Warnings/Disclaimer
YGO. Mine. ...Really. Oh--just ignore the frantically waving Malik and Bakura holding them signs that say I'm lying. And..why are they tied up? Um...kinky...bondage...sex...?
(For the record though, I don't. Own YGO, that is.)
Don't. Ask. I'm 12 and less than sane.
- - -
"Well," she said, "I'm seventeen and crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane..."
Clarisse, Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury
- - -
Malik was scary. With capital letters: S-C-A-R-Y.
His other, Yami no Malik as he was now called because of the lack of being able to call him anything else, was scarier. Malik wasn't sure if it was the hairstyle, the eyes, the voice, or simply the fact that his face...stretched...while he was talking. Though Malik still couldn't see how standing around and talking with the meddling hero(es) instead of proceeding with whatever your evil plan happened to be at the moment was helpful to proceed with said evil plan. But really, he was only Malik Ishtar, the--you know--guy who possessed the Millennium Rod and came all the way to Japan just to gain revenge, but turned out to have misinterpreted some mysterious dude's (in other words, Shaadi's) words.
...and when said aloud, that sounded really pathetic.
However, even though Yami no Malik and Malik were freaky-scary-cool-hot dudes, their sister was scary. Bypassing scary and capital letters (S-C-A-R-Y) and heading right into S-C-A-R-Y (!!!!).
And that was the reason why the Ishtar children had left the warm sands of Egypt and headed into the happy, friendly, welcoming arms of Domino City, Japan.
"Isis, have I told you yet how much Yami and I hate you?"
"Only for the past five hours, Malik."
"...Yami and I hate you."
Isis sighed and leaned her head against the window of the plane. What the hell was I thinking? she wondered, sounding somewhat uncharacteristic. But, then again, taking her younger brother and his slightly insane (read: homicidal, spiky-haired, DBZ hairstyle-stealing) other to move into Domino City permanently had been...
Well, uncharacteristic.
- - -
"This is where we're living now."
No, this is where we're going to die.
The really disturbing part about that was Malik couldn't tell if that had been sarcasm. He thought it may have been--but this was Yami no Malik living (kind of) inside his head, not--oh, say for instance...Yami no Yuugi. Who lived in Domino City. Who he (Malik) was going to be seeing a lot of. Who was undoubtedly going to feel as though he needed to banish both Malik and his other to the darkest strip of spaghetti-land of the Shadow Realm the moment he laid eyes on them.
Which was not an experience Malik was willing to experience again.
We have neighbors!?
Yes, Yami, we have neighbors. We live in a city now. Not Egypt, where the only thing you can see is sand, Domino City.
...they die. Now.
The Millennium Rod began to glow (softly--yes, Yami no Malik had heard of subtlety, though he generally left it to Malik) as he tried to take over. Rishid's presence was the only thing stopping him[1], much to Malik's chagrin; if someone was going to prevent his other from controlling his body, then he'd like it to be him, not his surrogate older brother!
Isis, having somehow foreseen this within the past five minutes of waiting for Malik to move out of the way so she could actually walk through the door, glared.
Yami no Malik, never having faced the power of older sisters, glared back. Since Isis technically was his and Malik's guardian though, she knew that Malik wouldn't allow his other half to kill her...sort of. Looking at his mood though, Isis realized suddenly that, looking at her younger brother's mood, Malik just might be pissed enough to try and kill her himself.
Rashid stepped in at that moment, tactfully trying to nudge his (sort of) younger, insane brother and his more insane (insaner?) other through the doorway.
"I think," he said, voice somewhat hoarse from not having said anything for a few hours (Malik staring out the window of a plane and playing with his Millennium Rod--not that one, his gold one, the one he kept the back of his pants and occasionally brought out to try and control people, and man this was sounding more and more perverted by the second--tended to have that kind of effect), "it would be nice to see the inside of the house."
Malik crossed his arms, muttered something that vaguely (or not) sounded like, "I'm going to kill you all," and moved inside.
Isis massaged her headache and wondered what the hell had possessed her when she'd thought up this bright idea.
- - -
Several hours and a whole lot of bitching (all coming from Malik, who more delicately termed it as criticizing) later, they'd managed to unload most of their luggage from the moving van(s) and stuff it in the various rooms they had chosen.
Why the hell do you want the attic? Malik demanded crossly.
...I don't need to answer that.
As long as you're living in my head, yes you do!
What the hell do you think you can do, other than bitch?
I can tell Yami no Yuugi all about those fantasies you've had.
...what fantasies? If you mean the ones about me stabbing him to death while laughing maniacally, you're a fine one to talk!
Ah, but Yuugi and the others don't know that those are the only fantasies you've had, do they?
...You're a sick, sick light.
Thank you. I learned from the best.
A mental pause. Who?
You. Now, why do you want the attic?
...it's high up, it's far away from you pathetic mortals--
Excuse me?
--and it'll make the perfect evil lair.
Lovely. More take over the world shit. Call me when you're done getting your ass kicked, mou hitori no boku.
...are you suggesting that the Pharaoh can defeat me?
He did last time, didn't he?
Yami no Malik found no answer to that, and simply deigned for whirling around and disappearing back to his soul room.
"Are you done staring at the wall and arguing with yourself?" Rashid asked, his tattooed head appearing around the door. In anyone else, Malik would have taken that as sarcasm (and it was), but that meant Rashid would have to be capable of joking...and, as unkind as it might have sounded, Malik didn't think that possible.
"This is our room," Malik said unhappily. (Secretly though, the idea of trying to kill Yami no Yuugi or at least take his power away wasn't all that annoying or distasteful.)
"I see." Rashid's expression was inscrutable. Yami no Malik, peeking through Malik's eyes, thought incredulously, He's laughing at us! He then wondered if he should very politely (read: in as messy and bloody a way as possible) remind Rashid who had almost died, and what had stopped the almost certain death.
(Actually, it'd been Bakura and his creepy other, but that was a whole different story. Literally.)
- - -
Downstairs, Isis rubbed her temple, fighting the urge to kill her younger brother. Brothers. Did she technically have three, since Rashid was adopted and Malik's other younger than her? But Rashid was older than her, but she was their legal guardian...
Sighing, she decided not to think about it, and went in search of aspirin.
The doorbell rang. Isis answered it, trying to keep her usual mask of distant aloofness in place.
Think calm...serene...mysterious...yes, that's it, you're doing well...
"Hello," the white-haired boy from Battle City said cheerfully, holding what looked like a cake in his hands, "I'm Bakura. We live next door, and I thought we should say hello and all. I picked up a cake at the local bakery and thought you'd enjoy it..." Eyeing the large, golden Millennium Ring around the boy's neck, Isis decided not to comment on Bakura's pronoun usage.
Isis wondered why her Necklace hadn't seen fit to warn her of this; at least she could have bought a different house!
"Hello, Bakura," she said, making an effort to seem less vague and dreamy and praying that Bakura didn't recognize her. Oh yes, she remembered just how--insane Bakura was when he dueled, and just how powerful, and just what she did not need at the moment. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we can't"--what do non-magical people say? Isis thought frantically, mind racing--"invite you in...?"
"That's all right," Bakura said, and practically shoved the cake in Isis' hands. His smile seemed to be a bit strained, and Isis realized he probably recognized her--damn, damn, damn, Isis thought, throwing mystic-ness to the winds.
"We'll come back later--after you're settled in, naturally. Good-bye!"
And just like that, Bakura was gone. Isis stared down at the cake, and thought, Well, at least I don't have to make dessert tonight.
- - -
Back in the safety of his house, Bakura thought as fiercely as he could, You could have warned me!
Don't be a fool, yadonushi, how the hell could I have known?
The glow from the Millennium Ring faded as Yami no Bakura retreated back, and the spikes of Bakura's hair lay (somewhat) flatter.
Bakura held his hand to his heart, feeling the racing beat under his fingers, and realized just how close to sending Isis to the Shadow Realm his other had gone.
- - -
"You did what!?" Malik screeched, completely forgetting about the cake he'd been preparing to dig into only moments later. (Which was a pity, because it really was quite good.)
Isis stared at him. Rashid slid some more aspirin on her plate, but kept a few for himself; he had the feeling that he'd be needing it soon.
"Malik--"
"Damn, he was hot. I liked him!"
...Malik, you're an idiot.
- - -
Fin
- - -
A/N: ...and so ends the first (and possibly only) chapter of what has to be the stupidest fan fiction ever written.
[1] -- From what I understand, Rishid's presence somehow...pushes Yami no Malik into Malik's mind and forces him to remain dormant, though very much aware and pissed.