Author's Notes: As a TWT, I've rearranged the timeline to suit my purposes. One aspect that may stand out is Sango's absence in this fic, as if they'd never met her. I've watched quite a few episodes of Inuyasha, but I still don't have the timeline straight. For this fic, I don't think it matters much - it takes place toward the middle of the anime, shortly after Inuyasha discovers his full demon side.

Additional: If you read and like this fic, you might enjoy the music video that goes with it. It's titled 'Waiting For You' and can be found at my website.

Category: Anime, Inuyasha, Yaoi, TWT (timeline-what-timeline)
Warnings: violence, angst, lemon, shonen ai, sap
Pairings: InuyashaxMiroku
Author: Arigatomina
Email: arigatoumina (a) hotmail . com
Website: www . arigatomina . com

Exigency

Part 1

His hanyou induced shift to human came regularly, a sign of his human blood. And just like that periodic change, this came regularly as well, a sign of his canine demon blood. It was what humans would call lust, what animals called rutt, and what youkai called exigency. Inuyasha called it madness. For him, that was exactly how he felt.

It was an infuriating urge, a drive that had come and gone yearly, for longer than he cared to think about. And as always, he found himself resisting it in frustration, hating himself for having the drive, and others for having killed any part of him that might have given in to the instinct. The only difference was this time he had a target that sprang to mind every time he closed his eyes.

He was just glad that he'd met Kikyo weeks after the last bout. At least with Kagome, he didn't have to see her while he sought to resist the drive. She'd gone back home two days ago. Hopefully she wouldn't be back for a few more days.

It was always strongest at the beginning. All he had to do was hide out until he got a handle on it. A nice coincidence that it came right with his night time shift, giving him the perfect excuse to disappear for a while.

Miroku had still followed him.

He wasn't sure exactly why that had annoyed him so much, but he'd almost growled when he saw the monk. Night had already fallen by then, and it was simply strange for him to get such youkai reactions after his shift. But he had. He'd barely kept quiet until Miroku passed out of sight, his own teeth clenched the entire time.

Normal anger he would have understood, but he would be lying if he pretended the concern wasn't appreciated. Miroku followed because he'd told the monk of his fears, not too long ago. As a human, he was nearly defenseless. They both knew it. He'd made a habit of putting up the usual complaints when Miroku or Kagome played mother hen to him, but it was nice to know they cared. And as much as it pricked his pride, he felt safe knowing they were with him when his human blood took dominance. He'd much rather be coddled than left on his own again, hiding out till the night passed.

But this time was different. He didn't need anyone to watch over him right now.

That was the only positive aspect of this instinct; it made him completely confident, and utterly frustrated.

One wrong word from Shippo and he was sure he'd jump the kit and wring his shapeshifting neck. One bawdy comment from the resident pervert and he'd probably do the same to him. And as much as it annoyed him, he wasn't strong enough to do serious damage to either right now. Assuming Shippo didn't recognize the problem, he'd just look like an idiot and be annoyed even more.

No, he didn't want to be near anyone.

So he'd kept to the shadows until his would-be protector was gone. Then he'd found himself a nice perch to wait out the night. Without Kagome and the shards, there wasn't as much chance of an attack. There was no reason to worry either for himself or his friends.

He reminded himself of that as a wave of impatience made him fidget in the tree he'd chosen for the night. He was restless, and far too excited for a weak human. The thought was given coldly to whatever active demon blood remained to torment him.

He'd never had this come during a human shift. How could the two coincide when his human shifts meant his demon blood was inactive? It made about as much sense to him as his ridiculous reliance on the Tetsusaiga to keep his full demon blood from taking control.

He'd never experienced that insanity until he found the sword. What kind of protection was that?

He had the sword to keep his demon blood from taking control, but that demon nature only came forth when he lost the sword. And it had never surfaced until he'd grown accustomed to using the sword. Obviously something had kept him from shifting before he found the sword - and once he had the sword, he'd lost that control, with every bit of him relying entirely on the object.

If that wasn't a self-imposed weakness, he didn't know what was. And he was sure, the longer he used the sword, the more dependent he'd become. He hated that. But even more, he hated the fact that the one thing made to protect humans was the very thing that made him kill humans mindlessly when he lost contact with it.

It wasn't as if he'd never been in a near death situation before finding the Tetsusaiga. Maybe it hadn't happened often since he'd reached adulthood, but it had happened enough that any dormant survival instincts should have risen much sooner.

While he'd hated coating his hands with human blood during the last fight, he wouldn't have minded it in the past. There were many times when he would have relished in saving himself, no matter how many he killed. Simply put, they'd more than deserved it.

It was infuriating that only now, when he was already capable of defending himself, did this latent strength show itself. And now, it only came out when he was fighting to protect people, putting them in danger as much as his enemies.

Everything in his life was that way.

Kikyo, his first friend, and the only person since his mother to treat him as if he had feelings, turned against him in an instant. Even now that she'd been revived and knew the truth, she still hated him. And Kagome, her reincarnate, so kind to him, but completely confusing and different from anything he was familiar with.

He had the same pull to her soft nature, but she was almost an exact opposite of Kikyo. She seemed to like him, but refused to accept him. Nothing worked with her. Even when he tried to understand, his confusion only seemed to anger her, as if he'd purposely ignored her feelings. And she had such tender, easily hurt feelings.

The slightest mistake on his part was enough to send her into a fury, and the resulting control drove him crazy.

Kikyo had sought to change him, to soften him. He hadn't minded because her methods were light. She'd left it completely up to him, giving directions but not forcing anything. And she'd never punished him for his confusion. She'd given him time to sort through it on his own. That was her wisdom, her maturity, something that marked her as an entirely different person from Kagome.

If Kagome had wisdom, it was incomprehensible to him. She seemed as short tempered as he was, but more prone to take it out on him than anyone he'd ever known. He had never met someone who claimed to care about him, but who was willing to humiliate him on a regular basis.

It was almost enough to make him wonder about his demon rages. If he were to turn that blind power against the necklace, would it be enough to break the thing?

He sometimes wondered if Kagome would still care about him if she were unable to control him with a single word. With her short temper, he didn't think she would.

But that wasn't true.

Even as the thoughts curled through his mind, Inuyasha knew it was bitterness talking, frustration taking its toll.

No, he didn't like the way she treated him like some sort of human pet, with her 'sit' command. But he didn't really believe she did it to humiliate him. A punishment, yes, but not intentional cruelty or any sign of a sadistic turn in her. She simply didn't know what it did to him, being silenced in an instant, physically attacked for nothing more than his own confusion over her human ways, for just being himself. And he was certain she had no idea of the actual pain her order caused.

He'd never tell anyone how much being slammed into the ground hurt. The blow to his pride was painful enough without adding to it. Besides, anyone who had ever fought would know how much it hurt. It was like being thrown down by a powerful demon, with enough force to crack solid rock on occasion.

If she didn't know enough about him to realize he felt pain the same as anyone else, then he wouldn't be the one to tell her. He was just glad the others hadn't noticed. Being laughed at was bad enough without being pitied.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as if lightning had flashed through the sky, a sharp blaze of awareness. His eyes narrowed, his gaze sweeping the forest behind him and the pool below.

He hadn't heard anything, but right now he didn't need to. Human form or not, that restlessness made him certain there was a presence nearby, and an interesting one. Something to pounce on like the predator he was.

He could feel his nerves tingle with excitement and he gritted his teeth in utter annoyance. It could be an animal for all he knew and he still reacted like that. How he hated this.

Once again, he gave a brief thanks that Kagome had gone home. He'd never be able to keep quiet if she 'sat' him right now. The last time she'd done that in his human form, it had knocked him out cold. This time he knew it wouldn't, and chances were he'd say or do something he'd dearly regret later.

A shadow moved below him and his thoughts cleared again, all of his attention focusing as sharply as before.

It was odd. Normally his senses were mute in his human form, but now he could swear a scent was reaching him. And it was very familiar. A moment later the person reached the moonlit pool and his suspicions were confirmed.

Another wave of annoyance hit him the moment he set eyes on Miroku.

His muscles clenched in a manner that would have been nothing in his hanyou form. They ached now, far too tight for his human body to suffer for any extended period of time.

He tried to calm that instinctive reaction. There wasn't any reason to be angry. A look was enough to tell him Miroku had no idea he was above him. The monk hadn't tracked him, he'd simply come to the same area by coincidence.

Right.

He knew it was true, but he didn't believe it for a second. Oh, how he hated this frustrating lack of logic.

Why did he have an urge to jump down and strangle his friend, just because he happened to intrude into his chosen area? And why did he feel so tempted to jump, even when he knew it would likely break his weak human bones if he did?

Frustrating, annoying, definitely madness. And stupid.

Yes, it would be funny to see Miroku's expression if he were to suddenly land in front of him. But he didn't feel like laughing. He wanted to frighten him, not because it would be funny, but because the thought made his senses rush. And that made about as much sense as anything - no sense at all.

He watched Miroku set something down on the rock next to the pool.

The items were familiar, and he knew immediately why his friend had come out here. And that realization brought another one to mind in a bolt that made his breath catch in his throat.

He could feel his face getting cold, and then hot, and his stomach twisted in disgust at himself.

It wasn't annoyance that made him want to attack. He didn't just want to jump down there and scare his friend. He wanted to jump him.

The human had entered his territory, and that made him prey. The thought sickened him, even as it excited him.

This was wrong.

He didn't mind thinking of Kagome. He liked her, and it was natural for him to be attracted to her, an instinctive drive to reproduce. And he knew that imagining her was safe because he'd never do anything about it, no matter how strong the urge. But this was wrong.

If his past had taught him anything it was that he hated those who preyed upon their own sex. He'd never had any reaction to males aside from unease and disgust.

The very idea that he might be tempted to do such a thing tore at him.

That he was trembling at the thought of doing it to his friend was unacceptable.

He made no attempt to deny it, his gaze locked on Miroku as his friend started to undress. He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away, but at least he knew he had no reason to be afraid of himself. Even if the urge got beyond his control, he couldn't do anything in his human form. He could look and ache until the dizzy lust overwhelmed him and still, nothing would come of it.

Miroku was stronger than his human form. No matter what his instincts were telling him, his friend was anything but a weak prey just waiting to be taken. There was no harm in looking.

Excited anticipation held his body immobile as he fought with himself, but he refused to agree with that seemingly logical voice telling him to enjoy the show.

Inuyasha glared down at Miroku, his sharp voice breaking the silence. "What do you think you're doing?"

Miroku flinched, his wide eyes flying around him.

Inuyasha might have smirked at the startled look on his friend's face. He would have liked to smirk at it. Instead, he felt himself react to the vulnerable look in a way that made his throat tighten in a soft growl.

This was as bad as the senseless bloodshed he'd done not too long ago. It disgusted him that he'd get such a rise out of being in a position of power, even if it were a false position.

He reminded himself again that Miroku could easily fend him off in this form. The reminder wasn't comfort enough.

"Not very quick, are you," said Inuyasha.

The taunt came out far too low, a husky, dangerous growl. Dark eyes turned up on him, and he could see how his cold voice had stopped any relief Miroku might have felt when he realized it was just him. That was just as well. He didn't want to encourage him.

"You're in a nasty mood," Miroku called up. He couldn't see Inuyasha, not with his dark human hair and eyes blending into the shadows of whatever tree he was hiding in. But there was no mistaking the downright hostile voice. His own lightened in response, countering the unfriendly mood. "Want to talk about it?"

He heard a soft sound that might have been a growl. It made him smirk wider. "I guess not."

"Go away," said Inuyasha.

His stomach twisted violently at the human's playful tone and he cursed his instincts for reacting this way. Miroku's blatant trust in him was painful to see.

The order had little effect.

Miroku raised an eyebrow, his gaze scanning the trees since he didn't know exactly where Inuyasha was. "Why? And why did you run off earlier? I doubt Naraku would attack without the shards here, so there's no reason to hide. But even if he did, it's safer if we all stay together."

Silence answered him this time and he sighed, scowling up in the general direction Inuyasha's voice had come from.

"Fine," said Miroku. He turned away, moving back to the rock he'd left his towel and soap on. "If you don't want to talk to me, then just pretend I'm not here."

There wasn't an answer to that either. He figured Inuyasha had left until he started to remove his robe.

"What are you doing!"

There was a strange quality to that voice, still that oddly cold tone, but something else that made Miroku's eyes narrow. Inuyasha sounded worried, agitated, and definitely angry.

Miroku kept his back to him, as if he didn't notice. If Inuyasha didn't want to tell him what was wrong, then it was his choice.

"What does it look like?" asked Miroku. "I'm taking a bath."

He didn't add that he'd spent the last few hours looking for him, or that he'd managed to slip in the dark and get more than a little dirty. And he definitely didn't mention the pack of demons he'd sucked into the air void when they'd tried to eat him.

Inuyasha didn't need to know about the trouble he'd gone to, not when he was so set on hiding his own troubles.

Inuyasha went mute the moment Miroku shrugged off his robe. His eyes caught on the dark, tightly held hair, not shifting down until he clenched his hands.

He wanted to dig his claws into that hair. Nevermind that he had no claws at the moment, the image was vivid in his mind.

Pale skin drew his gaze lower, and he paused again on a faint reddish mark on Miroku's upper back.

He knew that burn mark was as fresh as it looked. A demon had sent an acidic cocoon at him, and Miroku had jumped in as well, shielding him from it. He'd repaid his friend by freeing them both before slaughtering everyone involved. It had been mere days ago.

The reminder should have sickened him, but now it felt appropriate. Everything those men had done made them deserving of death.

His guilt fell away. And something else rose to take its place. Cold calm.

There were scratches on Miroku's left, glove-free hand, and bruises along his arms. And he was favoring his right wrist.

The water was cold, but the night was warm enough that he didn't mind. Miroku wanted to soak more than anything, and he leaned back against the rocks.

His arm ached faintly, not bad considering he'd taken in a pack of wolf demons. He'd have to mention that to Kouga the next time he saw him. In the meantime, he let his gloved arm rest on his bent knee and sunk deeper in the water.

He was almost glad Inuyasha was being grumpy. He hadn't expected to meet up with him, not after looking for hours with no luck. Right now he just wanted to relax for a while. Truth told, they didn't get to do that very often anymore, between chasing shards and being chased by Naraku and his minions. It figured the first break they had and Inuyasha would run off, ruining what could have been a nice calm night or two.

He sniffed at that, and promptly inhaled a bit of water. Sitting up sharply, he rubbed at his nose and scowled. Then he saw something out of the corner of his eye that nearly sent him right back under.

Inuyasha was sitting cross-legged on the rock behind him, just a few feet to his right.

"Don't sneak up on me," Miroku sputtered.

Calm dark eyes regarded him evenly, and he shook his head. He still wasn't used to Inuyasha's human form. It was simply too different from the white-haired hanyou he spent most of his time with.

"What happened to you?" Wide dark blue eyes blinked at him, and Inuyasha returned the look without changing his expression.

He could see much better at this range, the bruising darker than it had looked to his human eyes from a distance. And the light scratches on the back of Miroku's neck made something click in his mind.

He knew why he'd imagined digging his claws into that dark hair, why the image was so vivid in his mind. It was the quickest way to get control of a struggling person without causing too much damage, and he obviously wasn't the first to think of it.

But why now? And why did he know with absolute certainty that it was because of him?

"What happened?" Miroku repeated, blinking in confusion. "You nearly scared me to death, that's what. I thought you'd left, or that you were still up there ignoring me."

"No. Who did you fight with?"

Inuyasha's eyebrow twitched when a teasing smile spread over Miroku's face. This definitely wasn't the right time to get teased, and he really didn't want to deal with any of Miroku's usual jokes.

"Is it that obvious?" asked Miroku.

He'd washed off most of the dirt from his slide, so he had seen the spots that refused to wash away. But it wasn't that light out, even with the stars reflecting on the open water. The bruises had to be darker than he'd thought if Inuyasha noticed in his human form. He was well aware of how limited his friend was like that.

"Yes," Inuyasha said sharply. "Especially your-"

He'd been reaching out to point at the scratch marks on the back of Miroku's neck, but he froze midway. His friend had flinched back, jerking his head to the side in a way that made those feelings from earlier spring back to mind.

The second the human had moved, the muscles in his arm had clenched to grab at that fleeting tail of hair. He wasn't sure if Miroku had just moved quicker than him, or if he'd actually managed to stop himself.

Wide dark eyes were staring at him, and he blinked, forcing himself to sit back again and doing his best to wipe the 'caught' look off his face.

He raised an eyebrow and Miroku promptly flushed.

"Heh..." Brushing a hand over the back of his neck, Miroku flashed a weak smile, his cheeks hot with embarrassment. "Guess I'm a little skittish. I had a strange encounter with some demons earlier - they lost, of course. But it was touch and go for a minute there. Really strange. That's the first time a demon's tried to eat me since I was six."

Inuyasha blinked, giving him a funny look that made him grin.

"Eat you?" Inuyasha's voice was as incredulous as his expression.

Miroku stared for a long moment before gifting his friend with a sly smirk.

"Either that, or they were trying to get lucky and mistook me for a girl. Since I'm not half as effeminate looking as you are right now, I seriously doubt that."

That comment had an instant effect, and he laughed at Inuyasha's outraged expression.

"You remind me of Kagome with your hair like that - same shade, length, and your faces are even similar. It's uncanny."

As much as the insult made him want to dunk the impudent human, Inuyasha restrained himself. He wasn't about to touch him, and his furious expression faded as he gave a soft growl of annoyance.

Miroku's eyes gleamed when he laughed, and no matter what he said to the contrary, he was more than pretty enough for demons to have attacked him. But the idea that they'd been trying to eat him was ludicrous. If that were the case, they would have been aiming for the kill, not immobilizing him.

"So a pack jumped you?" asked Inuyasha. "What kind?"

Not having expected Inuyasha to go back to the subject so quickly after his taunt, Miroku blinked in surprise. His smile disappeared, replaced with a thoughtful frown.

"That was what was so weird about it," he said. "Wolf demons. They actually looked a lot like the guys Kouga hangs out with, though I didn't recognize them. I really hope they weren't friends of his. But if they were, he better not try blaming me for this one. I was just walking along, minding my own business. They attacked me, all I did was defend myself - and I wouldn't have had to kill them all if they'd have just stopped after I got rid of the first one."

Canines. Probably going through the same exigency he was, but with less reason to hold back. Inuyasha glared, his throat closing on the urge to growl.

Even if that were the case, they should have recognized Miroku if they were from Kouga's pack. As much as he disliked the wolf, Kouga did respect Kagome and her friends, which made Miroku as 'off-limits' as a human could get. Besides that, they should have known about the air void. If they were another group, that would explain it, but the chances of another pack coming into Kouga's territory were slim to none. Kouga would have chased them out the moment he caught scent of them.

"How many? How big was the pack?"

"Six or seven," said Miroku. "I didn't really get a chance to count heads." He gave a weak smile, still rubbing his neck. "They pretty much treated me like a rabbit and pounced. One of them got me down and that was about it. I'm sure there were at least six, more than that I can't say. Gets a little hard to count how many get sucked in when you're tearing up half the forest as well."

"And where was this?"

"On a slope a few miles off," Miroku shrugged. "I didn't go that far from camp."

He glanced over and frowned at Inuyasha's sober expression.

"Why? It's not like this is the first time a demon's attacked one of us. And Naraku definitely didn't send them or I wouldn't have had such an easy time of it. The way they attacked, I don't think they were expecting me to put up much resistance. Although, I did think they were acting a little strange, more animal than youkai."

He caught Inuyasha's eye and smirked. "They were growling more than you do when you fight with Kagome."

Inuyasha snorted, folding his arms over his chest. "Well, don't go wandering around like that. We might not have the shards, but that doesn't mean it's safe."

"You don't have to tell me that," Miroku said, sobering up again. "You're the one who ran off in the first place, if you'll remember."

Dark eyes shifted away from him, Inuyasha's shoulders stiff in a way that spoke volumes of how much he didn't want to talk about it. Miroku sighed, turning a bit so he was leaning half on his stomach against the rocks, propping his chin in his palms. The water was too cool to stay in much longer, but he wasn't quite ready to leave.

"Why did you run off earlier?" he asked quietly. "Kagome was in a good mood when she left, so I know you guys didn't have a fight."

"I just didn't want to listen to you and that idiot fox yap all night," Inuyasha sniffed, his head still turned away.

The hairs on the back of his neck were rising, proof that he was very much aware of the human's gaze, and their proximity. He wasn't about to look at him.

"Nonsense," Miroku said, giving a firm shake of his head. "Shippou was already curled for the night and I didn't say anything. We were both being quiet when you stalked off and you know it. What's bothering you?"

The instant retort that came to mind was to tell the human that he was bothering him, and it was certainly true. But Inuyasha couldn't make himself leave.

If he told Miroku that he was annoying him, his friend would expect him to leave immediately afterward. He'd surely ask more questions once he realized Inuyasha wasn't going anywhere.

"What do you think was bothering me?" Inuyasha muttered instead, curling his hands more tightly over his folded arms. "I hate being human."

"I know that," Miroku admitted. "We talked about that. I know you hate being vulnerable. But that's why we stay together when you turn, so you won't be alone. I told you last time, I don't mind watching you until you're normal again."

Dark eyes snapped to him, and he gave a small smile.

"I'm serious, you know. You take the brunt of all of our fights. The least I can do is help out when you can't fight for yourself. There's nothing wrong with that."

His friend was giving him a strange look that he couldn't quite read, clearly he was insulted but he didn't look angry so much as bothered. Miroku turned his smile into a smirk.

"Besides, don't you think I like coming in handy once in a while? Half the time when we fight I end up being completely useless because of those wasps. This is about the only chance I get to be the strong one of the group."

Inuyasha sniffed, dragging his gaze away as he returned to glaring at the woods to his right. "Even with the wasps, you still fight."

"But there's only so much you can do with wards," Miroku shrugged. "And getting sick for days isn't really helpful when I use the void around the wasps. It just makes me another weakness if we're attacked too often. You on the other hand, even now you're only weak for a night. Think about it, just one night. In a few hours you'll be back to full strength and the rest of us will be following your lead again. What's so hard about being dependent for a single night?"

"It's not that," Inuyasha growled.

He hadn't meant to say that, but Miroku was clearly trying to placate him. This had nothing to do with him being dependent, though he really hated having to rely on anyone. He'd already admitted to himself that he was grateful for their protection when his human shifts occurred.

It might have been demeaning to admit it, but he wasn't going to lie to himself. He liked being able to sleep, knowing his friends had his back. That was a comfort he'd never known before meeting them. While he wasn't going to thank Miroku for being there, he didn't want him to think he wasn't wanted.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"All right, then."

Miroku waited, watching those tense shoulders. But Inuyasha didn't so much as stand in preparation for the expected exit. Blinking in surprise, he leaned back in the water.

"Are you going to come back to camp with me?"

He might have winced after he realized Inuyasha would take that as an insinuation that he was afraid to go by himself. But still, the expected reaction didn't come.

Inuyasha nodded, his dark hair shifting against red on the back that faced him.

"Oh. Well, just give me a minute. I'm done here anyway."

Inuyasha could swear his hearing had never been so good in his human form. He could make out every shift of that water as Miroku moved, could pinpoint exactly what he was doing, standing, shifting a leg, stretching, all without a single glance back.

Half of that he immediately passed off as his imagination. That fiery persistent pulse in him was goading him by giving far too vibrant an image of what was behind him. But he was still certain the water sounded louder than it should have. The only explanation would be that exigency continued to enhance his animal nature, even when that side should have been completely dormant.

He'd have to make damn sure he stayed away from the bathing pools for the next week, until this passed out of his system. There was no way he'd be able to resist looking in his normal form.

That thought confused him, a distraction that he grasped and held onto like a child with a new toy. Why was he thinking this would last after tonight?

Less than an hour ago all of his focus had been on Kagome. Yes, he'd definitely been attracted to Miroku once the human came into his territory, but that was a passing interest. It was the same thing he'd have felt if a stranger walked by him.

He'd had that before with females in the various villages before he met Kikyo. One would pass by where he was hidden and he'd be struck with instant furious desire to pounce, to attack and claim. But after the human was out of sight, he hadn't given a second thought - focusing on the next target until the instinct faded away.

There was no reason to think he'd remain focused on Miroku once he had Kagome as a potential target. So why did he feel an impending danger at the mere thought of the following days in the human's company?

Now he found himself wishing that Kagome would come back tomorrow, or the day after at the very latest. She was a much better target. Human or not, he knew that if he couldn't fight himself then he would claim her as a mate. Demon interaction with the same sex was too degrading to even think about.

They were known to take human females, he himself stood as proof of that, though it was frowned upon. The resultant child marked her as a one-time target at worst, a permanent mate at best. But males were used for sport, competition, a test of strength and prowess. No matter that half the targets were too weak to defend themselves, that just meant most died after the first attack.

Only the strongest demons took target males as permanent mates, those powerful enough to fend off any others attempting to steal them away. It was something that Inuyasha had never considered 'natural' and something he was certain would die out some day. What good was it to have a permanent mate incapable of childbearing?

Demons might not mind fighting amongst themselves in the absence of weaker, human targets, but females of their kind were valued. A pregnant female was off limits for such a thing, at least until the child was born. Canine species were one of the few exceptions to this rule, since most of their births were litters. But even they protected the females for life, at least when they weren't heavy with pups. Naturally they kept the females pregnant as much as possible so they wouldn't have to watch them at all times.

Male mates, though, they were up for grabs their entire lives. Sure, there were exceptions, some pairs returned the marks, voiding the 'target' demon. But even then, they couldn't reproduce. It was just begging for more hanyou births, mated demons seeking female humans as a chance to spread their lineage.

Inuyasha would no sooner force another hanyou to suffer his life than he'd mark a male as a target. It was just one more reason he wanted to become a full demon. As he was, he had nothing to look for but a bleak existence alone.

"Whatever it is, it can't be as bad as all that."

Inuyasha jerked back, his eyes flying up to find Miroku right in front of him. Too close, he was far too close. He tried to move away, but his traitorous muscles refused to obey him, the concerned look on his friend's face making him wince and drop his eyes.

"You look like someone just died," Miroku frowned.

He hadn't seen such a dark dreary expression on Inuyasha's face since the last time Kikyo had made an appearance and Kagome had stormed off.

"Come on, let's go back and you can sleep it off. A few more hours, then you'll be your old self again."

A light hand fell on Inuyasha's shoulder, turning him and prodding him in the direction of the camp. And where his body had ignored his orders, it now obeyed that push, all of his nerves centered on the contact as if his shoulder were burning from it.

Inuyasha glared at his feet. Why was he being so nice? Miroku should have been poking fun at him, making some crude joke in an attempt to irritate and distract him. This quiet comfort was adding more weight to the disgusted guilt he already felt. The damn monk was never this serious.

But that wasn't true.

He'd been just this way when Inuyasha had admitted to being afraid during his human shifts. He had given him that same soft look, that same comforting reassurance as he sat up with him that first night.

No matter how much Inuyasha liked to pass him off as a perverted joker, he knew better. He'd never call Miroku a friend if he didn't know the human cared about him just like Kagome did. That was why they were the only two humans aside from Kikyo that he'd allowed himself to trust.

He just hated being reminded of that right now. And he definitely didn't want to be touched by him.

Inuyasha quickened his pace, and Miroku blinked in surprise, his arm falling to his side. He'd been convinced he would have to push him all the way to camp, as much as the stubborn hanyou had been dragging his feet. Now he was the one being left behind.

With a snort, he caught up again, shaking his head at Inuyasha.

"You're not going to run off again, are you? If you really don't want to talk about it, then I won't say anything."

"I'm going back," Inuyasha muttered, keeping his eyes straight ahead. "And there's nothing to talk about."

Of course there was, but Inuyasha was like a stubborn child when he got like this. The only way to take it was to either sit back and let Kagome 'osuwari' it out of him, or let him have his way.

Miroku smirked, giving a quick nod. "Whatever you say."

The monk passed him, his dark robes seeming to glow in Inuyasha's vision despite the lack of moonlight. That Miroku would so carelessly put his back to him made that instinct growl as if challenged, but he shoved down that the moment it reared its ugly head.

This was a bad idea and he knew it. How was he supposed to sit quietly in that little shack with Miroku asleep at his feet? There was no way.

He'd go back, but he was spending the night in the tree outside where he had plenty of open space and no visible target. If Miroku wanted to argue, he could argue till his face turned blue. Human or not, Inuyasha would have an advantage over him if he were asleep and that was just too risky.

Mere hours ago he'd been hoping Kagome would be gone for a week. Now he fervently hoped she'd be back by sunrise. Shippou made a poor chaperone.

.-.
TBC

notes-
There are three parts to this before it merges into 'Heart of Darkness'.