Chapter One
Confessions

If you just realized
What I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other
--Colbie Caillat, "Realize"

The only thing Rikku had ever wanted was to accomplish something great. Something that would go down in Spira's history, and make generations of people stand in awe of her.

Right now however, she was far from awe-inspiring. She was a shaking, sobbing, fearful shell of her normally vivacious self.

"Please? Can we rest over there for just a little while? Please, I'm scared!" They were in the middle of the Thunder Plains, and Rikku feared thunder more than anything in the world.

"This storm never stops," Auron said gruffly. "Best to get through quickly."

Rikku glared at the tall, red-cloaked guardian. He was so mean. She knew he was quite disdainful of her, but she had never thought that he was truly sadistic. She could've said something to him, but it would have been pointless. The man was heartless and unfeeling.

Which made the fact that she had a huge crush on him all the more unbearable.

She turned to her cousin, the beautiful, good Summoner Yuna. Yuna would understand, she would help. "Yunie, please? Please make them stop! They'll listen to you!" Rikku begged.

"We really should keep going, as Sir Auron said," Yuna said gently.

"You all hate me, don't you?" Rikku said, tears threatening. "Please, please, please! I'm scared of thunder!"

Everyone kept walking on, leaving Rikku alone at the door of the Thunder Plains Travel Agency. "Are you having fun doing this to me?"

Exasperated, Auron grunted. "Fine. We rest. She's worse than the storm."

Rikku would have hugged him, had he not been "Sir Auron" – legendary guardian and all-around mean guy. She'd rather have hugged a Chimera. Auron scared the hell out of her. She managed to muster and tiny "thank you" as she walked past him and into the shelter of the Inn.

Auron responded with a "humph" and sat down at the table in the lobby.

Rikku cowered in the corner, flinching and whimpering every time lightning struck or thunder rolled.

Yuna had seemed preoccupied and had gone to be alone. Lulu had followed to make sure she was all right.

Tidus was worried about Yuna. Ever since His Hideousness, Maester Seymour had proposed to Yuna, she had been distant.

"Stop pacing," Auron snapped at the boy. He waved a hand in Rikku's direction. "Go make sure the girl's not catatonic."

Tidus walked over to Rikku. He almost laughed. She was all balled up in the corner, scrunched up against the wall. Poor thing, he thought to himself. "Hey, Rikku," he said, lightly touching her shoulder.

She jumped at the contact. "Oh! Tidus, it's you." She sat up, a little shakily. "I'm – sorry about all this. I just . . . really hate lightning, you know?"

Tidus smiled at her. "Hey, we're all afraid of something. Don't worry about it. We all needed the rest anyway."

Rikku looked in Auron's direction. "He's really mad, huh?" she whispered.

Tidus shook his head. "Nah, Auron's always like this." He shrugged. "I guess after awhile, you just get used to it." He smiled at his friend again. "I'm gonna go check on Yuna. You gonna be all right?"

Rikku nodded. "I'm fine. Thanks, though." Tidus patted her shoulder as he stood up, and then went off in search of Yuna.

She watched Tidus retreat, remembering what he had said. Auron's always like this. "Why can't he just be nice?" she said softly. She studied the man in red. The first time she had seen him, she had thought that he was beautiful, despite the scar. Her breath had completely left her body. Even now, even though he acted so cold, so unfeeling, she still thought he was the most stunning man she'd ever seen. And she'd wanted his respect, his friendship so much. She'd wanted him to care for her, as he cared for Yuna and Tidus. She couldn't expect him to feel for her what she felt for him. Still, every biting, sarcastic remark he made to her pierced her fragile young heart.

Eventually, she grew so exhausted that all thoughts left her head, including her fear of the lightning and thunder outside. She stood up to walk to her room. Everyone else had already gone to bed, and Rikku wasn't sure what room she was supposed to stay in. She opened the first unlocked door she came to and was pleased to see that the bed was unoccupied.

She crawled into the soft bed and buried herself in blankets. Sleep came easily, and mercifully, to her that night. She was blissfully unaware of the man in red, sitting in the chair in the corner of the room, keeping a silent vigil over the young Al Bhed. He couldn't explain it, but she had stirred something within him, something that frightened him and, at the same time, made him feel more alive than he had thought possible.

xoxoxox

The next morning, Auron decided to creep out of Rikku's room as early as possible, so as not to chance meeting anyone in the halls and having to explain himself. He cast one sidelong look back at the sleeping blonde before pushing open the door.

"Auron?" Rikku stirred then, her eyelids fluttered. Her speech was dreamy and full of sleep. Auron froze. She hadn't opened her eyes; she hadn't seen him, yet she had said his name. How did she know I was here?

Rikku awoke completely then, and sat straight up in bed when she saw Auron standing in the doorway. "Auron!"

Thinking fast, Auron cleared his throat. "It's time to go. We've wasted enough time on your behalf, and everyone is waiting on you." He regretted his words, his harsh tone immediately when he saw the pain that flickered in the green spirals of Rikku's Al Bhed eyes. Perhaps he shouldn't be so harsh. "I only meant . . ."

Rikku held up her hand to silence him. "I get it," she snapped. "I'll be ready in a minute. Tell everyone I'm sorry to have held them up."

Auron left then, knowing that now he really did have to wake everyone up if he wanted to keep up appearances.

On the other side of the door, a shaky Rikku climbed out of bed. She dressed quickly and pulled her golden hair into its usual ponytail. Then she hurried to the lobby. To her surprise, Wakka, Tidus, and Lulu were the only ones out there, aside from Auron.

"Morning!" she said brightly, avoiding Auron's glare. "Where're Yunie and Kimahri?"

"Yuna's still asleep, I think Kimahri is too," Wakka said.

"Oh. I thought . . . I thought I was holding everybody up," Rikku said, puzzled. Lulu shook her head.

"Don't be silly. Auron just came to wake us all, not five minutes ago."

Rikku's brow furrowed. He'd been in her room ten minutes ago, telling her everyone was waiting on her. She glared at Auron, who shifted in his chair uncomfortably. He could see the wheels turning in her head, and he knew she didn't believe him. He knew that this could quickly become very very bad. Damn it . . .

Fifteen minutes later, they began the rest of their trek through the Thunder Plains. Rikku was determined to be brave this time. "It's not stopping, is it?" she asked meekly.

Auron shook his head. "Don't tell me you were hoping it would," he said coolly.

Rikku glared at his retreating form. "Big meanie," she muttered. "You didn't have to say it like that!" she yelled after him.

Boy, falling for him had just made her life so much easier, hadn't it? But he had seemed so nice the first time they had met, on the banks of the Moonflow. When he had looked deep into her swirly, emerald eyes and told her that she was welcome to become a guardian.

She supposed that had been when she had started to like him. His was so brooding and mysterious, it drove her crazy – in ways both good and bad. But he was such a steadfast and loyal sentinel. And there were those rare moments when a sparkle of humor would dance in his eyes. A few times, Rikku could even swear she'd seen the tiniest bit of a smirk beneath his cowl. But then there were times, like this, when he was completely devoid of human emotion.

She was so deep in thought, and her mind was so jumbled. Had Auron lied to her this morning, about his being in her room? And if so, what had he been trying to hide? So lost in thought was she, that she didn't even notice that they had stopped walking.

"I've decided to marry," Yuna told the group once they were under the shelter of an old lean-to.

Lulu shook her head. "I thought so."

Yuna's confession caused quite a stir among the guardians. Rikku watched Tidus. Wow, he's really mad, she thought. He was even trying to get Auron to stop Yuna. Yeah, like he cares, Rikku thought disparagingly. Gods, she hated the way Auron made her feel! So hateful and vindictive.

"We will go to Macalania Temple," Auron decreed. "Lady Yuna may speak to Lord Seymour there."

"Man," Rikku said to Tidus after the others were out of earshot. "That guy really chaps my hide!"

Tidus laughed at her. "I hear ya."

xoxoxox

Rikku hadn't ever been to Macalania Woods before. She marveled at the trees that seemed to have stars for leaves, at the way the wind sounded like little silver bells and chimes. How peaceful, Rikku thought. And pretty. So pretty . . .

"Don't be deceived by appearances," Lulu warned, as if reading Rikku's thoughts. "There are many hidden dangers in these woods."

"Path get more dangerous here," Kimahri offered. "Fiends stronger."

Rikku nodded, as did Tidus and Wakka, who had also never been here, and were still dumbstruck by the beauty around them.

Rikku noticed Auron standing off to the side, alone. Mustering a bit of courage – or maybe just sheer stupidity – she walked over to him.

He narrowed his one good eye – the one that wasn't permanently closed by the scar that ran down the entire right side of his face – when she approached. "What do you want?" he asked her in that monotone voice of his.

"I want to know why you were in my room so early this morning. And don't lie to me. I'm not stupid. Are you spying on me? Because I have nothing to hide. You wanna know something about me? Just ask!" Rikku snapped. "But I don't need some big dumb jerk going through my stuff while I sleep!"

Auron sighed with resignation. "I wasn't going through your things," he said. "I was in there, to watch you."

"Why?"

"Because I was worried about you back there on the Thunder Plains. It's no good for Yuna when her guardians get frightened to the point of paralysis!" Auron shot back. "So I watched you through the night, to make sure you didn't have another panic attack."

Rikku's brow furrowed. Auron had watched her sleep? Whoa. That was heavy.

"Your turn," Auron challenged. "I know your eyes weren't open this morning when you said my name. How did you know I was there?"

Rikku contemplated telling him an elaborate lie, like she was psychic or something. But she decided that the simple truth would be much more effective, if not slightly mortifying. With what she hoped was a nonchalant shrug, she spoke honestly, though she felt her face heating up slightly at the words.

"Um, I didn't." She walked off quickly, before he could notice the blush that was staining her cheeks.

Rikku's confession dumbfounded Auron. What had she meant by it? Had she been dreaming of him, as he so often had of her since their first meeting? Had she been longing for him, as well?

He really didn't know. He couldn't make heads or tails of the girl. But, oh, how he wanted to. Wanted to understand everything about her, to know what went on inside her head. He wanted to know things about her that he'd never wanted to know about anyone . . . things that his years as a monk had denied him ever learning.

He found her at the campsite, talking to Lulu and Wakka. She was laughing at something Wakka said, and she looked – like sunshine. She was everything warm and happy and light. She was innocence and perfection – how could he, a dead man, mean anything to one such as herself?

She looked in his direction, and her smile faltered. His brow furrowed. He didn't want to be the one who made her cease smiling. He wanted to be the one to give her smiles, though he didn't know how. He didn't know what to say around her, how to act around her. He was clueless.

She bit her lip and looked at the ground. When she dared to peek up again, Auron was gone. Lulu looked at Rikku quizzically. "Rikku? Is everything all right?"

Rikku forced a smile. "Everything's fine," she lied. "Will you – excuse me?"

"Of course," Lulu told her.

Rikku left the campsite and walked straight ahead. There was a small spring there, and she was sure that was where Auron had gone. Sure enough, she saw his crimson coat slung over a low-hanging branch, and there he was, sitting on the bank.

Rikku just looked for a minute. Without the coat, she could see the definition of the muscles in his arms. Oh, but he was gorgeous. She could just imagine what those strong arms would feel like, holding her close.

A gentle breeze came up, and Rikku closed her eyes to it, let it play with her hair, let it make her exposed skin tingle. It was so gentle that it entranced her. She didn't even notice that Auron had turned around, and seen her, and had walked over to her.

Now it wasn't just the breeze that played with her hair and caressed her cheeks – the feel of rough, calloused hands caused her to gasp and open her eyes. She looked up into the face of the man she had only dreamed of until that very moment.

She looked at him, questions in her eyes and all over her delicate face. "Auron?" she whispered, not sure if she was just dreaming or if this was all real.

For the first time, without the cowl, without the glasses, Rikku saw his whole face. And he smiled at her. "I have been … unkind," he told her slowly, as if he were pondering the right words to say. "And I apologize. I don't know how to act with you. Or, really, with anyone. I have been without human contact for too long. And I've never had much contact with women."

Rikku just stared at him, her eyes glassy with adoration. His voice was like honey, smooth and sweet and golden. She could've died right then and there, with his hand on her cheek, and she would have been happy.

"I am apologizing, Rikku. I am sorry I have been cruel. I am sorry if I caused you grief of any kind. It was not my intention," Auron continued.

Rikku took a deep breath. "You have caused me pain, Auron. I don't know why. I mean, I know we just met and everything, but I feel like … I need your approval, more than anyone else's. It matters to me what you think, you know? You're important to Yuna, and if I let you down, I don't know. I kind of feel like I'm letting her down, too. I just want you to know, that I'm doing the best I can. And I'd never do anything to hurt Yuna, or anyone else here. I definitely don't want to cause you any trouble."

Auron's face darkened. Rikku feared that she had angered him, that he would turn and walk off. Instead, he just stared at her, rubbed a strand of her golden hair between his fingers, and then pulled her into a tight embrace.

Unsure of what to do, Rikku hugged him back, inhaling his scent, getting nearly drunk off the nearness of him.

"Yevon," he whispered, and she giggled just slightly. "What am I going to do with you?"

Several ideas came to Rikku's mind, but she kept quiet. Probably not the kind of thing he was implying right then and there. So instead, she snuggled up against him. "Hmm, well, if you just – hold me for a minute, that'd be good," she told him.

He smiled into her hair, wishing that minute could be an eternity. His smile faded. Would she still want to hold him if she knew he was unsent?

As if to answer his unspoken thoughts, she whispered in Al Bhed into the crook of his neck. "E muja oui, Auron. Vunajan. Hu syddan fryd."

He placed his index finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. "Do you mean that?" he asked her in a voice barely above a whisper. It was unfathomable to him that anyone could love him, let alone someone he barely knew. But there was conviction in her words. For a moment, he almost wanted to hope …

Rikku looked horrified that he had understood her. "You … speak Al Bhed?" she said in a mortified whisper.

"Braska taught me," he said simply.

She shrugged. "Well, there's something you should know about me. I tend to use Al Bhed when I say something I don't want other people to know I'm saying. Like now."

"You don't need to feel embarrassed," he said softly. "I just want to know if you meant it, that's all."

She looked determined, in the same way she looked before a battle. "When I say 'forever', I mean it. Forever is a big deal to us Al Bhed. We don't ever know how long we're going to get. With Sin and Yevonites … no offense. We have it rough. We tend to fall in love quickly and make the most of what little time we probably have. My mother and father knew each other for a week before they were married. And they were happy … until she died."

"And the 'no matter what'?" he pressed, not knowing what else to say.

"Hu syddan fryd," she repeated, pulling away from him and taking his large hand into her two smaller hands. "There is nothing you could tell me that would make me not feel this way. Nothing. This is the first time I've ever felt anything like this at all. I just think there must be a reason why I'm feeling it for you."

"Rikku! Rikku! Where are you?" Yuna's voice, and she sounded worried.

Rikku looked up at Auron longingly. "I should go to her," she said wistfully. "Is that – okay?"

Auron smiled gently. "Ku," he said in Al Bhed, bidding her leave.

"See you later?" she said hopefully, and felt hopelessly young and foolish.

"Unless you're planning on quitting the pilgrimage," he said drolly, as he watched her walk away, and he felt his heart lighten. These were feelings he hadn't ever felt before, and oh, they were beautiful. And knowing that they had limited time together made them even sweeter. He wanted to make everything perfect for her . . . since he knew that soon, he would have to leave her.