A/N: None of the Tortall characters, names, situations, etc. belong to me. I was just reading Wild Magic and thought it would be fun to see Alanna's temper driven by her pregnancy hormones. This is a one-shot, but I hope to keep writing Tamora Pierce fics, as they are some of my favorites.

"Reflections of a Pregnant Knight"

Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau, Sir Alanna, knight of the realm of Tortall and the only female King's Champion in living memory, retched heavily into a basin for what felt like the millionth time in the past two weeks.

As Maude gently held her hair back and wiped her mouth with a damp cloth, Alanna sighed wearily. She'd been pregnant before, true enough, and Thom, her son, was worth every moment of agony and inconvenience that pregnancy caused, but this was getting ridiculous. She was a knight of the realm, for the Goddess's sake, and here she was, being coddled by her old nurse, while her husband was out traveling the realm and being sneaky, as was his nature.

"I'll kill him," she growled absently, fighting down more nausea. "When George gets back, I'll kill him!" Maude smiled fondly, knowing her mistress's moods better than anyone. She was also one of the few alive who could withstand the Lioness's temper tantrums, even the hormonally induced ones.

Before Alanna could work herself up to shouting volume, Maude tied back her hair with a thong and pressed a cup of herbal tea into her hands. She rang for a maid, who came meekly to empty the basin. Alanna sighed and sank back on the pillows. She was far enough along that she had to stay in bed well into the day, but not so far along that false contractions might be interpreted as real ones. Yet her stomach looked big enough to be the full nine months along.

"Drink, child," Maude soothed, much as she'd done when the fiery knight had been a girl growing up in northern Trebond. "It will sooth your stomach." Alanna obediently drank and felt instantly better.

Her husband chose that moment to walk into the room, layered in dust from the road. He pulled off riding gloves and spread his arms wide with a cheery smile. "Alanna, my love!"

"This is all your fault," she interrupted him from the bed with a scowl. His face fell. Knowing her moods hadn't helped him the first time she'd been pregnant either, but he had hoped this one would be better. After all, she'd done it before. "It's all your fault," she repeated, tears forming in her violet eyes. She dashed at them angrily.

"Now, Alanna..."

"It's all his fault!" she screamed irrationally, knowing she was irrational and not particularly caring.

"I brought you the chocolate you asked for, my lady," a timid voice said from the door. A maid stood there, terrified, bearing a platter of chocolate cake in her hands. Both Maude and George stared openly, and Alanna licked her lips, smiling in anticipation, forgetting completely that she was angry with George, or even the reason for her anger.

"Alanna, maybe you shouldn't be eating the whole cake," Maude said gently as Alanna picked up a fork. The redhead only glared at the older woman.

"You think I'm fat," she said slowly, her voice and eyes cold and dangerous. Maude propped both hands on her plump hips and scowled at her lady.

"I did not say that, young lady, and I'll thank you to stop putting irrational words into my mouth!" She took the cake from Alanna's lap and placed it on a table out of the pregnant knight's reach. Carefully, she cut a slice and placed it on a small plate, which she then put in Alanna's lap. She proceeded to cut slices for George and herself. "You know chocolate is not good for the baby. I said nothing about you." Alanna glared at the woman over a mouthful of chocolate and didn't reply. George remained silent, hoping she wouldn't remember that she was angry with him.

They made it all the way through three pieces of chocolate cake before Alanna stopped. She finished her tea and flung the blankets off her legs, revealing her bulging belly and nightdress. George looked at her and smiled, offering her a hand.

She angrily slapped it away. "I'm pregnant, George, not invalid," she snapped, eyes flashing. She pulled her dressing gown on and stalked to the dressing room. "I'm fine!" she added from inside.

Two year-old Thom waddled in, having heard his mother's voice after escaping his watchers. He giggled and toddled across the room towards the open dressing room door. Alanna poked her head out and her face immediately softened. She held out her arms and squatted. The little boy chortled happily as he fell into her embrace and stuck a finger in his mouth. Alanna kissed his hair, redder than even her own, and stood straight.

For a moment, nothing happened, save the color vanishing from her face. Then, with a splash, the floor beneath her was soaked, and she had to bend over double to avoid falling over.

Maude swooped down and snatched Thom from her arms, shoving him at George and motioning for him to leave. "Send me the midwife!" she called after him. Then she set about getting Alanna into clean, dry clothes. That done, she shooed her back to bed and tucked her in warmly.

With the midwife came a maid, who silently bent to clean up the mess on the floor. Through the crack in the door, the women heard Thom's wails for his mother. Alanna gritted her teeth through a real contraction.

"Maude, it's only eight months," she hissed.

"I told you not to go picking up anything heavier than a plate, Alanna," the older woman snapped. "You didn't listen, and now you've gone into labor." Alanna grimaced and clenched her hands, determined not to cry out. She'd lived with worse pain before and not screamed.

Several hours later...

The scream, when it came, was gut-wrenching. George, in the hall with his son, shivered, and Thom's own wails were silenced for a moment. Then he began to cry into Goerge's shoulder.

"Push, Alanna!" Maude urged.

"I... am... pushing!" she muttered through clenched teeth. Maude ignored her and urged again. Another scream, and tears poured from Alanna's eyes. "Isn't it over yet?" she moaned.

"I have a head in my hands, girl. One more push should so it." Alanna shoved and fell back on her pillows, panting.

"You have another beautiful boy, Lady Alanna," murmured the midwife as she cut the birth cord and bore the screaming baby over to the hearth to be cleaned and wrapped. She sighed in relief and relaxed. Seconds later, she was groaning, curling around her stomach.

"I thought this was supposed to stop after the baby was born!" she groaned. Maude and the midwife looked shocked. Gently placing the baby into a bassinet, the midwife approached the bed again and felt Alanna's stomach. She grinned suddenly.

"You've yet another to deliver, my lady."

"Twins!?" Alanna and Maude gasped, looking at each other. "But...I'd have felt it! I'm a healer!" Maude only shrugged, a gesture echoed by the midwife. Then the implications sank in, and Alanna's purple eyes darkened. "George!" she screamed. "I'm going to kill you!"

She was prevented from shouting her temper at him by the contraction. "Kill him after you birth, Alanna," Maude chided, ready with a second blanket. "And push."

The second baby came out easier, and Alanna only had to push once. Maude smiled and took the child to the wash basin beside the hearth. "A girl, Alanna," she said softly. "You have a new baby girl."

Alanna's eyes shone with tears of joy and she sank back onto her pillows for real rest this time. George's sandy head poked in warily. "Is it over?" Alanna turned to him, her face bland, and opened her mouth. "Only...only I've got a lad out here who wants to see his mama," he rushed on. Alanna blinked and a smile curled her lips. She nodded and her two men entered. "Darlin'?" George asked softly.

"Twins," she whispered in reply, cuddling her eldest to her chest. "We've got twins, George."

"Is that why you're wanting to kill me now?"

"What a silly question," Alanna retorted. "Thom, do you want to see your new baby brother and sister?" The red head bobbed and each of the women brought a child to the parents.

George traced the cheek of his son, and Alanna cradled their daughter in one arm, holding Thom close to her side with the other. "I know what we'll be calling this little man," he said softly, his eyes both soft and amused. "I think Alan will agree, don't you, lass?" Alanna laughed outright at that, remembering, fondly, her days as a page and a squire, when nearly all around her thought she was a boy.

"Alan...yes, but the girl..."

Thom lifted his head and ran a gentle, almost reverent finger over his baby sister's forehead. "Aly?" he asked. Alanna and George traded looks and both smiled together.

"Aly. We'll call her formally Alianne, after the late queen." Alanna sighed and let Maude take the infant from her.

"Are you still wanting to kill me, lass, or can I kiss you?" Alanna grinned.

"I'll take the kiss, George, but if you ever do this to me again, I will kill you."