1I don't own Inuyasha
I'm a guy-and certainly not Japanese.
Only a little bit of a song fic at the end of the first two chapters-there won't be much of that in here.
DONT BELONG
The final battle with Naraku had been won-the jewel completed, yet little has changed. To this day Inuyasha, Miroku,Kagome, Sango, and Shippo continue their journeys.
The sun was beating down as Inuyasha sat (God he hated all of that word's forms) beside the Bone eaters well. Anticipation swept over him
as he patiently waited for the woman he loved (but never dared to tell).His mind raced , 'Wench, you asked to be by MY side. Why do you toy with me?,play these fucking games? If you wanted to be my side, why can't I be at yours?'. As the sun slowly changed positions in the mid afternoon sky, a ray of sunlight had momentarily blinded him, it's warmth reminded him of her and the feeling only prolonged his suffering. It also distracted him as Kagome appeared before him once more. Brushing his silver bangs off of his chiseled facial features, he looked up at her, wanting to tell her how much he had missed her, wanting her to never leave his side again, but the only words he could find were another insult, damning his feelings once more..
"Damn it Kagome! You've been gone for days!". Screaming at her, alleviating his own feelings at the expense of hers.
" I told you I was going to be gone for afew days-I had TESTING Inuyasha." She shot back at him with resolve, after all, she was the one who was right-wasn't she?
"Your late."
"How!?! I never told you how long I would be gone"
"Well it was too long."
"Is this your way of saying you missed me?" Sensing the truth she continued on, leaning to rub Inuyasha's ears again...he claimed to hate it, but her affectionate touch was something he could never turn away.
"You ever think I just thought of a wish for the jewel!?! Not everything is about you!..." muttering he continued onward "...stupid...egotistical..."
"I can't believe you!" tears welled up in her eyes and Inuyasha's expression softened.
"...Kagome...I didn't mean it like that! "
"Sit boy!" Crashing to the ground Inuyasha muttered another apology and it had been drowned out by the noise of his collision with the ground.
Downwind of her , Inuyasha picked up a faint smell of Hojo (a smell so faint he could have merely brushed up against her while walking) , it came as a surprise that this fact was missed earlier. Then again, considering the dispute, Inuyasha nor his senses weren't exactly focused.
In a low snide voice Inuyasha mocked Kagome, a smirk on his face , as he prepared to be the target of her ire yet again. He might not have noticed it directly, but his feet had spread and gotten into a steady stance, as if he were subconsciously trying to prepare for the eventual sit, as if he could fight the incantation.
"So he's what kept you so busy...I smell hobo all over you." An exaggeration of course, but seeing how he was merely lashing out, Inuyasha's hyperbole fit the point he so foolishly tried to make.
Fighting a giggle Kagome said nothing and moments passed. Unnerved by the silence Inuyasha couldn't help it, "What's wrong Kagome!?! Do you actually feel guilty for once!?!...heh two timer"
Eye's widened, giving off a glare fit to unnerve the greatest of demons, Kagome stiffened her then loose posture as she marched toward Inuyasha.
"First off, I thought it was funny that you said I am covered in hobo smell. Second of all SIT!" Inuyasha face was planted against the ground yet again, a sad inevitability.
"and What should I feel guilty for?!?...SIT!" still getting up, his body not even erect, Kagome sent him to the ground with an ever increasing force.
"TWO TIMER!?! WHO?!?! HONESTLY? WHO? AM I MISSING SOMETHING? BECAUSE IF I AM, SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME !! SIT!" Not even bothering an attempt at getting up, Inuyasha was driven deeper into the cold clay earth.
Moments passed and Kagome turned to finally leave- as she walked away toward the village, Inuyasha finally began to try and pick himself up once again. Kagome looked back, in a fit of spite and the sound of sarcasm "If anything ,it's you who is the two-timer.....SIT SIT and SIT!"
Hours later, traveling through the woods are Kagome, A sore Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango, with a tiresome Shippo sleeping on Kirara's back as she moved along.
Silent, Inuyasha walked behind the group with a soreness known only to him-he could easily hide his pain. 'I can't let them see me like this, they will think I'm weak...and I'll be letting HER win.'
Despite his anger at earlier events-of his own causing, Kagome still attempted to apologize for "over-reacting" but it fell on deaf dog ears. He wanted nothing to do with an apology and she was not going to go any further-after all it had been HIS fault, in her own eyes at least. She too walked in silence.
"I can only wonder what Inuyasha has done to make Kagome so mad-this isn't like her."
"Perhaps she merely stumbled upon Inuyasha and Lady Kikyo...they do have a history, and Kagome's not the type to enjoy "watching" "
"Monk....."
The only two to speak, Miroku and Sango, walked together, hands slowly brushing against each other with each step. An "accident" to be sure. Over time, their bond had grown stronger and Miroku even began to control his lecherous tendencies for Sango's sake. The two continued on, discussing the most menial of subjects, as they were the only people willing to talk, or conscious. Yet the topic of Kagome and Inuyasha seemed to be the only constant.
" Do you think she really did come across them again?"
"I don't know...Inuyasha....were you kissing Kikyo?"
A silent hanyou had no reaction for Miroku's question.
"His silence betrays him...and confirms my accusation. Inuyasha, you and Kikyo didn't....did you?"
A silent hanyou brought a lecherous smile to the monks face, and before he could speak once more, Kagome had turned around furious, seeming ready to strike-it seemed as if Inuyasha had rubbed off on her over time. "Kikyo had NOTHING to do with this! It was just a big misunderstanding."
"Well than why don't we find a hot spring and we can talk about it some more Kagome?" With out thinking Kagome quickly replied
"That sounds good Sango... (she turned around to see that it was in fact Miroku that has asked her-well...his lecherous tendencies weren't exactly fully controlled)...I don't even know what to say...SANGO!"
"Sango?" A nervous monk muttered to himself as he mentally prepared himself for her latest assault.
Sango walked up to the lecherous monk "SIT!" hitting him over the top of his head with her boomerang, Miroku's face was driven directly into the ground. That word seems to be commonly associated with punishment in their little social circle.
Amidst all of the teen, early adult, and 60 something year old demon angst in the group, another situation was only beginning, and it truely would impede their journey. Serene droplets of water began to fall in scores. For nature it was merely necessity, for the group, it was certainly a problem.
"We need to find shelter." Kagome said with a motherly resolve as she looked over at a surprisingly still asleep Shippo.
"I sense an ominous cloud coming over the nearby village" Miroku proudly proclaimed with the tone of a seasoned scam artist.
"You always seem to sense ominous clouds when we need shelter, Monk" Kagome turned around as quick as she could, Sango looked over in surprise, Inuyasha had spoken again-perhaps relations were starting to improve once more for the group.
Hours of travel passed, until they had reached what seemed to be an older village than most. The huts covered in cracks, stone statues with decades of wear, and the women were wearing kimonos that would be deemed outdated and traditional, even in the feudal era.
Miroku entered the village, the figurehead of the group for a moment, as he approached the hut of the village's keeper and healer.
He had entered and time had passed, shelter and provisions were to be given in exchange for Miroku's "services" (what little he actually would do).
They came out of the tent and the group saw a decrepit woman, she was frail, her hair frizzy and in spots fading away, she had few teeth remaining, her voice was shrill. She seemed to be a woman of close to 80, an amazing feat in such times.
"Monk, why isn't your demon in chains!?!" A shrill voice full of hatred came from the old woman.
Miroku's eyes widened, his face frozen in shock. Kagome looked over to Inuyasha and stared deeply into his eyes, almost seeing into even his soul, she knew how he was feeling, he had told her before about the prejudices he faced as a hanyou. What it was like to never fit in. She wanted to cry for him, but he would forsake the pity, and she had to be strong-any minute she might have to say the S-word, if this hag didn't watch her words.
Everyone looked on in anticipation, THEIR Inuyasha would be foaming at the mouth with insults, almost ready to strike by this time. Yet nothing came, he slowly moved backwards, hand on his chest, blank and seeming to struggle to breathe.His eyes glossed over preparing to cry a tear that his pride would not allow.
"Demon, I recognize you, Do not think that several years grants you a welcome, your kind will NEVER be welcomed here."
He stiffened his posture, walked over to Kagome and stared at her for a moment, admiring her raven like hair, her slender features, her gorgeous smile, and her caring eyes. He was preparing himself for something, nobody knew what he was about to say or do next, but his silent gaze said it all.
"Kagome, have Kirara bring Shippo back to Kaede's hut. You three need the shelter, no need for you to get sick."
' He worries about my safety, yet seems to not even care about his own. I've never seen him so broken...well emotionally at least' Kagome began to remember of the various slashes and impalings she's had to treat, and had to even correct her own thoughts.
Without a word, Inuyasha fled at the full extent of his speed into the forest, rain fell upon him, getting caught in his silver locks, soaking into his fire-rat haori. Without thought, he dodged the trees and other creatures in the forest, on mere instinct alone. Finally far from Kagome, Miroku, Sango, and that wretched healer, Inuyasha sat perched on the branch of the highest tree he could find, looking into the sky ready to break down.
'Why can't I just forget, why must I be haunted by these visions. I've seen that same damn village every night as long as I can remember, taunting me in my dreams, reminding me of how truly worthless a hanyou is.'
back at the village
"How can you be so cruel! Inuyasha has done nothing wrong, he just wanted some shelter, just like the rest of us."
"He is a demon, and demons are not welcome in my village."
"How can you be a healer!?!, your soul is darker than the worst of demons if you cannot show someone as great as Inuyasha even the slightest bit of courtesy. He comes to you, in need of assistance, and you push him away, your a close minded old hag, and I don't want to stay in your village!"
Turning to Miroku and Sango "I'm going to go find Inuyasha, he shouldn't have to be alone again because of her."
They merely nodded in acknowledgment, as they saw Kagome's actions coming from the very moment Inuyasha had fled.
She too ran into the forest, alone and unprotected, no bow at her side, she went searching for the person she loved.
'Inuyasha, I'm so sorry, we can always find shelter somewhere else, please be ok, I've never seen you like this.'
Desperation flooded Kagome's heart, hours had passed and Inuyasha could not be sensed. She wanted to do nothing more than to be with him, but her body was fading, her muscles sore, her mind stressed and her heart bleeding (figuratively).
"Oh...Inuyasha......"
Meanwhile, Inuyasha sat there, putting his hand over his face, as if it would hide him or his emotions from the world. He closed his eyes and hid in a world of darkness as he recalled his childhood once again.
Inuyasha as a small child-recently after his mother's death
Sunny and warm, a clear blue sky covered the world in beautiful accent. A small child, with animal features, wanders through the woods, sifting through bushes and climing trees desperately in search of some sort of nourishment. The sight of a tail sticking out of the side of a bush alerted the young hanyou to the presence of a possible meal.
"An animal!" The child hanyou was beaming,.
Running awkwardly he chased and chased the animal diving forward upon approach, hoping to be able to catch it.
A blank slate, a child, he knew nothing about how to hunt and it showed. The animal got away, as a tired Inuyasha sat below a tree, defeated yet determined.
"Don't go too deep into the woods children!" Inuyasha heard a faint voice in the distance and realized that he must be close to some form of civilization.
Surely they would take in an orphaned child, or at least be kind enough to give him a meal.
Taking the most direct route, his features scratched by the branches of the bushes he passed through. A less painful route was sure to be found, but the anticipation swept over him and Inuyasha had to reach the village as soon as he could.
Coming through the bushes, the child saw a beautiful village, children playing and gentle women watching over them. His wide eyed optimism had been justified as he viewed a scene of value and unity of family that you'd only see depicted in a Norman Rockwell painting in modern times. Seeing a group of women by a large hut, Inuyasha cautiously began to walk towards them.
The three stiffened and one quickly fled.They looked down to see a small child covered in cuts and stained with blood. As he approached, his demon features became more apparent and the looks of concern grew to become looks of terror.
'What did my mom tell me? How do I politely ask for food again? Can I have some food please? No. May I please have some food?...I don't know, I wish she was here.'
Oblivious to their reactions he was standing there with perfect posture and a makeshift smile, his hands clasped together, held tightly to his abdomen, Inuyasha began to plea his case.
"Excuse me, but my mother just died, and I don't have anything. May I please have some food? I've been traveling very long and I..."
His optimism began to fade as the women just screamed. Looking down in defeat he felt a sudden blow to the side of his head. The town healer, who had originally came to treat a hurt child (him)
began to hit the hanyou in his face with a broom, having taken it from one of the nearby women.
"Be gone demon! Your evil is not welcome here!" She was in her early teens, but already a gifted healer-much like Kagome would be merely decades later.
"I mean no harm, I would just lik...." Another blow had came before he could finish, and Inuyasha was on the ground. He felt a jarring pain as the blood begin to pour, for his head had been opened.
The women and children were hurling rocks at the innocent little child.
Looking up at them, eye's pleading for acceptance, another rock came into view, hitting his jaw , and as it became hard to speak, he just muttered "I'm sorry" over and over again as his consciousness faded.
The healer had hit him several more times with that broom, but by this time Inuyasha had merely lost count. Rocks collided with his head and shoulders, if he didn't get away soon, he would perish.
As stumbled on all fours, trying desperately to stand up and flee, one more rock had hit him, a rather large one had collided with his knee, and as the pain rushed through his body the hanyou realized he was down, bleeding surely to death, too injured to flee, with nobody to save him.
Straining with what seemed to be his last breath-"....mother..."
Waking up in Kaede's hut, Kagome opened her eyes to see that they had all returned, except Inuyasha
Her stomach began to unsettle, her eyes welling, preparing to burst into tears. Kagome was so afraid, so worried about him.
So worried about him that she did not show any concern for her own health she realized as she began to cough uncontrollably.
"Lady Kaede believes it would be best if you were to go back to your time and get the necessary treatment Kagome."
Miroku could be so caring and mature at times, when his hands didn't begin to wander.
Accepting the advice Kagome had returned to her home, and in her room, under her blankets, she cried.
Putting her headphones on, she listened to Cold: Year of the Spider, track 5 -"don't belong" . The song always made her think of Inuyasha and it had helped her to see things from his perspective when they got into arguments. She drifted into a sad sleep-thinking only of him.
my mind takes you to where you need to be
a cure for your heartbreak
to take away the pain
I could describe each mistake for you
tattoo it on my tainted heart
Isolated and alone, Inuyasha just sat there alone in that tree, his insecurities getting the best of him thanks to a visit from his past.
'I know I've hurt you, and I know how easy it would be to make things better, but I just can't Kagome.
You think you love me, but you just can't, Im nothing more than a worthless hanyou, from a different era
no less. And if I was nicer, if we were together, how long would we last? How long could you stay happily by my side ?In your world, when there are humans who care as much for you as I do. People you could be happy with, fit in with. I can protect you from a demon...but what else can I do for you?'
well I wont ever tell the world
that I don't belong
please don't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
' I'm not a human, I'm not a demon, I belong to no-one. Well...there is Kikyo, but why should I even care anymore? She's not my Kikyo and she never will be.
She is dead to the world, and should be to me as well. Though, I can never fully let her out of my heart-part of me will always be hers.
Kagome....if only we could be together. Your all I truly have left. '
that I don't belong
can you still feel me
or did I slip away
a sick man...a monster
im broken still today
I cant explain what happens to me
caught in the game i always start
I could describe each mistake for you
tattoo it on my tainted heart
'I'm scared to touch you, that someday you'll grow to fear these claws.
I can't control it...when your in danger, when I am fading, I can't help but to become
the beast. It's what I always wanted, yet it's become my greatest fear.
What if I turn on you? What if I can't control my demonic nature?
I am part demon, and like the healer said before...it just makes me evil.'
'I get so jealous, so angry Kagome, when I think of you and other men. I have no right to stake a claim
yet I act as if you had always been mine. I insult you when I should be telling you how I feel, then when
we argue and you hate me, it's all my fault. I don't know why I do it, i guess i'm just protecting you from loving me,
but why do I throw us into this game? Why can't things just be simpler?'
well I wont ever tell the world
that I don't belong
please don't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
'I guess I really just don't belong. Naraku's been killed, perhaps my purpose has been fulfilled.'
well I wont ever change my ways
and I cant be strong
that I don't belong
and its my own shame
I cant break you away
becauseno matter how much I try to change, no matter how caring I become, It will never be enough.
I can't change my pride, I can't change my nature, I don't belong. If I were stronger, they wouldn't have done that to me when I was young, If I was stronger, Kagome would never have to be afraid and I could control my inner beast. But she's not from here, and I'm not from there.
I can't break her away.'
well I wont ever tell the world
that I don't belong
please don't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
'I guess I really have no place'
well I wont ever change my ways
and I cant be strong
please don't ever tell the world
that I don't belong
that I don't belong
that I don't belong
'I can only wish you the best, as I am worthless to you. I told you once that when I'm around you I feel lighter,
well, it's true. The sad thing is that by making me feel that way, you've made me love you, and you've made me forget and made me blind to the fact that I can't.'
'I don't belong'
Allowing his pride to break he sat there and just cried for the first time since he was hurt, by that village that left a child for dead.'
there's at least 5 chapters to this
more tragedy than romance until later
but everything will work out in the end
Please no flames though-this is pretty much my first fic, and I have a very fragile ego.
and don't worry only one more song will be in this fic-the two i chose just really seemed to fit the story.