Ok, before everything, I'd like to make somthing clear...
These things- -will mark ACTIONS. Everything is good again...
Disclaimer: I don't own any of it…except for maybe all the manipulated ideas and such…I think… ponders…
Ash (author): Swigs some Gatorade Hello my fellow comrades, and welcome to ---
Sirius: THEY LOVE ME, THE REALLY LOVE ME!
Ash, Remus, James, and Peter: Stare
Sirius: Uh…sorry, just practicing…
James: ANYWAYS…
Ash: Oh, yes, well, it was a bright and sunny afternoon…
Peter: No it wasn't. It was 3:00 in the morning and raining.
Ash: Well, I was close…shifty eyes
Remus: Depending on what your definition of "close" is…
Ash: Let's just get on with the story already!
Scene fades in on Snape down in the Slytherin dungeons working on a potion and laughing maniacally. He sticks a potato into the concoction and pulls it back out to discover that it has now transformed into…
Snape: FRENCH FRIES! Now dinner is complete for all of your guests, and many compliments to the chef, mwah! blows kisses
Slytherin House: cheers
Snape: Next time on Snape's Cooking Experience, I will be teaching you how to make the perfect sautéed shrimp basket, and for dessert, cream puffs! Tata!
Curtains close and a handwritten sign that says "Conclusion of Production" hangs down over the curtains, and Snape runs down to his personal dungeon
Snape: And now for my REAL project of mortal destruction…
Fade out
Fade back into the Gryffindor common room at 3:00 in the morning
Remus: There's got to be SOMETHING left to pull on Snapey Boy…
James: Come on Remus, can't we discuss this AFTER we sleep…looks at pocket watch …IT'S 3:00 CRUD MONKIES A.M. REMUS!!!
Sirius: Since when do you care what time it is James?
Peter: Since he started getting made fun of by Lily for the "little baggies under his eyes".
Everyone but James: Ooh…
James: OK, fine, but we'll see who's laughing when the world is bowing down to my army of peach trees destroying the planet…
Everyone but James: blink
Sirius: You know James, it's not healthy to bottle up your sanity.
Remus: Back to the plan, PLEASE!
Peter: I don't care what we do as long as it's not stalking again shudders
(A/N: Your story rocks Joanna!)
Remus: Well, then how else are we supposed to get blackmail?
Sirius: Raises his hand and jumps up and down, all while spinning in circles
Remus: Yes, Sirius…rolls eyes
Sirius: Clears throat Ahem. I happen to know that Snape hosts his own cooking show down in the Slytherin dungeons …every morning…at approximately 2:00 A.M….hides notes that he took from the show on how to make pumpkin pie underneath a nearby table. Not that I've ever BEEN there, or anything…
James: Stares in awe You mean, you knew this vital piece of information and you never told ME? Starts beating up Sirius
Sirius: I WAS ONLY TRYING TO PROTECT MANKIND!
Peter: Wait…I have a PLAN…
Fade out
Fade back into the Great Hall at lunchtime.
Snape: Walks into the lunchroom wearing a pitch black trench coat and sunglasses, and stops right in the middle of the hall
Some Blonde: Wearing the same outfit as Snape, walks up and stands the opposite direction of him so she's facing a wall
Snape: Do you have the goods?
Blonde: Hands him a piece of parchment with a list scribbled on it Payment, please.
Snape: Hands her two galleons and does a dodge roll around the corner, only to find…
Peter: AH, HE TOUCHED ME! GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!
Sirius: Ah, Snape grease. I'd lend you my I'm-Not-Gay-I-Just-Have-A-Very-Productive-Feminine-Side shampoo, but I'm almost out because I can't find anymore of the secret ingredient.
Remus: Do I even want to ask?
Sirius: Thinks hard Um…I suggest you don't.
Snape: Takes this opportunity to sneak down a corridor while pretending to hold a gun
James: Blink Ok, am I the only one who just saw that?
Everyone but James: Still conversing about Sirius's hair products
James: Apparently so…
Fade out
Fade into Transfiguration class with the Gryffindors and Slytherins
McGonagall: Hmm…it seems we are missing somebody still…
Snape: Suddenly bursts through the door and runs to sit down
McGonagall: I'd like an explanation PLEASE, Severus.
Snape: I had…um…business to attend to.
Sirius: PUH! Business my perfectly manicured nails! He's up to something Professor!
McGonagall: Yes, it IS a bit strange. Tell us about this BUSINESS of yours…
Snape: Thinks quickly and finally gets and idea Well, you know that one corridor connecting the Great Hall to the Potions dungeons?
Everyone: Yeah…inching closer to hear Snape's story
Snape: And you know how the right wall is a different color that the left wall?
Everyone: Yeah…continue inching
Snape: And you know that gold pot that sits on the table against the right wall?
Everyone: Now less than a foot away from Snape YEAH…
Snape: Dramatic pause …well it has nothing to do with that.
Everyone: AWWW… backs away quickly looking annoyed
McGonagall: Looking perturbed Ok, we've wasted enough class time on this, on with the lesson…
James: To other Marauders SEE! I TOLD you Snape was up to something!
Remus: Sorry we didn't believe you the first time. It's just kind of hard to trust you ever since you tried to convince us that Professor Flitwick was actually a lawn gnome brought to life by a pack of demented squirrels bent on destroying the world.
James: I'M TELLING YOU, THOSE SQUIRRELLS ARE A DANGER TO SOCIETY!
Sirius: So are you, and we're not complaining.
Peter: I wouldn't say that...
James: Gets even more miffed and goes back to his studies
Fade out
So, what do you think? Long time reader, first time writer, so yeah, PLEASE REVIEW! Flames will be used to burn Mary Sues…AH, I SWEAR, IT'S A CONSPIRACY OR SOMETHING!