Chapter: 4

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Author's Note: Forgive me, o readers, for I am lower than low! It's been so long since I've updated here, and I'm incredibly sorry. Life's busy. Just so you guys know, I post the most recent chapters of this story on my livejournal first. This chapter's been posted there for several weeks. heh heh....Sorry. So, if you are going crazy waiting, I recommend you go check out my livejournal and see if I've posted anything there. If I haven't, you're welcome to complain to me there, as well. My lj name is the same as my ff. net name and the link is on my bio page thingie.

As for you lovely reviewers:

DarthRoden: There is more now! Glad you like!

Katokatt: Took me long enough, but I've updated! pets Begging always gets to me....

AllAroundGold: I'm so glad you're still liking my story! Makes me all happy.

Elebereth: I should stop torturing Neville and the Gryffs. But, I probably won't.

kt: Ah, that's awesome! I'm always forcing my friends to read stuff, too. lol.

bajs: Draco must be cute. I believe that should be a law. Glad you like!

Shinigamideathgirl: Yeah, I have serious issues with this story. Normally, in my serious works I have more description, but obviously this is a bit silly. My beta, Brandy, has to force me to use description more all the time... But, glad you like the slytherins! Draco's my precious!

lady of the mist: Why, yes, this is slash and Harry and Draco will eventually get together. Not sure when...

YummyEdwardNorton: Squee! I love him! By the way, has your name changed??? I thought is was something different...I'm confused.

overXposed: Posh! That's a fun word! I didn't post soon, but I did post.

Sheree: Prissy gryffies! lol. Always more Slytherins and Draco!

Catmint: Thanks so much! I've never thought of myself as very humorous....

the 100 original BLAH: Thanks!

Lady Lillikens: Hmm, I think you're probably back now. It's definitely been more than 10 days. I've been very bad about updating. Still alive, I hope? Forgive? Oooh, and, the whole chair idea was smart! lol.

Also, I've had major issues with this chapter. It still needs work, but I needed to post something so you people wouldn't think I'd disappeared forever. The fifth chapter, which I'm now working on, was originally just another part of this chapter, but I had to cut it out because this chappy was getting kind of long. I try to keep each chapter around 3,000 words.

This chapter is dedicated to my amazing betas, Seri-chan and Brandy. Without them, I'd be lost.

Hermione sat on her bed quietly, her attention occupied by the the pages of the textbook on her lap, though it wasn't all that interesting. It was infinitely preferable to watching the antics of the Slytherin girls, who were talking animatedly on Pansy's bed. Millicent was leaning against the headboard, as Pansy spoke, and occasionally laughing at some witty comment. Hermione wasn't too sure what they were speaking of, but, she was certain she didn't want to know. In all likelihood, it would be something unbearably vulgar.

She was grateful the day was almost over, and, soon, they would go down to the great hall for a late meal, since dinner had been postponed for the moving students until several hours later than normal. At least then, she would have a chance to compare notes with the boys. For their sakes, she hoped they were having a better time. She sighed softly and pressed her hand against her forehead. It was getting difficult for her to concentrate, and, the whispers from Parvati and Lavender didn't help in the least. The two girls were fascinated by their Slytherin roommates and had been watching them all day with remarkable fervor. Hermione thought it was all quite disgusting.

A loud laugh from Millicent attracted Hermione's attention, and, she glanced in the other girl's direction. Pansy and Millicent immediately sank into subdued silence, trying their best to look innocent. She didn't look away, and, after a few moments, Pansy smirked and began whispering to Millicent. Hermione stood up, furious, and stalked out of the room, leaving her book lying open on her bed. Maybe she would be able to find some peace in the common room.

She strode through the hall quickly, oblivious to the whispers from the few portraits decorating the wall. A particularly vivid one of an ancient witch snickered as Hermione went past, and began to laugh from behind her black lace veil. Hermione didn't let herself be bothered, and quickly ran down the flight of stairs leading to the common room. As she did so, she counted the steps in a useless attempt to calm herself.

She walked through the arching doorway into the well-lit common room. At first, she thought it was empty, but, after a few moments, she noticed another figure slumped in one of the large, overstuffed armchairs. He was resting his head on his hands, and, his short brown hair fell in his face, obscuring his eyes. Hermione smiled at the sight of him, and walked over to the chair next to him. She sat down and tapped his arm. He nearly jumped out of his skin at faint touch, but, quickly calmed down as he saw her.

"Oh, Hermione, you scared me," Neville said in slightly breathless voice.

"Sorry, Neville. What are you doing down here?" she asked curiously.

"Trying to keep away from the Slytherins," he admitted sheepishly, looking down at his hands to avoid her eyes.

"Exactly what I'm doing. Are the boys that bad?" she questioned.

He glanced back up, obviously relieved that he wasn't the only one overwhelmed by the new additions to Gryffindor Tower.

"They're terrible, Hermione. Just terrible," he declared emphatically.

"Same with the girls," she said and leant back against the chair.

"Professor McGonagall came to talk with me earlier about it. She said we had to try, but, it's so hard!"

"I know."

They both lapsed into silence as they considered any possible alternatives. Neville visibly drooped when he realized no sudden idea was going to come from Hermione. The quiet in the room continued to drag on, until the portrait hole slowly swung open. Professor McGonagall stepped into the room, and glanced around. When she spotted the two students, she walked over to them.

"It's time for dinner. Please tell the rest of the students," she said, patting Neville's shoulder reassuringly.

"Yes, Professor!" they both said, leaping to their feet and heading to the stairs of their respective dormitories.

McGonagall shook her head, a fond smile gracing her lips, and turned to exit the common room.

"""" """""""""""""""""""""""""""""(change in scene thing)

Harry, Ron, Dean, and Seamus stared in horror at Draco, who was working on painting the Slytherins' half of the room. Of course, he was merely using spells to create the necessary colors, and made Crabbe and Goyle do all the actual manual work of painting. Occasionally, he would use his wand to paint one of the harder to reach spots, but, other than that, he was reclining at his ease on his bed. Every few minutes, he would change his mind about the color, and transform it into another shade, which created an odd mismatched look.

"I'm calm. I'm calm," Dean chanted.

Draco glanced over his shoulder and flicked a glob of light green paint at the boy. It landed on his robes, creating a terrible stain.

"Stop the chanting. You're not a monk," he snapped.

Dean stared down at his besmirched clothes and clenched his fists. Seamus laid a restraining hand on his friend, and glared at Malfoy furiously.

"You know what a monk is?" Harry asked, shocked.

Malfoy nodded, whilst waving the paint smeared wand at them. Ron made as if he would snatch it, but, the blonde boy swept it away with a flourish. He smirked over his shoulder at the fuming red-head.

"For your information, it's not a completely muggle occupation. My dad wanted to be a monk," Draco answered.

For a long moment, the room was completely silent. Even Blaise had turned from putting up the curtains to stare at Draco.

"Your dad?" Ron squeaked.

"Lucius Malfoy?" exclaimed Harry.

"A monk!?" Seamus cried.

"Once again with the hearing problems," Draco muttered with an elaborate sigh.

"It's just...shocking," Harry said weakly.

"So's the sight of your face or the number of Weasley children, but, you don't hear me going on about it continuously," Draco snapped.

Blaise turned to Draco again, and shook his head ruefully.

"Actually, we do," he pointed out.

"Oh, yeah," Draco said and shrugged nonchalantly.

Harry and Ron both glanced at each other, then back to the pale Slytherin. Harry hesitated for a moment, but opened his mouth to speak.

"Umm...why'd your dad want to be a monk?" he asked, while fidgeting with his glasses, which kept falling down his nose.

"Oh, something about taking over the order from the inside and becoming the supreme ruler of all monks. He gave up on it pretty early," Draco said casually.

This charming conversation was interrupted by the sudden opening of the door. The nine boys started and turned to face the intruder as one. Standing at the door was Neville, who was looking slightly pale at the concentrated attention of so many Slytherins. He swallowed nervously as he stepped through the doorway, sidling over to stand closer to the Gryffindors.

"Back so soon, Longbottom?" Blaise asked with a mean smile.

The nervous boy didn't answer, and, instead, turned to Harry, who smiled encouragingly. Draco rolled his eyes at the sickening display and collapsed backwards on his bed, arms flung out in exasperation.

"Professor McGonagall said we're to go to dinner," he told Harry, studiously keeping his eyes from meeting the irritable Slytherin's, though he couldn't help glancing around at the odd paint job.

"Finally. I'm starving," Ron complained.

"What, Weasley, your mum doesn't have the money to feed you?" Draco said snidely.

"Shut up, Malfoy!" Ron yelled, lunging at the haughty boy.

Harry grabbed a hold of his friend's sleeve, stopping his impulsive attack. Ron swerved around to glare at Harry, but, grudgingly relaxed. Draco had moved over to the dresser and was running a comb through his fine, silky hair. After a few strokes, he glanced at it in the mirror, shook his head, and grabbed a bottle of hairspray, which he began to liberally douse his hair in. A cloud of mist swam around his head, causing a few of the Gryffindors to begin to cough. The Slytherins seemed accustomed to the vapors and merely shook their heads in annoyance.

"Come on, Draco. Let's go," Blaise cajoled.

"All right, fine. At least we don't have to eat with them."

He paused for a moment and glanced around the room. He wrinkled his nose in disgust, and waved his wand. With a quick word, the paint disappeared from the walls, leaving them bare and plain.

"That really looked horrible," Draco said calmly and began to descend the stairs.

As soon as they were out of sight, the Gryffindors breathed a sigh of relief in unison. Harry patted Neville's arm reassuringly, and, they, too, headed down the staircase.

Draco stepped into the common room, and noticed Pansy and the girls already waiting for them by the entrance. He plastered his most charming smile across his face, and stroke across the room to join them, though he did pause a moment to sneer at Lavender and Parvati, who were giggling by the large, brick fireplace. They immediately fell into silence, and glared at the Slytherin boy as he joined his companions.

"What took you so long?" Pansy asked crossly, rubbing her neck wearily.

"He had to fix his hair," Blaise informed her.

"Of course," she muttered, not surprised.

Draco glanced up from his inspection of his robes, affronted, and assumed a look of injured dignity, which failed to fool his companions.

"Just because I am accustomed to looking my best, and find it unacceptable-"

"Can we just go eat?" Crabbe interrupted unwittingly, earning himself an angry glare from his sulking leader.

"Yes, let's go," Pansy agreed.

Draco pouted for a moment longer, but, finally, stalked ahead of them to the portrait hole. It swung open amenably, and, he hopped through, followed by his companions at a more leisurely pace. He continued to walk ahead of them until he reached the staircase, where he was forced to stand closer to them by the crowds of students rushing down to the great hall. Though he refused to look at him, Pansy was sure he wasn't angry, but, merely being his histrionic self.

It took them longer than expected to reach the dining hall, due to the overwhelming hordes of students pushing everyone aside in a desperate search for food. Draco remained unbothered by the seething mob of students since Crabbe and Goyle acted as human shields against the onslaught. After a long and tiring walk, they finally reached the hall, where they immediately moved to join their fellow house members at their old familiar table.

As they sat down, the younger students remained silent, obviously attuned to the foul moods of their elders. Draco immediately grabbed the coffee pot that was waiting for him, and poured himself a steaming glass.

"Draco, that's going to keep you awake all night," Pansy remonstrated.

He paused between desperate gulps and, with a smile, nodded.

"That's the whole point. I'm not sleeping with those Gryffindor delinquents around me," he explained.

"You're going to have an interesting night," Pansy said to Blaise, patting his hand sympathetically.

Draco seemed to be oblivious to their continuing conversation as he stared over at the Gryffindor table. Harry and Ron were chatting animatedly to Hermione, and, by the constant touches to their hair, they were giving a fairly accurate imitation of Draco himself. The pale Slytherin scowled furiously and folded his arms across his chest.

"Ooh, look at Potter, trying to be so cool. Does he think anyone cares?" he snarled.

Pansy looked up from her plate, which she had liberally piled with food, and glanced over at the Gryffindor table.

"Well, you do, obviously," she pointed out.

"I do not care! I am completely unaffected by whatever that horrible prat does!" Draco shrieked, raising his hands to his face in appalled shock.

Blaise merely shook his head in disbelief, and snatched the coffee pot before Draco could steal it away again. He poured himself a cup and, then, placed it on the other side of the table in a rather pointless attempt to keep it away from the already wired blonde.

"So that's why you stare at him nonstop?" Pansy asked with a sweet smile.

Draco looked at her crossly, leaned over the table, almost knocking over the basket of rolls, and grabbed the coffee pot. After refreshing the contents of his cup, he placed it beside him again, keeping a watchful eye on Blaise.

"No, that's to make fun of the stupid things he does," Draco answered while sipping at his fresh cup of coffee.

"So, you care about the stupid things he does?" Pansy questioned.

"No! They mean nothing to me!" Draco exclaimed, his eyes darting nervously.

"Admit it, Draco! You're addicted to Potter's inadequacy!" Pansy cried, triumphant.

Draco covered his ears with his hands, though he still made sure not to muss his hair.

"Lies, lies, all lies!" he wailed dramatically.

Pansy shook her head in mock sadness, and placed a comforting hand on Draco's shoulder. He shook it off and glared at her.

"You, my twitchy little princeling, have a problem," Pansy stated.

Blaise nodded his agreement, for which he received an equally nasty glare from the pale boy.

"And, the first step in working past it is admitting to it," Blaise put in.

Pansy and Blaise both looked at each other for a moment, their brows identically furrowed in thought.

"This seems rather familiar, don't you think?" Pansy asked him curiously.

"Like the coffee intervention speech, right?" said Blaise, nodding.

Pansy picked up a piece of bread and munched on it as she considered.

"And, how did that end?" she inquired.

Draco smiled brightly at the two, and sipped his coffee.

"I hexed you so that everything but coffee made you violently ill, so you could truly appreciate its beauty. A stroke of genius on my part, I believe," he happily reminded them, beaming with pride.

Pansy grabbed Blaise's arm, and pulled him out of his seat. She led him a few feet away from the table, watching Draco cautiously.

"Maybe we should let him have this little addiction," Pansy said.

"For our own safety, I think you may be right," Blaise agreed, following her gaze.

They both nodded simultaneously and walked back to the table. Draco looked up at them as they approached, but, waited for them to speak in a rare show of patience.

"Draco, we were wrong. You don't have any sort of obsession with Harry Potter," Pansy said through gritted teeth.

Draco accepted it easily, and nodded.

"Glad you came to your senses," he said, taking a sip of coffee, and going back to watching the Gryffindor table, "What is that fool doing to his hair?!"

Pansy decided judiciously not to comment on this, but, began to eat her meal. Draco continued staring at the Gryffindors for several minutes, occasionally taking a bite of food from Blaise's plate. He seemed rather distracted, a circumstance that Pansy found rather unnerving.

"I think we should make it our duty to shock the Gryffindors as much as possible," he finally said.

Pansy nibbled on a pastry idly, as she turned to Draco, who hadn't taken his eyes off their new roommates.

"Shouldn't be hard," Blaise said in a bored tone.

"But why?" Pansy asked, unwilling to accept his words at face value. She understood why he'd want to upset the Gryffindors, but, it wasn't as if there normal behavior wouldn't easily accomplish that goal.

"Is taxing their puny little brains not a good enough reason?" Draco questioned petulantly, grabbing the remaining pastry from her plate.

She glared at him and attempted to snatch it back, but, he deftly managed to avoid her grasping hands.

"Well..." Blaise began hesitatingly in answer.

Draco waved him into silence while nibbling on the pastry. He grinned smugly at Pansy, who merely sighed with a long-suffering expression.

"Alright, listen. We're stuck living with them, and, I, for one, don't want them to be spreading unwholesome rumors about us," Draco said.

"Rumors, such as..." Pansy prodded.

"You know, stuff that would hurt our reputations," Draco attempted to clarify.

Pansy tapped her fingers against the table impatiently. Blaise kept silent and stared at his friend's hands as they drummed against the surface.

"Give us an example, will you?" she snapped.

"They might start saying we're not as evil as everyone thinks," Draco answered flatly.

Pansy blinked twice and stared at the boy. She seriously doubted if there was anything the Slytherins could do that would convince the Gryffindors that their enemies weren't malevolent, evil creatures sent to make their lives miserable.

"Why would they say that?" she asked blankly.

"There are things that might lead them to that conclusion," Draco answered evasively.

Pansy let out her breath in a fit of exasperation, and clutched her fork tightly in her hand.

"Like what, Draco!?" she nearly yelled.

Draco raised an eyebrow at her sudden outburst, and gave her a pastry in an attempt at placating her.

"Crabbe's pet bunny for one thing," he supplied.

Crabbe glanced up as his name was spoken, but, after listening, merely went back to his meal, uninterested. Pansy shook her head, speechless. As she became unresponsive, Blaise decided to finally speak.

"I'm not sure that's a pet, Draco. I thought he was going to eat it. Besides, it isn't even here," Blaise reminded him, glancing over at the hulking boy, who was still paying no mind to their words.

"He keeps pictures of it by his bedside, which doesn't sound like the way you'd treat a light snack," Draco answered.

"Maybe..." Blaise said, unconvinced.

"Well, what do you want us to do, Draco?" Pansy acquiesced, unwilling to argue any longer.

"Be the evilest, worst possible person you can be. Be vulgar, crude, mean, spiteful, venomous, cruel, the works," Draco explained simply.

"Shouldn't be too hard," Blaise said with a shrug.

"Not as long as you follow my example," answered Draco.

Theodore Nott glanced up from his meal, and nervously cleared his throat. Draco turned to look at him irritably, obviously wondering what the quiet boy could want.

"You know, it might be okay if they think we're nicer. It'd make living here easier, at least," Theodore volunteered nervously.

Pansy winced as she waited for the imminent explosion from Draco.

"You traitor! How dare you? Someone hurt him, please?" Draco screeched.

Crabbe and Goyle looked up from their meals and cracked their knuckles threateningly.

"You want us to act nice? That's sickening," Blaise said in disgust.

"It was just a suggestion," Theodore muttered defensively.

"And not a very good one," Draco retorted.

"Is that all, Draco?" Pansy asked impatiently, interrupting his furious tirade.

"Almost. I also needed some coffee," he said imperiously, glancing down to the end of the table, where an untouched pot sat, and back to his own empty one.

"And, why can't you get it yourself?" she asked, obviously annoyed.

"Do we have to go over the whole manual labor doesn't agree with me thing again, Pansy?" Draco answered with a smile.

"Spoiled does not even begin to describe you," she hissed.

"Yeah, he thinks he's a real princess, all right," Blaise agreed, hiding a smile behind his hand.

"Mind your tongue, O Miserable Creature," Draco ordered.

"Yes, My Lady," Pansy said sweetly.

"This is the reason I hate you guys," Draco muttered with a sigh.

Pansy stood up, smiling, and patted Draco's hand. She walked to the end of the table and picked up the pot. As she returned to her seat, she handed the hot container to the blonde boy. He grinned, pleased, and poured himself a fresh cup.

A/N: Well? Was is terrible? Review and I shall be happy! Oh, and I am going to get around to clearing up the Slytherin dinner party mystery thingie sometime soon.