Karaoke, Yes, Karaoke

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Yeah, I know, I live…

cries. I'm so sorry for keeping you guys waiting, but its nice to know I still get the nice review ever so often Well, the thing with the jounin chapter, I'm trying to make it funny and everything you guys want it to be, but it's not working --() So updates from this point on will be in no chronological order, just songs that I feel like writing. Sorry to all those who were waiting, but the jounins shall sing something!

Well, this chapter's kind of funny I got some requests for Lady Marmalade, and I decided to be original, albeit scary…

Enjoy!

----

Sakura had the feeling that something odd was going to happen. She sipped her drink carefully, watching the stage for the next performance. Little did she know, things were bound to get a lot more interesting.

"We're all in mutual agreement about this, right?"

"Whatever."

"Sure."

"……"

"I'll take that as a yes."

"You know, if I wasn't stoned off my ass I'd beat you to death for even suggesting we do this."

"Heh-heh, it'll be fun."

"What exactly is your definition of fun?"

"Your humiliation of course! And we forgot her birthday that one time…."

"Okay, okay, I get it."

"….."

"How did you get into this anyways?"

"……my demon is sadistic."

-----

Hinata gave a small scream as the club plunged into darkness. Being shinobi, everyone instinctively reached for their weapons and formed hand-seals. However, a few moments later they relaxed, sensing no danger.

There were a few seconds of quiet, then a sultry voice rang out through the darkness.

"Where's all my soul sistas? Lemme hear y'all flow sistas."

Sakura gasped, as did most of the audience, because they knew that voice. Then the shock grew as three more voices joined in, equally as smooth and seductive as the first, and equally as masculine.

Yep, a lot more interesting.

"Hey sisters go sisters soul sisters flow sister, hey sisters go sisters soul sisters flow sister."

A light snapped on, illuminating a figure on stage.

Hinata nearly went into cardiac arrest.

Lee squirted his drink out of his nose.

TenTen's eyebrows disappeared into her head protector.

Gai's jaw hit the floor, quite literally.

For it was Neji standing on the stage, a sexy smirk on his normally stoic features, leaning on one leg almost coquettishly. Neji, clothed in white leather, sheer silk and fishnet, looking like some fangirl's fantasy angel with a large white feather woven into his dark hair and rhinestone beads draped elegantly over his face.

He winked catlike at the audience and raised the microphone, his smooth tenor painting a mental picture of something akin to melted chocolate. Some of the random females in the crowd passed out from the sheer sexiness factor.

"He met Marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge, struttin her stuff on the street."

"Neji…" Tenten drawled, somewhere between shock and elation. She quickly snapped back however, blushing furiously and wiping the small trail of drool that had leaked out of her open mouth, her shock quickly reverting to anger.

"What does he think he's doing!"

Lee didn't answer, to busy oogling his rival. Neji looked…hot? TenTen promptly smacked him across the face, noticing that same thin line of drool.

"Back off, he's MINE!"

Meanwhile, Team 8 desperately tried to revive Hinata, who had fainted into Shino's arms a seconds after her cousin's appearance on stage. Whether it was from mortification or something else was yet to be discovered.

In the back, Kurenai patted Gai's shoulder as Kakashi whipped out a pencil and pad and started making notes.

Neji grinned again at the crowd's reaction then hopped off stage, sashaying through the tables and thus causing more blissful loss of consciousness. He glanced out of the corner of his eye, seeing Team 10's table. He winked at Shikamaru, who was looking at him in interest, which was a lot coming from a boy who wasn't interested in a lot of things.

"She said, 'Hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?' (Oh, oh)."

"Dude," Chouji said, after recovering from his initial choking. "Did Neji just hit on you?"

"He's just drunk," the genius replied, with an almost smile.

Ino blinked as the four voices chorused together again.

"Giuchie giuchie ya ya da da (Hey, hey, hey), Giuchie giuchie ya ya here (here), Mocca choca lata ya ya (oh yeah)."

Neji leaned into Anko's bar, swirling a martini in one hand, the mic in the other. "Creole Lady Marmalade, ohhhh."

As Neji's voice faded out, the first one started again. "What what, What what."

Sakura smiled, twirling her hair around her fingers. Who would've thought, this was one hell of a late birthday present…

The chorus sang again. "Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? Voulez vous couchez avec moi?"

Sakura blushed, as did some of the few genius shinobi who had bothered to learn another language. Kankuro poked Temari, who was currently grinning foxily at the singing, and the pretty Hyuuga.

"Temari, was that French?"

"Uh-huh."

"What did they say?"

"Nothing for your virgin ears," she teased, turning back to the performance. Kankuro muttered under his breath.

"Virgin ears my ass."

There was another flash of light. Naruto leaned on the stage wall, in boots and sinfully tight khaki pants, a tan leather trenchcoat draped on in a disheveled manner, giving him a wild, tousled allure. A scant fishnet shirt covered his chest, his abdomen bare and showing the sun sign scrawled onto his stomach. He tipped up his sunglasses with a foxy grin and devilish shine in his baby-blue eyes.

"He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up. Boy drank all that magnolia wine."

Hinata had been revived, only to pass out again at a glimpse at Naruto. Kiba growled angrily and vowed Naruto's demise by the end of the day, while Shino sighed and considered dumping ice water on the Hyuuga heiress.

Ino blushed and cursed the gods for not giving her such sexy teammates. Sakura laughed behind her hand, wondering why she hadn't noticed how cute Naruto was before. Said kitsune-boy leaped off the stage and onto her table, perching there catlike. He grinned up at her.

"On her black satin sheet is where he started to freak yeah."

He slipped the sunglasses onto her face and slid liquidly off the table. She blushed as the mystery voice picked up again.

"Yea yeah yeah yea."

Naruto sidled over to Neji as the chorus began. The Hyuuga beckoned him closer and they sang into the same microphone, joined by the two other voices.

"Giuchie giuchie ya ya da da (da da da), Giuchie giuchie ya ya here, oh yeah (here ohooo yea yeah), Mocca choca lata ya ya."

With another grin, Naruto yanked the mic away, causing Neji to fall into his chest. His smile grew wider as he sang.

"Creole Lady Marmalade."

"Hm, I guess Naruto swings both ways," Kakashi muttered, scribbling away furiously.

"KAKASHI! DO NOT LET YOUR STUDENT CORRUPT THE VIBRANT YOUTHFUL INNOCENCE OF MY NEJI!"

"Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? (ce soir, what what what) Voulez vous couchez avec moi? "

Lights snapped on to reveal the mystery voice, and all the kunoichi (plus a few shinobi) in the club found that they could die happy.

Sasuke stood center stage, black leather, zippers and an indecent amount of skin. A top hat was perched at a rakish angle on his head, a scrap of a fishnet veil covering his right eye. He tapped a small whip against his boots as he sang, that aloof smirk dominating his androgynous features.

"Yeeiah, yeeiah, ugh, He come through with the money in the garter belts, Let 'em know we got that cake, straight out the gate."

Sakura noticed he had a collar around his neck, upon which hung a long chain. She wondered vaguely what its purpose was, as naughty thoughts ran through her head.

"We independent women, some mistake us for whores, We say, 'Why spend mine, when I can spend yours?', Disagree? Well that's you and I'm sorry, I'm gonna keep playin' these cats out like Atari."

Naruto walked onto the dance floor, and the reason for the chain became clear as he wound his fingers around it and gave a gentle tug. Sasuke climbed down, resting a hand on Naruto's shoulder and winking at Sakura, who was beet red and enjoying it.

"Wearing high heel shoes, gettin' love from the dudes, Four bad-ass chicks from the Moulin Rouge."

Neji joined them, carrying a serving tray set with delicate glasses.

"Hey sisters, soul sisters, better get that dough sisters."

Sasuke took one, swirling the crimson liquid with small gems glittering within. He sipped it seductively.

"We drink wine with diamonds in the glass, by the case, the meaning of expensive taste, We wanna giuchie giuchie ya ya, mocca choca lata, Creole Lady Marmalade, One more time, c'mon."

The music slowed and the four voices chorused together. "Marmalade, Lady, Marmalade, Marmalade."

Then the last light snapped on and everyone, I mean everyone, choked on something.

For there on stage was Gaara, wrapped in ornate red scarves and fishnet, dripping with jewelry. Gaara, looking like some Egyptian harem dancer with those exotic 'Kohl lined' eyes.

"Temari?"

"….what?"

"I think I just swallowed the umbrella in my drink."

Gaara didn't even bother to look at the crowd, he just closed his eyes and raised the mic to his lips.

"Hey, Hey, Heeeeeyyyy!"

If the mere appearance of Gaara on stage didn't shock people, his voice capacity did. Who could've known that this silent shinobi had a voice that could shatter windows with its mere force?

'I though only Ino could do that,' Sakura thought vaguely.

The sand shinobi opened his eyes, giving the crowd a sexy, half-lidded stare. Baki promptly had a heart attack. Kakashi sighed, prying himself away from his precious notes and collecting his lightning like chakra in his hands.

"Clear!"

"Touch of her skin feelin' silky smooth hey, Color of café au lait, all right."

Sasuke showed his usefulness with the whip, first with warning away Naruto's wandering hands and second cracking it so that it wrapped around Gaara's waist. To everyone's surprise, no sand popped up. Apparently, Shukaku was enjoying this way too much to ruin it. With a small tug he pulled Gaara off the stage and into Neji. The Hyuuga wrapped his arms around the boy's waist and Gaara leaned his back into his chest as he sang the next lines, grinding ever so slightly.

"Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried, More (more), more (more), more!"

"Go Gaara!" Temari shouted, a little tipsy and feeling a swell of sisterly pride. Kankuro wished he had a camera.

Naruto pulled Gaara from Neji and threw him Sasuke's chain as an apology. The two demons grinned as they sang the next part.

"Now he's back home doin' nine to five (Nine to five)."

Neji grinned and jerked the Uchiha over, causing the younger boy to stumble unceremoniously. He grinned into his glare.

"Livin' the gray flannel life."

"THAT'S MY BOY NEJI! YOU OWN KAKASHI'S BRAT!"

Gai sent an imperious look in Kakashi's direction, but the grey-haired jounin was too busy reviving Baki to notice. After all, it would be bad form if a sand jounin died on leaf territory. Kurenai continued his notes diligently, thinking of ways she and Asuma could use this information.

Gai sighed, once again ignored.

Gaara reclaimed the microphone and broke away, ignoring Naruto's protests.

"But when he turns off to sleep, memories creep, More (more), more (more), more!"

Naruto promptly jumped him again for the mic, as Sasuke and Neji shared the other one. "Gitchie gitchie ya ya da da, Gitchie gitchie ya ya here, Mocca choca lata ya ya."

Gaara gave another one of those sexy looks at the audience.

"Creole Lady Marmalade!"

"Sweet mother of Shukaku," Kankuro said, awed. "Temari, I thought you were the only one who could scream that long without passing out."

This earned him a sound whack with the fan.

"Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? Voulez vous couchez avec moi?"

'Hell yeah!' cried inner Sakura.

Outer Sakura blushed at her hormones, and wondered vaguely if she had any singles.

"Dammit, why couldn't I get sexy teammates!" Ino raged. Shikamaru gave her a bored look.

"You got the only sane ones, be thankful."

"All my sisters, yeah."

Sasuke grumbled in the back of his mind. He had not agreed to be Neji's bitch. But an idea crossed his mind, and smirking he cracked his whip around the older boy's neck and pulled him back, switching their previous roles.

"Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir? Voulez vous couchez avec moi?"

"Who owns who now Gai?" Kakashi replied mildly, reclaiming his notes.

'Argh, you out do me again my rival,' Gai held up a fist, fire in his eyes. 'But not for long! After this, I shall teach Neji to become the ultimate stud!'

As if by premonition, Neji shuddered slightly.

The club lights dimmed for a moment, and when they flashed back on, Anko stood in the center of the dancefloor. She grinned maliciously, having collared every boy on stage in the dark, and now had the chains wrapped around her fingers.

The Madame had arrived. She sang into her headset, her voice low and silky.

"Gaara"

"Moulin...Ooooh!"

"Naruto"

"Ladyyyyyy Marmalade"

"Sasuke"

"Hey, hey, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh!"

"Neji"

"Oh, oh, ohhhhhhhh Marmalade."

Anko tugged on Naruto's chain, bringing the fox boy closer. There was a red glow in his eyes that she hadn't seen before.

"Rock-wilder baby."

"Baby."

She tossed his microphone to Gaara and Neji.

"Moulin Rouge."

"Ooh, ohhhh!"

"Da doot da doot."

"Misdemeanor here."

All the voices chorused together for the final line.

"Creole Lady Marmalade, Yes-Ahhh!"

The stage flared up in a blaze of white light, and by the time it cleared, the performers were gone.

The crowd erupted into cheers.

-----

"Oi, I think she's finally coming around."

Hinata opened her eyes blearily. What an odd nightmare…Neji singing and dressed up like some showgirl…Naruto-kun….

She blushed as she saw Shino and Kiba staring down at her anxiously. She shook her head and sat up. "G-gomen, I'm fine…"

"Phew, finally," Kiba sighed, relieved. "I thought you were going to die of shock or something. Don't worry, it's over now."

Hinata's eyes opened wide. "You mean, you mean it was real?"

"Yeah, but-no not again!"

Yes once again. Shino wondered if anyone had videotaped the performance. He had been to busy tending to his teammate that he hadn't been able to watch it.

------

By the state of the crowd, it had been very interesting.

"Gaara! You were great!"

Temari was bubbling with happiness and wine coolers. Gaara climbed into his seat quietly and signaled for drinks, many, many drinks.

After downing his first two bottles, he turned to his siblings.

"Mention this again, and I will kill you."

Temari nodded cheerfully and Kankuro promptly swallowed another umbrella in fear.

------

Sakura grinned as her teammates slid into their seats. "Thank you guys, that was the best gift ever."

Sasuke 'ch'-ed, blushing ever so slightly, and Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Anything for you, Sakura-chan. Erm, by the way, was Hinata watching…?"

Sakura gave him a surprised look. He held out his hands in front of him. "Neji wanted to know, that's all!"

His female teammate smiled knowingly and shook her head. "She fainted when Neji came on and then again when you started. She missed basically the whole thing."

"Oh," came the slightly downtrodden reply. Sakura grinned. She slid two folds of bills in her teammates' direction.

"Any chance I can get a private performance?"

------

Neji returned to a fuming TenTen and a bruised, blushing Lee.

"Neji-san, I would have never imagined, I never thought, erm," Lee twiddled his thumbs, before falling to his knees before his teammate.

"Teach me the ways of sexiness!"

Neji sipped his drink sagely. "Sexiness must be a developed, it cannot be taught, my young padawan. Work for it, and it shall be achieved."

"Thank you my beautiful youthful teammate!"

He moved give Neji atearful hug, but was stopped with a rather large butcher knife that TenTen had produced from nowhere. There was murder in the Kunoichi's eyes.

"Back. Off."

------

Kakashi stored his notes away in his vest. Now that was a performance worth watching without the Icha Icha distraction.

Kurenai sidled over to Asuma and whispered something into his ear, then led him, grinning like his birthday had come early, into the broom closet.

Baki was taking a stiff drink, convinced that the world was going to end.

Gai fumed and plotted the ways he would get Kakashi, whose students seemed to be spoiling the spotlight of his idea.

Anko grinned and took her place behind the bar, wondering what the world was coming to and realizing that whatever it was, it wasn't that bad.

---

Aaaaand, it's done.

Yep, I'm definitely going to get flamed for this chapter. So much OOC-ness () And pairings galore! I tried to appease some of the yaoi fans I know are reading this, but really you can take the interactions however you want :) If you don't like yaoi, just imagine they all got stone drunk before it, or that they're doing it to impress their respective girls. However you want, remember, it's not supposed to make sense.

So review, flame, whatever. I'll love whoever can draw me fanart of this chapter, I loves it to death.

Till my next inspiration, Ja Ne!