What Really Happens To Mort Afterwards....
And so it continues......... Yeah, I would like to thank my latest reviewers, inDEPPendent01 and FunkyFries, for reviewing!! PB&J sandwiches for both of you!! Lol.......ok, I'm done here...........
Chapter Three: Job Hunt
(It's a rainy day, and Mort is inside his cabin eating a PB&J sandwich while watching "The Price is Right")
TV: Come on dowwwwwwwnnnnn.......
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Seriously, Mort, you need a life!
Mort: I have a life! I'm breathing, aren't I? (mutters to himself) Unlike my ex-wife.... (gets evil look in his eyes)
Obsessed Fan Girls: Oh! Don't you just love when he looks evil like that??
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: (rolls imaginary eyes) You know what I mean! All you ever do is eat, sleep and watch TV. You really are pathetic!
Mort: So? And you point is....? (takes a huge bite of his sandwich, causing jelly to fall into his lap, which he takes care of by wiping it up with his thumb, then licks it off of his thumb)
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Ewwww! You disgust me!
Mort: That's your point? That I disgust you?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: No! My point is that there had been no excitement since you killed your ex-wife.
Mort: But, what about meeting Donald Trump? Or killing that girl that thought I was someone named Johnny Depp? Wasn't that exciting?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Nah.......what I mean is you made money when you killed your ex-wife.
Mort: (confused) How's that?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Well, that inspired you to write that story, and you made some money off of that, didn't you?
Mort: (ponders on that for a moment) Well......yeah, I guess. But I tried to write that inspiration story for religious people across the nation!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Oh, would you give that up already?!?! That would have been a suckie story, anyway!
Mort: No it wouldn't!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Yes it would!
Mort: No it wouldn't!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Yes it would!
Mort: No it wouldn't!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Yes it would!
(it goes on like this for, like, 30 minutes or so)
Mort: What were we arguing about?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: I have no idea.
Mort: Ok.....I need some corn!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Hey, why don't you get a new job?
Mort: (bites into corn) Hmmmm........I dunno........ I have always wanted to be a fireman......
Obsessed Fan Girls: Oh! A fireman!! How sexy! Johnn....er, we mean Mort Rainey, all sweaty, with a sexy fire hat on, and a yellow jacket covered in ashes from the fire.....WOW! And we thought he was hot as a pirate!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Fireman, eh? Isn't that, like, every young boys dream? To be a fireman, astronaut or cowboy when they grow up?
Mort: Yeah, I guess.... Besides, I think I would be tempted to kill someone, you know, all I would have to do is leave them in the burning building....... Nah, I don't wanna be a fireman anymore.
Obsessed Fan Girls: Oh, man! And we were getting sooo excited, too!
Mort: I'll find a job on the internet.
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Whatever floats your boat......
(Mort goes upstairs and starts searching for a job on his computer when porno pops up onto the screen)
Mort: (irritated) Don't you just HATE pop-up ads....... oh, what do we have here?
(Mort looks at the porno for about an hour, when he realizes why he came up here in the first place)
Mort: Oh, yeah, I was supposed to go job hunting....hmmm........let's see.....oh, there's a job opening to sell tickets at the movie theatre.......and opening to work at a hardware store......that's about it. What should I do?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Keep in mind the abdomen, man! Like I said before, chicks LOVE muscular dudes!
Obsessed Fan Girls: You said it!
Mort: So, I take it you want me working at the movie theatre, eh?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: No, you idiot!...........
Mort: Ha-ha! Gotcha! I'm not that dumb! I knew you were implying that I should work at the hardware store, you know, cuz it's manly and stuff........
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Damn! You're good! You fooled your own conscious!
Mort: (satisfied) Hey, what can I say? All in a days work, I suppose.
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Now go apply for that job.
Mort: Okie dokie!
Yeah, I think I had writers block on that chapter—it wasn't that funny. Oh well, deal with it. j/k. The next one will be funnier, savvy? Oh, which reminds me, I didn't even use myself (SavvyKiwi) in this chapter. Oh, well. Anywho, if you have comments and/or suggestions, please, please let me know!!! I do use suggestions—and I have proof!! FunkyFries said that stuff about the PB&J sandwiches and I used it in there!! Oh, you got served! Ha-ha, j/k. That was dumb, I know. Ok, well, as Captain Jack Sparrow would say, "Ta!"
And so it continues......... Yeah, I would like to thank my latest reviewers, inDEPPendent01 and FunkyFries, for reviewing!! PB&J sandwiches for both of you!! Lol.......ok, I'm done here...........
Chapter Three: Job Hunt
(It's a rainy day, and Mort is inside his cabin eating a PB&J sandwich while watching "The Price is Right")
TV: Come on dowwwwwwwnnnnn.......
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Seriously, Mort, you need a life!
Mort: I have a life! I'm breathing, aren't I? (mutters to himself) Unlike my ex-wife.... (gets evil look in his eyes)
Obsessed Fan Girls: Oh! Don't you just love when he looks evil like that??
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: (rolls imaginary eyes) You know what I mean! All you ever do is eat, sleep and watch TV. You really are pathetic!
Mort: So? And you point is....? (takes a huge bite of his sandwich, causing jelly to fall into his lap, which he takes care of by wiping it up with his thumb, then licks it off of his thumb)
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Ewwww! You disgust me!
Mort: That's your point? That I disgust you?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: No! My point is that there had been no excitement since you killed your ex-wife.
Mort: But, what about meeting Donald Trump? Or killing that girl that thought I was someone named Johnny Depp? Wasn't that exciting?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Nah.......what I mean is you made money when you killed your ex-wife.
Mort: (confused) How's that?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Well, that inspired you to write that story, and you made some money off of that, didn't you?
Mort: (ponders on that for a moment) Well......yeah, I guess. But I tried to write that inspiration story for religious people across the nation!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Oh, would you give that up already?!?! That would have been a suckie story, anyway!
Mort: No it wouldn't!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Yes it would!
Mort: No it wouldn't!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Yes it would!
Mort: No it wouldn't!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Yes it would!
(it goes on like this for, like, 30 minutes or so)
Mort: What were we arguing about?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: I have no idea.
Mort: Ok.....I need some corn!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Hey, why don't you get a new job?
Mort: (bites into corn) Hmmmm........I dunno........ I have always wanted to be a fireman......
Obsessed Fan Girls: Oh! A fireman!! How sexy! Johnn....er, we mean Mort Rainey, all sweaty, with a sexy fire hat on, and a yellow jacket covered in ashes from the fire.....WOW! And we thought he was hot as a pirate!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Fireman, eh? Isn't that, like, every young boys dream? To be a fireman, astronaut or cowboy when they grow up?
Mort: Yeah, I guess.... Besides, I think I would be tempted to kill someone, you know, all I would have to do is leave them in the burning building....... Nah, I don't wanna be a fireman anymore.
Obsessed Fan Girls: Oh, man! And we were getting sooo excited, too!
Mort: I'll find a job on the internet.
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Whatever floats your boat......
(Mort goes upstairs and starts searching for a job on his computer when porno pops up onto the screen)
Mort: (irritated) Don't you just HATE pop-up ads....... oh, what do we have here?
(Mort looks at the porno for about an hour, when he realizes why he came up here in the first place)
Mort: Oh, yeah, I was supposed to go job hunting....hmmm........let's see.....oh, there's a job opening to sell tickets at the movie theatre.......and opening to work at a hardware store......that's about it. What should I do?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Keep in mind the abdomen, man! Like I said before, chicks LOVE muscular dudes!
Obsessed Fan Girls: You said it!
Mort: So, I take it you want me working at the movie theatre, eh?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: No, you idiot!...........
Mort: Ha-ha! Gotcha! I'm not that dumb! I knew you were implying that I should work at the hardware store, you know, cuz it's manly and stuff........
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Damn! You're good! You fooled your own conscious!
Mort: (satisfied) Hey, what can I say? All in a days work, I suppose.
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Now go apply for that job.
Mort: Okie dokie!
Yeah, I think I had writers block on that chapter—it wasn't that funny. Oh well, deal with it. j/k. The next one will be funnier, savvy? Oh, which reminds me, I didn't even use myself (SavvyKiwi) in this chapter. Oh, well. Anywho, if you have comments and/or suggestions, please, please let me know!!! I do use suggestions—and I have proof!! FunkyFries said that stuff about the PB&J sandwiches and I used it in there!! Oh, you got served! Ha-ha, j/k. That was dumb, I know. Ok, well, as Captain Jack Sparrow would say, "Ta!"