Konnichiwa, minna! This is my first time fic so please R&R! Pocky and Ramune soda will be rewarded to all reviewers! Oo
Disclaimer: Gravitation and its characters are... NOT MINE! pout Belongs to Maki Murakami!!!
Regular italicized writing indicates thoughtsBold italicized writing indicates conscience
Chapter 1: Voice of Conscience
"Get out. I'm sick of hearing your voice." The blonde turned his back on the clingy pink-haired bundle of energy. In turn, the pink-haired bundle of energy frowned at him, decidedly trying to latch onto the blonde's ankle.
"Yuuuuuuuuuuuukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Shuichi whined as he rubbed his cheek against the blonde's leg. The said Yuki smirked, but only in his head.
Goddamn over-grown cat. What the fuck can I do with one of these? I hate cats. He's cute though... eats too much, loud, stupid... but, he's entertaining. Sometimes. But not right now. Right now, he's annoying. And I don't want him here anymore.
"Why can't you be nice to me, Yuki? I missed you!" Shuichi tried to crawl up Yuki's leg, only to have himself shoved roughly to the ground, mouth full of carpet fuzz. Yuki gave one of his signature 'Death Glares' and turned his back on Shuichi again.
"Are you stupid and deaf? I said to get out. Your noise is disturbing me."
"If you really didn't want me around, you wouldn't have given me your address."
"My mistake. Next time I won't give it to you."
"Na-nani?! You're moving again?" Tears began to fill the violet eyes as the golden ones carefully avoided meeting the others'. Yuki hated seeing tears and hated even more the waves of guilt they produced in him. Instead he distracted himself by addressing a long awaited nicotine desire.
"Hai, and this time, don't follow me." Yuki reached for a cigarette with one hand and with the other, a lighter.
"D-demo, Yuki... I don't want you to leave! Where are you going?!" More tears filled Shuichi's eyes.
"Back to the states. I've lost interest in Japan." The lighter sparked, but no flame. Yuki swore silently and cursed Zippo lighters for running out of fluid.
"What about me?!" By now, Shuichi's eyes were shining quite brightly, even though the dim lighting could barely allow one to see color, let alone reflections.
"What about you?" Yuki attempted to light his cigarette once again, but without any luck. He walked to the kitchen to search for something else that would light the cigarette.
"What am I suppose to do until you get back? I'm going to miss you, Yuki!" The tears quivered as the singer's chin began to tremble.
"Are you really this dense that you don't understand what I'm trying to tell you?" Yuki lit the cigarette with a spare lighter. Giving it the first pull, which brought it to life, he blew out the first breath that filled the room with smoke.
"Na-nani?" Tears hung precariously on the edge of falling.
"I'm not coming back." With that, the writer finally turned to meet golden eyes with violet ones. That's when Shuichi knew. And that's also when the tears fell.
"The fun and games end here, Shuichi. Nothing lasts forever. I'm leaving, and I'm leaving alone." Yuki managed to lace each word with venom. And while his presence seemed to intensify during the announcement, Shuichi seemed to shrivel up inside his clothes, appearing even smaller than he already was.
"Yu...ki.... Dou...shite...?" The two words seemed to take forever to leave the singer's mouth. The tears kept falling, but not accompanied by the usual wailing and hysterics. Instead, Shuichi looked stricken. A sort of 'deer-caught-in-the-headlights-and-can't-move' expression. Yuki winced inside his mind.
A disturbing expression. A WRONG expression. One that doesn't belong on Shuichi's face. A face that you've caused and created. One that would never have existed if you hadn't been so cruel. YOUDIDITYOUDIDITYOUDIDIT!!!
"Get out. Don't bother trying to find or follow me. I'm ending all ties to Japan. Starting with you." Yuki could feel his heart aching painfully as he threw the icy words at the formerly hyper singer. Formerly hyper, but presently limp and despairing. Yuki's words seemed to have drained the life out of Shuichi. Even his eyes had glazed over, though they continued to drip tears like a leaky faucet.
"Did you hear me? I said to leave. And I'm asking nicely. Don't make me ask again." Yuki shot verbal bullets at Shuichi as the pink-haired singer wrenched his eyes away from the blonde-haired writer's. Slowly, Shuichi stood up without looking at Yuki. He turned and walked to the door for the last time. Upon reaching it, he paused and spoke without looking back up.
"Don't worry, Yuki-san. You won't have to kick me out anymore. I'll leave, just like you want me to. Gomen for fucking up your perfect world. I won't do it anymore, and I won't try to find or follow you. Just like you want." Shuichi spoke in an empty voice, one without tone or emotion. He paused again, whispered something under his breath, and left without turning to look at Yuki again.
Yuki let his eyes to linger on door. That was about as sentimental as he would allow himself to be. Suddenly, the once loud and crowded apartment seemed to be too quiet and empty. He smiled a smile that was closer to a frown.
Two minus one equals one. Funny... when there's so few to begin with, taking a single person out of such an equation can make such a difference.
You fucking sadistic shit! Shuichi didn't deserve that! He's never done anything but try and make you happy! He never asked for anything in return than to be with you! Couldn't you even allow him that little bit of happiness?!
Nothing lasts forever.
Maybe, but that doesn't mean you should go on a conquest to destroy everything that won't last. Prick!
Nothing lasts forever.
There is at least one thing that does, you bastard!
Nothing lasts forever.
Are you listening to me, asshole?!
Nothing lasts forever.
Have you forgotten how it feels to have someone turn their back on you, jerk!
Nothing lasts forever.
Remember Yuki Kitazawa?
The writer froze, feeling a familiar wave of dark emotion flooding over him.
Ha ha! Now you remember, don't you? Shuichi made you remember all of these feelings... but at the same time dulled the pain too, didn't he?
Yuki shuddered, trying to push the voice away.
He was the hope at the bottom of your Pandora's Box, ne Eiri? Ha ha!
He winced, trying to brace himself against the onslaught of thoughts that pressed him for answers.
And now you just pushed him out the door. He was your morphine, but you just flushed your painkiller down the toilet.
The writer began to shake as the thoughts stabbed at him insistently.
Ha ha! Poor, poor Eiri! All alone again! Nobody wants to play with the tainted Eiri!
"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up!" Yuki had all he could take of being hounded by his own mind. His voice echoed in the silent apartment, as if to mock him by saying that nobody was talking but himself.
The cigarette in the meantime had burned to the very end where he was holding it. Pain taking priority over a mind battle, he dropped the cigarette in an ashtray and stomped over to the sink to run his hand under cold water.
He grit his teeth as his frustration at being frustrated. After all, who had ever thought that the great novelist, Yuki Eiri would ever have to deal with losing an argument, especially with himself?
And so end another one of Eiri Yuki's tragic novels. Bittersweet until the very end. The protagonist leaves, never to return. The cruel lover goes insane at the loss of his beloved. Starts hearing voices. Blah, blah, blah... the end.
The writer frowned at his thoughts.
Why don't any of my novels ever end happily ever after?
He scowled as the thought passed through his mind.
A happily ever after for Yuki Eiri? How absurd.
He glared at his throbbing fingers, which was swelling and producing blisters at a rapid rate. He would have trouble typing for the next few days. But what else could he do until it healed?
Apologize, motherfucker!
Yuki gripped the edge of the sink with both hands, causing more pain to the injured fingers. He didn't let go though. If pain would drown out the annoying thoughts, so be it. Besides, he had never been opposed to facing physical pain. Especially when it was a choice between the pain and the thoughts.
Why are you trying to ignore me, Eiri?
Bite me.
Charming as always, Eiri.
Fuck off.
Uh, uh, uh. Naughty, naughty. You're not playing nice, Eiri.
Screw you.
Ha ha! You do realize that you're talking to yourself, ne Eiri?
So how do I make myself stop?
Ha ha! Like you don't already know!
Yuki sighed heavily.
I don't know. If I did, I wouldn't be asking you, ass-wipe.
You shouldn't call yourself such names, Eiri.
Listen, you...
Okay, okay! How about I give you a hint. A big hint.
If it's going to make you shut up for a while, fine!
Okay, your hint is: You were given a gift, and you threw it away without a second thought. Find this gift again and I go away.
Where the fuck did I throw it away?
Back in the giver's face.
Let me guess, it was something the brat gave me a while ago, am I right?
You're smarter than you act.
Fuck you. But whatever it was, it was probably worthless if I threw it away.
Is that what you think, Eiri? Then you have a ways to go before I leave you alone, if I ever leave you alone.
TBC...
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