Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. The credit belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. Any similarities to other works that are not mine, published or fanfiction, are unintentional.
Sleep never did come easy to Sasuke. He doubted it ever would.
As a child, it did. He would sleep, with the warm and fuzzy feeling deep down inside knowing that his family was strong, his brother stronger, and they'd protect him if anything ever went wrong. Besides, how could anything ever happen? They had the genius of the Uchiha clan, Itachi, his older brother who he looked up so much to, admired, and strived to be like. So Sasuke was able to sleep, snuggling in his spacious, comfortable bed, under the warm blankets, with peace of mind, knowing that he was safe. Life was good, and nothing would change that.
He was wrong.
After the Uchiha massacre, everything was just wrong. His bed was still comfortable and the blankets were still warm, but it just should not smell so much of blood, even when the bodies were properly buried and the house meticulously cleaned, scrubbed to leave not a trace of red. True, all remnants of That Night had been removed. The Uchiha manor had long since been aired out and the sickening stench had dispersed. So why did the essence of blood still linger after so long?
The nightmares plagued him, every night. A sick replay of That Night still played over and over in his head. Whenever Sasuke dreamed, nothing but the images of his non-immediate family, lying on the streets, their eyes lifeless and lifeblood oozing from their wounds, dealt so severely they did not live a second longer. Then came the images of his parents, sprawled atop each other, and the blood… the blood was flowing across the floor, across the wooden floorboards of a room in his house he had known so well. Never had Sasuke given the notion of this ever happening the least bit of consideration. Never had he entertained the idea of Itachi being the one behind all this; never giving it even the slightest time of the day.
And he was. Measuring stick? Just something to test himself?! Didn't his blood relations mean anything to him? That was why Sasuke swore to kill him, to make him pay for killing their family; their entire clan. He would make him pay, to dare use the Sharingan, the bloodright of the Uchihas, against one of his own. He would not stop until it was down at his feet his brother was lying, there by Sasuke's own hand. And he would not rest until Itachi was dead.
These thoughts alone were enough to keep him up.
Gone was the initial sense of security and what came to replace it was heightened alertness and wariness… for you could never be sure when danger would next strike. Especially now; now that he was alone, that was just another reason to be more prudent. Who knew if an intruder would enter at night; who would subdue him or her if they did get in? There was no one left except him to do so. There was no one left to make sure he was safe. True to his role, he was a ninja, and they could never be too careful. If Sasuke ever hoped to surpass Itachi, then he would have to become stronger than him. But just if only it was easier said than done…
Of course, it wasn't to say that Sasuke didn't sleep at all. He did, but he was simply a light sleeper, that's all. He wasn't like Gaara or other insomniacs. He just wouldn't lapse into a deep, undisturbed sleep, instead waking up at the softest of sounds and smallest of disturbances. Either that or he wouldn't fall asleep at all, instead lying awake, mind plagued with thoughts that he didn't want, be it paranoia for his safety, images that weren't there of That Night, the sense of That Night, ever lingering in the air, or his ever burdening goal of defeating his brother.
Needless to say, many a nights Sasuke would wake up or get up from not being able to sleep, restless and irritated, annoyed at the lack of sleep he was getting, whether it was being jolted awake by a whisper of the wind or another tear inducing nightmare. He needed to be properly rested in order to train effectively the next day, but much to his chagrin there was nothing he could do about it. Other nights, Sasuke would toss and turn about on his bed, unable to sleep; in all its amenity it could never really successfully lull him to sleep.
And when he simply would not fall asleep, Sasuke would climb out of bed, feeling unpleasantly heated and peeved. The window would open and he would stand, perched atop the balcony, staring at the stars against the black velvet that was the night sky.
Funny how it never offered the slightest bit of solace.
Perhaps it was a relief that his problem never revealed itself to the rest of the world; shadows would never show under his eyes and his body would never betray signs of fatigue, but in all honesty, Sasuke was tired. Tired of being the tragic genius, last of the Uchihas, tired of his own constant mantra, imposing on himself the goal of ridding the existence of Itachi and restoring his clan, tired of being the dream boy of every girl in Konoha and relentlessly pursued in his own right, tired of being so wanted yet labeled unattainable, tired of being pitied by everyone who looked his way, and tired of even, life itself. Sometimes it just came to a point where he was just tired of being Uchiha Sasuke. And most of all, he was just tired from insomnia.
If anyone ever noticed, he'd never hear the end of it. He already had enough people fawning over him. Sasuke neither wanted nor needed more.
And then, of course, there were missions. These, most of all, would never be reprieve from anything. Missions required the utmost attention, caution, strength, skill and stamina. It was what training for a ninja was all about – this was the focus of their career. And then there would be the loudmouthed blonde idiot to deal with, a devout, pink-haired fangirl, and the teacher, ever the nonchalant one. Well, no matter. It didn't matter how trivial a mission was, or how utterly perturbing his team could be sometimes; it was merely classified as training and that was the end of that.
Unfortunately, some missions requested their presence overnight, and sometimes for an extended period as well. Spending time with his team was bothersome enough; he didn't need more of it. Naruto was simply being himself – loud, obnoxious, and unable to do much else except shoot off at the mouth. Undeniably, he was strong and developing quickly, but Sasuke didn't need to say it to his face and he certainly wasn't planning to either. Letting Naruto think that he might possibly regard him as a worthy rival would make him cockier than ever, and Naruto wasn't stronger than him… yet…
Sasuke would always try to rid his mind of the last sentiment. Never, Naruto would never be stronger than him. He simply wouldn't… couldn't, let him.
Sakura, as always, would be trying to win his affection. It impressed him a lot less with all she was trying to impress him with, and it'd actually impress him more if she'd just forget about him to train herself, but he definitely didn't want to give her another reason to keep trying. It wouldn't be sincere anyways, and frankly, Sasuke didn't want to give her the idea that he showed any interest in her, because in all honesty, he didn't. That didn't say that he deemed her totally inferior. She was intelligent, and he respected and acknowledged her for that. That was a given.
And it was almost infuriating how little Kakashi-sensei seemed to care, but Kakashi was Kakashi, and THAT obviously wasn't going to change.
Those troubles alone would rid his thoughts on insomnia, but it'd always come back to haunt him.
Some missions only needed them to be up for a lengthy period of time, which Sasuke had no problems with. He wouldn't nod off while on watch or doze off while waiting, simply because he just would not sleep.
Others were actually the leave-Konoha-and-sleep-somewhere-else type. Sasuke never found those particularly enjoyable. It was either they set up camp outside or find accommodations elsewhere. Usually the latter was more appealing, so a shelter would be sought. Sasuke wasn't too keen on sleeping on grass and dirt himself… there wasn't any time to properly wash oneself off, and wandering around for the rest of the day caked with dirt and sweat was none too gratifying. Though the beds would not be of a better source of comfort than his own, after all, a hard, lumpy bed surely wouldn't help him sleep much more than his own would, it was better than nothing. Unfortunately, spending the night at an inn, or a patron kind enough to offer them shelter, meant he needed to share a room, and in some cases, bed, with Naruto.
And then they'd both bicker and complain about it needlessly, even though they full well knew there was no way of getting out of it. And even though Kakashi knew they knew, he'd tell them anyway, that they couldn't spend unnecessary amounts of money on rooms, or that if someone was kind enough to offer rooms and bedding, they shouldn't be complaining anyways, and besides, it was unlikely they'd have all that many rooms available to lend out.
They usually got two rooms, three if they could muster it. Sakura would have her own – she was the only female, and Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke would share the other. In most cases there would only be one bed and three people most certainly would not fit, much less comfortably. There'd be more bickering and complaining, and some fighting too, but after a minor dispute they'd eventually settle who slept where. Someone would surely have to take the floor.
On luckier occasions – if you could call it that at all – Kakashi would get the third room, leaving Naruto and Sasuke to share. That, or Kakashi-sensei would be away for the night. At that Sasuke knew he wouldn't get so much a wink of sleep in that night. Who knows what the blonde would do in his sleep… snore loudly, punch and kick, flail around, talk aloud in his sleep, drool, sleepwalk, or god forbid, have a wet dream.
So Naruto would grumble, Sasuke would look pissed, Sakura would give them both worried side glances, and Kakashi-sensei would appear to be inordinately amused. Sasuke just hated that look, as if he saw all and knew all. If he did, then he ought to be able to see that this wouldn't help his sleeping problems at all.
Time it came finally to turn in, and they would bid each other good night. Sasuke would dread the forthcoming night, as Naruto and himself washed up, changed into their nightclothes, and gave each other complementary glares as they scrambled underneath the covers. Would Naruto do something stupidly childish, like hog the blankets or something of the like? Would he get brutally attacked by wayward limbs in the middle of the night? Would he invade all of his personal space, or push him off the bed? Sasuke didn't really want to find out.
But surprisingly, he didn't. The blonde fell asleep fast enough, back turned. His breathing fell to a rhythmic pace, never erratic, but not too loud, either. There was no snoring like he feared (or moving. Or whatever else he had been afraid of), and for that Sasuke could relax.
The bed was ridiculously small and cramped, Sasuke thought dimly, all too aware how heavy his eyelids were becoming. His back was pressed right up against Naruto's, due to the lack of space on the bed, and heat radiated off of him like the sun, but not as intense. It was more a 'nice' kind of warmth, one where you could bask in it and never worry about being burnt. It wasn't overly shocking, with his sunny disposition and all, and to tell the truth, it was a relief from the cold he was so used to.
Funny how he seemed to be able to drop off to sleep now, when he thought that the person next to him would only agitate his insomnia. Briefly he thought how wonderfully warm it was, how the bed was really not as stiff, and how much he liked that feeling of falling into sleep, at long last.
Konoha's raven-haired number one rookie fell asleep relatively quickly that night. And much as he hated to admit it, Naruto helped – not in a perverted sense or anything, but his being there did. Damned if he knew why the idiot would have helped, but even that confused him, because he didn't have an answer.
And so That First Night had passed without much tussle. Sakura seemed astonished that the two of them emerged alive that morning. Kakashi-sensei didn't. Once again, Sasuke didn't like that. That man always acted like he knew something they didn't. Or in this case, something Sasuke didn't. And it bothered him to no end.
Without Sasuke ever knowing it, the happenings of one night when he was young was replaced with the memory of the first time he'd had to share a bed with Naruto. That Night never referred to the Uchiha massacre again. The wound seemed to close up a little bit more whenever he was close to him; his barriers flaking a little bit more. Yet he didn't know why.
So now, whenever there was an overnight mission, Sasuke looked forward to them. Not that he was looking forward to 'sleeping with Naruto' – that just sounded plain wrong – but he just thought of it as a chance to finally be able to sleep better. The nightmares became fewer and he'd never have to lie around blinking. Insomnia never seemed to be a problem when Naruto was next to him.
That didn't mean that he didn't pretend to be disagreeable at having to share a bed with the idiot. He had an image to maintain, damn, and he certainly wasn't going to shuck it to sleep better.
And every time those nights rolled around, Sasuke relished those moments, few as they were, at being able to fall into a deep, unfettered sleep without a care in the world. Because who cared about intruders and people out for his life… that didn't matter, he could just sleep in peace. He had comrades who he could rely on and Sasuke no longer needed to fear that no one was watching his back.
Because – face it – he did care about Naruto and he didn't really mind his company. And Sakura and Kakashi-sensei were there for him too, and they were a team, and teams work together, right? And they looked out for each other, no matter how dire the situation.
Though sometimes it seemed to come to a point where no one else mattered except Naruto. Dumb as he was, he had a way of making anyone happy and Sasuke had to confess that Naruto really was making a difference. Because every time they moved closer… Naruto's sun would melt a bit more ice that was Sasuke's past, and he would forget, forget about his due, duty, and a little of his title. He would become more 'Sasuke' and less of the avenger he swore to be, a little less of a genius, the last of the Uchihas, a little less everyone's favourite heartthrob. He'd just be himself.
So whenever he lay there, back propped against Naruto's, sleep would come more easily than it had ever. And Sasuke could sleep.
And for that, he was thankful.
(can't sleep without you by my side)
Comments: Originally I had it in mind to write one of those sharing-a-bed scenarios, but they got too cliché, and let's face it, mine didn't compare to some of the other ones I've read. So this spawned instead: a take on how Sasuke might think. It didn't really turn out how I wanted it, though...
Unoriginal title too, I know, but nothing else fits. =)
Comments, suggestions, and constructive criticism will be appreciated.