This is meant to be semi-humorous. It's not very well written, it's just here for your entertainment. Have fun!
Warning: Christopher/David slash and BtVS allusions.
"Back the hell off!"
"You fucking started this, don't yell at me for finishing it!"
"Please. That's a laugh. Go fuck yourself, Christopher."
"No thanks. I can find other people to do it, unlike you."
"Just shut the fuck up! What the hell is your problem today?!"
"You! It's always you, damn it!"
"Would the two of you PLEASE SHUT UP!" Jalil hissed through clenched teeth. It was only at that point that the two boys realized they had been shouting at the top of their lungs and were surrounded by what was left of the kitchen. A vein throbbing violently in his forehead, Jalil led both Christopher and David down the hall of the hut. He opened the door to his lab.
"In."
Christopher raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"IN!"
That was not the voice to argue with. Most definitely not. Christopher stepped inside, briefly toying with the idea of tripping David but ultimately deciding against it. David, however, had no such qualms, and dropped a well-placed kick to Christopher's shin. Christopher swore.
Jalil slammed the door.
"What the fuck?!"
"Jalil!" David bellowed. "Let us out."
"No.
"Let us out now!"
"I will. In roughly three hours, once I've CLEANED UP THE KITCHEN AND GOTTEN SOME FRICKIN' WORK DONE!"
Christopher hit his head against the door with a sigh. "He's pissed."
"Yeah, no shit Sherlock."
"Shut up David. This is you fault too."
"Don't talk to me."
"Fine."
"Talk to me."
Silence.
"Pleeeeease?"
Silence.
"C'mon, aren't you bored yet?"
David sighed. "Christopher, it's been like ten minutes. Unlike some other people I could name, most humans can sit still for more than ten minutes at time."
"I can. I just require a TV to be in front of me. And seriously, aren't you bored?"
Another sigh. "Fine. Yes, I'm bored. What did you want to do?"
"Look around the lab of course."
"You know half the stuff in here could probably kill us."
"Jalil wasn't that pissed." He paused. "Was he?"
"That looks dangerous."
"You're going to touch it, aren't you?"
"You bet." Christopher grinned in David's general direction. David did not look impressed. Or even remotely amused. "C'mon man, lighten up. Senna's been dead, for what? Almost a year? Something like that. If I can get over a fantastic babe like Etain, you can get over a psychotic witch."
"Shut. Up."
The blonde sighed. What was up with David? Seriously. The guy needed to lighten up, get a life, get laid. Probably all three. Christopher began to poke around on the shelves a little more. He peeked down into one of the larger pots with interest and dipped in a finger.
"Don't even think about trying that."
Hey. Since when could David read minds? "Why?"
"It's obviously magic. That's a big no for me."
"How can you tell it's magic? Are you like Willow now, and I'm the hapless Xander? 'Don't touch that! It's magic!' "
"I give Xander more credit than that," David remarked dryly. "And I can tell it's magic because not only is it glowing, the container is floating like an inch above the shelf.
"Oh. So it is."
David tapped Christopher on the head. "Do you happen to use that at all?" Idiot.
"Not if I can't help it. It's pickling in alcohol, thanks." Christopher glanced up at David. "You drink it."
"What?!"
"You drink it, O Fearless Leader."
"Nope."
"Scared?"
"Not scared. Just not stupid," David corrected. "You have no idea what that is. What if Jalil's big plan is to kill Ka Anor with some extra strong Bug Off and that's it?"
"We're not bugs."
"You know what I mean."
"No, I don't."
"It's probably dangerous. Not drinking it."
"Not all magic is bad you know. I think you've got a phobia."
Phobia? As in 'fear of'? I don't think so!
"I don't have a phobia," David snapped. "I'll drink it, if that's what you want."
Christopher grinned. Score! "If you die, don't worry. I will personally go to Hell or Hades or whatever they call it around here and drag you back into the world of the living."
"Thanks. I think."
"No problem."
David looked down into the cauldron wearily. Hopefully this wasn't going to hurt him. Kill him. Turn him into something non-human. Any of those great magical things.
"Chickening out?"
"Not likely." Rising to the challenge, David grabbed a cup off Jalil's desk and scooped up some of the mixture.
Christopher smiled wickedly. "Bottoms up!"
David shrugged. And tossed it back.
"Ew." Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ewwwww. Gross. Really gross. Gah. Was his tongue growing fuzz? The stuff had been warm. And ooey. Gross. Yes. Very gross.
"So. Anything happening? Nausea? Double vision? Vertigo? Bumps? Welts? Give me something here!"
David shrugged again. "Nothing."
"Nothing?" His source of amusement so rudely stolen from him, Christopher plopped down into one of the chairs.
"Don't sound so disappointed."
"It's magic! It's supposed to do something!"
"Nothing." David slid onto the top of Jalil's desk, being careful not to knock off any of his papers. Provided the potion didn't kill him, Jalil still might.
"You sure?"
"Yes Christopher, I'm sure."
"Anything now?
David shook his head. A few more seconds passed. "Actually, I do feel kind of... funny." Whoa. Damn, it sucks to be seventeen. Wait. Was it eighteen now? Oh what the hell, that wasn't the problem. The real problem was that he starting to get a bit of a problem down south. He shifted his legs awkwardly and snuck a look at Christopher, who to his credit looked concerned. Mmm. Chris was cute. Blonde hair and green eyes, goofy smile. Definitely cute. Whoa. Cute?
"What kind of funny? Like you're going to be sick, or what?" Shit. David wasn't really going to die, was he? Please let this be the one time he decides to play a joke.
"Just... odd." Odd. Then his eyes widened. Oh shit. With a sense of dread he looked towards the cauldron. Then the locked door. This was not good.
Christopher followed David's line of sight towards the door. "You're really okay, right? What's wrong? Is the potion doing something? Want me to go scream and cry like a sissy girl until Jalil opens the door?"
"Oh, it's having an effect all right." Had to be the potion. He wasn't going to even entertain the idea that Christopher might be affecting him like this. He had barely admitted to himself that he was bisexual, and he certainly wasn't going to admit to himself that he'd had fantasies about Christopher. Nope. Wasn't going to happen. The potion had to be a lust potion or something (Jalil had been working with that weird goddess the other day...), but it certainly didn't make David stupid. God. He just... needed...
"Uh, David?"
"Hmm?"
"What are you doing?"
"Kissing you."
"I... uhh... realized that... mphhh... I was wondering... ahh... why?"
"Because," David whispered in Christopher's ear. He moved from his seat to wrap his legs around Christopher's waist. "I'm horny." Yup, definitely a lust potion. That seals it.
Christopher groaned. That felt... good. Which was not good. David Levin straddling Christopher Hitchcock is not good!
"David!" he hissed. "Think about this for a second." He pulled David's hands away from where they'd started to stray and slid as far away from him as possible.
David horny. Christopher cute. And available.
"Thought about it," David said airily. "Now c'mere." He latched his mouth onto Chris' neck and began to suck.
Christopher arched into it unconsciously. Wait! Wait a... wait a... wait... uh... mhmmm. That's... wait!
"David – " he started.
"Shut up and kiss me." David twined his legs around Christopher's and began to play with the buttons of his shirt.
"I... uh..." Okay, not that Christopher hadn't thought about having David like this before (I mean, who wouldn't? The guy is fucking gorgeous!), it was just that it was almost a little too surreal to be actually happening. But hey, let's see you resist the guy you've been secretly lusting over for a year! Very secretly, mind you, but lusting nonetheless. He sighed into David's mouth and gave up struggling. "Just remember David, you were the one who asked for this." He was so holding this over David's head for the rest of his li...
"Holy Fuck!"
"Like that?"
Well. Turns out there were other things to do with him than fight.
Roughly two hours later...
Jalil opened the door to his lab. And promptly slammed it shut.