A/N This was sort of written as a joke, so don't expect any actual thinking or plot depth. Full of bad puns and lame jokes, it just sort of brings out the essence of r/h-ness, and how with two people that crazy, their way of ending up together will be ANYTHING but the usual. Does that make sense? I hope not. Anyway, I've only got time for this chapter and maybe one more cuz I'm leaving on the 30th and I have another fic to try and post one more chapter for. Yes, I was an idiot and posted two at once. This happens often, the idiot thing. I'll be back around August first. Ok, well, love it, hate it, or not care a bit, it's all the same to me, so long as you review. ;) Oh, by the way, I wrote this before OOTP came out, so it's sort of AU.
The Beginning
Hermione sighed. It was going to be a very long flight. All she could think about was Ron.
"Like that's anything new," thought Hermione bitterly. For quite some time now she had had Ron on the brain. "Well, it's not MY fault he's mad at me!" She whispered to herself huffily. With a small sigh, she realized how unconvincing she sounded, even to herself. For what seemed like the thousandth time, she ran over the past month's events in her head. Hermione lay her head on the window of the plane as she recalled her first owl from Ron…..
Dear Hermione,
Hi. How's summer? Hope you're not going to that crummy Krum's place for holiday. (A/N and so the puns begin.) He is SUCH a jerk! He doesn't really like you. He's just using you to get to Harry so he can hand him over to Voldemort. It's not like he's actually in love with you, you know? Well, talk to you later!
- Ron
"Well, short and to the point," Hermione reflected, conveniently leaving out the word 'sweet'. The rest of the summer had been much the same, until she was so fed up with Ron that decided to take Victor up on his offer for a week out of spite. She now realized what a horrid decision that had been, and not just because of the bad airline food. She missed Ron terribly, even though he had been such a jerk. "Oh well. What's done is done, and I can't go back now," Hermione said aloud, while several people nearby looked at her as though she had just eaten a canary cream or ton tongue toffee. "Um, oops," she whispered, somehow managing to turn the unique Weasley shade of red. "Might as well take a nap before Victor picks me up at the Bulgarian airport, she contemplated, shuddering slightly.
Two hours later Hermione woke up from a horrible nightmare involving Ron killing Vicky from Loveboat. "Hmm," she thought. "What a strange dream. Wonder how I got that one…" The plane was conveniently landing, so she prepared get off. As she nervously walked off the ramp, she couldn't find Victor anywhere. Out of the blue, a clown grabbed her and tried to shove her rapidly and roughly into a small car. Fortunately, Hermione's luggage wouldn't quite fit, and she had the time to turn around and give the clown a bop in his red rubber nose. Letting out a string of curse words, he stepped into a streetlamp and knocked off his own hat and wig. Hermione gasped as she got a good look at the offending clown.
"SHHH!!!" He whispered loudly, shoving a hand in front of her mouth to keep her from screaming his name in surprise. "I'm in disguise! Isn't it brilliant, Her-my-oh-ninny?" He looked very proud as he massaged his nose.
Hermione could only nod and gasp "Victor! You startled me! I'm SO SO sorry!"
"It's ok, Her-my-own," he choked out after she patted him on the back in a manner she apparently found soothing. "I have to be in disguise so we're not mobbed," he explained in a condescending tone that Hermione found more than slightly irritating. As she glared at him, Victor stared back, with a bit of a gleam in his eye that made Hermione very nervous. She was trying to think of an escape route as he leaned towards her when suddenly a familiar voice piped up from behind her.
"Hi guys!"
The Beginning
Hermione sighed. It was going to be a very long flight. All she could think about was Ron.
"Like that's anything new," thought Hermione bitterly. For quite some time now she had had Ron on the brain. "Well, it's not MY fault he's mad at me!" She whispered to herself huffily. With a small sigh, she realized how unconvincing she sounded, even to herself. For what seemed like the thousandth time, she ran over the past month's events in her head. Hermione lay her head on the window of the plane as she recalled her first owl from Ron…..
Dear Hermione,
Hi. How's summer? Hope you're not going to that crummy Krum's place for holiday. (A/N and so the puns begin.) He is SUCH a jerk! He doesn't really like you. He's just using you to get to Harry so he can hand him over to Voldemort. It's not like he's actually in love with you, you know? Well, talk to you later!
- Ron
"Well, short and to the point," Hermione reflected, conveniently leaving out the word 'sweet'. The rest of the summer had been much the same, until she was so fed up with Ron that decided to take Victor up on his offer for a week out of spite. She now realized what a horrid decision that had been, and not just because of the bad airline food. She missed Ron terribly, even though he had been such a jerk. "Oh well. What's done is done, and I can't go back now," Hermione said aloud, while several people nearby looked at her as though she had just eaten a canary cream or ton tongue toffee. "Um, oops," she whispered, somehow managing to turn the unique Weasley shade of red. "Might as well take a nap before Victor picks me up at the Bulgarian airport, she contemplated, shuddering slightly.
Two hours later Hermione woke up from a horrible nightmare involving Ron killing Vicky from Loveboat. "Hmm," she thought. "What a strange dream. Wonder how I got that one…" The plane was conveniently landing, so she prepared get off. As she nervously walked off the ramp, she couldn't find Victor anywhere. Out of the blue, a clown grabbed her and tried to shove her rapidly and roughly into a small car. Fortunately, Hermione's luggage wouldn't quite fit, and she had the time to turn around and give the clown a bop in his red rubber nose. Letting out a string of curse words, he stepped into a streetlamp and knocked off his own hat and wig. Hermione gasped as she got a good look at the offending clown.
"SHHH!!!" He whispered loudly, shoving a hand in front of her mouth to keep her from screaming his name in surprise. "I'm in disguise! Isn't it brilliant, Her-my-oh-ninny?" He looked very proud as he massaged his nose.
Hermione could only nod and gasp "Victor! You startled me! I'm SO SO sorry!"
"It's ok, Her-my-own," he choked out after she patted him on the back in a manner she apparently found soothing. "I have to be in disguise so we're not mobbed," he explained in a condescending tone that Hermione found more than slightly irritating. As she glared at him, Victor stared back, with a bit of a gleam in his eye that made Hermione very nervous. She was trying to think of an escape route as he leaned towards her when suddenly a familiar voice piped up from behind her.
"Hi guys!"