A/N: This is the LAST CHAPTER! I'm actually kind of sad about that. While I was writing it I was like "when will it END?!" Now it has I feel empty and alone. Or not. But it is kinda sad. Read on, faithful readers -
Spike looked at the redhead in front of him and his brain was telling him this was all too much. Too many shocks in such a short space of time. He ripped his hand away from Buffy's death grip and stood abruptly startling Willow.
The vampire looked at her then back to Buffy who had an openly hopeful look on her face. Too much. Too...too much. He turned and stormed to the bathroom slamming the door shut and leaning against it. He really wished he hadn't broken the lock on the door earlier.
Spike slid down to the floor and sat with his back pressed against the door to shut out anyone from coming in. Not that it would stop the Slayer if she really wanted to get in there.
He rested his forehead against his knees and wrapped his arms around his legs. Human. From what he recalled of being a human he had not liked it one bit. Susceptible to illness, frail and breakable, so few years to experience life and then of course there was death. While it was true that Spike had faced death in a way when he had become vampire, and again when he had disintegrated, he had never truly given much thought to actually dying and staying dead. It scared him. The thought of hell terrified him. That was surely where he would go; hell.
Eternal torment. Fire and Brimstone. No, no. That was not for him. Spike wanted to stay immortal, exist forever, see the world change and eventually, when it was inevitable, see the world end.
He couldn't be doing with this 50 years left bull. 50 years? That was nothing to a vampire who had lived almost two centuries.
Humans were weak. He remembered being weak. Being William. He hadn't liked it back then and he sure as hell wouldn't like it now.
"No" He whispered to himself.
There was a knock at the door "Spike?" It was Buffy, she sounded concerned.
Buffy Summers. One of those frail and breakable humans. Okay, maybe not so frail and breakable but still with the short life span. Potentially shorter then most in fact. She was the love of his life. And one day Death would come along and take her from him. Leaving him alone. So much for immortality if you had to be a miserable loner bastard for the rest of your days.
"Spike, talk to me. I know this is a lot but –" Buffy spoke softly through the door.
"It's not a lot!" Spike yelled, standing up and tearing the door open, which in turn caused Buffy to take an instinctive jump back "'Cos I'm not doing it"
Her eyes softened "Don't you think we should talk about this?"
"No!" He roared "I don't want to be human!"
Buffy just blinked, face remaining calm "Why not?"
"Because...being human means being mortal"
"Pretty much the whole concept, yeah" She reached over and took his hands "But have you even considered the good things?"
Spike looked at her, at her hands in his, her skin was so warm against his ice cold flesh. If he was human he would be warm again. He wouldn't have to steal her heat.
Buffy squeezed his hands "You could go out in the day. Into the sunlight"
Spike just looked her in the eyes. He had thought about this, of course. Even before it became a plausible option. When he had gotten his soul back he remembered more of what it had been like to be human. To walk into the bright light and like it and to have the light love him back. Spike had always tried to block out such memories. There was no good in torturing yourself with things you couldn't have.
But he could have it now.
Spike shook his head. He didn't want it.
"You could have kids" Buffy said softly "I mean, so long as your little guys are alright down there"
He looked down at the floor "A bloke like me doesn't deserve kids. That's why vampires can't have kids. It's not right"
The Slayer tilted her head, moved her hand up to place it on his chest "Your heart would beat. You wouldn't need to drink blood anymore. You could have food and actually taste it. Ooh, beer!"
Spike couldn't stop himself smiling "Beer would be good. To actually taste it"
"See" Buffy smiled "All good things. Give me twenty minutes and I'll write you a whole list of –"
"I don't want to go to hell" Spike said, the smile gone from his face.
Buffy's smile also dropped and was replaced by one of confusion. She frowned and her brow crinkled. It almost made Spike's heart beat right then. She was beautiful when perturbed. But he had more important things on his mind.
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"I told you. When I died...I could feel myself being pulled into hell" He turned his back on her "And if I go back to being human I'll only have fifty years or less. Fifty years is not enough time to atone for what I've done. And I don't want to go to hell"
"Spike," She said softly "You won't go to hell. You saved the world; I think that's got you a few points up"
"How many times has Angel saved the world? And he's still not done"
"Angel was evil long before you were even born...I guess he has more to make up for" Buffy came up behind him and wrap her arms around his waist "You won't go to hell"
He tensed "How can you know that? You don't understand. You're a force of good. You always have been and you already know that you're going to heaven when you die. You – heaven. Me – hell. That's how it works. Even if I can't atone I want to delay it as long as bloody possible"
Buffy spoke against his back "You're scared. I get that"
"I don't think you can" He moved away from her arms and turned back to face her "You're a champion"
"So are you"
"No," Spike shook his head "I'm just a vampire who fell in love with a Slayer. If I hadn't...I never would have tried to be good. I liked being bad"
"It doesn't matter what got you to this stage, Spike" Buffy cupped his face in her hands "It only matters that you got here and that you're good now"
Spike looked down "Either way, I'm not ready to be human"
Buffy grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the bed sitting them both down "Let's talk about this. We'll make the right choice"
"How do you know?"
"Because I'm always right" She grinned "And because together we're pretty much unbeatable"
Spike smiled.
-------------------------------------
As Buffy entered Giles house alone she sucked in a deep breath and steeled herself for the conversation that was about to happen. She set her shoulders and shook her hair out of her face then turned and walked confidently into the living room attempting to make an assertive and not at all nervous entrance.
It turned out that no-one even paid attention to her. So much so that she had to clear her throat loudly, twice!
Eventually she got their attention. Dawn was sitting on the couch and Xander was lying across it with his legs propped up on Dawn's lap, they were watching TV. Willow sat in an armchair reading a book and sipping tea, Giles stood by the window looking out of it as the sun-set outside.
They all turned to look at her and Willow frowned a little bit.
"You okay? I mean I know I left in a hurry but you've been in the cottage for hours" Willow said sitting up straighter.
Buffy nodded, tried for a bright smile "Yeah, I'm good. Spike and I were doing some stuff"
"Eww" Dawn's nose wrinkled.
"Yeah, Buff. For future reference that kind of statement is too much information" Xander nodded.
Buffy shook her head and sighed "Not that stuff. Well, okay there was some of that stuff –"
"Buffy!" Dawn cried "Little sister here – trying not to find out about her sisters freaky sex life"
"It was not freaky...well, maybe a little bit"
"Oh, honestly" Giles rolled his eyes "Please, for the sake of all that is holy, stop!"
The Slayer felt the heat burn up in her cheeks. Check – no more sex talk around the Watcher, little sister of Xander. Willow for her part was giving her up a thumbs up. At least she seemed supportive of Spike and Buffy's relationship. Buffy was pretty sure it was a relationship. Which was actually kinda scary. However, she needed to know how the others felt about it.
"Okay – no more sex talk. But I need to know how you guys feel about this?" Buffy shifted her weight from foot to foot, started wringing her hands "About me and Spike. Together. As in a couple. A relationship. Him as my –"
"We know, Buffy" Dawn rolled her eyes "And I'm okay with it. It's your life, right? You deserve someone who loves you. Spike's done some bad things to you...but if you can see past that then I guess I can"
Buffy bowed her head "Thank you"
Willow spoke next "You know I'm okay with it. I never really had anything against Spike...apart from that time he kidnapped me...and when he tried to kill me...and...okay, not thinking about that anymore. Go, be free! Frolic!" She grinned
"Thanks, Will" Buffy looked at the man on the couch "Xander?"
"You know I'm not Spike's greatest fan" He sat up straight "And, well, that doesn't matter 'cos I'm not dating him. I mean, how very wrong would that be? Anyway, if the guy makes you happy then he makes you happy. Even if I don't understand it. Life's too short. You gotta find the right person and just never let them go. I learnt that from Anya"
Buffy walked over to him and kissed him on the crown of his head "Love you, Xan"
"Right back at ya" He smiled lopsidedly and squeezed her hand "Besides, he's better than Angel....not by much but..."
Buffy slugged him lightly on the arm.
"I think the question is, Buffy, do you love Spike?" Giles spoke up.
Buffy braced herself before turning to face him. She had known that Giles would be the hardest to convince. At one time she would have said Xander would have been her harshest critic but so much had happened to him, to all of them, that everyone had changed.
The Slayer stood up straight and walked slowly over to her Watcher, hands clasped before her and taking a deep, even breath.
"Do I love Spike?" Buffy said aloud to herself, pausing "I guess it depends. If you mean the kind of romanticized, till-all-time, fairytale love...then no. If you mean the real kind – messy, complicated, fighting but still desperate to be around him? Then, yeah, I guess I do"
Giles looked at her with soft, sad eyes; he let out a breath "Buffy..." He reached out and took her hands gently "I'm glad for you"
She smiled a little "But you still don't approve?"
"Give me time," He said.
"You might grow to like Spike"
"That'll be the bloody day" Giles and Spike said simultaneously.
Buffy spun around and saw Spike leaning against the doorframe, he was smiling and she felt a fluttering in her stomach. But a question had to be answered.
"Just how much of that did you hear?" Buffy asked, hands on hips.
Spike made a cross-over-heart gesture "None of it, I swear" He was grinning.
"Liar" She rolled her eyes.
Buffy couldn't stop herself smiling anyway and she walked over to the vampire and stood by his side. She felt his arm go cautiously around her waist. Buffy leaned closer in to him. He exhaled a needless breath.
"So," Willow shifted "Did you guys talk about it?"
Buffy looked at Spike and they nodded.
She looked back at Willow "Yeah, we talked about it"
"About what?" Xander asked, interested.
Buffy ignored him "We decided no"
"Oh" Willow looked very confused.
"It's just he isn't ready for it. We aren't ready for it" Buffy explained.
Spike nodded "Yeah, but keep it on layaway for me, yeah Red?"
Willow smiled "I can do that"
"What are you talking about?" Giles frowned.
Spike smiled "Just an idea Red put across to me. But I realized after a few home truths that I wasn't prepared for it"
"Not yet" Buffy reminded him.
"Right, not yet" He nodded.
Xander's eyebrows rose "Huh?!"
"So, you're kind of dressed up" Willow decided to change the subject.
Buffy looked down at herself. She was in a knee-length black gauze skirt with black flowers embroidered on it; the slip beneath it stopped it from being indecent. On top she wore a dark blue halter-neck top and there was a simple necklace with a royal blue feather as a pendant hanging around her throat.
"Oh, yeah, right" Buffy smiled, stood up straight "Spike and I are going out"
"On an actual date?" Dawn looked surprised.
"I'm taking him to London;" Buffy grabbed his hand "We're going right now. And he's gonna tell me some of his stories from Ye Olde England"
As she started to pull him out of the door Spike said "Oh, yeah? You should hear about the time I met Her Majesty"
"The Queen?! No way!"
"Yeah," Spike's voice floated out to them even as the couple had left "See, old Lizzy was having some car trouble so, I being the gentleman that I am, offered to give her a piggy-back to escort her back to the Palace..."
"SPIKE!" Buffy yelled.
"Ow!" There was a chuckle "No need to get jealous. You can have a ride on Spike too..."
The Scoobies all turned and looked at each other. Giles summed it up.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that"
The End.
A/N: wipes tear from eye Aw! For the last time – review, please! An overall review of the whole story would be nice – what you liked, what you didn't like, favourite moments, etc. Thank you all. Goodnight.