DOCUMENTARY: #1
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In Your Dreams
STARRING: Erk, Eliwood, Serra, Matthew, Raven, Karel, Nino, Jaffar, Guy, Lucius, Arianna, a Camera Crew, Moose 1, Moose 2, and many others!
Erk: Wait a second! I don't remember there being any mooses in this documentary!
Canas: That's because there aren't any. And the plural of moose is moose.
Eliwood: I thought it was meese.
Canas: How on Elimine's green Elibe would it be 'meese'?
Eliwood: Well, the plural of goose is geese.
Canas: =large sigh=
Arianna: There are no moose, mooses, or meese! Now can you fools stop making me have to write disclaimers about not owning Monty Python?
Erk: =sarcastically= So very, very sorry.
Arianna: =missed sarcasm= Good. Now, let's take a peek into the dreams of some of the members of our favorite mercenary group, Eliwood's Elite!
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fire Emblem or Monty Python. And there could be some spoilers.
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All of Eliwood's Elite is snoring soundly or softly. Well, at least all the ones who weren't unlucky enough to get stuck with guard duty. But most of the elite are sleeping. So most of them are dreaming. In this exciting documentary, we will take a look into the dreams of some characters by using our very advanced technology that the government knows nothing about and will remain not knowing about if you viewers know what's good for ya! Now, let's look inside the first tent. Ah, yes. In the first tent we have Bartre, Dorcas, and Geitz. They're all out like a light. Although I never really understood that saying. Lights can be on, also. But I digress. Let's take a look inside some of their dreams, shall we? Not like you have a choice. Hehe. We'll look at Bartre's dream first. Okay, fire it up!
::::: ZZZZZT :::::
Lots of lights are flashing. People are clapping. Bartre is standing on a stage in front of a vast audience of smiling fans. A man is shaking Bartre's hand as Bartre holds a certain trophy.
"So, Bartre, now that you've won the award for the smartest person in all of Elibe, what are you going to do now?" the man asks. A big grin lights up Bartre's very attractive face. All the women in the audience swoon at his very handsome looks.
"I'm going to buy myself a rock garden!" declares Bartre with much excitement. The crowd applauds this very wise use of 500,000 gold. Bartre blows kisses to the crowd as they chant his name. A group of cheerleaders start cheering from the side of the stage.
"BARTRE! BARTRE! HE'S OUR MAN! IF HE CAN'T THINK OF IT, NO ONE CAN! GOOOOOOOO, BARTRE!" they scream. Then they run over to him and-
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GAH! I'm not suffering through that any longer! I don't think we want to see anymore axe fighter's dreams. Why don't we head over to the next tent? Once again, you don't have a choice. Kekekekeke! Ahem. Anyways, in the next tent are the thieves and assassin, Matthew, Legault, and Jaffar. Let's look inside the dreams of Matthew, shall we?
::::: ZZZZZT :::::
"MATTY WATTY!" screeches a voice from behind him. He's running, trying to escape it, but he can't run fast enough! It's getting closer. His lungs sting, but he can't stop. He must run. He can't let it catch him. If he does, terrible things will happen. But suddenly, it's in front of him!
"MATTHEW! Why are you running away from me?" It asks with a pout. Matthew gives a small scream and recoils backwards.
"How did you catch up to me?" he asks it in horror. "Stay away from me, Serra!" He yells at her and turns around to run the other way.
"YOU CAN'T RUN FROM ME, MATTY!" Serra cackles and suddenly there are millions of Serras surrounding the terrified thief. They're closing in on him! "Come on, Matthew!" they chant in unison. "It's just a shopping trip!" Matthew tries to run but gets caught in the crowd of Serras.
"NO! I'll never go! NEVER!" he shouts and attempts to free himself from the grabbing hands of the pink-haired monsters.
"MATTY! MATTY! MATTY!" they chant and pile on him.
"Nooooooooooo!" Matthew yells as he disappears under the mass of chanting clerics.
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"GAAAAH!" Matthew yells as he wakes up from his nightmare. We hide our camera crew in a dark corner as he looks around the room with a frightened face. He checks to make sure Serra is not in the tent. "What a horrible dream! I almost had to go on a shopping trip!" he yells.
"Shut up!" Legault grumbles and throws a pillow at his fellow thief.
"….." Jaffar quietly doesn't speak in a grouchy tone.
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, MURDERER?" Matthew shouts at Jaffar and glares. Jaffar silently glares back. Matthew is apparently forgetting that he has murdered people too.
"Shut up." Legault repeats while throwing another pillow in the direction of the Ostian spy. Then he realizes that that was his last pillow. "Give that back!" he orders at Matthew.
"NO! You threw it at me, I get to keep it!" Matthew replies, then he hugs the two pillows close and turns on his side.
"Give them back you stupid spy!" Legault demands as he jumps on Matthew's bed and attempts to wrestle the pillows from Matthew.
"No!" Matthew says and turns so the pillows are under him. Legault continues to try to retrieve his pillows as Jaffar watches silently from his cot. Our camera crew slips unnoticed out of the growing chaos of the thieves and assassin tent. We now move to the healers tent. Inside are Priscilla and Serra. Shall we see what dreams Serra has? Yes, we shall, because I am the one running things. KEKEKE!
::::: ZZZZZT :::::
"Come along, Matthew!" Serra calls back to the thief as she walks along through the market place. Matthew trails behind her carrying all her bags. "Heeheehee! Aren't you glad you came with me, Matty?" she asks him.
"I wouldn't have come if you hadn't multiplied and piled on me then dragged me with you." Matthew mutters under his breath.
"What?" Serra asks, his words confuse her as she does not know about Matthew's nightmare. She decides the thief has gone mad with desire for her and then she skips off down through the marketplace. Matthew sighs and stumbles after her. And the millions of Serra clones march along behind the two.
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Hmmm…Serra's dream seems to be a continuation of Matthew's. I think Matthew fans will appreciate it if we don't watch that dream any further. Let's move to one of the lord's tents. That of course means we're going to Lord Eliwood's. What does the leader of the noble 'Eliwood Elite' dream about? We shall now find out or my name isn't Pom-Pom. Well, actually, my name isn't Pom-Pom. But we are going to find out Eli-boy's dream anyways. Ah, here he is sleeping so peacefully. FIRE UP THE MACHINE!
::::: ZZZZZT :::::
A voice comes over an intercom in a crowded auditorium. "And now, playing the part of the prince in our ballet, Lord Eliwood of Pherae!" The curtain rises as the crowd applauds. Eliwood is standing in the middle of the stage wearing a fancy outfit and blue tights with light blue ballet slippers. He begins to prance around the stage as the crowd oooohs and aaaahs at the wonderful dancer. The music changes as Ninian comes dancing onstage in a pink tutu. Eliwood and Ninian dance together for a few minutes but then Lyn comes leaping in from the side in a green tutu. Eliwood shoves Ninian away and dances with Lyn instead. The music changes to an angry sounding tune as Ninian twirls offstage. Eliwood and Lyn dance happily for a few seconds but then Ninian reappears with a huge mallet. The music abruptly stops.
"You're going down, human!" Ninian screams her battle cry then lunges at Lyn. Lyn draws her sword that somehow appeared from nowhere and prepares to fight the angered dragon. As they fight, Eliwood wanders into the audience and sits down beside Hector.
"Interesting cat fight, eh?" he remarks to Hector. But when he turns to look at his friend he sees that Hector has vanished and has been replaced with Nergal!
"Sure is." Nergal responds. "Want some popcorn?" he asks, holding the bag of popcorn towards Eliwood.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH! NERGAAAAAAAAL!" Eliwood screams.
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Eliwood awakes with a start and instinctively reaches for his Rapier. So as not to get impaled on a sword by mistake, the camera crew and I slink from the tent. We are now going to move to the cavaliers and paladin tent. In it are Kent, Sain, Marcus, and Lowen. Let's take a look at Sain's dream.
::::: ZZZZZT :::::
"Oh, Sain, I've always loved you. I was just afraid to tell you my true feelings for fear you would reject me." Arianna confesses to the noble, charming, and handsome Caelin soldier.
"I love you too, fair Lady Arianna." Sain tells the tactician. "Come, let us get married!"
"Oh, Sain!" Arianna says then kisses the cavalier on the-
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"What was that!?" Sain says as he awakes to a loud boom. What he doesn't know was that it was me dropping a large book so as to make sure that dream didn't go any further.
"What was what?" Kent grumbles as he's rousted from his sleep by Sain.
"I heard a boom!" Sain tells him while looking nervously around the tent. Kent mumbles something unintelligible and goes back to sleep. Marcus' snores rumble the tent as Lowen mumbles in his sleep. Sain glances once more around the tent then goes back to sleep and is soon hugging his pillow while muttering something about Rebecca. The camera crew and I leave. Where to now? I know! The swordfighter tent! We creep over to it, careful not to alert anyone that might be awake to our presence. Inside are Guy, Raven, Karel, and Harken. We cautiously walk around Karel's cot to get to Guy's. Let's see what the young myrmidon dreams about.
::::: ZZZZZT :::::
Guy is on a ship that is swaying back and forth. "Whoah!" he cries as the ship tips onto its side. He is dumped into the water where Matthew is waiting for him. "Matthew! I'll defeat you and get rid of that contract!" he threatens. Matthew just grins and walks off along the bottom of the ocean. Guy tries to follow but the current is too strong and pulls him back. He goes rushing backwards until he falls off the face of Elibe. Out in space he sees the heads of random myrmidons floating by. He spins around aimlessly in space into he lands on a purple planet. A strange looking alien with the head of Heath and the body of Hyperion greets him.
"Welcome, Guy. We are glad you've finally arrived." The alien tells the myrmidon in a helium-sucking voice.
"Who are you? And how did you know I would come here?" Guy asks. The alien wags its wyvern tail.
"You are the chosen one! You will lead our people to victory and happiness!" As the Heath/Hyperion crossbreed says this other crossbreeds come out from behind hills. There's a Huey head with the body of Florina and a Vaida with Umbriel's wings and fangs.
"Chosen one!" they say as they bow to Guy. Guy holds his sword up proudly and prepares to lead the aliens into a battle like never before.
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Oooooookay. Me thinks Guy should not drink so much before bed, that me do. Guy snaps awake slashing blindly at the air with an invisible sword. "Where are they? Where are the 'Yellow Horse People'?" he demands to know. The others sleeping in the tent awake to Guy's strange shout.
"I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU! THE TENT WALLS WILL BE PAINTED WITH BLOOOOOD!" Karel screams in a half-awake state.
"Go back to sleep, Karel." Harken says as he rubs at his tired eyes. Karel grumbles about fuchsia bubblegum before falling back to sleep.
"What's going on?" Raven grumbles. "I was having a dream about finally killing that Hector man." Raven sits up and watches at Guy runs around the tent slashing his imaginary sword at an imaginary foe.
"Guy had one of those dreams again." Harken tells Raven. "He really needs to stop drinking three jugs of orange juice before going to sleep." The camera crew and I barely make it out of the tent by dodging Guy and running out the tent flap. As we ponder where to go next some people with torches come walking towards us.
"Who's out there?" Oswin yells at us.
"It had better not be Arianna with that darn camera crew again." Erk says in a surly tone of voice. Nino, who is holding the 'Dream Machine', looks nervously towards Lucius, who is holding the camera, and then at me holding my microphone.
"Um, do you think we should run?" she asks me. I nod and the three of us quickly run back to our tents as Erk and Oswin approach the area that we were standing in. This has been the first documentary on Eliwood's Elite. Tune in next time to see the eating habits of the elite. Now, TURN THE CAMERA OFF, LUCIUS! THEY'RE GAINING ON US!!!
::: ZZZZZZZZTTTPSHHHHH :::
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Arianna: Hello, hello! So how was that? Did you learn anything new about your favorite character?
Eliwood: IT'S ALL LIES I TELL YOU! I DO NOT DREAM OF BALLETS AND CAT FIGHTS!
Arianna: For those of you saying 'Why the heck are you starting this when you haven't updated your other stories yet?' I reply that I almost have a chapter of Dads and Darlings finished and a chapter of FEI halfway completed. So be expecting those any day now.
Erk: More like any week now.
Arianna: Well, hope you enjoyed this documentary. As I already said, next is eating habits! Hope to see you next time! Tata.
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