Survival.
When your life is threatened, you don't even think.
Memory becomes a dark blur of snarling faces, clashing of swords, falling of comrades, the stench of blood and sweat... all swept along on a tide of adrenaline.
The shrieks of battle dim in your ears, until it's just a monotonous hum, punctuated by the thumping of your pulse.
Your moves are restricted to a repeated pattern of defensive strikes, desperately trying to keep enemy blades from striking you or your friends. You don't think about your chances of making it through. You don't think about the fact that there have over 100 times your number fighting on their side.
Must give Frodo a chance... just keep fighting, draw out all those orcs from Mordor.
Give him a chance... just a chance...
You become a killing machine, in an attempt not to be killed.
...And when you are set in that almost unconscious frame of mind, it is very hard to get out again...
"The Eagles are coming!"
Parry, parry, riposte, slash...another one down. Several hundred to go, starting with the one aiming straight at my neck.
"The Eagles are coming!"
I wasn't imagining it? Someone just yelled out something about eagles? At a time like this? ...parry, parry...Owww. Lucky that was a rebound or it would have taken my entire arm off.... The pain's incredible, I can hardly move it... Just got to ignore it and keep fighting.
"The Eagles are coming!"
What are they on about? I looked up to see a strip of pale, clear sky in the north, fighting back against the permanent darkness we had lived under for the last two weeks. I could see huge dark shapes flying swiftly towards us.
Eagles.
Suddenly a terrible call came from the inner depths of Mordor. The Nazgûl turned as one and instantly fled back towards the great tower, racing each other in their haste to aid their master in his moment of fear.
The battlefield went quiet, an unnatural hush descended as all the hosts of Mordor stopped fighting and stared up at the retreating Nazgûl, a fear gripping their hearts. Their evil laughter had stopped and their hands were trembling slightly in their unease.
Then Mithrandir stood, his arms raised to the sky, the first shafts of light bursting through the oppressing darkness and illuminating his white robes, a dazzling spectacle of his power, causing the orcs to cover their eyes from his blinding light.
"Stand, Men of the West! Stand and wait! This is the hour of doom"
As these words left his mouth, a great earthquake shook the ground violently beneath our feet, causing us all to lose our balance. I stumbled against Niralan and we held each other up as we watched an enormous burst of fire belch from the dark mountains of Mordor. Lightening struck the poison bleached slopes mercilessly.
The earthquake tore at the foundations of the jagged spears of the black gate, which swayed, tottered and finally tumbled to the ground with a crash that resounded around the valley. The entire imposing structure of the gate, which had seemed so powerful and impossible to conquer, was hurled into ruin, dust soaring into the air. A low drumming rumble came from far away, growing louder into a roar, and finally a scream of ruinous noise mounting to the clouds and pounding over the valley.
"The realm of Sauron is ended!" I heard Mithrandir cry, "The ring-bearer has fulfilled his Quest."
Suddenly a great dark shadow loomed up out of Mordor, obvious even against the low clouds. As we watched, it formed itself into the shape of a huge threatening hand, with long evil looking fingernails. It slowly reached out towards us, lightning sparking from its side, filling up the entire sky.
I tried not to quail as it reached down over us, fingers scrabbling to squeeze all life from our bodies. Yet seconds before it reached us, a powerful wind took it and blew it away, scattering the darkness into tiny flakes of ash, all power gone.
Sauron was no more.
The darkness that had conquered over us for the last fortnight had completely dissolved, allowing the sun to break through, and shine down upon the hosts of Mordor. We stood calmly and watched as the orcs, trolls and other foul beasts ran mindlessly across the battlefield in panic. Some slew themselves, or each other. Others tumbled into deep pits split open by the earthquake. Hundreds fled out of sight, back to whatever dark hole or hopeless crack they had emerged from. Some even threw down their weapons and begged for mercy. Very few, only the leaders of the Southrons and Easterlings remained, determined to fight to the bitter end.
We had won.
#####################################################################
Éowyn has got some serious explaining to do.
As we approached Minas Tirith on our return, I could just about make her out, standing on the battlements.
At least - I'm pretty certain it was her. We were a very long way away - but I recognised her profile and the way she was standing. She was even holding her arm in a strange position - the one that was broken by the witch king.
But as I watched, a man came out onto the battlements and joined her. I could see them talking for a long time and he wrapped a cloak around her shoulders.
I turned to talk to Niralan - and when I glanced back in her direction - they were kissing.
My mouth nearly dropped open in surprise. Who was that man who had managed to break through all her surly defences and win her admiration in just under a month?
Didn't she care that they were standing up high on the battlements - where the whole city could see them? Obviously not.
I can't wait until we arrive back at the city and I can ask her about it.
#####################################################################
We entered the city today. Trumpets sounded, banners unfurled, and people were lining the streets shouting and cheering.
We rode slowly up towards the citadel, passing though each of the great gates - still being repaired after the battle. The noise was incredible, people threw flowers from above to make a carpet beneath our horses feet.
The sensation of gratitude was amazing. The people were thanking us with all their hearts for saving their lives.
"It wasn't me" I protested to Niralan. "I didn't do anything - why aren't they silent when I pass through - ready to cheer the real army.
Niralan just laughed.
"Believe that if you want" he replied, squeezing my hand.
We finally reached the palace, and Éowyn came tearing out, searching the faces of each horse backed rider. At last she caught my eye and gave a cry, running towards me.
I dismounted quickly and embraced her warmly.
"We made it" she shrieked in my ear, hugging me tightly and jigging from one foot to the other.
Before I could get a word in edgeways, she held me at arms length, looked deeply into my face, then at Niralan, then back to me.
"I knew it!" she squealed, dancing me round in a circle. "I knew you were made for each other. Aren't you glad I made you leave me?" I laughed and staggered, trying to keep my balance.
"Calm down!" I cried "Alright, thank you for making me follow him. Now explain yourself... who was that man I saw you with on top of the battlements yesterday evening?"
She clapped a hand over her mouth,
"You saw that?" she laughed "Let me introduce you to Faramir" she searched the throng of people, trying to see where he had disappeared to.
Faramir. The name sounded vaguely familiar. I was sure I'd heard it somewhere before. Then I remembered. Boromir had spoken of his brother to me, his name was Faramir. When I saw him, I knew there was no mistaking his identity.
It seemed really weird for a moment. The brother of my ex fiancée with my best friend. But as soon as I saw them together - I knew that it would work.
I didn't tell either of them about me and Boromir. There was no point - it was in the past and I was over it now. Niralan knew of course, but there was no point in confusing anyone else.
But it was so good to see all my friends again. To celebrate our victory over Sauron. Middle Earth was free. The Lord of the Rings was no more.
#####################################################################
We celebrated the Hobbits today.
Aragorn led them up on the stage and presented them to the people. Then he turned to Frodo, and knelt before him, his head bowed.
For a moment there was a shocked silence. The king was bowing to a hobbit.
But a hobbit who had suffered things beyond imagination and in destroying the ring had saved Middle Earth.
Immediately, everyone fell to their knees to honour the hobbits who had saved our lives. It was an amazing sight, thousands of heads bowing before them, and the poor hobbits looking a bit bewildered as if they couldn't work out why an entire city of people were honouring them.
It was something I'll never forget.
#####################################################################
Daddy arrived today.
It was so good to see him, riding up to the great gates of the White City. It wasn't quite so good to see Arwen riding at his side.
I left the battlements and pushed my way through the crammed corridors, almost tumbling down the narrow staircases in my haste to reach him. He looked up and saw me trip over the last couple of steps, sending myself and the people directly in front of me flying. I saw him sigh, shaking his head slowly, his eyebrows almost reaching his hairline. I could hear Arwen's laughter, and sighed inwardly. There was no way she'd ever let herself be caught so undignified.
I picked myself up, my face burning with embarrassment and hauled those I'd knocked over to their feet, apologising profusely. Finally I turned slowly towards Daddy, waiting for his reaction.
"So you haven't lost your clumsiness then?" he said, his face serious. "I honestly don't know how you managed to survive this war."
My instinctive reaction was to answer back rudely, but something stopped me. A small smile appeared on my face, and widened into a grin. Daddy blinked a couple of times, obviously waiting for the outburst that never came. He smiled and dismounted, holding his arms out to me.
"Mithrandir spoke the truth - you have changed" he murmured as he embraced me. "I'm so glad that you're safe."
I hugged him back warmly, my eyes were misty. It was as if I'd finally gained the father I'd always longed for. A father who truly cared about me, not just a second best, carbon copy of my sister.
"Daddy... come on, we're going to be late" Arwen whined after a few seconds. Daddy broke away instantly and turned back to her.
I knew it wouldn't last!
#####################################################################
Granny is actively looking for me. I am doing everything in my ability to avoid her, but she is incredibly determined.
I was just coming out of my room when I first heard her voice, she was just out of sight, around the corner, telling someone that she planned to spend the next few hours preparing me for my sisters wedding.
The next few hours??
I paled and darted back into my room. I had to escape, but if I rushed along the corridor, she'd be bound to see me. I fumbled to lock the door, only to find that the catch was broken. I spun desperately, looking for another way out. The huge gossamer curtains billowed gently from the breeze blowing through the huge open doors onto the balcony. I rushed over, and looked out. I was several stories up, but directly below me was the balcony belonging to the room below.
There was a knock on the door and I heard Granny announcing herself. I literally had seconds to make up my mind. Several hours alone with Granny discussing Arwen's wedding, or jump out of the window.
Granny... window....Granny....window...
Window.
I hooked one leg over the balcony, shifted my weight, and started to lower myself down slowly. My dress got itself caught around a carved spike, and suspended me in mid air. I tugged it desperately, aware that the door handle in my room was turning slowly. She was coming.
As the door opened, I panicked. I tugged the dress violently and heard the ominous tearing sound of ripped fabric. I pulled a face and let myself drop to the balcony below, absorbing the impact in a crouch.
"Sardwen?" I could hear her coming into my room and looking around.
"Sardwen, I know you're in here."
I kept silent, listening. If she couldn't find me, perhaps she would leave. There was no way she'd think about looking down here, the idea of her granddaughter climbing off a balcony wouldn't even enter her head. All I had to do was wait...
"Hey, Sardwen!"
I turned quickly to look over the courtyard. Glorfindel was standing there waving up at me. "Your Grandmother was looking for you" he informed me helpfully.
I could have murdered him. Honestly, I could. Talk about lack of tact.
"Sardwen?" I could hear her coming over to the window now. Her voice sounded puzzled. Any second now... I had to make a break for it.
I shoved my shoulder against the closed windows leading into the bedroom connected to the balcony. The flimsy latch gave way, and they opened. I stumbled inside, just slow enough for Granny to catch a glimpse of my dress as I ran inside.
"Sardwen!" I heard her cry as she leaned over my balcony. "How dare you run off. You can't escape from me that easily!!"
I dashed through the bedroom, twisting in and out of the furniture, heading for the door. Luckily the room was deserted and I easily let myself out onto the new corridor.
"Sardwen!!" her muffled voice sounded really angry now, I could hear her descending the staircase.
I turned and fled in the opposite direction, my hair and dress streaming out behind me. I wrenched open the door to another staircase, and almost collided with Niralan who was coming the other way.
"There you are," he said, "I was just coming to look for you."
"Sardwen!!" I turned to see her striding purposely along the corridor, almost breathing flames.
"Save me!!" I begged attempting to descend the stairs. Niralan took in the situation quickly and grinned,
"Still refusing to eat your vegetables are we? ...this way, quick!"
He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me up the stairs instead.
I bunched up my skirts so that they didn't trip me and scurried up the stairs, stifling a nervous giggle. The stairs twisted round and round in a tight spiral, our hurried footsteps echoed in the small enclosed space, the wooden steps creaking under our feet. It wasn't long before we were both laughing at the absurdity of the situation - that didn't slow us down though. To tell the truth, I feared Granny's wrath when she found us, almost as much as I had feared facing the battle grounds.
We reached the top of the stairs, and thundered along the top corridor, Granny's determined footsteps still following us.
Suddenly, Niralan skidded to a halt and back-tracked a few steps.
"Got it" he said softly, looking out of a high loft window. I joined him quickly.
"On the roof? Are you mad?" I cried, looking out onto the steep tiles.
"Perhaps... but not as dangerous as she is" he commented, opening the window.
I glanced along the deserted corridor. I couldn't see her yet, but she was on her way. People would talk of course. Everyone we had pushed past would remember two adults dashing along the corridor like children. It was only a matter of time until she arrived.
"Quick then" I decided, nervously watching the end of the corridor whilst he opened the window and hauled himself out. He crouched on the tiles outside, reaching in to help me clamber out. My dress caught on the catch and there was another ominous ripping sound.
By now I was laughing so much, I could hardly control myself. I closed the window quietly, and we clambered over the edge of the roof, finding a hollow, hidden from peering eyes. There was a breathtaking view, we could see right over the white city, and the huge plains beyond.
Safety...
At least for the time being...!
#####################################################################
I am in so much trouble.
I couldn't stay hidden for ever, and I've never seen Granny this angry before
Haven't got time to write now.
Pity me!
#####################################################################
I've just seen the dress Granny wants me to wear at Arwen's wedding. I nearly threw up all over it - talk about Arwen's cruel idea of a joke.
Pink and frilly, covered with frothy lace like some sort of meringue.
No way am I wearing that!
I've just got to find some sort of valid excuse... Pink clashes with my skin tone? Lace brings me out in a rash? I'm allergic to frills?
I've got to come up with something.
#####################################################################
I went to see Daddy today, to plead his support against having to wear the dress. He did cringe slightly when he saw it, but when he realised how much Granny wanted me to wear it, he refused to take my side against her.
Instead we had a long chat about "the future." To tell the truth, I hadn't given it an awful lot of thought. He told me that now the war was over and his ring had lost its power, he planned to finish off any loose ends and leave for the Grey Havens and sail to the West within the next couple of years. He told me he felt that he'd been fighting for long enough, and now he wanted a rest and to see mother again.
He asked me if I would be going with him. I asked for some time to make up my mind. There are a few people I need to discuss this with.
#####################################################################
I tried to "lose" the dress today.
After Niralan and I had finished discussing going to the Grey Havens and the West, I actually plucked up the courage to show him the "thing." Once he'd recovered from rolling about on the floor laughing, I managed to persuade him to take it off my hands.
It didn't work. Granny noticed that it was missing from its hangar and turned to face me slowly, eyes narrowed.
"Where. is. it?" she asked slowly and menacingly.
"Where's what?" I stammered nervously.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" she replied, "What have you done with it?"
At that moment there was a soft knock on the door and a maid appeared holding the horrible frilly pink bundle.
"Is this yours?" she asked nervously, holding it out. "I've just found it stuffed behind the linen basket."
Granny turned sharply, her piercing eyes almost wreathed in flames. By that time I'd already fled.
I've got to come up with a better idea. That's after I've reminded Niralan how to find a good hiding place. Honestly - you'd think he could come up with something better than that!
#####################################################################
Granny has confiscated the dress. She has hung it up near the fireplace in her room so there is no conceivable way that I could "lose" it again.
I had a long conversation with Éowyn today. We went up onto the highest tower to talk. I love it up there. The view is spectacular, the snowy mountains behind, the great rolling plains in front. You can see for miles.
I told her that Niralan and I were planning to sail to the West in a couple of years time. I didn't want to keep any secrets from her.
"But why?" she asked me, her head bent down towards her lap, the wind tugging frantically at her long blonde hair. "I'd hoped you'd stay near me. I thought we'd always see each other."
It was hard to reply. I tried to explain why the homeland of the Valinor is so special to the elves. What it would be like to go to a place where there was no more suffering, sadness, pain or even death.
Éowyn didn't say anything for a long, long time. At last she lifted her head slowly, and fixed her brimming blue eyes on me.
"I'll miss you" she said simply, and embraced me tightly.
"I'll miss you too" I replied as I hugged her back. "But I'm not going anywhere yet. You've still got at least another couple of years to put up with me annoying you!"
#####################################################################
It was the wedding of Aragorn and Arwen today. I woke up... then remembered and clamped the pillow over my head with a groan as I remembered that I would have to stand before all those people wearing that meringue!
I dithered until the last possible moment. But eventually I couldn't wait any longer, and dejectedly slumped towards Granny's room to get dressed.
I could hear her voice, full of cold, slow menace as I rounded the corner. As I entered the room, a maid pushed past me, tears streaming down her face. Granny was pacing slowly up and down the room, her entire frame stiff with anger
"You won't believe the incompetence of these staff!" were the words she greeted me with. "The maid left the window open when the wind picked up." She paused for a breath. "I'm sorry Sardwen, the wind blew straight through and your dress ended up in the fire."
"The fire?" I repeated, hardly daring to believe my ears.
"Yes. It's ruined - you can't possibly wear it now" she continued to rant, shaking out the charred remains of what had been pink lace and frills.
I had to work hard not to let my grin spread all over my face.
"Oh" I said, trying to find something tactful to say. "I suppose I'd better try and find something else then. Such a shame."
I dashed out of the room and waited until I'd got out of earshot before I gave a cheer of delight. Then I sought out the maid, managed to persuade her that Granny was not worth committing suicide over, and gave her all the money I had on me to say thank you.
I can't remember much about the wedding itself. Everyone said that Arwen looked beautiful, I agree, she did. For once the smile on her face looked completely genuine. She was truly happy. I'm not sure how long it will last.
It would make a great happy ending to say that the only reason Arwen was horrible to me was because she so desperately wanted to be with Aragorn... and now she had that she'd be nice for ever more. But that does sound a tad simplistic... and this is Arwen we are talking about! I doubt there'll be a complete change overnight. But I'm glad they are both happy.
#####################################################################
I was sitting talking with Niralan, Éowyn and Faramir, when a messenger arrived to say Arwen wanted to see me.
I glanced at my friends uncertainly, but decided Arwen shouldn't be kept waiting - especially now she was Queen of Gondor. It sounds so strange to give her the title. To me she'll always be Arwen - my twin sister.
I entered her room cautiously, not sure exactly what I'd done wrong in order to cause her to summon me. She approached me with a smile, arms outstretched and asked if we could have a talk. A talk? Since when had Arwen ever wanted to talk to me?
I sat down nervously where she gestured, and she sat alongside.
There was a long uncomfortable silence. Then at last she sighed.
"Sorry..." she started, "I'm finding this harder than I expected." She sighed again and closed her eyes briefly as if trying to summon courage from somewhere inside herself.
"I just wanted to apologise" she managed to blurt out at last. "Not a fake apology to stay in Daddy's good books..." she smiled, probably remembering the time she had played along to the crowd when apologising and got off scot free. "But a genuine, sincere apology for all the things I've done to you over the years... and how I've made your life a misery." I finally met her eyes, so like my own, and I couldn't see any lies in them. Was she really telling the truth?
"You must really hate me" she trailed off softly.
I didn't know what to say.
"I used to hate you... yes." I replied at last. "I used to spend hours trying to think up the perfect revenge to pay you back for everything you put me through."
I smiled and shook my head slowly. "Then I changed. Hating took so much effort. It consumed me. My only motivation in life was to get even with you, and it stopped me from having a life of my own." I paused briefly, letting this sink in.
"Then I discovered a new world. A world where I could actually make friends, and do something to help people. A world where I was no longer a shadow of my sister, but someone that actually meant something to certain people... I don't hate you any more Arwen. I pitied you for a while, And let's be honest... we're never going to be best friends. We'll never be able to put all the bitterness from the last 2,778?...9? How many is it now? It doesn't matter! the bitterness from all those years behind us."
I paused for a moment to think clearly. "But I appreciate and accept your apology... and it's nice to know that we won't be parting on such bad terms."
Arwen bowed her head.
"I still feel I should do something, even something small to make up..." she replied. Then suddenly she looked up, a light of an idea in her eyes.
"You said you hated being my shadow." she said enthusiastically. "Why don't I speak to the story writers and ballad singers - get them to change their songs and put you in as well. Get people to realise once and for all that there were two daughters of Elrond."
I thought about the idea. A few years ago I would have accepted immediately. But now, to tell the truth I wasn't sure if I really wanted it.
"Don't bother" I smiled, rising to my feet. "I don't want fame, and I don't care about being remembered - except by those who love me personally. Keep your songs, I honestly don't care. Besides - the songwriters would never get the lines and rhymes to fit if they had to change them all. I know I'm an individual person even if not everyone else does... and that's really the important thing."
By this point I'd reached the door. As I opened it, a maid almost fell through,
"Your Majesty" she addressed me hurriedly. Then she stopped, glanced at Arwen, back to me again, then back to Arwen. "Queen Arwen?" she asked nervously, unsure which of us to address.
I laughed, and glanced over my shoulder at my twin sister.
"Besides..." I continued a little further. "If people stopped confusing me for you It would be such a strange experience, I'd be completely lost. I wouldn't know how to cope!
Take care of yourself Arwen - in case I don't see you again."
"Take care yourself" she replied "I hope you and Niralan are really happy together."
I smiled one last time. Then I turned and left my sister's company. Perhaps for the last time.
#####################################################################
About 3 years later
The glorious sunset spread across the sky, the colours reflecting off the water. I stood at the front of the boat and watched the wooden bow slice through the waves, the shower of spray glistening in the last beams of sunlight.
I was going to the homeland of the Valinor.
At last I would see mother again, No more pain, no more death. The Undying Lands in the West sounded so wonderful. The only problem was that I had to leave Éowyn behind. I glanced back at the fading coast on the horizon and sighed. At least I knew she would be happy now with Faramir. I'd never forget her.
Niralan came up behind and put his arms around my shoulders. He didn't say anything, just hugged me tightly as the boat rocked from side to side. I closed my eyes and smiled, I was happy at last. I glanced down at the delicate sparkling ring on my finger and grinned, thinking of how many times Arwen had shoved hers under my nose. Now I had my own, and our wedding was planned soon after our arrival in the Undying Lands. Everything had turned out brilliantly.
"Sardwen!" I heard Granny cry behind me. I sighed, wondering what she wanted now. Some things never change, Granny is still Granny. But I guess you can't have everything!
#####################################################################
#####################################################################
#####################################################################
Well, there we go… I finished it!
Congratulations for making it through this mammoth feat of endurance. I trust that if you got this far then you must have vaguely enjoyed at least some of it. It's encouraging to know that there are at least some people out there who share my warped sense of humour!
Thank you for all your reviews, I really appreciated them
Hwesta