Dedicated to Mae, who asked for Stormer/Kimber, and is one of the sweetest of friends.
Bad Influence
It took all of Stormer's concentration not to
let her hands creep together and her fingers entwine, like a good little girl
trying not to take up too much space, instead of lolling casually back in her
chair. The intense discomfort was a foreign feeling to a Misfit, but then this
was foreign territory.
It wasn't so much that Stormer was bothered by
being in a room full of people who hated and disapproved of her. She'd been a Misfit
for three years; if she didn't get a certain illicit thrill of power out of
being loathed, she never would have stuck around as long as she did, even for
Pizzazz's sake. The tiny electric ants marching up and down under her skin had
more to do with a persistent feeling of guilt. It was all wrong that she was
here. Quitting the Misfits in a huff, even playing and recording with an
ex-Hologram, was one thing. Going in supplication to the pink haired princess'
little friends was another level of betrayal and humiliation entirely. And
where, Stormer wondered bitterly, was Jem, anyway? Wasn't Kimber
important enough for her to risk the contamination of speaking to a
Misfit?
Ex-Misfit. Stormer was having a little trouble remembering that
part. The longer she remained in the Starlight Mansion, she suspected, the
harder it would be. She'd never felt so much like a Misfit in her
life.
There was nothing, she supposed, to stop her from standing up,
saying something suitably scathing to Jerrica about not needing to be one of her
charity projects, and walking out of the Starlight Mansion for good. The
Misfits had made it clear enough that they wanted her back. Stormer had
already done her best by Kimber by finishing the album. . It certainly wasn't
her fault if Eric chose not to promote it. There was nothing at all keeping her
there… except that Kimber was standing protectively over her, as if she realised
what it meant to be in a room full of women Stormer had always detested and who
despised her, begging for help. If Stormer walked, Kimber would lose her stake
in Starlight Music to Eric. And she'd probably cry until her hair was the same
bright pink-red as her hair, and she'd hate Stormer, and they'd never spend
another evening giggling together and pretending to work, while Stormer wished
she had the courage to show Kimber the other songs she wrote, about girls with
faces like flowers.
Kimber was talking fast, pleading with Jerrica, but
every now and then she would reach out and touch Stormer's arm, her fingernails
digging nervously into Stormer's skin. Nice fingernails, painted brightly
enough to be fashionable but filed to a perfect curve, like little flower petals
at the end of her fingers. Stormer had always been greedy for flowers. She had
rejoiced that Pizzazz, who had no soul for gardens, nevertheless had florists
daily fill the house with living colour because she'd heard how much Elton John
spent on floral arrangements and she wasn't going to have some little British
worm outdo her. The Holograms, Stormer was fairly sure, spent nothing on cut
flowers, but their house was bright from blooms brought in from the
garden. Probably cut by orphans.
Kimber moved her head and Stormer caught the rose scent of the
shampoo she used in her bright hair, the resulting spasm in Stormer's throat
reminding her that wasn't going anywhere, at least so long as Kimber still wanted her
around.
Stormer's own fingernails were scarlet, glossy talons at the end
of her hands. She pressed them on every morning after she finished her makeup,
and popped them off before she went to bed, assuming they hadn't caught in
anything during the day. It wasn't as if she had time or energy to worry about
broken nails and chipped polish, anyway. It was only Kimber's perfect
half-moons that made them look so plastic and tawdry. Stormer shifted her gaze
from her own hands to Jerrica, who had called her trash the first time they had
met, and tried to smile. She was rather afraid it came out as more of a snarl,
because Jerrica visibly flinched.
Stormer drummed her plastic nails on the
kitchen table, and caught a sharp glance from Jerrica. She could always hear
the accusing absence of sound as Jerrica very consciously did not click
her tongue in disapprobation. So, Stormer and Kimber weren't the only ones
feeling uncomfortable… Somehow, that made Stormer feel a little
better.
There was a long silence, as Jerrica decided what to do and the
other girls watched her decide. The Holograms, Stormer realised, were
almost as much of a dictatorship as the Misfits, only in a different way.
Stormer couldn't imagine any of them hanging on Eric's decision with bated
breath. Eric was lucky if Pizzazz bothered to inform him what she wanted to do
anyway. No wonder Eric wanted Starlight Music back…
She glanced around,
trying to find something to look at that wasn't Jerrica or a Hologram, something
less hostile than Aja, who was glowering openly at her, and less dangerously
sweet than Kimber, because Stormer suspected that staring at Jerrica's little
sister like a lovesick puppy dog wouldn't help their case at all. She didn't
want to scare the woman into permanently locking Kimber into her
room.
There was a small group of girls standing in the doorway blatantly
listening in, clad in pyjamas and nightdresses, one with the absolute least
attractive haircut Stormer had ever seen on a child. Stormer relaxed a little.
This, at least, was a friendly face. "Hey, Ashley." She bit her lip as soon as the greeting escaped. Perhaps
it was a mistake, perhaps Ashley didn't want their history acknowledged in front
of the Misfits' enemies. Jerrica would wonder how they knew each other, meaning
awkward questions for Ashley. Sure, Jerrica, I used to hang out with the Misfits
all the time until they framed your sister and friends for a
robbery…
"Hey, Stormer. Didn't expect to see you here." Ashley grinned
at her, her plain face lighting up with genuine pleasure, and Stormer's mood
lightened another few shades. At least Kimber wasn't the only one here who
didn't hate her.
Stormer glanced back at Aja, finding those crystal blue
eyes fixed thoughtfully on her. Stormer didn't like it; Aja was entirely too
intelligent for her tastes. Then Jerrica nodded, a businesslike gesture, and
Stormer realised a decision had been made.
Forgiveness and gracious aid.
She'd go back to the Misfits,
Stormer decided, as Jerrica kissed Kimber and the Holograms fell into a group
embrace. When the album was a success, and Kimber's inheritance was safe. She
couldn't help realising that the girls would be triumphant and jeering, and
there would be none of the declarations of unconditional love Kimber was
receiving from her sister, but Stormer was used to that. She belonged there,
while Kimber belonged in this warm, innocent female atmosphere, it was clear. It
had been fun, but…
She'd meant it when she told Craig that without the
Misfits, she was nothing. Maybe she could be something with Kimber, for a
while, but once Kimber went back to the Holograms, she was just Mary Phillips
again. If she wasn't Stormer, she was nobody.
Even when Kimber broke the
group embrace and ran to hug her, Stormer felt sick and hollow
inside.
It felt odd to be talking in Kimber's bedroom. They'd
spent the last few days recording together, or hanging around Craig's apartment,
but the question of inviting Stormer back to the Starlight Mansion had never
arisen, for obvious reasons. Now, though, they had retreated to discuss the
events of the night, and Stormer found herself curled up on Kimber's bed. There
was an ache at the bottom of her heart about that, but she deliberately buried
it under layers of sweetness, Kimber's flowerlike face on the pile of pillows
next to her, so close that her breath was warm on Stormer's mouth.
"I
should have realised my friends wouldn't let me down." Kimber's eyes were
suspiciously wet, like lobelias laced with dew.
Stormer opened her mouth
to say something, unsure of whether it would be proper Misfits' scorn for
Jerrica's condescension or gratitude for her generosity, but what came out had
more to do with the soft way Kimber's lips pressed against each
other.
"Kimber, do you mind if I kiss you?" She could feel blood heat
her face. After all, she swallowed the words several times a day, they had to
come out eventually… She started to sit up, but couldn't remember properly how
to order her limbs, especially when a soft hand with perfect nails was laid on
her arm.
"You don't need to ask, silly." Kimber took in her flustered
state, and laughed. "I guess the Misfits aren't much for kissing,
huh?"
"You have no idea," said Stormer flatly, thinking of Roxy and
Pizzazz messing around backstage between sets, all teasing and wandering hands,
of Jetta and Roxy squabbling over Pizzazz's attention like children over a toy
and then making out as if it was another form of violence, as if they could
swallow each other's tongues and silence the insults forever, of Clash forever
adoring and eager… It was all so far from Kimber's bedroom that it seemed
sacrilege to think of it, but somehow it was part of it, too, fitting together
with the satin skin of Kimber's throat more closely than Stormer wanted to
admit. None of it was anything she felt capable of telling Kimber, especially
the parts involving Clash, although she was fiercely grateful she'd never done
more than kiss and cuddle a little with the Misfits' pet hanger-on.
Maybe
she could show her. But she already felt her courage failing in the face
of Kimber's obliviousness.
"I do love you, Kimber," she said. It seemed
important to say so before kissing her, somehow, even if the kiss was doomed to
be chaste.
"Me, too." Kimber frowned a little, her brow puckering.
"Stormer, just because Jerrica and the others are helping us doesn't change
anything. You're my best friend. You're the one I want to be with
now."
"Yeah. Friends forever," Stormer said, cursing herself for being
inarticulate. Well, there were other things than words… She didn't close her
eyes, wanting to take in everything first, imprinting it on her memories for
when she was back in the Misfits.
Kimber's lips were soft and slightly
sticky with lip gloss. Stormer kissed her lower lip, feeling it press slightly
between her own, the lips adhering gently, so that they pulled on each other
when she drew back to see if Kimber was shocked or angry that she hadn't chosen
to press the kiss on her cheek. Too much, too close…
Kimber smiled at
her. "See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" she teased gently. "Even a Misfit can
kiss without turning into a frog. We'll make a good girl of you yet. You know,
reading bedtime stories to orphans isn't so bad when you get used to it,
either."
"Yeah, sure." Stormer flopped back on her pillow and wished
she'd never encountered the Holograms, and more than that that she had the
courage to turn again and kiss Kimber properly, kiss the breath out of
her.
Throw everything she'd gained the last few months for the sake of
making a pass at a clueless kid who spent her life babbling about her
boyfriends. Sure.
Stormer made her way carefully downstairs,
still feeling that she was picking her way through enemy territory. She'd feel
better when she reached Craig's apartment and could be alone, she figured, could
play over the feel of Kimber's mouth again and again and forget the
context.
She hesitated when she caught Jerrica's voice in the kitchen,
matched with Aja's deeper tones, setting up unwelcome resonances in her mind.
What were those two goody-goodies doing up at two in the morning?
She
knew perfectly well, of course. They were planning what to do about Kimber and
Stormer.
Kimber had told Stormer one night, over a bucket of chocolate
chip ice cream, that she thought Jerrica wished Aja was her real sister
instead of Kimber. They're so close they seem like they can sense each
other's thoughts, Kimber had said, her voice shaking, lower lip unfurled
like the base of an orchid. I never know what Jerrica's thinking. Except that
she doesn't think much of me. And she doesn't understand me at all… Not like you
do, Stormer. She had put her head down on Stormer's shoulder, and Stormer
had held her close, inhaling the scent of her hair and hurting all over that
Kimber was so unappreciated when she was so vibrant, so sensitive, so
lovely…
There was absolutely no shame in eavesdropping on people who had
made Kimber feel inferior. And why was she having scruples, anyway? She was
letting Kimber rub off on her, in entirely the wrong way. Stormer marched to
the door and leaned against it, nearly clunking her head in her determined lack of guilt.
"You're handling it all very well." Aja
seemed to be finding the situation mildly amusing, as of course it probably was,
from the outside.
"I have no choice. I'm not about to let Eric Raymond
get his hands back on Starlight Music just because Kimber made some unwise
decisions."
"That's not what I meant."
"I know. It's not what I
imagined for Kimber, certainly." There was a pause, Stormer imagining the cup
of tea being raised, Jerrica's reflective expression. "It's not the…
homosexual thing," she said, pausing just a heartbeat before the word,
just long enough that Stormer knew she'd prepared herself to say it, with
careful clarity, each syllable distinct and clear. Bravely not hesitating. The
longing to kiss the darling childish line of Kimber's mouth under its heavy
lipstick, press her lips to the fragile pale skin of her wrist, reduced in
Jerrica's sweetly reasonable voice to five carefully tolerant sounds. "It's just – just -
"
"The Misfits thing," Aja chorused with her, and the girls dissolved in
laughter. Stormer wished she could move away, but couldn't. There was a sour
taste in her mouth, and a trembling trickling down from her elbow, pooling in
her shaking fingertips with their scarlet false nails.
She supposed she
should march in there and assure them that Kimber's heterosexuality appeared to
be in no danger whatsoever from her, and she'd probably go back to making dates
with two boys per Saturday night as soon as the album was on the record shop
shelves. Perhaps, for precision's sake, she should admit that yes, they were
right in guessing that she happened to be attracted to Kimber, if it was up to
her, of course, Kimber would never go near another boy again, and they would
currently be doing anything even Roxy could think of on a good day.
Oh,
hell.
"It could be much worse, honey. Stormer was never as bad as the
others. She's kind of sweet, really." Aja's voice lacked any
kind of conviction. "And she obviously adores the ground Kimber walks on. We can
thank sweet merciful heavens that at least Kimber didn't bring Pizzazz
home."
Jerrica gave a kind of gasping chuckle, as if she'd laughed before
she'd quite swallowed a mouthful, but her voice was very earnest when she spoke
again, no traces of laughter. "I have to think about what's best for Kimber. We
made the mistake of not trusting her to make her own choices before, and we
almost lost her. We can't afford to push Stormer away or let Kimber think we
disapprove." A longer pause. "We'll promote Back to Back. And then I
think I'll ask Stormer to join the Holograms." There was a painful pause, after
which she added hastily, "Provided you all agree, of course."
Aja
groaned, then laughed. "Keeping your enemies close, Jerrica? Two keyboardists
are better than none, I suppose."
"Aja, that's not fair."
"Oh, I
know. You're doing what's best for everyone as usual, I know. The Holograms
will cope. After all, we cope with two drummers."
Stormer pushed her
fingers through her curls. A Hologram. Oh, Pizzazz was gong to kill her… She
tried to push away the horrible misapprehension Jerrica was under and focus on
wondering how it was Jerrica's decision to make in the first place. If Eric
foisted a new Misfit on them, they'd laugh in his face. Although they'd probably
have to replace Stormer, come to think of it… Stormer tried to imagine Pizzazz's
face when she heard Stormer had joined the Holograms. Probably rather like
Jerrica's face as she'd pronounced the word "homosexual", she supposed. Stormer
swallowed an hysterical sob of laughter.
"She's not such a bad influence after all,
perhaps." Aja's voice was dry, but amused. "Kimber already seems less
–"
"Whi – discontented?"
"Less inclined to simultaneously date
every boy on the planet, I was going to say. No wonder none of them kept her
happy, considering."
"Aja!" A protesting giggle, but Jerrica wasn't,
Stormer supposes, ever less than serious for long, let alone when she'd made the
momentous deduction that her sister was in a lesbian relationship with an
ex-Misfit. . "I don't like trusting a Misfit, but when Stormer's part of the
band, we'll have to tell her about Jem."
"Why? Because Kimber's in love
with her? You still haven't told Rio, and he was never even in the
Misfits."
"Don't start on me again, Aja…"
Stormer stepped sharply
away from the door. If she heard who Jem was, she would probably tell Pizzazz
eventually. She always did tell Pizzazz anything she wanted to know, in
the end. And Jerrica had just offered to promote their album, and was making
misguided plans to welcome Stormer into the family… It was too much. She
couldn't be that ungrateful. Not to Kimber's sister…
She cried a
little as she drove home in the lovely new Porsche Pizzazz had bought her and
which she probably didn't have to return now, but not too much,
considering.
At least she'd kissed Kimber once. Not much to hang a life
on, but it was something, at least.