DOCUMENTARY: #2
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That's Some Fine Dining….NOT!
Arianna: I'm back!
Latisha: What are you doing here!? You're supposed to be working on the next chapter of 'Fire Emblem Idol'!
Arianna: Ummm.…I got lost?
Latisha: -.-;
Arianna: Thanks to reviewers! Glad some people liked this idea. Here is the next installment in the chronicles of the elite.
Eliwood: I WANNA BE IN THE OPENING! I WANNA BE IN THE OPENING!
Arianna: There. You are.
Eliwood: Yay! :D
Erk: Idiots….all of you…just idiots….
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own FE. And CREDIT TO ARI AND REA FOR THE IDEA OF TURNIPS!!!
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We are now back with our next exciting documentary on the fascinating lives of 'Eliwood's Elite'. This time, we will be taking a look at the eating habits of the members of this army. Let's take a look at the archers' table first. Sitting at the table are Rebecca, Wil, and Rath. Louise is supposed to be here, but she is elsewhere. Wil is banging his fork on the table and singing. Rebecca is yelling at Wil. Rath is sitting quietly and watching the other two argue. Let's listen to their conversations and thoughts. Yes, that's right, thoughts. Using this new machine we have we can now read thoughts.
"Question?" Lucius asks and moves the camera out of the way so I can see his face. "How do we keep buying all this stuff? We got a dream machine, a mind reading machine, a mic, a camera, and a TV show. Where did it all come from?"
Don't know, don't care. :) Now, let's observe the archers as they eat their dinner.
"Wait, I have a question!" Nino interrupts. "When do we get to eat?" Lucius and Nino look at me with puppy dog faces.
"Fine, go eat now. I'll hold my own camera and machine for awhile." I tell them. They rush off to get food. Darn...this is difficult…..there!
"And she's BUYING the STAIRWAY to HEAVEN!" Wil is screaming while drumming on the table with his fork. He seems to be trying to sing 'Stairway To Heaven'.
"Can it, Wil!" Rebecca screams at him as she drops her fork for the 17th time. "I can't keep my fork steady if you're banging on the table and singing at the top of your lungs!"
"What does my singing have to do with your ability to get your fork to your mouth?" Wil asks. Rebecca just glares and continues eating, deciding to not attempt an answer to that question. Wil returns to his one person band. Rath stares stonily ahead and eats quietly.
'How did I end up at this table?' He thinks to himself. Wil shoves a piece of chicken in his mouth then decides to sing a bit more before swallowing.
"When she gets there she knows if the stores are all closed with a WORD she can get what she came for!" he sings loudly and bits of chicken fly out of his mouth and onto Rebecca's plate.
"WIL!" she shrieks. "That's DISGUSTING!" Rebecca picks up her plate and walks off to sit at the sword user table instead. Wil swallows and continues singing and eating. Rath pretends not to notice anything around him. Let's now continue to the magic user's table.
"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! Everybody's nerves! I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes!" Nino sings as she pushes her mashed potatoes into a small hill on her plate. Apparently singing while eating is a popular thing with this group. Canas' eye twitches but he continues to eat like he can't hear her. Erk, however, snaps.
"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FLUX UP!" Erk yells as he stands and slams his hands on the table. Nino looks at him and her bottom lip trembles.
"Calm down, Erk." Louise says in an attempt to soothe the young mage. We now know that the reason Louise was not present at the archers' table is that she is sitting with her husband at the magic users' table. Erk exhales loudly and glares at Louise then back at Nino. A tear rolls down Nino's cheek. Jaffar suddenly appears beside the table.
"….." Jaffar says to Erk. Then he stabs a sword into Erk's piece of chicken. He then takes Nino's hand and they walk over to the assassin and thieves' table.
"My chicken! It's been contaminated!" Erk says in an upset voice as he cautiously removes the sword from his chicken.
"It could've been worse." Lucius says as he takes the uneaten piece of chicken off of Nino's plate and puts it on his own. "He could've have stuck the sword in your head." Lucius comments as he daintily cuts a bite off of the said chunk of edible bird. Erk grumbles something unintelligible. Louise tells him to eat his green beans and he grudgingly does. The magic user table lapses into silence. That is, until Serra arrives.
"Sooooo sorry I'm late, guys!" Serra announces as she walks over and sits down beside Erk and Priscilla at the table. Priscilla scoots a little further down the bench but Serra doesn't seem to notice. "I'm sure you all were just bored to death without me here!" Erk rolls his eyes but Lucius leans across the table to talk to Serra.
"So, what's the latest gossip, Serra?" Lucius asks her in a whisper that the whole table hears.
"I got the latest on 'that' couple." Serra whispers back in an equally loud voice. The whole table leans unnoticeably closer so they can hear her. "Turns out 'they're' dating!" she squeals in a girly voice. The whole table breaks into quiet whispers.
"Do you think that's true?" Priscilla whispers to Louise. Louise shakes her head.
"No. Remember, last week 'they' hated each other. Serra must've have got it wrong." Louise whispers back. Pent ignores the fact that his supposedly proper lady wife is gossiping and chats with Canas about smart people stuff.
"So M=CE squared?" Pent asks Canas in a confused voice. Canas shakes his head and corrects Pent.
"No, E=MC squared." Canas explains. Pent pretends to understand and they continue talking. As the conversations continue, the couple in question walks by, holding hands. Everyone at the magic users' table gasps except for Pent and Canas. Canas is too busy explaining to Pent about the theory of light being faster than sound. 'The couple' gives the magic users a strange look and then continue walking. The table breaks into whispers once more. Let's move on to a less gossipy table. How about….the sword user table! I quickly run over to the sword table and film from inside a bush. At the table, Karel is mutilating his piece of chicken by cutting it with his Wo Dao into teeny tiny pieces. Then he squeezes the whole bottle of ketchup on top of it.
"Look! It's bleeding!" Karel cackles as he starts licking the ketchup/blood off the chicken.
"You're a sicko, Karel." Guy says as he watches Karel with a look of disgust. Then Guy returns his attention to his mashed potatoes. Just as he's about to take a bite, mashed potatoes hit him in the face. "Alright, who was it!?" Guy yells as he wipes the potatoes off his eyes with his napkin. Raven hides his spoon behind his back, snickering. Harken sighs at the immaturity and insanity of his table. Rebecca wonders if she should have just stayed at her table. Lowen comes running over from the Cavaliers and Paladin table.
"NOOOO!" Lowen screams, "Not the potatoes! Why did it have to be the precious potatoes?" he wails as he uses his spoon to scoop the mashed potatoes off of Guy's napkin.
"Uh, Lowen? They're just potatoes." Guy says. Lowen finishes scooping up the mashed goodness and hugs it to his chest.
"How can you say that!?" he demands accusingly of Guy. "All potatoes are sacred and must be cherished, not flung at people! When I find out who did this I'll PUNISH THEM!" Lowen threatens. Raven yawns in a very obvious way for he is a level fourteen Hero and Lowen is a lowly level four cavalier. Karel is ignoring all of them and is now splicing all his green beans in half. Then he pours his red wine over the divided beans since he already used all the ketchup.
"Look! They're bleeding!" Karel announces gleefully and cackles again. Harken sighs once more and shakes his head at Karel's sadistic ways. Then he looks at the green-haired cavalier who is now singing to the white potatoey stuff that you put butter on and can make volcanoes out of.
"Lowen, I think you'd better go back to your table now." Harken tells the potato lover. Lowen immediately runs back to make sure his mashed potatoes have not been disturbed while he's been gone. Raven waits until Lowen is out of sight and then flings another spoonful of mashed potatoes at Karel. They go splat all over Karel's face. Rebecca gasps in a girly way. Karel freezes as Raven laughs loudly.
"How dare you…how DARE you….blood….must see….offenders blood…" Karel rants in a broken way as he wipes his face off and readies his Wo Dao. Raven stares at Karel with a bored expression for Karel is a level eight Swordmaster, and Raven is, as we know, a level fourteen Hero. Karel attacks Raven viciously only to have Raven dodge. Karel stops for a moment and thinks. Then he grabs Raven's red wine and throws it on the Hero. "Kekekeke! You're bleeding!" he tells Raven. Raven becomes very ticked off at having his clothes soaked in wine. I decide that now is a good time to move on, so I run for the next table. The next table is….the Senior's table!
"Food wasn't like this back in my day." Marcus is grumbling as he pushes his mashed potatoes around on his plate. "Potatoes weren't all mashed up and beans were brown, not green!" he complains. Wallace nods in agreement. Or he could just be nodding off to sleep.
"Stop complaining." Hannah grouches at Marcus and jabs her fork at him. "At least it'll be easier on the dentures." Merlinus looks at his green beans and decides he would rather have a different vegetable. So he pulls some turnips out of his SECRET STASH and takes a big bite out of one of them. Marcus sees the turnip and becomes enraged.
"Where did you get those at!?" yells Marcus. Then he coughs because yelling isn't very good for the elderly. He takes a drink of his water and wheezes a few times. Then finally he rasps "I want a turnip!"
"I got them from my SECRET STASH!" Merlinus says. "And no, you can't have any!" Then he licks them all to make sure Marcus won't want any. Marcus whimpers pitifully and continues eating his potatoes. Hannah talks to Merlinus about a new brand of walkers. Wallace snores in a way that would make a thunder storm proud. And I decide it's time to move on. I run for the next table. At the next table I find, the Outsiders' table!
"Nils! Stop playing with your food!" Ninian scolds the young bard. Nils sticks his tongue out at her and plays with it anyway. Ninian sighs. Then she feels lonely since Nils and her are the only ones at the Outsiders' table since they're the only ones who don't fit in a group. But then Karel comes limping over to the table. "What happened to you?" she asks the psycho killer. Karel doesn't answer and just sits down at the table and pets his sword. Then he stabs Nils' piece of chicken and starts poking many holes in it. Ninian doesn't even bother asking again and turns back around to see another figure approaching the Outsiders' table. She soon sees that the figure is Dart.
"Arg." He complains as he sits down. "They said there's no other pirates in this group so I'm an outsider." Karel eyes Dart's plate and stabs his piece of chicken while he's talking to Ninian. Then he has the two pieces of chicken that he has now stolen have a fight.
"Chicken fighting is illegal, Karel." Nils reminds the homicidal maniac.
"Not cooked chicken fighting." Karel retorts and he continues with his odd game. Ninian watches for more outsiders to come and Dart looks at his plate and scratches his head, trying to remember eating his chicken.
(A/N: Is it just me or is this starting to sorta in a very twisted way sound like lunch at school? I mean all the different tables and stuff? Maybe it's just my weird mind again.)
Soon, Hawkeye joins the table. "No Berserkers around here except me." he remarks sadly.
"Who can blame people? Who'd want to be called a 'Berserker'?" Nils asks. Karel starts to cackle insanely.
"Berserk is good word, swordy. Good word, good word. They call us berserk and crazy and insane but we know we're not, swordy." Karel mumbles as he stabs his sword at random cracks in the table. The whole table just ignores Karel because he's- how do you say, ah, yes -creeping them out. Instead they wait for more people. They don't have to wait long for very soon Rath shows up.
"Hello, Rath." Ninian greets him. "I thought you were accepted at the archer's table?" she asks. Rath just shrugs and sits down. Truth is, he decided to leave after Wil started the third verse of 'Stairway To Heaven'. The outsiders continue to eat, maim, and talk until I get to the point where I'm so bored that I decide to move on. But sadly, as I run for the next table, Oswin appears out of nowhere. Which is very difficult for a Knight to do since they're so big and loud, but Oswin somehow managed.
"What are you doing with that camera, Arianna?" he asks me. I grin unconvincingly and hide the camera behind my back.
"Absolutely nothing. In fact, I don't even have a camera. So I'll just be going now." I say and then run for my tent rights. As in the right to have my own tent which could be removed if I keep getting in trouble. Well, this has been another exciting documentary. Tune in next time to see the dark, deep secrets (or is that the deep, dark secrets?) of the entertaining elite. See ya next time!
::: ZZZZZZZZTTTPSHHHHH :::
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Arianna: So sorry I've been taking so long to update stories. I've been really busy with other things. But for anyone who reads FEI I promised myself I would get the next chapter of it up by my birthday. Hope you all aren't too mad at me. -.-; Oh, and anyone who has yet to have their favorite character mentioned just tell me in a review and I'll make sure they get in it at some point.
Latisha: Now that you're done babbling, do review responses!
Arianna: I don't wanna.
Latisha: Then how else will you answer the reviews?
Arianna: I will do comments. And people can just pick out what applies to them.
Latisha: ???
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GENERAL COMMENTS: THANKS FOR REVIEWS EVERYBODY! Eliwood would probably just jab himself with the knitting needle.
Eliwood: Wood, would. Heh.
Erk: -.-;
Tell me your favorite characters and I'll make sure they get in the next one if they didn't get in this one. Oooo...I'm a queen? Hyper is good. Hyper produces chapters of crazy humor fics. I do not have it for Sain! And I couldn't put Giggles in because some people who don't read my other fic wouldn't get it. I will update other stories as soon as I can. What do you mean Bartre's dream is impossible? If he studied real hard, I bet he could....nah, you're right. It's impossible. :D They know because they're the ALL KNOWING GUARDS. Or else they just saw me, Lucius, and Nino sneaking around with a camera. I know, shopping is EVIL unless it's for those things. I'll be updating FEI after this one. It's scary to fall off chair. My chair fell over before and I hit my head. I hate LynxEliwood too but it's just a dream of Eliwood's. Yes, Lyn would take Ninian out quite fast. Turnips are funny. :) How can anyone eat a food with the word 'nips' in it? Lucius gets occasional breaks like in this chapter.
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Arianna: There! A lot faster than answering every single person.
Latisha: You are SO lazy.
Arianna: Well, see ya next chapter, I hope! Bye bye!
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