After the Show/Down
Part 1
Gage watched in delight as Walker and Alex emerged from their car and walked towards their front porch, a small bundle tucked delicately in Alex's arms. Cheers of happiness and exclamations of joy surrounded him, and he heard his own voice added to the mix of well-wishers. In past few weeks they had lost some important colleagues and friends, and had discovered that their good friend C.D. Parker had in fact been murdered. Trivette had been seriously injured and there had been complications with Alex's pregnancy. Now though, for the first time in a long while, they had something to celebrate.
His partner Syd moved closer to the happy family and reached down to touch baby Angela's delicate face. As Walker put his arm around his wife's shoulders and Trivette clasped hands with his fiancée Erica, Gage resisted the urge to reach down and touch Syd possessively on the back. It was not the first time in recent months that he had had to restrain himself around his partner. And with the events of recent days still painfully fresh in his mind, Gage found it nearly impossible to let her out of his sight.
Things were complicated between him and Sydney, and he knew that he was as much to blame for the confusion as Syd. But since that day just after Walker and Alex's wedding, when Trivette had forced him to think of Syd as a woman, rather than simply his partner, Gage had found himself increasingly comparing all other women to her. And recently on the set of the vampire movie that beautiful actress had told him that it was obvious he had a thing for Syd. Was it obvious? Was it true? Did he really have a 'thing' for her?
He knew that he had strong feelings where she was concerned and he had tried a few times in the past year to let Syd know about his evolving feelings but had received little or no encouragement in the area. He had told her on the set of the vampire movie that he liked having her on the back of his bike and she had retorted that she had her own bike. He had casually said at his high school reunion that he would tell his old girlfriend that he was crazy about someone else to which Syd had not visibly reacted. And the one time he had tried to get her to talk about their kiss after Walker and Alex's wedding, she had kicked him!
But he knew that the feelings were not one-sided, they couldn't be. He remembered how she had tasted that night, almost a year ago now, when she had flung herself into his arms and kissed him, jubilant over the safe landing of the newlywed's plane. He had seen the deep hurt in her eyes when she had tried to help him through his temporary deafness and he had yelled in frustration at her. He was aware of the way she devoted herself to his recovery and supported him in his efforts to learn sign language. He had even heard what she had said to him in the hospital when he was recovering from surgery.
Reviewing all these memories, which had been surfacing unbidden in his mind recently, only left Gage as confused as ever. It was obvious he felt something more than appreciation of a great partnership when it came to Syd. But what exactly it was it that he was feeling remained a mystery to him. All he knew, was that at this moment, surrounded by happy couples and feeling jubilant to be alive, he wished that he could hold Syd the same way that his friends were holding their significant others.
Looking around he realized that the small crowd of the Walker's close family and friends had gone inside and he was standing alone on the porch.
"Gage?" Syd called to him, stepping out the front door, her sunglasses now pushed up onto her head. "Are you coming?"
He met her questioning gaze and catching a strange look on her partner's face, Syd stepped fully outside, shutting the screen door carefully behind her.
"Are you okay Gage?" She asked, concern furrowing her brow.
Gage shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and spoke quietly. "Umm, yeah Syd, I'm fine. Thanks."
"Okay." Syd smiled up at him. "Because inside there is a whole table full of food and when I looked over at it and realized you weren't there..."
"I just don't have much of an appetite right now I guess."
Syd reached up and playfully felt his forehead as if checking for a fever. "Are you sure you're feeling okay? I have never known you not to fill up your plate at one of these things."
He reached for her hand and lowered it from his face. He didn't release her hand immediately but instead kept holding it, steadily looking into eyes, almost willing her to try and understand all the feelings he was having right now. Instantly Syd's arm went rigid and she took a step back from him.
"I, umm, better get back inside. I promised Alex I would look after the refreshments. I should go see if anyone needs more tea." Syd shook her hand free from Gage's and almost bolted from the porch.
Sighing at yet another confusing interface between the two of them, Gage followed her inside a moment later. Alex and the baby were sitting on the sofa, Walker standing beside them beaming like only a proud father can. He saw Syd standing over near the window offering tea to one of the guests in a voice that was almost too bright, too forced.
Her heart racing Syd channelled all her energy into the mundane task of pouring tea. When the pot finished she leapt at the chance to escape the living room where her partner had just entered and brew another pot in the kitchen.
What had just happened? One minute she was playfully teasing Gage, a common pursuit between them, and the next moment he was looking at her with a fever bright intensity that had scared her to death. In his eyes she had seen a mirror of the confusion that often filled her own when she was alone and trying to sort her way through unexplained situations. Never, in all the time she had known Gage, had she seen such raw emotion except maybe for the time that he had lost his hearing and was trying to come to terms with his loss and the senseless death of his high school girl friend.
Pouring the now boiled kettle of water over the teabags, Syd noticed that her hands had thankfully ceased shaking and, taking a deep breathe to steady her nerves, she walked back into the main room. Gage was leaning comfortably against a wall frame, chatting with Trivette and they were laughing amicably over some story. Syd placed the teapot down on the refreshment table and walked over towards Alex and the baby, on the opposite side of the room from her partner.
"She's just beautiful Alex."
"Thank you Sydney. Would you like to hold her?"
"Really? I..uhh..okay, I haven't held many babies before."
Syd settled down on the sofa beside the new mother and Angela, still sleeping, was passed over into Syd's waiting arms. As she held the tiny bundle in her arms and cooed soft little noises at her, Syd felt the unmistakable bulky frame of her partner sit down beside her. Looking up at him, Syd saw no trace of the confused and emotional man she had left on the porch. Instead, Gage was giving her one of his trademark winning grins. She visibly relaxed; things were going to be fine between them
"You're a natural Syd. When are you going to have one of your own?" He commented, to which Syd unsuccessfully tried to elbow Gage in the side. Her sudden movement though, while mostly missing Gage's ribs, had the effect of waking Angela who began to cry, leaving no-one in the room doubting her lung capacity.
"Oh, nice work Gage!" Syd commented, as she passed the infant back to Alex, now standing, who was too anxious to soothe her newborn's cries to worry about why she had started crying in the first place. In reality Syd was angry at herself for giving in to such a foolish impulse. Sometimes Gage seemed to bring out the most childish behaviours in her.
"Me?" Gage asked innocently, raising his hands in the air. "I didn't do anything!"
Syd settled back somewhat grumpily on the sofa, giving Gage a look to let him know she was disgusted with him and that she held him entirely accountable for her actions.
"Don't you look at me that way Syd! You're the one who tried to jab me in the ribs and woke the baby up."
"Well, I wouldn't have wanted to jab you in the ribs if you weren't always trying to tease me."
"I think you like it when I tease you." Gage replied, his voice so low that only Syd could hear.
And before she could stop herself, she replied in a whisper. "And I think you like it when I touch you."
They looked at each other, the silence between them electrically charged, and forgetting where they were they suddenly reached forward and attempted to tickle one another.
"Mercy! Mercy! Stop!" Syd squealed as Gage's fingers made their way to her ribs, and as his tickling subsided she realized that the room was silent, aside from Angela's continued cries, and that all the guests were staring at them. Crimson colour flushing her face, Syd looked away from her closest friends, and standing up mumbled something about needing fresh air and quickly fled the room.
Gage stood up a moment later his own face a brilliant shade of red, and looking anywhere but at Trivette who was now doubled over in laughter, he excused himself from the room and followed Syd outside. Once there he realized that Syd was not on the porch but rather had begun walking toward the large meadow where a couple of Walker's horses were grazing.
"Syd!" he called out to her but received no response. He began to jog after her, ignoring the fact that she had stiffened her shoulders and increased her pace when he had called out to her. "Syd, wait up!"
He quickly caught up with her, and almost regretted his decision to follow her when she turned on him, a maelstrom of fury. If possible, her cheeks were even more crimson than when she had left the house.
"That was the most embarrassing thing you have ever done to me Gage! How can I go back in there and face everyone? We are supposed to be professionals!"
"That I did to you? Listen Syd, you were tickling me too! You think I want to go back in there either; Trivette was killing himself laughing when I left. He is never going to let me hear the end of this. I'll be an old, grey-haired Ranger and he'll still be telling the story of the day I tickled you at Angela's homecoming party. C'mon, I mean when you think about it was kind of funny."
His words, intended to bring humour to the situation, instead elicited even more anger from his partner. Taking her hands off her hips she reached up and pushed Gage, hard, in the chest and, surprised by her actions, he fell backwards with a thud onto the ground.
"It was not funny Gage!" she shouted, her voice cracking. When Gage looked up at her, a quick retort on his lips, he realized that Syd was crying and wisely kept the quip to himself.
"Hey Syd." He spoke softly instead, reaching up to catch one of her hands with his own, and pulling her gently down onto the ground beside him. She came willingly, lowering herself into a kneeling position.
Gage didn't know what to do; he had never seen Syd cry before. She was always so stoic, sometimes she went so far as to look introspective, but never had she dissolved into tears before. This had to be about more than just some stupid, albeit embarrassing, tickling fight.
Sitting up Gage tenderly pulled Syd into an embrace, his strong arms solidly around her petite frame. She was shaking and as he pulled her close to his chest, he could feel her unleash a torrent of tears that she must have been holding in for a very long time. He held her tightly, caressing her back, whispering "shhh" into her hair, until her weeping subsided.
"You okay Syd?" He finally asked when she began to stiffen in his embrace. He released her so that she could move into a sitting position.
She sniffled and nodded her head in response. Gage produced a tissue from his pocket and Syd gratefully accepted it. When she finally looked up at him, her red-rimmed eyes were full of questions Gage wasn't sure that he would be able to answer.
"This isn't just about the stupid tickling thing is it?" Gage asked, already knowing the answer. He wanted to reach out and hold her again, to try and make everything better. Now that she was out of his reach Gage once again felt the confusion of the past few weeks welling up inside him.
"No." Syd's voice sounded so small. "Nothing makes sense any more Gage. All the death and destruction we've just lived through, it was just so pointless. All those innocent people, dead and why – because one man and his friends decided that they could play God. And we almost lost Jimmy and then all the worries about Alex and the baby..."
"I know Syd. I don't know what to say. I wish I could make it make sense but I can't. God knows I've tried."
"Everybody seems to have somebody to help them through it." Syd nodded again, looking down. "I feel so alone." Her thoughts echoing his own, her voice practically a whisper.
"You're not alone Syd. I'm right here." Gage pulled Syd close once more, holding her securely against him as one would hold a frightened child. "I'm right here."
Syd allowed herself to feel safe in his embrace for a moment, and then spoke again. "I know you are Gage. But that frightens me more than anything else. What happens someday when you're not here?"
"Hey, do you know something I don't know?" Gage asked, once again covering up his insecurities with a weak attempt at humour. As Syd managed a tiny smile at his crack, he continued. "I'm not going anywhere Syd; I'll always be here for you."
Syd nodded, knowing that was the best response she could ever hope for from Gage. She was so confused about her feelings for him. He was the best partner a Ranger could ever hope for and he had become her best friend. She trusted him with her life, but could she trust him with her heart? She didn't know and she was too scared to find out. What if he didn't feel the same way that she did?
Oh, she knew he felt something for her. It was always there, just simmering beneath the surface. The way his eyes had sparkled at her when she had walked down the aisle at Walker and Alex's wedding. The way he had looked at her so reverently the night of his reunion and told her she was beautiful. The way he had pulled her to him and kissed her at the biker camp after their successful initiation, even though it had been under the cover that they were a couple. And the way he had commented recently that he kind of liked having her on the back of his bike – Gage was a solo rider, everyone knew that.
So, there was a mutual attraction, but could it ever be more than that? Syd was not sure that she wanted to risk their friendship and partnership for what might amount to no more than a short-lived affair. She had seen Gage's track record with women, he pursued them eagerly, had one or two dates and then the whole thing fizzled out. And her, she hadn't had a long term relationship since joining the Texas Rangers. Not exactly the right formula for a successful relationship.
Syd snuggled in closer to Gage, allowing herself the comfort and security that he offered, however hollow it might be. She knew that he loved her as a friend, and that would have to be enough – she could not, would not, ask for more from him.
Gage closed his eyes as he felt Syd cuddle into him. He wrapped his arms even more firmly around her until their breathing became synchronized. He had been longing to hold her, yearning to touch her and reassure himself of her vitality even since Jensen had been shot on the steps outside Headquarters. He was saddened by the death of their friend but had been admittedly more frightened by the fact that it could just as easily have been Syd. If that bullet had been just a few more inches to the right....
Syd felt a shudder go through Gage and his arms tightened their grip on her as if he was experiencing a painful thought. Pulling her head off his chest and with their faces practically touching, she sought out his gaze and softly asked him if he was alright.
In response Gage closed his eyes, tilted his head slightly and leaning forward placed his lips over hers. Tender and questioning at first, as Syd's lips responded Gage's kiss increased in fervour. When they finally broke apart each was breathing heavily, dazed by the magnitude of their actions and uncertain what to do next.
They sat there on the grass like that, wrapped in each others arms, under the brilliant sunshine of a summer day on Walker's ranch, for what seemed like an eternity.
Gage finally broke the silence. "Wow Syd, that was..."
"No jokes." Syd muttered, pushing away from him, using anger as a tool to avoid having to deal with the deep feelings that the kiss had stirred in her.
"I'm not trying to joke Syd." Gage's voice was serious and Syd allowed herself to look at him. "That was incredible."
"Oh." Syd could feel herself blushing. "Well, you weren't too bad yourself."
"Now who's joking around?" Gage said as he stood and offered a hand to Syd to pull her up. She uncharacteristically took his hand and allowed him to assist her to a standing position. "I mean it Syd. Thank you for letting me in, thank you for letting me get so close to you. I...I know how important it is for you to be strong, to be in control. That kiss doesn't have to mean anything more than you want it to."
"Okay." Syd nodded, unsure what to say, even a little disappointed. Could he just forget about the passion they had just shared if she asked him to? She wasn't sure that she'd be able to forget.
"I hope that you know just how extraordinary I think you are, and that I would never, ever, do anything to hurt you."
Syd felt herself glowing at Gage's words and looking down she took Gage's hand in her own and said "Thank you Gage. You are pretty special yourself. "
And then, releasing his hand, she began walking back towards the ranch house.
"C'mon Gage, everyone will be wondering where we are if we don't get back soon." She called to him as he seemed to dawdle behind her. A couple of quick jogging steps later he caught up with her and they walked in comfortable silence, each of them feeling more alive than they had in weeks.
When they arrived back at the Walker's, Gage held the door and Syd stepped in first. Prepared for the laughter or the questions of the other guests, Syd was surprised when the crowd merely acknowledged their return and carried on their conversations. Syd headed straight over to Alex and Walker to apologize for their outburst, while Gage strode towards the snack table his appetite apparently in good working order again.
Alex graciously accepted Syd's apology and Walker gave her a funny look, but also accepted. No doubt she and Gage were in for some unpleasant duties in the next few weeks until Walker felt that they had learned their lesson. When she turned around to look for Gage she saw that he had been cornered by Jimmy.
As she approached the two Rangers she realized that Gage's prediction that Trivette would never let him live it down was not far off the mark. Jimmy was making some wisecrack about not realizing that the Walker's baby homecoming party had also included entertainment from the 'baby' members of the Ranger team. Syd approached the two, and bravely taking Gage's hand in front of Jimmy, announced that it was only a very sexy man, assured of his status as a mature male, that would risk tickling her and live to tell the tell. As Jimmy's mouth dropped open, Syd led Gage away by the hand and into the kitchen by telling him that she needed help with the lemonade.
"Did you see that? Did you hear that?" The couple could hear Trivette spluttering as they escaped into the kitchen.
"Yes dear, calm down." They could hear Erica trying to placate him. Trivette would be struggling to explain what had just happened for a long time; to an audience that knew only too well how much he liked to exaggerate.
"That was great!" Gage exclaimed once the kitchen door had shut. "You were wonderful!" He was jubilant and grinning from ear to ear, having finally been part of a winning team that had trounced Trivette at his own game. He hated to let go of Syd's small hand but he did, bringing both hands up to capture each side of her smiling face, leaning it to kiss her soundly on the lips just as Alex walked in.
"Oh!" she exclaimed when she realized what she had just walked in on. "I am so sorry...I had no idea that you two..."
Syd instantly pushed away from Gage and began busying herself with a pitcher of lemonade. If Syd had seen the look on Gage's face she would have felt immediately sorry for her actions. But she did not look up, Gage had given her the control of the situation and she was determined to maintain that power, even if it meant hurting one or both of them.
Gage recovered quickly. "Oh no, Alex, it's not what you think. We were just fooling around, happy about a joke we played on Trivette. Don't mind us. Syd, you want some help carrying that tray?" And reaching beside his partner he lifted the tray laden with large pitcher of lemonade and matching glasses and headed out the door, as Syd, her head still down held the door open and then followed Gage back into the living room.
When her husband walked in a moment later, carrying their tiny infant in his arms, Alex filled him on what she had just witnessed. "Oh Walker, Gage said they were just fooling around but it seemed like so much more. If you had seen Syd's face..."
"They are very close." Walker commented, passing Angela to her mother. "I didn't know though that they might be exploring a relationship outside of their partnership. I hope they aren't, it's generally against regulations and feelings beyond that of partners could jeopardize their ability to work together safely."
"I'm not sure that they are Walker, but something is definitely going on."
"Well, we've all been through a lot in recent weeks. Gage and Sydney are both single and have only had each other to turn to for support, while we have had each other and Trivette has had Erica to look after him. It must be hard for them; I remember what it was like to feel so alone."
"I do too Walker, I do too. But now..." Alex looked down at her newborn baby as her husband put his arm around her shoulder, "I have never felt more fulfilled in my life."
"Well Alex, we should do what we can to help Sydney and Gage through this tough time. I must admit that I have been rather pre-occupied and haven't given them much thought. But as their senior officer I should be looking out not just for their physical welfare, but also their emotional wellbeing. I think I'll schedule them both appointments on Monday with the psychologist on staff. Hopefully that will help them to sort through whatever it is they are feeling."
Alex nodded in agreement at her husband's plan. She wasn't sure that agreed with Walker that it would be dangerous for Sydney and Gage to have feelings for each other beyond that of partners; in fact she had actually thought for a long time that the two young Rangers were well suited to one another. However, Walker was their boss, and it was up to him to make the decisions that affected how his team ran. If she began to see though that Gage and Sydney were becoming more than partners, she would let her husband know her thoughts on the subject.
Walker and Alex headed back into the living room, the reason for Alex popping into the kitchen in first place completely forgotten, and settled themselves back down among their family and friends. The party began to dissipate in about a half-hour, the well-wishers wanting to give the new family time alone. Trivette and Erica, Sydney and Gage stayed until the end, Syd in particular keeping herself busy with clearing tables and loading the dishwasher.
When it came time to say goodbye, both Syd and Gage seemed composed and acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred earlier in the day. They left in Gage's car and headed back to Dallas. It was an unusually quiet drive and when Gage pulled up outside Syd's apartment, she quickly opened the door and stepped out.
"Thanks for the ride Gage. I'll see you Monday."
"Syd..." Gage leaned over the passenger side seat and looked up at his partner before she closed the door.
"Good-bye Gage." Syd's voice was firm. "I'll see you at work."
She shut the door and turned her back, walking swiftly towards her apartment building. Once inside the main door she felt her eyes filling with tears again. Why had she done that? If she had asked Gage would have come up with her and held her close all night, she knew all she needed to do was ask. Sighing, Syd reluctantly headed up the stairs to her home. All this emotion, maybe she just needed a workout.
Gage made no motion to pull away as he watched Syd walk away from the car. She stepped inside the main door of the building and he could see her stop and rest her back against the main door. She had brushed him off, like she had done so many times before, but he held out hope that her stopping at the doorway before charging upstairs meant that she was having second thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, she might give them a chance to explore whatever it was that was building between them. He watched her start to go up the stairs and he sighed, putting the car into gear.
But ever the optimist he smiled to himself. If not today, well then maybe tomorrow.
Part 1
Gage watched in delight as Walker and Alex emerged from their car and walked towards their front porch, a small bundle tucked delicately in Alex's arms. Cheers of happiness and exclamations of joy surrounded him, and he heard his own voice added to the mix of well-wishers. In past few weeks they had lost some important colleagues and friends, and had discovered that their good friend C.D. Parker had in fact been murdered. Trivette had been seriously injured and there had been complications with Alex's pregnancy. Now though, for the first time in a long while, they had something to celebrate.
His partner Syd moved closer to the happy family and reached down to touch baby Angela's delicate face. As Walker put his arm around his wife's shoulders and Trivette clasped hands with his fiancée Erica, Gage resisted the urge to reach down and touch Syd possessively on the back. It was not the first time in recent months that he had had to restrain himself around his partner. And with the events of recent days still painfully fresh in his mind, Gage found it nearly impossible to let her out of his sight.
Things were complicated between him and Sydney, and he knew that he was as much to blame for the confusion as Syd. But since that day just after Walker and Alex's wedding, when Trivette had forced him to think of Syd as a woman, rather than simply his partner, Gage had found himself increasingly comparing all other women to her. And recently on the set of the vampire movie that beautiful actress had told him that it was obvious he had a thing for Syd. Was it obvious? Was it true? Did he really have a 'thing' for her?
He knew that he had strong feelings where she was concerned and he had tried a few times in the past year to let Syd know about his evolving feelings but had received little or no encouragement in the area. He had told her on the set of the vampire movie that he liked having her on the back of his bike and she had retorted that she had her own bike. He had casually said at his high school reunion that he would tell his old girlfriend that he was crazy about someone else to which Syd had not visibly reacted. And the one time he had tried to get her to talk about their kiss after Walker and Alex's wedding, she had kicked him!
But he knew that the feelings were not one-sided, they couldn't be. He remembered how she had tasted that night, almost a year ago now, when she had flung herself into his arms and kissed him, jubilant over the safe landing of the newlywed's plane. He had seen the deep hurt in her eyes when she had tried to help him through his temporary deafness and he had yelled in frustration at her. He was aware of the way she devoted herself to his recovery and supported him in his efforts to learn sign language. He had even heard what she had said to him in the hospital when he was recovering from surgery.
Reviewing all these memories, which had been surfacing unbidden in his mind recently, only left Gage as confused as ever. It was obvious he felt something more than appreciation of a great partnership when it came to Syd. But what exactly it was it that he was feeling remained a mystery to him. All he knew, was that at this moment, surrounded by happy couples and feeling jubilant to be alive, he wished that he could hold Syd the same way that his friends were holding their significant others.
Looking around he realized that the small crowd of the Walker's close family and friends had gone inside and he was standing alone on the porch.
"Gage?" Syd called to him, stepping out the front door, her sunglasses now pushed up onto her head. "Are you coming?"
He met her questioning gaze and catching a strange look on her partner's face, Syd stepped fully outside, shutting the screen door carefully behind her.
"Are you okay Gage?" She asked, concern furrowing her brow.
Gage shook his head as if to clear his thoughts and spoke quietly. "Umm, yeah Syd, I'm fine. Thanks."
"Okay." Syd smiled up at him. "Because inside there is a whole table full of food and when I looked over at it and realized you weren't there..."
"I just don't have much of an appetite right now I guess."
Syd reached up and playfully felt his forehead as if checking for a fever. "Are you sure you're feeling okay? I have never known you not to fill up your plate at one of these things."
He reached for her hand and lowered it from his face. He didn't release her hand immediately but instead kept holding it, steadily looking into eyes, almost willing her to try and understand all the feelings he was having right now. Instantly Syd's arm went rigid and she took a step back from him.
"I, umm, better get back inside. I promised Alex I would look after the refreshments. I should go see if anyone needs more tea." Syd shook her hand free from Gage's and almost bolted from the porch.
Sighing at yet another confusing interface between the two of them, Gage followed her inside a moment later. Alex and the baby were sitting on the sofa, Walker standing beside them beaming like only a proud father can. He saw Syd standing over near the window offering tea to one of the guests in a voice that was almost too bright, too forced.
Her heart racing Syd channelled all her energy into the mundane task of pouring tea. When the pot finished she leapt at the chance to escape the living room where her partner had just entered and brew another pot in the kitchen.
What had just happened? One minute she was playfully teasing Gage, a common pursuit between them, and the next moment he was looking at her with a fever bright intensity that had scared her to death. In his eyes she had seen a mirror of the confusion that often filled her own when she was alone and trying to sort her way through unexplained situations. Never, in all the time she had known Gage, had she seen such raw emotion except maybe for the time that he had lost his hearing and was trying to come to terms with his loss and the senseless death of his high school girl friend.
Pouring the now boiled kettle of water over the teabags, Syd noticed that her hands had thankfully ceased shaking and, taking a deep breathe to steady her nerves, she walked back into the main room. Gage was leaning comfortably against a wall frame, chatting with Trivette and they were laughing amicably over some story. Syd placed the teapot down on the refreshment table and walked over towards Alex and the baby, on the opposite side of the room from her partner.
"She's just beautiful Alex."
"Thank you Sydney. Would you like to hold her?"
"Really? I..uhh..okay, I haven't held many babies before."
Syd settled down on the sofa beside the new mother and Angela, still sleeping, was passed over into Syd's waiting arms. As she held the tiny bundle in her arms and cooed soft little noises at her, Syd felt the unmistakable bulky frame of her partner sit down beside her. Looking up at him, Syd saw no trace of the confused and emotional man she had left on the porch. Instead, Gage was giving her one of his trademark winning grins. She visibly relaxed; things were going to be fine between them
"You're a natural Syd. When are you going to have one of your own?" He commented, to which Syd unsuccessfully tried to elbow Gage in the side. Her sudden movement though, while mostly missing Gage's ribs, had the effect of waking Angela who began to cry, leaving no-one in the room doubting her lung capacity.
"Oh, nice work Gage!" Syd commented, as she passed the infant back to Alex, now standing, who was too anxious to soothe her newborn's cries to worry about why she had started crying in the first place. In reality Syd was angry at herself for giving in to such a foolish impulse. Sometimes Gage seemed to bring out the most childish behaviours in her.
"Me?" Gage asked innocently, raising his hands in the air. "I didn't do anything!"
Syd settled back somewhat grumpily on the sofa, giving Gage a look to let him know she was disgusted with him and that she held him entirely accountable for her actions.
"Don't you look at me that way Syd! You're the one who tried to jab me in the ribs and woke the baby up."
"Well, I wouldn't have wanted to jab you in the ribs if you weren't always trying to tease me."
"I think you like it when I tease you." Gage replied, his voice so low that only Syd could hear.
And before she could stop herself, she replied in a whisper. "And I think you like it when I touch you."
They looked at each other, the silence between them electrically charged, and forgetting where they were they suddenly reached forward and attempted to tickle one another.
"Mercy! Mercy! Stop!" Syd squealed as Gage's fingers made their way to her ribs, and as his tickling subsided she realized that the room was silent, aside from Angela's continued cries, and that all the guests were staring at them. Crimson colour flushing her face, Syd looked away from her closest friends, and standing up mumbled something about needing fresh air and quickly fled the room.
Gage stood up a moment later his own face a brilliant shade of red, and looking anywhere but at Trivette who was now doubled over in laughter, he excused himself from the room and followed Syd outside. Once there he realized that Syd was not on the porch but rather had begun walking toward the large meadow where a couple of Walker's horses were grazing.
"Syd!" he called out to her but received no response. He began to jog after her, ignoring the fact that she had stiffened her shoulders and increased her pace when he had called out to her. "Syd, wait up!"
He quickly caught up with her, and almost regretted his decision to follow her when she turned on him, a maelstrom of fury. If possible, her cheeks were even more crimson than when she had left the house.
"That was the most embarrassing thing you have ever done to me Gage! How can I go back in there and face everyone? We are supposed to be professionals!"
"That I did to you? Listen Syd, you were tickling me too! You think I want to go back in there either; Trivette was killing himself laughing when I left. He is never going to let me hear the end of this. I'll be an old, grey-haired Ranger and he'll still be telling the story of the day I tickled you at Angela's homecoming party. C'mon, I mean when you think about it was kind of funny."
His words, intended to bring humour to the situation, instead elicited even more anger from his partner. Taking her hands off her hips she reached up and pushed Gage, hard, in the chest and, surprised by her actions, he fell backwards with a thud onto the ground.
"It was not funny Gage!" she shouted, her voice cracking. When Gage looked up at her, a quick retort on his lips, he realized that Syd was crying and wisely kept the quip to himself.
"Hey Syd." He spoke softly instead, reaching up to catch one of her hands with his own, and pulling her gently down onto the ground beside him. She came willingly, lowering herself into a kneeling position.
Gage didn't know what to do; he had never seen Syd cry before. She was always so stoic, sometimes she went so far as to look introspective, but never had she dissolved into tears before. This had to be about more than just some stupid, albeit embarrassing, tickling fight.
Sitting up Gage tenderly pulled Syd into an embrace, his strong arms solidly around her petite frame. She was shaking and as he pulled her close to his chest, he could feel her unleash a torrent of tears that she must have been holding in for a very long time. He held her tightly, caressing her back, whispering "shhh" into her hair, until her weeping subsided.
"You okay Syd?" He finally asked when she began to stiffen in his embrace. He released her so that she could move into a sitting position.
She sniffled and nodded her head in response. Gage produced a tissue from his pocket and Syd gratefully accepted it. When she finally looked up at him, her red-rimmed eyes were full of questions Gage wasn't sure that he would be able to answer.
"This isn't just about the stupid tickling thing is it?" Gage asked, already knowing the answer. He wanted to reach out and hold her again, to try and make everything better. Now that she was out of his reach Gage once again felt the confusion of the past few weeks welling up inside him.
"No." Syd's voice sounded so small. "Nothing makes sense any more Gage. All the death and destruction we've just lived through, it was just so pointless. All those innocent people, dead and why – because one man and his friends decided that they could play God. And we almost lost Jimmy and then all the worries about Alex and the baby..."
"I know Syd. I don't know what to say. I wish I could make it make sense but I can't. God knows I've tried."
"Everybody seems to have somebody to help them through it." Syd nodded again, looking down. "I feel so alone." Her thoughts echoing his own, her voice practically a whisper.
"You're not alone Syd. I'm right here." Gage pulled Syd close once more, holding her securely against him as one would hold a frightened child. "I'm right here."
Syd allowed herself to feel safe in his embrace for a moment, and then spoke again. "I know you are Gage. But that frightens me more than anything else. What happens someday when you're not here?"
"Hey, do you know something I don't know?" Gage asked, once again covering up his insecurities with a weak attempt at humour. As Syd managed a tiny smile at his crack, he continued. "I'm not going anywhere Syd; I'll always be here for you."
Syd nodded, knowing that was the best response she could ever hope for from Gage. She was so confused about her feelings for him. He was the best partner a Ranger could ever hope for and he had become her best friend. She trusted him with her life, but could she trust him with her heart? She didn't know and she was too scared to find out. What if he didn't feel the same way that she did?
Oh, she knew he felt something for her. It was always there, just simmering beneath the surface. The way his eyes had sparkled at her when she had walked down the aisle at Walker and Alex's wedding. The way he had looked at her so reverently the night of his reunion and told her she was beautiful. The way he had pulled her to him and kissed her at the biker camp after their successful initiation, even though it had been under the cover that they were a couple. And the way he had commented recently that he kind of liked having her on the back of his bike – Gage was a solo rider, everyone knew that.
So, there was a mutual attraction, but could it ever be more than that? Syd was not sure that she wanted to risk their friendship and partnership for what might amount to no more than a short-lived affair. She had seen Gage's track record with women, he pursued them eagerly, had one or two dates and then the whole thing fizzled out. And her, she hadn't had a long term relationship since joining the Texas Rangers. Not exactly the right formula for a successful relationship.
Syd snuggled in closer to Gage, allowing herself the comfort and security that he offered, however hollow it might be. She knew that he loved her as a friend, and that would have to be enough – she could not, would not, ask for more from him.
Gage closed his eyes as he felt Syd cuddle into him. He wrapped his arms even more firmly around her until their breathing became synchronized. He had been longing to hold her, yearning to touch her and reassure himself of her vitality even since Jensen had been shot on the steps outside Headquarters. He was saddened by the death of their friend but had been admittedly more frightened by the fact that it could just as easily have been Syd. If that bullet had been just a few more inches to the right....
Syd felt a shudder go through Gage and his arms tightened their grip on her as if he was experiencing a painful thought. Pulling her head off his chest and with their faces practically touching, she sought out his gaze and softly asked him if he was alright.
In response Gage closed his eyes, tilted his head slightly and leaning forward placed his lips over hers. Tender and questioning at first, as Syd's lips responded Gage's kiss increased in fervour. When they finally broke apart each was breathing heavily, dazed by the magnitude of their actions and uncertain what to do next.
They sat there on the grass like that, wrapped in each others arms, under the brilliant sunshine of a summer day on Walker's ranch, for what seemed like an eternity.
Gage finally broke the silence. "Wow Syd, that was..."
"No jokes." Syd muttered, pushing away from him, using anger as a tool to avoid having to deal with the deep feelings that the kiss had stirred in her.
"I'm not trying to joke Syd." Gage's voice was serious and Syd allowed herself to look at him. "That was incredible."
"Oh." Syd could feel herself blushing. "Well, you weren't too bad yourself."
"Now who's joking around?" Gage said as he stood and offered a hand to Syd to pull her up. She uncharacteristically took his hand and allowed him to assist her to a standing position. "I mean it Syd. Thank you for letting me in, thank you for letting me get so close to you. I...I know how important it is for you to be strong, to be in control. That kiss doesn't have to mean anything more than you want it to."
"Okay." Syd nodded, unsure what to say, even a little disappointed. Could he just forget about the passion they had just shared if she asked him to? She wasn't sure that she'd be able to forget.
"I hope that you know just how extraordinary I think you are, and that I would never, ever, do anything to hurt you."
Syd felt herself glowing at Gage's words and looking down she took Gage's hand in her own and said "Thank you Gage. You are pretty special yourself. "
And then, releasing his hand, she began walking back towards the ranch house.
"C'mon Gage, everyone will be wondering where we are if we don't get back soon." She called to him as he seemed to dawdle behind her. A couple of quick jogging steps later he caught up with her and they walked in comfortable silence, each of them feeling more alive than they had in weeks.
When they arrived back at the Walker's, Gage held the door and Syd stepped in first. Prepared for the laughter or the questions of the other guests, Syd was surprised when the crowd merely acknowledged their return and carried on their conversations. Syd headed straight over to Alex and Walker to apologize for their outburst, while Gage strode towards the snack table his appetite apparently in good working order again.
Alex graciously accepted Syd's apology and Walker gave her a funny look, but also accepted. No doubt she and Gage were in for some unpleasant duties in the next few weeks until Walker felt that they had learned their lesson. When she turned around to look for Gage she saw that he had been cornered by Jimmy.
As she approached the two Rangers she realized that Gage's prediction that Trivette would never let him live it down was not far off the mark. Jimmy was making some wisecrack about not realizing that the Walker's baby homecoming party had also included entertainment from the 'baby' members of the Ranger team. Syd approached the two, and bravely taking Gage's hand in front of Jimmy, announced that it was only a very sexy man, assured of his status as a mature male, that would risk tickling her and live to tell the tell. As Jimmy's mouth dropped open, Syd led Gage away by the hand and into the kitchen by telling him that she needed help with the lemonade.
"Did you see that? Did you hear that?" The couple could hear Trivette spluttering as they escaped into the kitchen.
"Yes dear, calm down." They could hear Erica trying to placate him. Trivette would be struggling to explain what had just happened for a long time; to an audience that knew only too well how much he liked to exaggerate.
"That was great!" Gage exclaimed once the kitchen door had shut. "You were wonderful!" He was jubilant and grinning from ear to ear, having finally been part of a winning team that had trounced Trivette at his own game. He hated to let go of Syd's small hand but he did, bringing both hands up to capture each side of her smiling face, leaning it to kiss her soundly on the lips just as Alex walked in.
"Oh!" she exclaimed when she realized what she had just walked in on. "I am so sorry...I had no idea that you two..."
Syd instantly pushed away from Gage and began busying herself with a pitcher of lemonade. If Syd had seen the look on Gage's face she would have felt immediately sorry for her actions. But she did not look up, Gage had given her the control of the situation and she was determined to maintain that power, even if it meant hurting one or both of them.
Gage recovered quickly. "Oh no, Alex, it's not what you think. We were just fooling around, happy about a joke we played on Trivette. Don't mind us. Syd, you want some help carrying that tray?" And reaching beside his partner he lifted the tray laden with large pitcher of lemonade and matching glasses and headed out the door, as Syd, her head still down held the door open and then followed Gage back into the living room.
When her husband walked in a moment later, carrying their tiny infant in his arms, Alex filled him on what she had just witnessed. "Oh Walker, Gage said they were just fooling around but it seemed like so much more. If you had seen Syd's face..."
"They are very close." Walker commented, passing Angela to her mother. "I didn't know though that they might be exploring a relationship outside of their partnership. I hope they aren't, it's generally against regulations and feelings beyond that of partners could jeopardize their ability to work together safely."
"I'm not sure that they are Walker, but something is definitely going on."
"Well, we've all been through a lot in recent weeks. Gage and Sydney are both single and have only had each other to turn to for support, while we have had each other and Trivette has had Erica to look after him. It must be hard for them; I remember what it was like to feel so alone."
"I do too Walker, I do too. But now..." Alex looked down at her newborn baby as her husband put his arm around her shoulder, "I have never felt more fulfilled in my life."
"Well Alex, we should do what we can to help Sydney and Gage through this tough time. I must admit that I have been rather pre-occupied and haven't given them much thought. But as their senior officer I should be looking out not just for their physical welfare, but also their emotional wellbeing. I think I'll schedule them both appointments on Monday with the psychologist on staff. Hopefully that will help them to sort through whatever it is they are feeling."
Alex nodded in agreement at her husband's plan. She wasn't sure that agreed with Walker that it would be dangerous for Sydney and Gage to have feelings for each other beyond that of partners; in fact she had actually thought for a long time that the two young Rangers were well suited to one another. However, Walker was their boss, and it was up to him to make the decisions that affected how his team ran. If she began to see though that Gage and Sydney were becoming more than partners, she would let her husband know her thoughts on the subject.
Walker and Alex headed back into the living room, the reason for Alex popping into the kitchen in first place completely forgotten, and settled themselves back down among their family and friends. The party began to dissipate in about a half-hour, the well-wishers wanting to give the new family time alone. Trivette and Erica, Sydney and Gage stayed until the end, Syd in particular keeping herself busy with clearing tables and loading the dishwasher.
When it came time to say goodbye, both Syd and Gage seemed composed and acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred earlier in the day. They left in Gage's car and headed back to Dallas. It was an unusually quiet drive and when Gage pulled up outside Syd's apartment, she quickly opened the door and stepped out.
"Thanks for the ride Gage. I'll see you Monday."
"Syd..." Gage leaned over the passenger side seat and looked up at his partner before she closed the door.
"Good-bye Gage." Syd's voice was firm. "I'll see you at work."
She shut the door and turned her back, walking swiftly towards her apartment building. Once inside the main door she felt her eyes filling with tears again. Why had she done that? If she had asked Gage would have come up with her and held her close all night, she knew all she needed to do was ask. Sighing, Syd reluctantly headed up the stairs to her home. All this emotion, maybe she just needed a workout.
Gage made no motion to pull away as he watched Syd walk away from the car. She stepped inside the main door of the building and he could see her stop and rest her back against the main door. She had brushed him off, like she had done so many times before, but he held out hope that her stopping at the doorway before charging upstairs meant that she was having second thoughts. Maybe, just maybe, she might give them a chance to explore whatever it was that was building between them. He watched her start to go up the stairs and he sighed, putting the car into gear.
But ever the optimist he smiled to himself. If not today, well then maybe tomorrow.