellent at this sort of thing. I think you'd do great.

If it bothers you, do it anonymously somehow.

Sincerely,
Tsunade – Hokage V

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To Tsunade-sama,

…How'd…? Kakashi-sensei didn't send you a copy of his letter, did he? Oo

Sincerely,
Umino Iruka

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Dear Iruka-sensei,

I'm the Hokage. I have methods.

Sincerely,
Tsunade – Hokage V

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Iruka-sensei,

Something's wrong with Naruto.

Aside from the obvious.

He's been trying to kill me for the past hour and a half.

I think it was because I made Sakura cry.

It was an accident.

I think you should take him to Ichiraku ASAP.

Uchiha Sasuke

Author's Note: And so it begins.