Disclaimer: You know the drill. Oh, and I also don't own Dil Pickles from all Grown Up, or Betty Crocker, or any ideas that JoJoBlond (Joanna) gave me, or the really random story that will be presented sometime in this chapter. That's Steve's insane work…BUT WITH SOME OF MY IDEAS! SO HA!
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Ash: I ACTUALLY HAVE A PLOT OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD FOR THIS CHAPTER!
James: So do I! It's called, The Day Ashley DIDN'T Manipulate Us in Her Plotless Stories!
Remus: Yes'm, maybe that would've worked if, oh say, she hadn't already said that she had a PLOT this time!
Sirius: Now Remus, you know how James's giant egotistical mind gets when you tell him he's wrong. Remember last time?
James: I'm right here listening to you, you know…
Remus: Replays James hobbling through the town of Hogsmeade using a candy cane as a sword and claiming to be an action figure with "intense sword slashing action!" Oh, the horror…
Peter: Wait, that didn't happen THAT night.
James: I'm still right here…
Sirius: You're right. Those were other nights.
James: FLIPPIN' CARROT STICKS, CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT ME, IT WAS THE ANNUAL CHICKEN LEG FESTIVAL, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
Peter: I think now would be a good time to start the story…
Ash: Yeah…before things get even more loco…
LAST TIME:
Bartender 1: Did you hear something?
Bartender 2: Yeah, it came from under here I think points to random table
Bartender 1: Goes over to investigate table, only to find Remus hiding underneath it AH!
Remus: AH!
Bartender 2: Turns around and sees Peter's hideous makeup job AH!
Peter: AH!
Bartender 2: AH!
James: AH!
Bartender 1: AH!
Sirius: Sees Bartender 1's terribly dirty fingernails AH!
Remus: AAAHHH! MARAUDERS, RETREAT!
The four Marauders run outside and keep running until they get to the candy shop, buy some candy, and the run outside screaming again...while eating their candy...
THIS TIME:
Peter: Auntie Betty isn't evil, she bakes for a living you idiots!
Remus: O yeah, and that would explain her little advertisement in the paper that says "Betty Crocker, Life's One and Only Evil Baking Trainer" with a little postal address underneath it…
Peter: Well, DUH, that was during the time when she was being possessed by those brain sucking aliens…
James: SUUUUUURE…
Remus: Aliens? Dazed look
Sirius: But anyways, if Snape finds a way to complete connections with her, the world could be DOOMED!
Remus: Aliens…
James: Doomed indeed! Now quick, we have to get down to breakfast before the owls arrive!
Remus: Hmm...aliens…
Sirius: Waves a hand in front of Remus Uh…Remus, are you alright?
Remus: Snaps back to reality O, yeah, of course, but I'm going to stop by the library before I head down, for…research…
Peter: Ok, have…fun?
Everyone but Remus heads down to the Great Hall for breakfast
FADE OUT
FADE BACK INTO THE GREAT HALL
Snape: It should be here today. The final piece to my plan. Then the world shall bow to the almighty power of YUMMY GOODNESS!
Random Slytherin: There he goes, talking to himself again…
Snape: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Other Random Slytherin: And cue evil cackle. This is the part where we walk away in total remorse…walks away
Snape: Thought of the moment…why do I not have any friends? Jeopardy theme song plays in the background Ok, that's enough thinking for one day, THE OWLS ARE HERE!
Meanwhile
James: Look, there's THE owl!
Sirius: Ok, here's the plan. We wait until Snape randomly sets down the letter and then…WE TAKE IT!
James and Peter: Blink
Peter: I think we need Remus here to make the plans…
Sirius: Well, I thought it was a spiffy plan…shifty eyes
Remus: Suddenly runs in and sits down with a crud load of books
James: Speak of the genius…
Remus: Aliens…U.F.O.'s…spaceships…outer limits…
Peter: What the heck are you talking to yourself about this time?
Sirius: NO TIME, Snape just set the letter down!
The marauders run over behind Snape while he's having another schizophrenic chat with himself similar to Remus's, and steal the letter of death and destruction
James: Wow, Sirius's plan actually worked…who would've thunk it?
Remus: WAIT! Don't open that letter yet!
Everyone: raises eyebrow why…
Remus: BECAUSE IT MIGHT BE THE ALIENS TRYING TO TRICK US, OR A SIGN THAT THEY'RE COMING TO ATTACK…AGAIN!
Peter: That is THE LAST time I bring up Auntie Betty's past evilness connections…
James: Ok Remus, I think it's about time I gave you "the talk"…
Everyone: NO, NOT "THE TALK"! ANYTHING BUT "THE TALK"!
James: Yes. "The talk".
Remus: Cowers in a corner No…it's to soon... I'm too young for this…
James: I'm sorry, but you must know.
Everyone but James and Remus: Covers their precious ears
James: Takes a deep breath Remus…there's no such thing as aliens. They are made up to make you believe that there is actually someone out there preparing to kill us all and put us in cages for spectators. Once again, THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS ALIENS.
Remus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Runs out of the room bawling
James: Well, I think he handled that pretty well. OK EVERYONE, you may now all return to your daily lives…
Sirius: And now to see what Snape's up to...opens letter
"Once upon a time in a village far far away, (okay it isn't that far, it's down the street and over the rail road tracks and you're at Bakers.) A boy was on the computer looking up his homework. The homework was to make a difference in your community. He wanted to find something no one had ever done before. While on AOL he found out that the only thing that someone hadn't done was make an entire city flamable. So the boy took some sticks and those leaves that fall off a tree and get all crisp and crusty and made buildings. He finally made a few houses and a yoga school and invited people in. Only five kids came and they just came for the yoga (that's just messed) Meanwhile a secret underground government base launched a new missile that was made to start sticks and those crusty leaves on fire. (get that) When the missile hit, the yoga school didn't stand a chance. As the fire fangoriously destroyed the flammable town, a huge gasoline tank was torn open by a small pine-porky thing. Gas went all over the first town I talked about. (Not by Bakers) Meanwhile the government base again launched a missile. Five seconds later that town went up in flames. The fire went and started everything on fire and then the fire started on fire, the fire was everywhere, there, and there, well not over there, but everywhere. The flammable place stopped burning. But back to the fire........well I'm done with the fire but it was cool. Yea I forgot what the story was about. There was only one death and it was one of those kids in the yoga school. (still messed)"
Everyone: Blink
Peter: Well…maybe it's some kind of special mafia lingo…
Sirius: OH, LET ME TRY! The pumpkin…is in the garden…
James: Sirius?
Sirius: Yes'm?
James: You're done.
Sirius: Yes Mother…
James: Sirius?
Sirius: Yes'm?
James: Don't ever call me Mother again.
Sirius: Ok bubble bottoms.
James: Sirius?
Sirius: Ye---
Peter: WOULD YOU TO JUST SHUT UP?
James: Sorry…
Sirius: WAIT, ANOTHER OWL!
Peter: SHOOT IT DOWN!
James: Throws a pineapple at it, and it falls onto his dish
Sirius: That works…
Peter: YAY! Another letter from Auntie Betty! She must REALLY love me!
James: Oh, yeah, of course, except for the fact that neither one was addressed to you…
Peter: Shut up, you're making my childhood crueler than it already is.
James: You have no childhood Peter.
Peter: I KNOW! Runs out crying
Sirius: Dang it James, that's two friends you've emotionally scarred today. Next thing you know, they'll be a mutiny…
James: Shrugs bring it on!
Sirius: Hesitates um, anyways, about the letter…
James: Opens letter
"Mr. Potion Addict,
I'm sorry about that last letter, it was suppose to go to my friend back in America in response to her Random Writings challenge. I'll be sure to retrieve your letter A.S.A.P. and find a cover up for the plan. The FINAL PIECE will be with you by tomorrow, Mafia's honor. This letter will self destruct in 5-4-3-2-1…haha, just kidding.
-Ms. Destructive Chefette"
Sirius: Does today just seem like it's getting weirder and weirder to you to James?
James: Yep.
Sirius: Ok. Just checking up on my sanity.
Awkward silence
James: …We should go pester Lily
Sirius: Ok.
They both walk away
Meanwhile
Peter: Runs into the common room crying
Remus: DID JAMES RUIN YOUR LIFE TO?
Peter: Sobs Yes…
Remus: Sly grin Hmm…what do you say to a little payback Peter?
Peter: What do you have in mind?
Remus: You'll see Peter…oh, you'll see…
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WOW. This chapter was long AND stupid. I don't like it really. Oh well, I guess that's what happens when you try to make a plot that you THOUGHT was there, but really isn't. Puh. But hey, we got some mutiny in here…maybe we can elaborate…mischievous smile
REVIEWERS:
JoJoBlond- Well, we all kno peter NEEDS the corset! And I take it u like the parts w/ Sirius in them…teehee, but don't we all?
Lady Adrienel- the church water fight INDEED! Neways, thanks, and yes, ron does say it best doesn't he? The spiders…they wanted me to tap dance…I DON'T WANNA TAP DANCE HARRY!
Harry: then u tell those spiders Ron…
Ron: ok…I will…
Chikin Wang- always glad to make sum1's bad day humorous! Thanks 4 reviewing!
Cherry Chalk- yeah, u'll have 2 finish that club soon so u can send me the URL. OF COURSE I wanna join! O, and there is only one thing that can save us from betty crocker…the POWER RANGERS! But that's a different story…
MoonyPadfootProngs4eva- but wut would life be WITHOUT the "ah"s …that is the REAL question…ok, that's enuff sugar 4 me rite now…
Lady Taliesin- Glad u enjoyed it!