Well, Dib, you wretched beast, here I am again.

75 years today. Can you believe it, human?

75 years on this planet.

I brought you roses. There's some kind of stupid rule that says I can't plant them, but watch me not care. Hah. Weeds may grow wild here, but they won't let ME plant flowers. Well, I don't care. I pay unreasonable amounts for the priviledge of keeping you here.

So this time I AM planting them. And if anyone dares remove them I'll rain unholy doom on them all.

There. That's much better. At least SOMETHING lives here now.

...

I can't do this, Dib.

I know, I say that every year. But I really mean it this time.

I'm lonely, and I miss you. I suppose I've no one to blame but myself. Caring for the enemy- for a stinking human! my mortal foe!- even though I knew all along. I knew it. It was worth it, I guess. But it was so hard to let go of you. Your childhood, your teenage years... those years were mine, but Dib... curse you, Dib, it's growing dim... You feel so far away now! Even my amazing memory is developing holes. I'm slipping. I can't remember the name of the skool we met in. I can't remember half the faces of the monsters we went to class with. All I remember is you.

I wish you hadn't... no, I can't say that. That's not fair. When you married her you it really did make you happy. By that point... well. Of course I hated it. Of course it hurt. Of course I was jealous. You were MINE FIRST! But stupidly, somehow, I wanted your happiness to supercede my desires. How very wrong I was. How many years did I lose to that foolishness. Years WE could have had, Dib.

Your son looks so much like you. I've been tempted, especially now that he's grown up and in his prime. He just turned 21 six months ago. I sometimes think about arranging an abduction. Messing with his brains. Making him fear me as you once did, so long ago. It's horrible, Dib. I look at him and I see you, your eyes, your hair, your face, your hands. I remember how it felt to have you under me...not buried and silent like you are now. Breathing, shivering, muscles clenched, crying out greedily for more...

I decimated one of your pathetic cities today, Dib. I killed at least fifty thousand humans in one day alone. I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't like that. But I just can't... I just can't hold back any longer. There's nothing left for me here. Why shouldn't I make this stupid world burn at last? The only thing that held me back for this long was you.

Now you're gone. You left a hole in me. And I can be satisfied with nothing less than the grief of all living things on this world as compensation for my loss. Everyone will share the suffering that I feel, trying to slog through this pointless life without you.

Hate me, Dib. Don't forgive me for this trespass. I delayed it as long as I could bear. But I can take no more. And when we meet again once I leave this sad excuse of a reality, then we can fight again, for you'll have MUCH to avenge. I'll make sure of that.

I can't wait to see you again.
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Originally written November 2003: a million times more relevant to me now.

jrandomlurker(at)yahoo.com