hi everybody, this is akari again. this is 'colours' revisited, as i decided to have the first seven chapters checked and edited before continuing with chapter eight. for those who joined later: this is my first attempt at an 'escaflowne-fic as well as at a continuation. i planned twelve chapters in total. classic pairing included, perspective is going to be first person singular

please pay attention: this story starts on a very dark tone. i needed to work out the difference between light and darkness, happiness and despair. you'll see what i mean when you read on. this is why the first chapter is starting out very dark, but what happens in it is really impor-tant for the development of my heroine, this is why i had to add it. in the course of the story everything lightens up. i decided to write this because i wanted a soppy romance, so this is what it is going to be later on!

anyway, a warning: people who are easily offended by the matters suicide, violence and depression, should NOT read on! i lifted the rating as high as i considered necessary, but the final decision is up to you.

i don't own any of the characters introduced in this story; they belong to kawamori – sensei and co. the plot, however, is my own idea, so please no plagiarism. if you find any mistakes, please tell me and i'll be glad to correct them.

three cheers for my beta reader, RyRy, who did an incredible job on this fic. there were a lot of mistakes to buff out. thank you!!!

enjoy! cheers, akari

Colours

Chapter 1

Blood

The red blob in front of my eyes started to dissolve into whirls of bloody fog. At the same time I became kind of air-headed. "That's it," shot through my mind, "this is how it begins." I made a conscious effort to relax. Maybe it would be painful, but I didn't consider this prize too high for finally being able to find peace and tranquility.

Maybe I really was lunatic.

My mother's face appeared in front of my inner eye. She looked like I had known her for the last couple of years. Her features were tense with suppressed rage in her eyes and a deep frown decorating her forehead, completely hiding the docile woman in whose care I grew up. I imagined her hoarse voice ringing in my head. Pull yourself together, Hitomi. Stop chasing fancies and get a life! Fancies, daydreams and chimeras. That's what my experiences on Gaia from five years ago have been? In the beginning, when every experience was still fresh, I would have kept trying to convince her of the opposite. With missionary eagerness I had offered her proof, I had pleaded with her to listen to me, but to no avail. Her answers always ran along the lines of 'dreamer' and 'crazy', all accompanied by the threat of consulting a psychiartrist in case I didn't stop.

The surge of anger and impatience in me subsided as quickly as it had occurred. The floating feeling I experienced made me calm and forgiving. Maybe I wouldn't have been able to believe myself as well.

In addition, Mother had her own emotional load to carry. The man she was living with was a drinker. Whenever he was pissed he became violent and occasionally manhandled her. In spite of that she did not find it in her to leave him. It already hurt enough to see her suffer under her screwed up relationship. For months I had hoped to be able to stay with her and support her. I clung to my belief that I would finally make her see that she wasted her life, and I'd wanted to help her chuck the asshole out.

My hope was in vain. Instead, he started beating me, too. Still, I bore with it. Just a singular occurrence, his hand only 'slipped'; this is what he had assured us and had asked for forgiveness with tears in his eyes. He'd never attack anybody again; what's more, he'd stop drinking and everything would be fine again. Mother believed him. I decided to believe him as well. I even did when it happened once more; it happened on that memorable day when he smashed Mother's head against the kitchen table and beat the crap out of me so that I had sported bruises and cuts all over my body for days. Only when he hit me for the third time did I move out. Get a life.

It's funny how exactly this is what Yukari kept telling me as well. Her face popped into my mind. Although ... that would be the face she used to have five years ago, before she moved to the United States with Amano. Shortly after I returned from my 'adventures' on the war-ridden planet, when I was off for a few days with my track team, she suddenly disappeared without properly saying goodbye. When I came back she was already gone. She left a note, though, explaining why exactly she needed to leave in such a hurry. It had something to do with a good opportunity to enroll in school as well as a favourable flight connection. As a postscript she had promised to write soon.

Later I found out that 'soon' meant a three month delay. The wedding picture was enclosed. We made a short-term decision to get married; thus it's much easier for me to obtain a visa. Sorry about not telling you earlier, we figured our friends would have a hard time attending the ceremony. Be sure I'll make it up to you by inviting you soon. The announced invitation never came. Looking back, I'm not even sure I'd have accepted it. The disappointment was something I never really got over. Er, by the way, did you know we got married?

THAT used to be MY dream, marrying Amano, but I had been planning to have all my family, friends and relations come to our celebration. That had been my girlish dream for years. Look where it got me ...

Now it was Gran's face that swam by in my imagination. Hitomi, believe in your dreams. You can make them true, just try hard and don't stop believing. The corners of my mouth started to twitch (whether from a mad urge to either laugh or cry, I couldn't figure) when I thought of the one person who would have believed my Gaian experiences. She would have given me the strength to carry on, as she had always done. She had died on me years ago, though, after a long and futile struggle against cancer. Forgive me, Gran, I don't have any dreams left.

My inner eye kept becoming unfocussed and fading. I felt like sliding towards a lighted spot which was hovering in the distance. Slowly I closed my eyes while feeling my life seeping out of my body, along with my blood. There was no hurt; alcohol as well as painkillers made sure of that.

The speck of light melted into a figurine form of a radiant, inhumanely beautiful being. The smile that appeared on my lips was true this time and fully directed at somebody who had been closest to my heart, but whom, ironically, I had never been able to reach all the time. My lips were moving, forming his name. Van.

He was walking, no, gliding, in my direction, smiling. Oh, Van, I can see you did learn how to smile while I was away... are you happy? Are you... thinking of me, like I do about you? He had assumed the form I had given him in my dreams: a scrawny, lanky man in his twenties, wearing his unavoidable red top, with unruly bangs falling into his face, almost covering half of it. Intense, wild eyes were glinting with the passion he applied to everything he did. The only difference to the "real" Van was probably, that the gaze of my dream lover was not sad at all, but sparkled with mirth, and a mischievous twinkle in the corners of his eyes addded to his charm.

He spread his arms invitingly, and I lost no time in running towards him, while every cell of my body was bent in his direction. It was high time I met him again, I'd missed him too much. How often had I tried to contact him? I had called out for him in my mind, I had even restarted tarot cards; I had actually stared at the Ace of Serpents for hours while thinking of him. Alas, nothing had happened, and gradually I had lost my faith. As long as we both share our feelings; as long as we sleep under the same stars, I'll find you and hold you in my dreams.

"I'm sorry, love," I murmured, "we can't meet again. Gods, how much I'd love to see you once more ..." For the first time this evening I felt pain, caused by my memories. It's all my fault. I should have stayed with him.

More light poured out of the hazy ball which in the meantime had reached me. It enveloped my whole body and made me hover a few inches over the earth. This was it. I summoned my last shreds of strength and concentrated on Van's features; I wanted him to be the last thing I saw in this life. Finally I entrusted myself to the light.

Warmth. Gravity. Darkness.

My consciousness was slowly kicking back into working mode. I was floating in perfect silence. My senses did not transmit impulses of any kind to my brain. I had to be dead.

They were supposed to find my body someday. I wondered whether they'd figure out what happened, or whether it would be in the newspaper like: 20 – year – old found dead in her apartment / circumstances of her death unclear / police are still investigating...?

Either way was possible. I had been living alone. Mother rarely came to visit me since the day she had lost her ability to handle me. Apart from her, there was hardly anyone who was going to miss me.

All of a sudden I felt pity for whoever would find me lying in the tub. There was bound to be an awful lot of blood, and personally I don't think I would be able to stand the sight. Kanzaki Hitomi has never been able to do things properly, and on her own no less. I can't even die without making a mess for everybody! Maybe I should have stepped into the sea, so that my body should never have been found at all? But I knew this had been out of question. Until the very last moment I had still hoped for something to rescue me and prevent my death from actually happening.

I tried to move my fingers. At this point I should be a bodiless soul floating around in Nirvana or even Hell. After all I might even be reborn, and this time I would make sure to do everything right from my first day of existence! Curiously I decided to look around. Too bad I wouldn't have a chance of telling anybody what heaven is like. I bet some scientists would die to know (no pun intended!!).

My arm hurt.

Hang on, I'm not supposed to feel anything when I'm dead, or am I?

At first I strained all of my non-existent muscles; secondly I ventured to open my heavy eyelids, waiting for my irises to adjust to the light flooding in on my senses. I seemed to be in a vast room with a high ceiling. The curtained windows dimmed the otherwise broad daylight. Dark wooden joists crisscrossed my view. Over my head I stared at an old-fashioned canopy on four polished posters.

A hospital?

I was... alive?

I didn't recognize either the furniture or the room, so I started to move my eyes to the left and right. A gigantic desk sat in one of the corners, one of the walls was lined with an ancient-looking chest, a couple of puffed-up chairs stood around – but still nothing familiar. I finally lifted my chin to catch a glimpse at my bed. Being adorned with intricate carvings it had the air of a very valuable piece of furniture. Something like a coat of arms seemed to be embedded in the middle of the headboard. It reminded me of something I had seen before, but before I could associate its shape with a certain memory, a dark cloud blinded me again into unconsciousness.

I woke up from someone approaching my bed. This time I felt so exhausted I could barely stay awake. I decided not to open my eyes and settled for trying to speak. It was difficult to coordinate my lip movement, and I only managed: "Where ...?" Since it was barely as loud as a whisper, the person in this room would most probably not have perceived anything at all, so I started a second attempt. My mouth had hardly opened when I felt cool fingers touch my lips and forbid me to speak. I could tell from the gentleness of the touch that I didn't have to fear anything, this was not supposed to be an attack. Quite the contrary: the ligering presence enveloped me like a warm blanket, soothing and protective. It was a presence I have not felt for a very long time; someone whom I have wanted near me for ages and whom I haven't ever hoped of seeing again in person...

My eyes snapped open in a desperate attempt to have my presentiment comfirmed, but once again my vision was reduced to mere shadows and moving blurs. I drew a deep breath and attempted to force my vocal chords to work properly: "VAN!!!" Well, I should have known. There was no effect whatsoever. In my frustration and in order to prevent tears from forming in my eyes, I pinched my eyes shut. His cool fingers slid from my mouth to my forehead. I was able to define him from his every little movement. His aura was distinct from every other's: a unique mixture of ever-present sadness, warmth, tenderness, passion, power... and... anger? I wanted to speak to him, see him, feel him so badly, but my exhaustion was stronger and made me drift back to sleep.

A storm of questions would have to be answered, but the most urgent of questions was: What had happened? How did I get here? Because of one thing I was now positively convinced:

I was back on Gaia.

To Be Continued ...

congrats! you've survived her darkest hour; from now on it'll get better steadily. stick with her, and you'll find out where she's headed now that she's back. there are hard times coming up, but although i like to put my heroes through their paces i'm not as evil as to deny them their hard-earned happy ending ...

next chapter might take some time, because i have to fix one of my stories on after i am finished with that you may expect chapter two of "colours". if you like, that is.

cheers, akari yes, i know these two paragraphs lack capitals ... ;-)