Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter. As much as I wish I did, I'm not
as brilliant as J.K. Rowling.
Author Notes: This is a songfic to "Pushing Me Away" by Linkin Park--but it's the reanimation, not from their Hybrid Theory CD. You'll notice the song isn't finished in the first chapter. I know, but I did that on purpose. It's my first Harry Potter fic, and my second songfic. - Grins. - I've a few other stories up on this damn website. Anyways, I'm rating it "R" for later chapters, language, mild slash(for now), and some adult situations I'm planning to squeeze in there somewhere. ;x So, enjoy AND PLEASE R&R.--err, and flame too, 'cause it has been getting rather chilly in my room lately and I'm in need of a good laugh or two.
/song lyrics/
Sacrifice of Hiding in a Lie
I stared, watching as Sirius and James planned their next attack on Severus Snape, Peter piping in a few times to help them with their ridiculously childish ideas. I chided them in my head, but speaking it aloud was never something I was good with. I couldn't tell people how I felt, and sometimes that made me lie. I'd become a very good liar in these past couple of years; making up stories as to where I would disappear every full moon, and even better excuses to make the rest reason with the scars marring my lithe, weak, pathetic visage.
Burying myself further into my book, I tried to ignore the consistence mirthful laughter, and the voice in my head telling me it was wrong to just sit here and watch as they ruined somebody else. But what did it matter to me? I was ruined and nobody had helped me. Why should I destroy my friendship with the only three people who weren't afraid of touching me-- regarding the fact that they didn't know about my lycanthropy--by destroying their fun?
Probably because one of them, Sirius Black, was destined to try and ruin my life.
CHAPTER I Sirius POV
/when I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see/
I couldn't remember what had made me want to do it, to force Severus Snape into the hollow beneath the whomping willow, and further still until he was face to face with a vicious werewolf. I don't remember what pushed me to betray the trust of my friends, but I'd done it and there was no turning back from my mistake. Remus wouldn't even look at me--
How could he? I'd almost just made him kill and get expelled from a school he had only dreamed of getting accepted into until it'd really happened. I remembered when he'd first come to this school; the first time I saw him, if you would, and though he was exhausted and looked as though he'd been fighting a bad bout of the flu for the past week, he was all smiles, and very accepting even if most of the time he was hiding behind his books.
And now, with one brilliantly stupid idea, I'd shattered all that happiness utterly.
/nothing but my own mistake staring back at me./
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd just ended the reign of the Marauders with my dazzling stunt, or if I'd ruined Dumbledore's career and dear Mr. Moony's chances at everything else. I was selfish like that, you know. I had to absorb everybody else's light so that I could shine and be on top. As a child, that privilege was denied me, and passed on to my younger sibling, Regulus Black. Bastard.
So, here I was, staring Remus down from my bed as he shook with anger, staring out the window without knowing what he was looking at, glowering at the glass as though he willed it to shatter and bite at my flesh, making me bleed like he made himself after a night of transformation. Those were the hardest for him, you know, and I always hated him when he came back, because he was just as moody as any other bitch in the school, snapping at you for whatever little suggestions you might make.
At times, I thought Remus hated us, but then he would smile at us, or laugh along, and I'd have to push that thought aside for another night after the full moon, when he was weak and feeling vulnerable to attack. Naturally, since his physical state was decomposed for at least three nights afterwards, his mental inferiority would take over. Sometimes the things he said made me so proud of him, and sometimes things that made me question where exactly the feeble little were-man stood in his loyalties.
"Moony, I--" He was quick to cut me off, turning on me as though I'd just said the most insulting thing ever, and with the way he was brooding over what I'd done, I had.
"Shut up, Padfoot. I'm sick of your excuses." He bit back at me, advancing a step as though he was ready to murder me, but I knew he was weak, and instead of flinching or stepping back, I gave a wolfish grin to the true wolf, the one that was sneering at me from behind amber eyes, yet laughing with glee because I'd almost given it reason to taste flesh--almost. Damn James.
"What about all the times you would tell all your friends lies and hide your secret from us? You're one to talk, Mr. Moony, yeah. A real high class hypocrite." He hated when I used that against him. It was a guilt that ran deep in his veins and the crevasses of his mind. He knew it couldn't have been helped, but he still felt guilty for it anyways, and by God, if that wasn't one reason to love the big bad wolf, I didn't know what was.
"That was different! I had to lie to you. Don't you understand? I don't even know why I told you! Now you're going to use my-my-sickness against me?!" Ahh, yes, Remus. Make it sound feeble to the real intensities of what was laying beneath all that scarred up flesh just begging to be released.
I had nothing to say, and instead I just grinned, flopping to sit on my bed as I lost myself in thoughts--memories, if you would, of the past, and how everything had come to be--about the lycanthropy, that is.
Author Notes: This is a songfic to "Pushing Me Away" by Linkin Park--but it's the reanimation, not from their Hybrid Theory CD. You'll notice the song isn't finished in the first chapter. I know, but I did that on purpose. It's my first Harry Potter fic, and my second songfic. - Grins. - I've a few other stories up on this damn website. Anyways, I'm rating it "R" for later chapters, language, mild slash(for now), and some adult situations I'm planning to squeeze in there somewhere. ;x So, enjoy AND PLEASE R&R.--err, and flame too, 'cause it has been getting rather chilly in my room lately and I'm in need of a good laugh or two.
/song lyrics/
Sacrifice of Hiding in a Lie
I stared, watching as Sirius and James planned their next attack on Severus Snape, Peter piping in a few times to help them with their ridiculously childish ideas. I chided them in my head, but speaking it aloud was never something I was good with. I couldn't tell people how I felt, and sometimes that made me lie. I'd become a very good liar in these past couple of years; making up stories as to where I would disappear every full moon, and even better excuses to make the rest reason with the scars marring my lithe, weak, pathetic visage.
Burying myself further into my book, I tried to ignore the consistence mirthful laughter, and the voice in my head telling me it was wrong to just sit here and watch as they ruined somebody else. But what did it matter to me? I was ruined and nobody had helped me. Why should I destroy my friendship with the only three people who weren't afraid of touching me-- regarding the fact that they didn't know about my lycanthropy--by destroying their fun?
Probably because one of them, Sirius Black, was destined to try and ruin my life.
CHAPTER I Sirius POV
/when I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see/
I couldn't remember what had made me want to do it, to force Severus Snape into the hollow beneath the whomping willow, and further still until he was face to face with a vicious werewolf. I don't remember what pushed me to betray the trust of my friends, but I'd done it and there was no turning back from my mistake. Remus wouldn't even look at me--
How could he? I'd almost just made him kill and get expelled from a school he had only dreamed of getting accepted into until it'd really happened. I remembered when he'd first come to this school; the first time I saw him, if you would, and though he was exhausted and looked as though he'd been fighting a bad bout of the flu for the past week, he was all smiles, and very accepting even if most of the time he was hiding behind his books.
And now, with one brilliantly stupid idea, I'd shattered all that happiness utterly.
/nothing but my own mistake staring back at me./
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd just ended the reign of the Marauders with my dazzling stunt, or if I'd ruined Dumbledore's career and dear Mr. Moony's chances at everything else. I was selfish like that, you know. I had to absorb everybody else's light so that I could shine and be on top. As a child, that privilege was denied me, and passed on to my younger sibling, Regulus Black. Bastard.
So, here I was, staring Remus down from my bed as he shook with anger, staring out the window without knowing what he was looking at, glowering at the glass as though he willed it to shatter and bite at my flesh, making me bleed like he made himself after a night of transformation. Those were the hardest for him, you know, and I always hated him when he came back, because he was just as moody as any other bitch in the school, snapping at you for whatever little suggestions you might make.
At times, I thought Remus hated us, but then he would smile at us, or laugh along, and I'd have to push that thought aside for another night after the full moon, when he was weak and feeling vulnerable to attack. Naturally, since his physical state was decomposed for at least three nights afterwards, his mental inferiority would take over. Sometimes the things he said made me so proud of him, and sometimes things that made me question where exactly the feeble little were-man stood in his loyalties.
"Moony, I--" He was quick to cut me off, turning on me as though I'd just said the most insulting thing ever, and with the way he was brooding over what I'd done, I had.
"Shut up, Padfoot. I'm sick of your excuses." He bit back at me, advancing a step as though he was ready to murder me, but I knew he was weak, and instead of flinching or stepping back, I gave a wolfish grin to the true wolf, the one that was sneering at me from behind amber eyes, yet laughing with glee because I'd almost given it reason to taste flesh--almost. Damn James.
"What about all the times you would tell all your friends lies and hide your secret from us? You're one to talk, Mr. Moony, yeah. A real high class hypocrite." He hated when I used that against him. It was a guilt that ran deep in his veins and the crevasses of his mind. He knew it couldn't have been helped, but he still felt guilty for it anyways, and by God, if that wasn't one reason to love the big bad wolf, I didn't know what was.
"That was different! I had to lie to you. Don't you understand? I don't even know why I told you! Now you're going to use my-my-sickness against me?!" Ahh, yes, Remus. Make it sound feeble to the real intensities of what was laying beneath all that scarred up flesh just begging to be released.
I had nothing to say, and instead I just grinned, flopping to sit on my bed as I lost myself in thoughts--memories, if you would, of the past, and how everything had come to be--about the lycanthropy, that is.