Realizations -by Seiri
A/N: I know I should be working on a billion other fics right now... but this is what came out. Aheh. I ended up drawing a lot from this short little thing from actual events that took place in my life so... we'll see how it turns out. It's a one shot from Paine's POV to Rikku.
Square owns Final Fantasy X-2 and it's characters, I can only play with 'em.
If you DO NOT like FEMALE/FEMALE pairings, PLEASE LEAVE now -you've been warned. Thank you.
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Losing my friends two and a half years ago ended up hurting me so much more than I thought it did.
-Even if I'm speaking to them now.... Things have changed, yes, and part of me knows that it's for the best. But I never realized how deep the bullet wound ran.
That is, until someone else grew that close to me.
I would have never thought it at first either. I had shut everyone out then. I thought, as long as no one got too close, it'd be easier to say goodbye when the time came. But as time passed by, I found that I didn't want to say goodbye. And I started to warm up to them -especially to one blond Al Bhed girl.
And I never thought that I had become so afraid of getting hurt again. I look back now... and realize just how hard she tried to get me to open up to her. It makes me feel guilty. Almost. But I'm just surprised at how scared I became at the thought of having such a close friend.
It was around then, after we didn't need to worry about there being a Spira tomorrow, that I realized that the relationships between the guys and me will never be the same again, and I regret that. Looking back on it, I even found that I resented that as well, I didn't resent the relationships -but the fact that I was too blind to see the effect that our separating had on me.
Though, I wouldn't give up what I have now to go back then. And when I found this out, I was -again- surprised. It was the one thing I had been chasing after and running from for two years, only to find out that in the end I'm totally okay with it? Not perfectly okay... as I discovered upon realized how close someone new had gotten become.
Then, I was scared. I couldn't stop thinking about what it would mean if we grew apart -about how much I would get hurt if what we had going stopped. All I knew is that I didn't want to lose you.
I didn't even see then how close we had already become before the threat of the destruction of our world. How melodramatic.
But, somehow, after things had calmed down, and I had done some thinking, I came to, yet another, realization. Through all your efforts to get me to open up, and how close we've grown over the past year and a half, I fell in love with you. This was the scariest realization I think I've ever made.
What if you found out, and decided you hated me for it? Or what if you didn't mind it, but it made things awkward? Love just... made everything so much more temperamental. It complicated things. But... as long as no one knew, you would never find out.
It wasn't that simple. Things grew even more complicated as I found myself much more attracted to you, how you looked, how you moved, even as annoying as I sometimes think it is -I love that about you. But I didn't know how you felt about me -simply being around you was becoming difficult. And I had just started fully opening up to you too, wanting to wake up the 'me within me', as I think we once put it. So you noticed quickly as I tried to push you out once again. I was depressed because I was losing someone so close to me all over again -but when it came right down to it, I would rather get hurt like that again then hurt you.
It was the same quality about you that started all of this, and I love you for it until this day. I ended up telling you. But... I was met with another surprise.
You felt the same.
So, let me say this now-
I love you, Rikku.
A/N: I know I should be working on a billion other fics right now... but this is what came out. Aheh. I ended up drawing a lot from this short little thing from actual events that took place in my life so... we'll see how it turns out. It's a one shot from Paine's POV to Rikku.
Square owns Final Fantasy X-2 and it's characters, I can only play with 'em.
If you DO NOT like FEMALE/FEMALE pairings, PLEASE LEAVE now -you've been warned. Thank you.
------------------------
Losing my friends two and a half years ago ended up hurting me so much more than I thought it did.
-Even if I'm speaking to them now.... Things have changed, yes, and part of me knows that it's for the best. But I never realized how deep the bullet wound ran.
That is, until someone else grew that close to me.
I would have never thought it at first either. I had shut everyone out then. I thought, as long as no one got too close, it'd be easier to say goodbye when the time came. But as time passed by, I found that I didn't want to say goodbye. And I started to warm up to them -especially to one blond Al Bhed girl.
And I never thought that I had become so afraid of getting hurt again. I look back now... and realize just how hard she tried to get me to open up to her. It makes me feel guilty. Almost. But I'm just surprised at how scared I became at the thought of having such a close friend.
It was around then, after we didn't need to worry about there being a Spira tomorrow, that I realized that the relationships between the guys and me will never be the same again, and I regret that. Looking back on it, I even found that I resented that as well, I didn't resent the relationships -but the fact that I was too blind to see the effect that our separating had on me.
Though, I wouldn't give up what I have now to go back then. And when I found this out, I was -again- surprised. It was the one thing I had been chasing after and running from for two years, only to find out that in the end I'm totally okay with it? Not perfectly okay... as I discovered upon realized how close someone new had gotten become.
Then, I was scared. I couldn't stop thinking about what it would mean if we grew apart -about how much I would get hurt if what we had going stopped. All I knew is that I didn't want to lose you.
I didn't even see then how close we had already become before the threat of the destruction of our world. How melodramatic.
But, somehow, after things had calmed down, and I had done some thinking, I came to, yet another, realization. Through all your efforts to get me to open up, and how close we've grown over the past year and a half, I fell in love with you. This was the scariest realization I think I've ever made.
What if you found out, and decided you hated me for it? Or what if you didn't mind it, but it made things awkward? Love just... made everything so much more temperamental. It complicated things. But... as long as no one knew, you would never find out.
It wasn't that simple. Things grew even more complicated as I found myself much more attracted to you, how you looked, how you moved, even as annoying as I sometimes think it is -I love that about you. But I didn't know how you felt about me -simply being around you was becoming difficult. And I had just started fully opening up to you too, wanting to wake up the 'me within me', as I think we once put it. So you noticed quickly as I tried to push you out once again. I was depressed because I was losing someone so close to me all over again -but when it came right down to it, I would rather get hurt like that again then hurt you.
It was the same quality about you that started all of this, and I love you for it until this day. I ended up telling you. But... I was met with another surprise.
You felt the same.
So, let me say this now-
I love you, Rikku.