I own nothing of these characters. Although, I seem to be a bit like Jones =) Yet, sadly, have no Mark Darcy. Damn my fate. Will talk about this later with Fairy Godmother.

News Bulletin: Fairy Godmother just quit.

Damn my fate!!!

Saturday, October 20th

Weight: 135, Cigarettes: 4, Alcohol Units: None yet

6:25pm: Hmmmam going to very formal party with Mark Darcy tonight. He requested that I be ready by 6:15. Have looked at watch twice now, but ignored the fact that 6:15 is now 6:30 and I am late. I am to meet him at his apartment, yet I can't seem to find any clean knickers and my bum is feeling like a lead weight. Would walk from said apartment to Mark's without knickers, but my fat arse would surely cause a stir and I would most likely end up on the nightly news as Local Fat Ass'.

7:00pm: Found knickers on top of dresser lying behind picture of me and mum. Believe that that is where Mr. Darcy threw them the other night. Passion is so messy sometimes. Hmmm They aren't as dirty as the others that lay in the hamper. Shall put them on, but will make mental note not to do anything with Mark until I take said shower in his apartment. Wouldn't want him to sell me to the local fish market.

7:15pm: Got over to Mark's and went inside quickly. Was relieved when he came slowly out of his bedroom, only half-ready. He leaned in and kissed my cheek with scratchy man face and then disappeared back into his bathroom. I was relieved and hungry. Made quick sandwich and scarfed it down while Mark took his time in the bathroom. Realized that ass now felt like a car! Cheese spread sure does seem to spread.

8:00pm: Arrived at uppity party. Felt sick as strolled into the room. Everyone turned to look at us and the whispering began. I was sure I would throw up all over beautiful, wood floor. Or just all over a few important people. That way, in passing, they could all have something to tell one another, such as, I was wearing Gucci and Bridget Jone's throw-up last night'. I would be famous for my new fashions of puke covered clothing. Would become millionaire and spend all the money on getting fat arse sucked out. Probably make more millions when fat arse was converted to oil.

8:15pm: Natasha arrived just as Mark was letting me stroll over to the bar for a much needed drink. Immediately I felt her eyes on me. Actually, I think I was feeling every eye on me. Eyes on my ass. An ass that seemed to be walking by itself. Maybe, if I stood in one place, fat ass would get hooked up with other fat ass and would leave me. Oh, probably just a dream, but one can dream.

8:20pm: Was already on my second drink. Bar tender was very nice. Told me I needed to relax as he poured me another glass of wine. He seemed to be flirting as he looked at my puffy breasts that had major nippleage going on. Wondered, as stood next to bar, was Nippleage a word or was I just drunk already. Would remember to question Mr. Darcy about such word when night was done.

That was if I could still think straight.

8:25pm: Just finished second drink when hand could be felt on my back. Turned to see Mark standing there giving the bartender quite a look. Hmmmmust realize that Mark had been stabbed once and probably didn't want to go through that again. Really must try to realize that Mark likes me just the way I am or he wouldn't be taking me to nice parties. Really, really must realize that

"You feel like meeting some people?" was what Mark said, but to me it sounded like this

"Feel like having a bunch of smart people analyze you?"

Hmmmtried to grab the next drink that the bartender handed to me, but Mark pulled me away. I was slowly being led toward a group of four very well dressed women. Also, believed that as I walked toward them one of them slaughtered a young foe. Definitely saw very well dressed woman eating the flesh as she talked to her friends with blood stained teeth. Wondered if I would end up as deer foe. Dead meat in the teeth of these women.

Oh Jesus!

"Ladies, this is Bridget Jones. Genius reporter." He sounded proud of me, yet the women didn't seem to believe his praise.

"Yes, Bridget" one of them said in a rather haughty manner, "what is it you report on?"

"Um" I said as Mark's fingers lightly massaged my back, "well, ummm"

"Never heard of um'." One of them said as the other's snickered a bit, "But I have seen your work. Verynice."

I would rather have been thrown on a bed of nails.

"Yes, very well done. I feel as if you are a celebrity." Another said as she smiled faintly, "Oh" looking over my head, "here comes Natasha."

A bed of nails with razors in between.

Natasha nudged herself into the space between me and one of the other woman, "So all of you have met Darcy's new girl." She smiled lightly at me, but her eyes were wild, "It's as if Mark now has his own personal reporter to follow him around."

I froze. Could it be true? Could Mark only want me because he could get in the papers anytime he needed to. His own personal little reporter who would break a leg just to get to him and his newly won cases.

Mark's hand slid up to my neck and squeezed lightly. He leaned in, "Let me go make this speech and then we can leave."

9:00pm: Mark had now situated himself at the front of the room. He was standing in front of a podium. He looked so gathered. So confident. So very serious. Only when he looked down at me did he lighten a tad.

10:00pm: Mark was still talking. But I could tell that he was rapping it up.

10:30pm: Still at party. Mark was now making rounds again. Being congratulated on his many accomplishments and such. Wonder if he had forgotten about me. I now was five drinks gone and beginning my sixth. But I stopped, with my mouth almost taking in the drink, to listen to someone behind me.

"Yesher name is Bridget. Dreadful girl. Trust me, when Mark is done shagging her a couple of times he will come to his senses and run back to me."

NATASHA! Had to be.

I didn't turn.

11:00pm: Mark finally came over to me, his eyes looking worried. Yes I had had too many drinks, but this just meant that he would get fully laid tonight.

Oh God! My knickers. I really must remember to clean myself.

11:30pm: Mark had gotten me safely home and into his bed. He was over at his desk, typing away at his computer. I really wanted to go take a shower so that I could seduce him tonight, but, instead, my heavy eyes started to shut. I opened them, but they just wouldn't stay open. Damn wine!

Right before I fell into a dead sleep, I promised myself I wouldn't drink anymore!

Hmm

"Or any less" I whispered as I fell off into my dreams.