Hello minna!

Ooookay, here I go... this is my first Saiyuki-FanFic. I have seen Gensoumaden Saiyuki up to Episode 41 and Requiem. No Reload as of yet, and I have also not read the mangas (neither Original, nor Reload, nor Gaiden). I still hope to know the guys enough to write about them – but please don't kill me if OoC-ness occurs! And yeah, I know, in Reload Ep. 10 there is something about Sanzo turning youkai... haven't seen it, I swear! And I only found one other fic that dealt with Sanzo as youkai (Story-ID 1790075 – very short, but nice!), so I am reasonably sure to not rip anything off.

Okay, this still plays during the time of the first series, and is a "What If"-Fic. Therefore, it will not follow the course of the series, but still play in the Saiyuki-Universe.

Furthermore, this Fic might contain shounen-ai, that means one of the male characters falls in love with another male character. If that is not your thing, so sorry. To the smutbunnies: Yup, I am one myself and like reading lemony stuff, but I do not trust myself to write a decent lemon, so the most that will come out of it is a lime – and even that might not happen in this Fic.

And I promise honest-to-Tentei: NO M-PREG! EVER! ;-)

In more personal matters, English is not my first language, so please don't bite if I use a wrong tense or something like that (even though I do welcome corrections of any mistakes I might have left in the story!)...

And: I am searching for pictures and/or Wallpapers of Youkai Hakkai and Youkai Sanzo. Fanart and Screenshots always welcome – my mail address is in my profile, if you want to help me out!

Okay, and now to the story...

But first...

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Saiyuki belong to Minekura Kazuya-sama, and I do not make money with this, so please, PLEASE don't sue me (not that I have any money to sue for to begin with...)

IDENTITY CRISIS

CHAPTER 1

Dark clouds made the sky look as though it would fall and crash into the earth any minute. Only here and there the moon had the chance to spread light through a gap in them.

The overcast silence of this darkness suddenly was interrupted by gunfire, and a scream.

The bodies of the youkai who had attacked them had barely vanished in the banishing light brought onto them by Sanzo's gun, when the monk suddenly had started shaking. His weapon had fallen to the ground when his hands had moved up to his head, to clamp his palms down on his temples.

Anxiously, Goku watchedas his guardian fell down on his knees and howled a scream of agony and rage at the clouds above.

Wide-eyed and utterly scared ('Sanzo never screams like that – even when he's close to dying!', he thought), he grabbed Hakkai's shirt and shook him.

"What is happening to Sanzo?"

Then, without even waiting for an answer, he tried to get closer to the monk, only to feel the healer's hand on his wrist, holding him back. He tried to wrestle his hand out of the hard grip, finally turning to Hakkai and begging, "Let me go! I have to go to him..."

The brunette man shook his head, and his eyes were as serious as the boy had ever seen them.

"You can't, Goku. It is too dangerous. Gods, has it really already been a thousand?"

Gojyo, who had been standing next to his friend and the monkey-like boy, started at that.

"Hakkai, you don't want to tell us..."

The older man nodded.

"That is the only explanation. Sanzo is turning into a youkai."

Gojyo looked taken aback. "But Sanzo never touched youkai blood... don't you have to have the blood of those killed youkai on you to...?"

Hakkai shook his head.

"It's a myth that only that will... change you. True, blood of a thousand killed youkai will change you even if you yourself did not kill them, but the act of killing itself works the same way, or so I've heard."

As if to answer him, the blond man screamed again, although this time, there was a definite snarl in his voice. Horrified, they watched when fingernails turned into vicious-looking claws, ears elongated to form the characteristic points, hair grew out into a tousled mane cascading far down the back. Sanzo's face was not visible from where they stood, but the three others already knew what they would see: Those cold, violet eyes, forced shut in pain, would open and reveal the catlike slits demonkind sported for pupils.

Growling low in his throat, the newly created youkai got back on his feet and turned around. There was no recognition in Sanzo's eyes when his lips twisted into a predatory grin, revealing teeth formed into sharp fangs. Hakkai and Gojyo immediately readied themselves for an attack, but Goku used his chance to run towards his guardian.

"Sanzo! It's us! Please calm down..."

That was how far he got until a hand connected with his torso, shredding his clothes, then tearing through skin and finally throwing him back, directly into Hakkai, who had just enough time to ready himself for the impact and catch the boy without falling.

"Goku, it's no use. He's influenced by the minus wave, you won't get through to him... we might have to fight him."

Clutching at his injured chest, the boy froze, when Gojyo added seriously,

"... and kill him? He doesn't have any limiters to put back on him, and the way he is now, he will be a danger to anyone who passes by..."

Solemnly, Hakkai nodded.

"We might have to, if we can't subdue him otherwise..."

Disbelieving what he had just heard, Goku shook his head.

"How can you even suggest that? We're his friends! HOW CAN YOU EVEN MAKE A SUGGESTION LIKE THAT?"

When Hakkai looked down on him, he shivered involuntarily. Had Hakkai's eyes been blue, they could not have been icier than that.

"Do you think Sanzo rejoices in killing innocents? Because that is what he will start doing if we don't stop him. Even if he regained his sanity at some point, I doubt he would be able to live with himself, knowing what he has done. He would do the same thing, if you or I lost it and he had no other way to stop us..."

"Well said, Tenpou... or Hakkai, isn't it?", a female voice sounded behind him, and then Kanzeon Bosatsu walked into view. Her face did not sport the smile she usually wore when they met; in fact, it was downright serious. She held two golden, Sanskrit-inscribed wristcuffs in her hands, and Hakkai relaxed when he saw them.

"Those are limiters, right? Thank the Gods..."

Kanzeon Bosatsu shook her head.

"Don't thank me yet. I don't even know whether giving those will be a mercy for him. He will not like what I have to tell him once he regains his sanity..."

Nevertheless, she walked towards Sanzo, whose smile had vanished in favor of a rather scared expression. Clearly, he did not want the Goddess of Mercy to come any closer, yet he seemed unable to simply run away.

When she snapped one the limiters shut around his wrist, Kanzeon managed to give Sanzo a sad smile.

"Konzen... why didn't you ever stop to think about why I wanted these three to go along with you on your journey? Why didn't you stick to the principles of your religion even for a little bit? Buddhists don't kill, and Buddhist leaders should be an example to their subordinates... There you had three youkai with you for the dirty work, and yet you killed along with them, and not only in self-defense, as was intended. And now... it is too late."

Then, the second limiter snapped into place, and Sanzo's expression changed into that of utter exhaustion. Just before his eyes closed, his three friends could see that they had reverted back to normal. Ears shrunk to their normal human size,claws turned back into fingers. With a small gasp, the blond man slumped to the ground.

Now, there was no reason for Hakkai, Gojyo and Goku to stay away anymore. The boy arrived at his master's side first, grabbing his arm and pulling on it to gain his attention.

"Sanzo? Oy, Sanzo! Are you okay...?"

Wearily, the monk looked up at his charge, and his first words baffled Goku, because they did not consist of an insult or a threat.

"Wh...what happened?"

Then, he saw the new adornments on his wrists, and his eyes widened. After a moment of utter silence, he finally spoke again, his voice rough.

"I am... I did..."

Kanzeon Bosatsu kneeled down in front of him and nodded.

"You have turned. And that is not the only bad news, I am afraid."

She stretched out her index and middle finger and placed them on Sanzo's forehead, directly over red chakra. A green glow emanated from them, and the Goddess shook her head sadly.

"Genjo Sanzo, per orders of Tentei, I am to tell you that your journey is over, and you are relieved of your rank and status. A youkai monk is not something the old baboon is willing to tolerate. You are to hand over the credit card the Three Aspects gave you, your sutra and your weapon. Another way will be found to stop the Gyuumaoh Revival Experiment."

She removed her hand from his forehead. The chakra was gone.

Thunderstruck, Hakkai watched as she took the sutra off Sanzo's neck and rolled it up, and finally reached into the man's pocket to take the card. All the while, Sanzo did not object to the treatment, but stared at her, disbelief in his eyes.

'He must be in deep shock to not even object to her touching him', the healer thought.

Finally, the disgracing little ceremony was over, and Kanzeon Bosatsu got back to her feet from her kneeling position. After picking up the banishing gun from the ground, she strode over to the brunette youkai, and he felt a rather large sack with softly tinkling coins shoved into his hand.

"That is all I can do for you guys. It will last you for a while before you have to earn money for a living again."

Hakkai did not even look down at the gift, but nodded gratefully.

"Thank you... I don't suppose there is any way you can reverse this situation?"

Kanzeon Bosatsu shook her head.

"The only one with the power to do so is Tentei himself – and the crotchety old fool would not do so even if his life was at stake. He is too fond of 'examples', as he calls it. I am afraid your friend will have to learn to live with it. Well, I need to go – I am rather sure the sutra is needed elsewhere. Most likely, I will not be allowed to aid you any further, so look after each other. It was fun while it lasted. Farewell!"

And with that, she vanished.


There we go – first chapter! I have planned out 7 chapters up to now, but in the end, it will be more. However, I don't think it will be more than 15 chapters in the end, and that is a rather high guess. I hope you enjoyed! Please leave me some comments!