0. PREFACE
Several years ago, I read a book entitled "The Box - An Oral History of Television" by Jeff Kisseloff. The author had interviewed hundreds of people involved with the early days of television - writers, actors, directors, technicians, salesmen. He then chopped up and combined the interviews together so that the interview snippets told the history of television. I found the book fascinating, and was very intrigued by the rather unusual form that it took.
Soon after, I decided to try writing a piece of fanfic in that style - fan fiction as non-fiction, if you will. My idea was that April O'Neil, frustrated at the half-truths and flat-out lies that were swirling about, had decided to write a tell-all book about the Ninja Turtles. But figuring a book from her point of view would be just another opinion, she decided to let them tell their own story. So she booked some several hours to talk with each of them individually - in her apartment, I suppose. Then she combined the interviews into this "oral history" form. Thus April is referenced a few times, but never speaks.
As is common with fanfics in general (and TMNT fanfics in particular), I've tinkered with the storyline a bit. My basic storyline combines elements of the comic, the cartoon, the movies, and a small dollop of my own personal whimsy. Splinter's source of income, Rocksteady's story, MondoGecko's origin and so forth don't conform with any of the canonical versions. However, I don't think I've gone too far off the plot, so I hope readers aren't too turned off by this use of "artistic license". Two of my other stories overlap this one: "Grips" (told from Rocksteady's point of view) and "Mainstreaming" (which sort of picks up near the tail end of this one). If you don't like this one, chances are you won't like those, either. :)
I. "BEFORE"
DONATELLO
I suppose all life stories start with someone saying "He was born at such-and-such a time at such-and-such a place." Obviously, we can't do that. Well, Splinter can, I guess.
MASTER SPLINTER
I was born in Okinawa Japan on December 19, 1957. I was given the name Yoshi, after my grandfather.
RAPHAEL
Splinter don't talk about his early years much. While we were growing up, we were always asking him to tell us stories. Mainly, we wanted to hear stories about Japan. He had a ton of stories to tell, but he'd always tell us stories about other people - histories, or myths, maybe the occasional person he had met. He never really told us stories about himself. Of course, Splinter's about as humble as they come, so now that I think about it, I guess it ain't too surprising.
MICHELANGELO
We know the basics - where he's from, what he did, why he moved here - but that's about it. Unless we ask him a specific question, he never brings up his life in Japan.
DONATELLO
I know there are things in Okinawa he's not proud of. He and this other guy were both in love with the same woman - Tang Shin. He said he let his emotions get the better of him - that's kinda hard to believe now. I mean, Splinter's so calm and in control, y'know? And the strange thing is - we know about that. But there's probably a lot more to tell about his life there, but he's just never spoken about it. Everything else is sort of a mystery.
MASTER SPLINTER
I've grown reluctant to speak about my early life. I do not feel it is important to who I am anymore. I will simply say that I was a student of martial arts, and then a teacher. A problem arose between myself and another student, and I found it best to leave.
MICHELANGELO
There's something that's always sort of nagged at me. You'd think I would've asked Splinter about it, but I never got around to it. Whatever happened to him, he decided to leave Japan and come to America. So why didn't he settle in Los Angeles, or San Francisco? How'd he end up in New York?
MASTER SPLINTER
I had hoped to set up a school - a dojo here in America, and I...decided that New York would be the best place for it. The city had the most people, and so it had the most opportunity for students. (laughing) Whatever my talents, a shrewd business sense is certainly not one of them.
MICHELANGELO
Apparently, like a lot of folks coming to New York, he landed square on his face. A few weeks after arriving, he had no money, no place to live, nothing.
MASTER SPLINTER
It was winter, and it seemed colder than anything I had experienced in Japan. I had not found any permanent place to live. One day, I was mugged - a man pulled a knife and demanded money. I had nothing to offer, and in my cold and weakened state, I decided to retreat rather than fight.
RAPHAEL
I let Splinter tell the story his way, y'know, but I got a feeling there's something there he ain't telling. I mean, you gotta know him to see this, but Splinter? Run away? C'mon.
MASTER SPLINTER
My retreat took me down an alley, and while there, I spotted a manhole with its cover removed. I suppose it was karma, but at the time, I only saw it as a potential escape route. I ducked down the ladder and continued running. A minute or so later, I found I was no longer being pursued. I also realized that it was much warmer there than it was above ground.
LEONARDO
So apparently the sewer became his home for a few weeks. Made sense, I guess. He had to stay somewhere, and there wasn't anyone else there.
MICHELANGELO
Actually, if you can stand the smell, it ain't half bad.
RAPHAEL
And - what, about two weeks later, he's just cruising the sewers. He comes across this green puddle, and sees something moving at the bottom.
MICHELANGELO
Us.
MASTER SPLINTER
This green puddle fascinated me. The liquid did not appear to be water, but in the poor light, I could not determine what else it could be. Finally, my curiousity got the better of me, and I reached into the puddle to reach the moving creatures at the bottom, to see what they were.
MICHELANGELO
As for us, no telling where we're from. We could've been hatched in captivity, or born in the wild. Splinter says he saw broken glass around the mutagen, so that might've been a fishbowl. Something we used to live in. (shrugging) Who knows?
LEONARDO
Once in a great while, someone will say to us, "Boy, it must be neat to be a mutant." To which I say, "Hardly." I mean, forget all the crap that you have to deal with afterwards. No one should have to go through what we went through just to become a mutant.
DONATELLO
I can sum up mutation in one word - "pain".
MASTER SPLINTER
My mutation was...exceptionally painful. I lost consciousness, and did not regain it until some time later.
MICHELANGELO
Most people just don't get how painful this thing was. Even though we weren't exactly coherent during it, we all remember the pain. Think about it - you know how bad something hurts when it swells up suddenly. Well, our entire bodies - our skeletons, muscles, skin, everything - underwent a complete change in a matter of hours.
RAPHAEL
Like suddenly you're made of modeling clay, and someone's tugging and yanking at you, molding you into a new shape.
DONATELLO
I've tried studying genetics, but even when I read up on mutagens, none of them seem as...over the top as that mutagen was. Most mutagens may cause slight deformations in the DNA of the offspring of the infected parties. This stuff was unbelievably mutagenic. Whatever it was, it had the ability to play some major havoc with current DNA, to the extent of changing things immediately. It chopped and spliced it up, combining it with whatever other DNA was floating around.
MICHELANGELO
We got lucky. We got human DNA from Splinter. We could've had a fly land in that puddle. Or a rat.
LEONARDO
We're guessing Splinter brushed up against a rat down in the sewers. Otherwise, he would've ended up a turtle, like us.
MICHELANGELO
The mutation was a bitch, but I guess we got the best of all worlds. We could've ended up looking human, but having turtle brains. What good would that be?
LEONARDO
Some people ask if we remember anything from (making quote marks with his fingers) "before". (pause, then shaking his head) No.
MICHELANGELO
Sometimes I think I'm getting a memory from back before the mutation. I'll be sitting staring out into space and I'll be thinking about...I dunno. Lying in the sun or something. And I wonder if that's from before. But it's elusive. If I try to focus on it at all, it vanishes.
RAPHAEL
Even if I remembered that stuff, what would it be? I mean, I was a turtle. What'd I do all day? Eat, sleep, pee, repeat. It's not like turtles have some sort of innate wisdom to pass on to the human race.