Susan let her body sink into the mattress, collecting the cool sheets around her. This was what she needed. Her legs ached and her head felt like a medicine ball balanced on a toothpick. She looked at the clock – only nine o'clock. Still, Mark should be home. But she knew what the ER was like – anything could have happened. She was too tired to wait up for him.

She flicked off the bedside lamp and shut her eyes.

Mark shut the front door silently behind him and put his back pack on the floor. The apartment was dark except for the light under Rachel's door. He checked his watch and knocked on her door.

"Yeah?" Rachel called complacently.

Mark opened the door slightly. "Hey."

"Oh, hi Dad."

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'll survive. It's just a test. I just have to keep telling myself. It's just a test and it'll all be over by midday tomorrow."

Mark grinned. "Shouldn't you get some sleep?"

"Only three chapters to go."

"Okay. See you tomorrow." He backed out of the room.

"Night Dad."

Mark saw the light was off in his room and headed for Matthew's cot, tucked in the alcove outside their bedroom. A small smile crept unbidden onto his lips as he looked down at his son. He held the edge of the cot with one hand and leant in to kiss Matthew's forehead.

Susan woke to Mark brushing the hair of her forehead, followed by his lips.

"Hey you." She smiled sleepily.

"Hi." He whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed and slipping his shoes off.

"What happened?" she ran her fingers down his arm and found his hand.

"Oh, you don't want to know."

"That bad huh?"

"Yeah. I'm so ready for bed." He pulled off his shirt. "Roll over."

She giggled and complied as he got under the sheet beside her. "So, you're okay?"

"Yeah." He slipped one arm around her. "Glad to be home though."

She kissed him and pulled him closer.

He held her tightly.

"You okay?" she asked when he didn't relax his grip.

"Oh... yeah." He let go. "It was just... I'm just glad you're all safe and sound. I was watching these people being rolled in on gurneys not knowing if they'd ever leave again and I know I've seen it all a thousand times but I was checking every face and I knew you and Matthew and Rachel were home and fine but I've never been so scared."

"Hey," she ran one hand up his cheek and over his head, pulling him closer again, "It's okay."

"No it's not. Anything can happen – and it does. All the time. But I just can't lose you." He was holding her dangerously tightly again.

She held him till his grip relaxed and he slept, knowing every angle of the fear he'd just described. That same world-shaking fear he'd just described was one she'd faced every day for months – that all she lived for, all she loved and needed and wanted could so easily slip from her grasp. But it made her fight for him harder than she'd ever fought for anything. She knew what he feared – that life would go on without them. And sleep was the only escape from that horrifying knowledge.