Disclaimer: I don't own Will or Lyra or their dæmons. I am not Philip Pullman who owns His Dark Materials. I'm just borrowing them for a little while. So yeah don't sue. I have no money anyway ¬.¬
A/N: This is a one-shot that popped into my head right after I finished the series. I hope you all enjoy it. Forgive me if there are many spelling grammar mistakes… my beta has yet to complete the series. Enjoy!
Locked In My Heart
By: Bambbles
It was cold day for early August, seemingly fit more for fall then midsummer. The wind carried that extra nip that made William Parry wish he had the foresight to bring a jacket. But Will had no intention of letting the elements get the better of him. He had been through worse, much worse in fact, and nothing was going to keep him from his destination. A grand iron gate was looming in the distance, and as he proceeded toward it the weather was the last thing on his mind.
Nothing has changed since her last visit. Everything looked the same as it always had been, calm, peaceful, welcoming. For Lyra Belacqua, it was like coming home again, returning to a time when everything was simple, life was no so confusing, and love was the only thing that mattered. Silently, she wished to return to that time.
Pantalaimon attempted to restrain himself from running a head. He always enjoyed this day just as much as she had over these past ten years. Something about this time, this day, was different though. Something had changed and it wasn't the scenery.
"Lyra," Pan's voice called soothingly, breaking her troubled train of thought. "We're almost there."
Kirjava stopped automatically when they reached the little bridge. Will stopped here every time they came to Botanic Gardens and this time was not going to be any different. Sure enough, Will stopped and looked at the water lilies as they made their softly swaying journey under the bridge. Looking at these flowers always had reminded him of her, but that was who he was here for. He was here for her. For Lyra.
Will looked at his watch. 11:57 AM it blinked back at him. He reached down and softly petted his cat dæmon. "We're almost there."
We're almost there…
Lyra stopped a distance away to take in the scene before her. There it was, the little metal bench, starting to rust from age and the elements, sitting below the massive oak tree. Its branches had grown so that if one was sitting on that bench, they were completely isolated from the outside world, a nice canopy of seclusion. This was just the way Lyra liked it. It was her spot to be alone, but not be completely alone. It was her time to be cut off from everything that mattered in everyday life, except for one thing. Will.
Will sat down on the bench, the spot he had been directed to sit at, and had done so for the past ten years. Kirjava took her place at his legs, lightly rubbing herself against him, her own silent form of encouragement. Why was this so hard for him? He absentmindedly ran a hand through his tousled black hair, a nervous trait he had recently acquired. Lyra wasn't really sitting next to him, but for Will, she was. She was there, her golden hair hung loosely over her shoulders, looking at him while wearing a smile so infectious that soon he was smiling along with her. Her smile seemed to tell him "Go on. Tell me what's on your mind."
So Will turned to the shadow of Lyra from his memories and began, "Where to start?"
"It's only been a year since the last time we came her to be together, but it seems like a lifetime has passed." Lyra looked down at Pan. He was snuggled close to Lyra on her lap, nuzzling his little nose against her arm for her to continue. "You must know, you have to know, that I still love you, I always will. You are always going to be my first love, no matter how old we get." She hesitated; the only sound to be heard was the wind making its way through the trees. "You see I met someone."
"She's a actress, a professional one. She's been in some really famous theatrical performances. She's really brilliant in them. It's as if she takes the crowd and pulls them into her world and you forget everything else. For that brief period of time, you get completely wrapped up in the world of the stage."
"We met at a social gathering between the two colleges. It was quite a funny experience actually, in retrospect anyway. He was getting up from his seat at his table and I was walking with two rather large glasses of punch back to my own seat. Well he pushed back his chair at the same moment I had walked behind him and, well, I spilled the two glasses all over his shirt." Lyra laughed remembering the hilarity that ensued after the spectical. "He really is wonderful, Will. But so were you…"
"There hasn't been a day that goes by that I haven't wished we met under different circumstances. If only we were born in the same world. If only the knife didn't create Specters. If only we could be together forever. But I can't do that anymore, Lyra. I just can't live my life asking the unanswerable questions. I need to move on, I need to lock you away in my heart and never let you leave." Will paused. There was a lump in his throat that did not seem to want to leave.
"Will, I come here every year and spill my heart to you," Lyra started as she pushed her hair back behind her ears. "I don't know why it's so hard to this year. Well, I do know but…" She cut herself off and tried to calm herself. She couldn't let the tears come; she needed to say these things. "I came her for your approval. You see, this isn't just a fling like I have told you about in the past." She petted Pan's soft red-gold fur. "You see he's asked me to marry him."
"And she said yes, Lyra. She said yes. I want to start my life off with her on the right foot, and to do that I had to come to you. You had to be the first to know. I know you said that if we did meet someone, we would not make comparisons. I can't promise I wont, but I just needed to tell you. I love you, Lyra, my Lyra. I always will. You will always be locked inside my heart. Always. There won't be a time when I ever forget my first love. I will never, ever forget you."
Will glanced down at Kirjava, who was purring against his legs. Will could hold back the tears no longer. He felt as if he was leaving this part of his life forever, and it scared him. He knew he would never truly leave Lyra, but it felt like he was. He looked back over to the empty space on the bench. How he longed to touch her just once more, to feel the softness of her hair, to taste the sweetness of her lips.
Suddenly shadow Lyra appeared before him again, still twelve years old, just as he remembered when he last saw her. But something was different. As she stared into his eyes, watching the now silent tears streak down his face, she grew older. No longer was she twelve, but fifteen, no eighteen, and finally the girl he remembered was replaced by a vibrant young women, with golden flowing hair and a white sundress.
Lyra could not guess what had just happened. She had wished to feel Will one last time, to have him hold her in his arms, to give him the goodbye kiss she had always wanted to. And now, Will had materialized before her eyes, and not the Will she remembered. This Will was a full-grown man, with broad shoulders and the same fierce jaw. There was no mistake, this was Will. She looked down at Pantalaimon to see if he saw it too, but Pan was no longer on her lap, but on the ground staring face to face with Kirjava.
"Will? My Will is it really you?" Lyra choked out through half sobs. Will stared at her. She had spoken but had sounded so far away.
"Lyra…" She was so beautiful, even more beautiful then he remembered. Hoping that she would not vanish before he got the chance to kiss her, he slowly leaned toward Lyra. She didn't disappear. The kiss was real. This was Lyra, soft, sweet Lyra.
They kissed each other slowly, each of them taking in all of the other that they could in such a simple kiss. The first to pull away was Will. He held her head in his hands and used his thumbs to wipe away any trace of tears.
"Your even more beautiful then I remember, my love" His voice sounded like an eco off of a mountain. Lyra, wanting to stay in this moment forever, looked deep into his eyes. She sensed that they didn't have much time together. Some lucky chance had brought them together into each others arms, though it was at a time in the both of their lives when each was finally ready to move on. They both knew that this was it; this was their final goodbye.
Lyra pulled Will in the tightest hug she could muster and whispered in his ear, "I will always love you, my Will. I will never forget you! No matter what, you are always and will always be my first love. That part of my heart will always be for you." She pulled away just enough to capture his lips. So many emotions in a short period of time accounted for the most passionate kiss either of them had ever experienced. When they finally pulled away, Lyra could taste Will's tears on her lips mixed with her own. She wiped the tears from his face. She looked down at their locked hands. His was fading from view. Their time, this brief sweet enchantment was ending.
"I love you, my Lyra, you will be locked in my heart always." He sounded so distant.
"Always and forever, my love, always and forever."
Then he was gone. So was Kirjava. Pan jumped onto her lap once again, his cute little marten eyes looking into her own. They would go back soon just not yet… not yet.
Will heard the sound of cars from the close by bridge. Life was still going on. It had too. Time could just not stop on account of he wanted it to. He had gotten to see his Lyra again. It was the best thing he could have hoped for. In that brief moment, they shared more then just a fond goodbye. Their souls had touched. In both of their hearts they knew that it was time to move on. He had seen it in her eyes.
"Come on Kir, it's time to go home." He whispered as he got up.
"Are you sure you are ready to go back?" Kirjava rubbed herself against his legs.
"Yeah. I am."
The wind whipped past him when he left the shelter of their spot. He would come back every year no matter what, but it would be different after today. He was no longer worried about her. He no longer wished that he could spend every waking moment with her. He had her locked inside his heart, and that was just where he wanted her to be.